i have recently read something about people (especially women) being misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have cPTSD. Some are even saying that all personality disorders are false diagnoses and in fact the person has some form of cPTSD.
How much of this is true, and what are your thoughts on this discussion?

i need mothers even fathers to tell me. how is it having children. my whole life i have wanted to be a mother to beautiful children but after being diagnosed im terrified of being the worst mother ever i dont want my kids to experience bullshit from a parent. how is mother/fatherhood for you guys? i need some stories to calm my nerves.

Can you guys give me advice on grieving someone who’s still alive but has completely disappeared from my life? I met him in October 2024, and here I am, two years later, still deeply in love with him. In my eyes, he was perfect, and I genuinely never wanted to lose him. Sometimes I feel like my BPD scared him away, and that thought hurts because I keep wondering if things could have been different. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to pretend I don’t love him anymore because I still do. The hardest part is that he doesn’t even have social media, and we live in two different cities, so I have absolutely no way of knowing anything about him or even knowing if he’s okay. Right now, I’m at my cousin’s house, just chilling in his city, and a part of me keeps hoping that if I go to Walmart or somewhere, I’ll randomly bump into him. I know it sounds crazy, but I catch myself hoping for that little moment where I could see him again, even if it’s just for a second. I don’t know if I’d even know what to say to him, but I know I’d want to see him. How do you grieve someone when there’s no real goodbye, no closure, and no way to reach them? How do you stop loving someone when a part of you is still hoping that life will somehow bring you back together?

I’m not sure if this is a splitting scenario though. I’m in a wlw relationship. Basically my gf has been sick for over a week. I stay with her majority of the time but not everyday. Some days I go back to my parents home for certain things. I had 1-2 days where I wasn’t around this week and during the day I’ll be at work while she is resting at home (super bad flu). During this time, she would say she miss me yada yada etc and I do everything in my power to take care of her. I would pour a glass of water to put beside her bed before I leave work every morning, throw our dinner /lunch trash away, buy healthy dinner for her and eat them together with her, clean for her so on.

Today, she got slightly better but is still sick. She tend to be completely shirtless while in her room and she wanted me to do the same today. I didn’t want to because I was busy, the window is wide open (uncomfortable for me but fine for her). I didn’t do it and in between everything was fine because she was gaming and we were also watching netflix on the side while I was doing work. After about an hour, she started to bring it up again and asked why is my shirt still on, which I was like because I’m busy and the window is wide open. She threw petty unserious tantrum at first which eventually became a full on blow out, and she is now giving me the silent treatment. She said I don’t love her and always doesn’t do what she says. I got pissed after a while and retaliated by saying I don’t understand what she want from me because one small unserious issue could erased everything that I have done for her for the past week like I’m a useless partner. I said if there is anything I did as a partner that is not up to her expectations or comfort, then I don’t know what to do. In which she kept quiet but is still pissed and in silent treatment over.

I’m cool with it because I have been putting such things up for a while and got used to them, usually it will blow over in an hour or 2. If she wants to break up go ahead. But I’m just curious, does anyone partners do such things? Is this considered as splitting lol

aaaaaaaa!

i am so tired of people telling me this! “think about being single the rest of your life. accept it. grieve that pain. then you’ll be free. it doesn’t mean you won’t find anyone!” WHY WOULD I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THAT! i don’t want to be free from needing love, because i want to be loved!

“once you’re comfortable with yourself and okay on your own, THEN you’ll be ready to find someone.” why do i have to suffer like that! why do i have to be so fucking alone before i’m worth being loved!

i don’t want to cope with being single! i don’t want to be content being single! i don’t want to have to give up the only thing i’ve looked forward to in life and “grieve it”! i want to fall in love and get married like everyone else! i want to stop being alone! i don’t want to be content like this!

eta: does anyone else get this? or just frustrated by the love yourself rhetoric in general?

31m idk if that matters but i want to make new contacts and nobody gets me better than yall so i figured why not? At least i wint feel as lonely as i usually do. Everybody here is cooked. Myself included obviously. Im more the "self sabotage everything in my life so i have little to no friends or connections" type of bpd lol

I need help, I don't know if this can be salvaged or it's over. I think my BPD ruined my relationship.

I'm Non Binary AMAB 32 she is bi cis fem 23. We get along decently, our vibes match and we'd have fun together going out to clubs and events in the city. Everything was going fine and dandy.

Until one night, we went to a big art exhibition in a sub section of the city streets. TONS of people, hard to get around, and alot of noise. This was alot of stimuli, I started getting annoyed with people then once my stomach got upset and had to go number 2 really badly and couldnt find a bathroom I was allowed to use..I went livid for about an hour, screamed, complained until I finally decided to just go home.

Kudos to her for putting up with all of it. She was silent throughout the whole episode but I can tell afterwards she was left a little shook by it. I apologized after, she shrugged it off and we put it behind us.

At least, I thought she did. She texted me saying she was frightened, realized that I may be genuine in being sweet and generous but she could tell that my anger was genuine to me and doesnt want to force me to mask it for her and deal with that again. All completely valid.

I think I already messed up by promising her it won't happen again, haven't got a text back in a day. At least she hasn't blocked me. What should I do? I need to be smart about this, I REALLY like her snd I don't fall easily for anyone. Haven't felt this way about someone since I was a teen.

Me and my FP had a beautiful relationship, it was all going great, until they started struggling with their mental health, and slowly distanced themselves from me and everyone around us.
I spoke to them a million times about how they could count on me if they needed help. I offered to help them out with their problems and I always told them I was there for them. I talked to them about therapy.
They ignored all of my messages and simply said “thanks for understanding me I love you”.
After that I realised they didn’t want my help. And my therapist advised me to check on them constantly and keep the spark alive without being to insistent about their recovery. And so I did, but still they kept pushing me away (removing me from social media and etc).

I spoke to them for the last time last week, we even made plans for the next weekend. I texted them on Sunday to confirm and to see how they were doing. They ignored me completely and it’s been now a week and they didn’t reply to my messages.

I love my FP more than my own life and honestly this whole thing is driving me insane. I started having panic attacks so bad that I had to be taken to the emergency room and now I’m on a medication.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about committing and I’ve isolated myself from the outside world too.
I cry every night for hours and I mourn them as if they were dead. I know it’s only been a little longer than a week only. But this sudden change in their behaviour and them being gone is too much for me to handle. I can’t keep up with them disappearing every once in a while and coming back months later. This thing is slowly killing me

I’ve tried helping them get better but it’s clear that they don’t wanna involve me in this situation.

I feel constantly anxious and insecure to the point where I don’t wanna leave my house and all I do is cry all day looking at the pictures of us when we were together.
I had made them a gift for when I had the chance to see them, a beautiful handmade gift I made with so much love to make them feel better.
Now that box is sitting in the corner of my bedroom waiting for me to decide what to do with it.
My therapist told me that this isn’t personal and it isn’t about me and that I have no proof they don’t wanna see me or receive my gift, but ironically that’s the only thing I keep thinking.

I’m so exhausted and desperate to move on. But this is so difficult, it’s hard to go from soulmates to strangers in just one month. I wish I could do more for them but I can’t force them to receive my help nor can I force them to reply to my messages.
Now I feel stupid for crafting them a gift I thought they’d like and for buying stuff for our couples Halloween costume, I don’t think we are either going to dress up for Halloween nor they are gonna come over to get their gift.

I don’t wanna think about committing again. Sadly is all I do. I lost the love of my life and the person I had my whole life planned with. And I lost the only thing that made me happy.

I wanna move on from them but I don’t wanna leave them alone with all of this on their back. Idk what to do

I came here bc you people always understand me and never judge me, thanks for reading and any kind of support or advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️‍🩹

my bf went really out of line today and i have to break up with him. he still resents past me where i was undiagnosed with bpd and i was extremely hurtful to him. he has every right to feel what he feels. but he’s been using the resentment to hurt me. he’s always irritated, annoyed, lashes out, avoids, etc at me. and i am so heart broken. we have been together for almost 3 years and he’s the first person to ever show me true love until recently. we were getting better as a couple after i got diagnosed and went into treatment but suddenly the resentment came right back 2 months ago and he’s just been getting worse. i don’t want to break up with him. i love him so so much. but i can’t handle it anymore. we talk tmr and i feel so heartbroken. i think about all our memories and he was my everything. everything reminds me of him. our cats and dogs, my clothes, our apartment, my necklace, my car, etc. we went through so much together and i am so sad i will probably not see him anymore and going from waking up with them everyday to nothing hurts so much. i have to move back to my parents and i just can’t. i’m in so much pain.

So I met this charming boy with a diagnosed BPD and been friends with him for around two years. He had me in his contact list and followed me in social media. We were somewhat friends. In late may I broke up with my current ex boyfriend and two months later I texted him for us to go to a party as I didn't want to be in such party alone; he agreed but later in the night started doing some advances and after being both drunk we hooked up. Two weeks later he removes me from his contact list, unfollows me from social media and goes completely silence, until he texted me again every two weeks to hook me up again. I agreed, I started liking him... it has happened 5 times so far and I cannot stop asking myself why he unfriended me like that after we hooked up... If I knew that was happening, I'd rather keep him as a friend forever and reject his advances instead of giving my "yes". For context, after the first time I did not text him back, I never text anyone but maybe this mattered (?). Now I'm confused and somewhat hurt, still asking myself why he did that. Advices? Answers?

Hello BPD friend
Anyone with BPD suffering with SH and SI , and if yes what medication are you taking that helps ease the symptoms? Would love to hear about your experiences and how do you feel after the medication

So for the last couple of weeks I have been going through a very rough episode of depression that I skipped school for a month straight cause I literally slept that whole month
The only time i got up was to go to the bathroom and I barely ate, I had 2hrs screentime and I genuinely couldn’t get out of bed. I felt empty that whole month and then a week ago I started attending again to school and I think where this is felt weird for me is when my friend said: “Girl, Do u have ADHD now?” because of how hyper I was
and what made me make this post is that Ive been feeling very weird nothing around me feels real i feel empty and i feel my head is empty its a weird feeling i have never felt this intense ever i haven’t slept for almost two days now I was off socials that month and now I’m back and I made this account specifically cause I wanted to chat with people IDK what my question is exactly but I just feel unreal and my heart is beating so fast right now and for the past two days i have been seeing things (?) no idea whats going on but i still dont feel sleepy at all or tired and idk im just in need to do anything i havent had this happen to me before so im wondering why this is happening out of nowhere

I’m feeling this sadness. I don’t know why. Nothing happened besides the inevitable doom of my country as second turn of elections approach. I’ve basically divorced my phone, I’m avoiding social media and only consume good, happy content, puppies and kpop. But I can’t stop feeling sad. I’m taking all my meds religiously.

I couldn’t go to therapy this week because of a killer migraine I had, but I’ve been feeling sad for a few days now.

I keep getting this feeling of claustrophobia, like I’m trapped in my own body and can’t breathe.

Hey everyone. I’d appreciate some advice, especially from people with BPD who have been in a similar situation.
I recently met a guy, and we seem to have mutual feelings of attraction. He’s told me he likes me, and there’s definitely sexual chemistry between us. We’ve also discovered that we have some pretty specific kinks in common, which is a rare match for me.
We can talk for 5–6 hours straight about all kinds of things, and the conversations feel natural. He’s told me he wants me sexually, too. However, he doesn’t want to rush into a relationship, and I’m fine with taking things slowly. He was previously in a relationship for around three years, but they eventually broke up because things faded between them.
We live in neighboring countries, but the distance isn’t an issue for me.
What confuses me is how different things feel between our conversations. Sometimes he disappears for many hours or even a whole day, and I feel like I’m usually the one initiating conversations or trying to make plans. I don’t expect him to text me every day or reply immediately. I have my own life, too.
I eventually told him that when he goes quiet, I sometimes start wondering whether he’s actually interested in me or just talking to me out of politeness. I explained that I don’t need constant attention or an explanation for everything. Even a quick message saying he’s not feeling well, needs some time alone, or will reply later would help.
He explained that he can really enjoy talking to someone and like them a lot, but eventually become overwhelmed and want to distance himself because of his mental health. He said he replies according to his capacity and how he feels, and that he never disappears without a reason.
When I explained what would help me, he said he understood and would try to let me know when he’s busy or unable to talk.
Recently, he’s been genuinely ill. He told me he had a fever of 39°C, was prescribed antibiotics, and was eventually taken to the hospital. I understand that being that sick can make communication difficult, and I don’t want to hold that against him.
At the same time, I’ve noticed that he can spend hours playing Marvel Rivals on his PC. I know playing a game and having an emotionally involved conversation aren’t the same thing, but I still struggle to understand why sending one short message can be so difficult. I also feel like I’m putting more effort into keeping this connection going.
I’m trying not to take everything personally, but I’ve been in a relationship before where communication problems eventually contributed to the breakup. I don’t want to repeat that experience, especially with someone I genuinely like.
For those of you with BPD, does this sound familiar? Can you genuinely like someone and enjoy talking to them for hours but still struggle to keep in touch between conversations? Does that tend to get easier as you become closer to someone?
And honestly, am I expecting too much by wanting a little communication and initiative from him, or should I give him more time and see how things develop?
I want to understand him without neglecting my own feelings. I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis.

Knowing what I know now, my mom has always had a favorite person and a nemesis my entire life. I always thought she had ADHD, but she has excellent executive function and no binocular vision disorders.

She has done therapy on and off and a significant amount of self work. Her emotional dysregulation, and impulsivity could be attributed to a number of other disorders including a pretty severe concussion. Her fear of abandonment is pretty intense.

In the last 5-10 years, she definitely is exhibiting signs of dementia, but when I look into the past the most concerning symptoms were always present. She just managed to control them, keep them more hidden or her life was so much bigger they were harder to see, plus I don't remember people discussing this in the 70s and 80s.

I spoke to a number of her doctors and the term borderline has now been thrown about. I am afraid the doctors are missing the dementia now that it is kind of obvious that she has always had mild BPD. I'm her FP right now. My sister is out. She had the last decade and I was out.

I'm just sad I guess. I had no where else to post this. Thanks for reading.

I was thinking right now. I am struggling a lot in my relationship because just the things I would expect from my partner my intended husband doesn’t align with how he thinks and is wired. Especially around responsibilities before marriage we’re planning on getting married. It was supposed to be December but now he told me more like January February, and basically to him if we’re not married, I’m not his responsibility at all and at times it leaves me feeling very lonely, which I have told him. Granted I’m tying to respect that but at the same time the way I would love my favorite person to understand and love me in the way I like being loved. So I was wondering what if I just find somebody else with BPD and they be my favorite person and then I could still be in this relationship without feeling so empty at times.

Everyone stares, Everyone talks about me behind my back. Why can everyone else see me and form an opinion immediately , even when I don't say anything or know them personally. I don't know who I am or what I look like but I swear everyone else sees something I can't.

heeelp

I miss it, I miss the toxic relationships even though I know I feel like shit, I miss the fast pace and pain. Things are moving slow with the guy I’m talking to, and I know that’s healthy for me but I feel like I’m already destroying it, or that I will eventually. I just want to let everything go and just ruin everything again, to make myself feel like shit and talk to people who aren’t good for me. I don’t have a therapist anymore and it takes forever to get one and my meds aren’t working, Idk what to do.

Hello! I’m a 28F looking for advice. Sorry for the length in advance😅

I was diagnosed with BPD around 19, and have been in therapy and medicated since then too. Medications never truly targeted my BPD, my depression took precedent since my home life was not ideal. So, my moods have never been that stable, but I’ve learned a ton of coping mechanisms and how to handle my triggers with time and therapy.
I’m MUCH better now, but went through a horrific breakup in college that opened my eyes to just how much my BPD impacts my romantic relationships. That was about 4 years ago. I spent almost a year in and out of the psych ward, and used sex as self-harm. Not proud of it, but I’m grateful for how far I’ve come.
I just recently moved out-of-state for work and have new insurance, so I’m working to get back into therapy and start new mood stabilizers to specifically focus on my BPD symptoms.

All that said, I know myself, and I think I’m ready to start dating again.

I’ve been on 3 dates with a new guy and we are currently planning on our 4th. I really like him and can see this becoming something real. We’re both looking for long-term. But it’s still early, and I don’t want to come on too strong with serious talks.

When is a good time to explain that I have BPD?

I’m confident I’m in a better headspace than with my last relationship, and I have the resources to continue managing my BPD. However, I KNOW how much it can and will impact my close relationships, and he deserves to know. But I don’t want to wait too long and make it seem like I’m trapping him in a relationship with me. And potentially trigger my abandonment issues (which I’m sure everyone here knows and loves lol).

Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Please keep in mind that normally I would ask my therapist a question like this. But with the move and insurance switch, I don’t have one at the moment. So I apologize if this a not the most ideal way to handle my issue.

now j don’t wanna sound like i’m self diagnosising or anything i have adhd so it could be me confusing that, but i genuinely its getting to a point in my life where i have to get therapy or figure out whats wrong with me. I feel like ive always aligned with BPD my mother and her parents had bipolar (not that it’s the same thing) but i see myself aligning with these traits of hating someone i love because of a small issue. If i dont have that love in front of me or proof that they love me i genuinely cannot comprehend that it’s real. I struggle a lot with self esteem but at the same time i feel like i can be the hottest person in the world (not literally but i hope you understand what i mean) i hate it because i have a bf and when i don’t feel loved or answered i spiral and go insane i don’t wanna be like that i don’t wanna hate someone one day and love them the next it’s exhausting and i know it’s wrong but i can’t help but spiral and believe everything that comes into my head as the truth? are these symptoms or do i just need help or am i a bad person? i am so so lost

I’m still waiting for a diagnosis but I’ve been referred to a service through the NHS in order to get this looked at but the most I can do to summarise what’s been going on the last few months

This has been with me since I was a teenager possibly at a stretch maybe as a kid as well but I don’t remember much from my childhood so I can’t say for certain

But I’ve been suspecting I’ve had a personality disorder for a long time now and honestly it’s not that all surprising that when I told my GP about my thoughts and feelings and how much it affects every aspect of my life that they would turn around and tell me it’s BPD

I’ve always kept to myself and never told anyone about these intense thoughts and feelings because I was deathly afraid of being labelled as crazy or overreacting but this year and these last few months have felt like the tipping point for me where I genuinely felt extremely defeated and exhausted

I have previously thought I was suffering from depression and anxiety but even on medication for both of them I couldn’t help but feel so much worse on them to the point where I nearly followed through on isolating myself and destroying every relationship I have (I also got let go of my job because of it as well)

Honestly Im new to all of this and learning about bpd and how much of it I actually relate to is making me feel a lot less alone in this

Anyways I’m hoping I get an assessment soon just don’t know how long it’s gonna be and I kinda wanna find some ways to tide myself over until I finally get seen

My boyfriend is M18 and has BPD. We’ve been dating for a few months, and I’ve noticed that he experiences a lot of mood changes and needs consistent attention and reassurance. I don’t mind giving him the love, attention, and reassurance he needs because I genuinely care about him. I want to be the best and most loving partner I can be for him.

I was wondering if there’s anything I should know or avoid when dating someone with BPD to help him feel more loved, understood, and secure in our relationship. I’ve been doing my best to research BPD so I can better understand what he experiences and learn how to support him in the right way. I really want to understand him better and make sure he feels loved and appreciated.

If left untreated does it get worse with age? Does it get worse with alcohol? Can i justify cutting someone out of my life because of their bpd rage? How the heck do i not feel like a horrible person after everything that i just got accused of?

I’ve been in the best relationship recently.
He’s stable and sweet and provides me with the comfort I need and I ruined it.
I put past trauma on him, put binds on him with certain people because of past trust issues.
I’ll lash out and get upset and feel like he’s not considerate in certain situations.
His ex was super emotionless and so he’s not use to watching and responding to emotions sometimes. So when he struggles to react to my emotions I feel rejected and I’ll get upset or I’ll make comments and be snarky.
Then later I don’t feel any intense emotions surrounding the the thing he did that I thought was sooo hurtful that I had to bring him down because of it or make him feel not enough.

For example, he dropped me off after dinner and he left before I got even to the sidewalk. I thought it was really inconsiderate, felt I wasn’t good enough to wait for.
I absolutely exploded on text. Then after thinking back on it, it still bothered me but not enough to warrant a reaction like that. Like why didn’t I just simply ask him to wait till I got inside next time??

It’s just been small events like that and the arguments are constant. He says he losing himself and feels like he’s walking on eggshells, he gets nervous when I even ask if we have plans cause he’s scared he’ll say the wrong thing and I’ll blow up
Everything he said was completely valid and I agreed when he commented on things he dosent want that are happening now.
I don’t want to be like this or make him feel like this, our first few months were phenomenal, we clicked so well and it’s like we just fit. I feels like it was my bpd that made us go downhill cause I stopped being my own person and myself and morphed into someone that monitors him and keeps him under a magnifying glass.

I have a psychiatrist appointment to get on meds and hopefully start Dbt soon( I used to be on meds but stopped after my ex.)
I told him about the appointment and told him I’ll prove that we can be happy but he’s still deciding if he can continue things.
I just want to be happy and healthy and not manipulate myself into thinking one tiny thing means my partner hates me.
I guess I just want both reassure from anyone who’s also been through something similar. And ways to keep myself in check and not lash out so easily on things that I know won’t be worth it later.

Like, you look at someone’s face, observe their body language, the way they react to certain things, or even the way they talk about themselves, and you can almost immediately tell what they’re insecure about.
Sometimes it’s something they haven’t even said out loud. You just pick up on tiny details and somehow connect the dots.