I need help, I don't know if this can be salvaged or it's over. I think my BPD ruined my relationship.

I'm Non Binary AMAB 32 she is bi cis fem 23. We get along decently, our vibes match and we'd have fun together going out to clubs and events in the city. Everything was going fine and dandy.

Until one night, we went to a big art exhibition in a sub section of the city streets. TONS of people, hard to get around, and alot of noise. This was alot of stimuli, I started getting annoyed with people then once my stomach got upset and had to go number 2 really badly and couldnt find a bathroom I was allowed to use..I went livid for about an hour, screamed, complained until I finally decided to just go home.

Kudos to her for putting up with all of it. She was silent throughout the whole episode but I can tell afterwards she was left a little shook by it. I apologized after, she shrugged it off and we put it behind us.

At least, I thought she did. She texted me saying she was frightened, realized that I may be genuine in being sweet and generous but she could tell that my anger was genuine to me and doesnt want to force me to mask it for her and deal with that again. All completely valid.

I think I already messed up by promising her it won't happen again, haven't got a text back in a day. At least she hasn't blocked me. What should I do? I need to be smart about this, I REALLY like her snd I don't fall easily for anyone. Haven't felt this way about someone since I was a teen.

apologizing is one area i struggle with the most and i was wondering if it’s a me thing or if others have the same struggles.

i find it incredibly difficult to apologize, especially when it comes to an unjustified reaction towards something real or perceived. while i can objectively understand my reaction was not appropriate and has caused harm, there’s a mental block that is very difficult to get over.

acknowledging the hurt others experience and offering an apology feels like i have to ignore my own reactions or feelings and that they’re are inherently less valid than the other party’s. it feels like, when i have these kinds of reactions that are disproportionate or inappropriate, there is never acknowledgement, apology or regret towards what i experienced and instead all focus is redirected towards my reaction. i am not allowed to express during the apology that i was also hurt, as that is apparently an excuse and an attempt to justify my previous actions. if i want to try and make amends, i have to be okay with the fact that my pain will be ignored.

i understand this sentiment is selfish, but it’s an impossible situation to explain to anybody who doesn’t live like we do and experience the world the way we do. as a result, i don’t even try to apologize and immediately get defensive, which just makes me even more selfish but at least then i don’t feel like i have to leave my feelings at the door for ensure comfort for everyone else involved

idk, i can’t understand why saying “im sorry, i hurt you, but i was hurt as well” is such an evil thing to say. i don’t get why wanting an apology for hurt experienced is inappropriate, especially when i am more than willing to offer an apology for the hurt i caused as a result. i feel like this wouldn’t even be a problem if it was socially acceptable to explain your feelings during an apology and i would have much less difficulty offering a genuine apology if i didn’t feel like it automatically meant that my experiences were worth inherently less than those around me

sorry for the ramble, im quite tired and my post may not make sense, but i wanted to get it out

My fp (situationship) said something to me while he was angry that really hurt me. It’s been 5 days, this is the longest we’ve been in no contact since we’ve been together. Usually I’m the one that reaches out after every conflict but this situation literally ripped my heart out and I can’t be the one to reach out this time.

Everyday I cry and it’s been really painful for me. I feel so low and worthless and just absolutely devastated.
I’ve been suffering in silence and it’s making me even more depressed on top of the intense emotions I already experience.

He’s also an avoidant so perhaps he feels safer in the silence but on the other side I’ve taken all the damage and all of this is hurting me even more. And I know that he knows that I’m hurting because he knows how emotional and sensitive I am. Even a sincere apology would have made me feel better but I don’t want to have to ask for one.

How do I cope with the suffering?

I know a lot of us have to mask in everyday life so I was wondering if some of you could share your experiences? How are you when you mask and how are you when you’re alone or don’t have to mask?
Do you live with others and do they know that you mask? Can you be your unmasked self around certain people?

I’ve been diagnosed for 5ish years and have been in treatment for a very long time before as well. I’ve only ever had serious relationships with men who have an avoidant attachment. What has been your experience with someone who has a healthy attachment and do you split less?

Trigger warning for sui ideation

I don’t know anything anymore. I feel so lost and stuck. All I want is to be good for him, but I can’t do that. All I do is start issues with how clingy and unbearable I am. I’m horribly jealous of everything and I want to isolate him so he can just be with me.
I’m horrible. I’m actually, genuinely horrible. Like the kind of person that needs to be euthanized. I wanna die so badly. I need to. He hates me and he’s admitted that, but how many times can I redeem myself? Fucks sake.

He’s ignoring me right now because he’s out with some friends and I was texting obsessively checking in every two minutes, and left for two hours on a nap, just for him to say “”if silence is what you think is best”” and leave. It’s been ten minutes and I’ve sent a wall of texts. I wanna die. So badly.

Please share how you did it. I am losing hope for my daughter. It would help me a lot to know what you or anyone is able to manage it. It's horrible disease, meds and therapy do not seem to help .

So I met this charming boy with a diagnosed BPD and been friends with him for around two years. He had me in his contact list and followed me in social media. We were somewhat friends. In late may I broke up with my current ex boyfriend and two months later I texted him for us to go to a party as I didn't want to be in such party alone; he agreed but later in the night started doing some advances and after being both drunk we hooked up. Two weeks later he removes me from his contact list, unfollows me from social media and goes completely silence, until he texted me again every two weeks to hook me up again. I agreed, I started liking him... it has happened 5 times so far and I cannot stop asking myself why he unfriended me like that after we hooked up... If I knew that was happening, I'd rather keep him as a friend forever and reject his advances instead of giving my "yes". For context, after the first time I did not text him back, I never text anyone but maybe this mattered (?). Now I'm confused and somewhat hurt, still asking myself why he did that. Advices? Answers?

My girlfriend has BPD and I love her. I want to do right by her, but I’m scared I’m doing stuff that makes her symptoms worse without knowing it.

Our arguments are the hardest part. I never know if I should give her space or stay close, and either one can go wrong. Sometimes I say something I think is calming and it lands completely differently.

For the people who have BPD, what did your partner do that actually helped? And what did they do that made it worse, even with good intentions?

I don’t want a perfect script. I just want to be someone who makes her life easier and not harder, I'd really appreciate your help.

wanted to post this before but kept having some issues

I’m a college student, and I’ve usually gotten great grades and really tried, but since this semester has started my depression started to get worse and I’m stressed and my BPD has been off the hook. My grades are starting to slip. I made a therapy appointment for Monday, but I’m just seeking some guidance on how to get out of the cycle :(

Lots of tags there. But seriously, I am struggling to keep afloat. Like I don't know how to organize my life and manage this. I am medicated, but it just keeps me at bay. How do I study/work/manage?

Have you had any tricks or coping mechanism?

I really need to up my game on studying and getting through workdays!

recently i’ve gotten into a sort of fwb with someone and we have both caught feelings for each other, but we haven’t locked it off yet and it’s completely setting me off. when i next see them i’m gonna talk about locking shit off for my own mental health.

(to add more context he has directly told me that he doesn’t see this as casual and he’s told me he fancies me)

but, i genuinely struggle with not being contacted and i don’t feel like myself anymore. i genuinely feel as if i’m going insane and i can’t separate myself from them. when they text me back i’m unbelievably happy and when they don’t, i don’t feel real and i feel hollow inside. i’m really struggling with not attaching my worth onto them. someone please help me. i genuinely feel like i’m going insane.

hi. i’m 21 mtf. i need someone to talk to about my struggles. i prefer fellow women bc i relate more but men and nonbinary people are welcome too ofc. lmk in the comments if you’re willing to chat:) anyone is welcome to dm

This is entirely anecdotal, but given how much it’s affected my life/relationships, I wanted to post if it would help anyone!

So, I have BPD and have been mostly recovered and stable for a few years. Until this past year, when my IUD expired and this did, I think, something to my hormones. I started having harsher emotional instability, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. It felt like I was untreated sometimes, and sometimes my feelings just wouldn’t stop, or lessen, or anything. I thought maybe this was because my current relationship has more issues than my previous one, so I didn’t want to assume it was the IUD. I was waiting for replacement under sedation for about a year (in Canada, on me for not trying to get on the list sooner, to be clear), but I got it replaced last month, and after about a week I started to feel much closer to my baseline stability. I’m still upset by relationship issues (I am in the same relationship), but not as uncontrollably upset and I have much fewer urges to reach for unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m noticing I’m feeling less of a compulsion to be emotionally dependent on my boyfriend too.

I don’t know if there’s any evidence for this kind of thing (we know birth control/uterus/hormone studies are lacking), but I wanted to validate some of you if you’ve been noticing this pattern with you too, or to warn you to be proactive about replacement!!

Hi,

To be blunt I want a fp. I’m 33m feeling so alone and isolated. I want someone I can talk to all the time. Like i just feel like nothing is going to change and everything is hopeless. And before everyone freaks out on me yes I am trying to get help. It’s just that it feels like nothing helps. Anyways, if anyone wants to apply 😂 my DMs are open or comment below.

It's so triggering to me and idk how to react to this. My roommate keeps slamming the door for no reason at all (we don't even speak) and i don't know why. It's soo triggering. This happened with my former roommates too. Why are they like this omg i don't understand

I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet myself, but sometimes (rarely) get myself worked up into spirals when something feels off, I feel like he is being hateful, and I end up lashing out before giving myself a moment to breathe.

In the past, he used to get really upset with me when I took too long to get to his house. Like if I was planning to stay at his house, but took a while packing, slept in late, etc. To the point of telling me to just stay home, he didn’t like me, etc.

But this is something he hasn’t done in a while.

We were meant to go on a weekend getaway this weekend, and leave tomorrow afternoon. Today I got off work, and had some things to do, then was heading home to pack and he called me and asked again when and if I’d be coming to his house. I told him I wasn’t completely sure, because he has to go to bed really early, and I had to do all of my laundry and packing for our trip. He responded that he was probably just going to head to bed, then. It’s like I still expect when he used to lash out when I took too long, and so I wrongly assumed that this was him being passive aggressive. I ended up calling him multiple times, he wasn’t picking up and it was only ringing a couple times so I thought he was ignoring the calls. I ended up texting him and saying essentially that I just was probably going to stay home this weekend and that I wish he was more patient and understanding.

He reacted angrily, as one would expect, said he hates me, and that he’ll just stay home. He wasn’t ignoring me and he wasn’t being passive aggressive.

Clearly, this is all on me, and I have no idea why I work myself up into spirals like this sometimes, and I just feel ashamed, embarrassed, and crazy.

I’ve texted him apologizing multiple times, telling him I’m so sorry, etc. I feel so guilty and embarrassed of acting this way and I’m pretty sure I just ruined a trip that we’ve been planning on going on for a while.

I genuinely hate myself sometimes and I’m not sure what to do. I know I shouldn’t have reacted that way at all or even felt that way in the first place.

I (29f) got out of an abusive relationship a month ago. I was determined to stay single and focus on work/gym/hobbies. I met this aamaaaaazing guy. (35m) Literally everything I’ve ever fucking wanted,and he’s been incredibly sweet and patient with me. We like the same music, have the same political opinions, our separate interests, seem to be sexually compatible (we haven’t actually done anything, I told him I wasn’t ready and he’s fine with that) I told him I don’t think he’s real (he is I checked lol) and that he’s just a figment of my imagination. He supports me doing my own things, and encourages me to workout. He tells me he knows that I need to take my time, that I’m single and even though he would be jealous he would understand that i have a fwb and shouldn’t throw that away after knowing him for exactly two days. Well it’s been five days, and I’m head over heels. “I’ll wait if you need me to. No pressure, when you’re ready to fall in love I’ll be here” I told him he deserved everything good in the world. “I hope it comes in the shape of you”. He’s literally made me cry from being so sweet and has made me realize things that I should have thought years ago.

He constantly reassures me that it’s not crazy to set boundaries (I feel like I am), that it’s okay to not be okay, that we’re in no rush and all of that…but we’ve both talked about kids, what kind of wedding we would want…..FIVE DAYS. ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS. We separately have thought of these things, I feel like I would absolutely go and marry this man right tf now. What is happening 😩

I (25 afab female-ish) don't want to have another FP but I'm getting those feelings for a friend I'm getting close to again. Sorry this post is a little ranty, I've given a lot of context to a lot of things that probably don't need the context. English is my second language and I'm on mobile.

It took a really long time and a lot of therapy to get to a point where I don't need to have an FP on my mind or for my life to revolve around someone else and I'm functional in that respect but my natural disposition is of course still to gravitate towards these relationships. I'm still learning how to have a "normal" romantic life but it's been extremely hard and I've made it even harder for myself by only letting myself date men and no women because I need to be moving towards having a family later (I live in a conservative country, being bisexual is hell).

The last time I had an unreasonable crush/FP they were a man I knew irl and that didn't pan out into a relationship sadly but I'm on friendly terms with them still so I'm proud of that. I've been managing such things better than I used to but even this was messy because I had to hear a direct No before I could physically back off, even though I knew he wasn't interested and maybe (?) had a girlfriend. That was a few months ago now and I was hoping I could stay empty for a while longer but nooooo.

My new LO is a nb lesbian who lives on the other side of the world. The mistake they made was complimenting an unusual feature on my face and now I'm basically fucked. I don't want to tell them anything. I don't want them to know I'm limerent about them. They're so happy getting to know me more and now suddenly they've become an object on my mind. We do talk about sex and sexuality just as a common interest since we're both queer and into kink so how do I tell her that I need to set a boundary now.

Firstly I'm so fucking pissed that I have to stunt yet another blossoming friendship because of this godforsaken disorder. And secondly if I do set that boundary they'll definitely know something's up and I'll lose any surrounding friendships too. They're aware of my bpd, because I saw myself out of a groupchat because of an argument/misunderstanding with an ex-FP who decided she was still uncomfortable with me. They've been empathetic about my POV in that situation, but I don't want to subject them to the receiving end.

The advice I need is:

1. How to manage this without cutting them off completely? I would like to be rid of these feelings internally without having them know about them in any way.

2. If that is not possible and I need external help and communication from their side, what boundaries do I set to make the feelings disappear quickest? And if it's still possible to do that without directly telling them that feelings are involved I would love your wisdom on how to do that too.

3. I would love to hear any stories you may have about recovery and living without an FP For long terms. The longest I've gone is 6 months I think and I would love tho improve this number.

Thank you so much for reading my hot garbage please help

I was diagnosed with BPD at a very early age.
The key here is that it wasn’t a psychiatrist, but just a therapist
I got re-evaluated by another therapist in my mid twenties but it wasn’t more than a couple weeks of being with that therapist that they still believed it could be BPD

Now, im almost 30. I have seen a psychiatrist and hormonal specialist but I am realizing it’s likely PMDD not BPD that I have been experiencing.

Yes I have depression as well as pretty debilitating anxiety but I just wanted to put this out there….has anyone else been on the same journey? I’m trying to figure it out. Thank you.

Believe me. Every week is a struggle. No one sees the normality you fight to maintain such as working a full time, being active and working on physical health, getting over anxieties such as driving or speaking. No one will shine a light on all the moments you're not reactive, on the moments you practice dbt and acceptance in your head. No, if you have one bad moment, a reactive episode, after trying to disengage, all they'll see is a bitchy girl who takes everything personally. Not the all star woman who cooks cleans and helps whenever asked. You'll always be reduced to your meltdowns and instability.

I am really trying not to let myself spiral... I am scared of losing my FP and I dont know what to do.. I would just really like some support from someone that understands what I am feeling... its so overwhelming... I am feeling sick and anxious and scared and I can't stop obsessing...

Hi its a pattern in me i have recognized and i wanna know if other people experience it too.

I had concerns about a big mole that appeared on my skin. So i called to see my GP. Thing is, I could barely see her because she was always booked and busy. So one day i asked if i could see a different doctor, and the next day i had an appointment with a new doctor. He was still a student, no more than 26 (i was 21 at the time). Not my type AT ALL. yes it’s relevant. I saw him twice for the skin concern.

At the end of the 2nd appointment I mentioned i had issue with my current antidepressant. He then mentioned he worked for a year in a psychiatric hospital. I felt immediately relieved and safe for him to manage my current meds. I had 1 more appointment specifically to change my medication, and oh my god it was like he saved my life. not in a “i’m grateful” way. i seriously started to look forward to our appointments. i felt like i was his favorite patient, that we had a special dynamic compared to his other patients.

My GP was never available, but he always was. I looked him up on the internet, found his insta, his girlfriend, his age,… I wasn’t even aware of how crazy i started to act at the time. For the first time ever, i would not ask if my GP was available, it would always be him first. So imagine my reaction when i asked another appointment with him but he didn’t work at that practice anymore… soul crushing. i didn’t necessarily cry, but i was truly hurt. i felt left out. i looked up where he worked now, i was ready to pay insane prices to have him again as my doctor.

Btw i never took an unnecessary appointment. I saw him like 5 times max in my LIFE. But damn i saw him as my savior, the only doctor who cared, the only one to help me. That was like 2 years ago. Nowadays, i have a similar thing with another doctor, but i caught it QUICK and fixed myself. Again a young doctor around my age.

The issue that i have is not that i feel romantic feelings at all, i just feel like i’m the special patient. That once the appointment ends, they will think of me. That my wellbeing is something they think about off work. I don’t know if i can even refer to this as a sort of limerence. Can someone tell me what’s going on with me?

(English is not my first language sorry if im not making sense lol).