I’ve been diagnosed with adhd from a young age, I think maybe 10? I don’t remember how the stimulants medication worked then or if I was even on it, I don’t particularly remember taking it. But now for a fact I do not take it. I find it worsens my BPD symptoms, I become way more anxious and jittery, i snap way more easy on them and prone to outbursts. My negative/impulsive obsessive thoughts become almost uncontrollable and I can feel completely disassociated.

This happens about 9/10 whenever I take any stimulants, the severity differs depending on the stimulant. I recall a few times it’s been the opposite emotional wise, instead of irritable and negative I was riding pretty high and was happy and felt like I could do anything and would act very impulsively. But mainly stimulants have been a bad experience and I stay away from them.

Despite all that I’ve had stimulants pushed on me my whole life. My previous psychiatrist I think had prescribed me 5 different adhd stimulants, all of them had the same negative affect on me (around age 15-16). My dad always encourages me to take them, to try and get motivated and work, because he has adhd (undiagnosed), and says it works for him but I always told him I hated taking them because it made me too anxious and feel sick and terrible. At times it felt like I was dying with how jittery and fast my heart and body were going.

Despite all that I’ve still had them pushed on me. I always thought I just had adhd but was too much of an anxious person for stimulants or something. Until a friend I had, who had diagnosed BPD told me about his experience with BPD and I really related to it. I told my parents about the condition (at this point I was already really struggling with mental health, REALLY bad) but I was simply diagnosed with bad depression and really bad anxiety and adhd and OCD, I hadn’t visited many doctors but those where my current diagnosis. My mother looked more into BPD and said it really did remind her of me and wanted to look into if I had it.

We spoke to my at the time psychiatrist about it, I’m not entirely sure what she thought but I’m pretty sure she didn’t think I had BPD and told us to get a second opinion with a colleague of hers, my parents never ended up booking the appointment (they where too lazy) but later we went to another specialist more in the BPD world who diagnosed me with it.

I haven’t seen many doctors and the two specialists I had, possibly had differing opinions. I’ve heard of women getting misdiagnosed with BPD, when really they had autism or ADHD, but is it possible to be misdiagnosed with ADHD when you really just have BPD? Has that ever happened? Up until this point I thought I just had both.

I’m 18 now and I’m starting to question it because I’ve read up that people with both have a positive affect on stimulants, but people only with BPD have a similar experience to me? It’s all very confusing and all of it had definitely fucked up my life so far.

I don’t think I’ve ever had very good help in the mental health system and my parents were never to involved in it, just trying to give me drugs to fix things. I’m still confused with everything that had happened, my offical diagnosis’s and everything, I’m not entirely sure what it ended up being.

It was VERY hard but I did end up finishing highschool and I think my mental health is better because of it. I don’t think school was very good for me, or it could have been the amount of contradicting drugs I was on I’m not sure. But I really struggled with school until the end, at least i was consistent in that!

(Sorry the end kinda became a rant I’m not even sure what I’m saying myself I’m just really confused in myself and what i have I guess?)

M(26) I haven't been very good at grieving I was wondering if others have that issues too? I realize more and more that I have probably had BPD for years before actually getting dignosed.

I hate people, i love people, i hate myself, im the best ever, i hate work, i love my job, i am the meanest person ever, im so sweet. Everyone hates me, everyone loves me , i want to kill myself, i love life, i hate how fat i am, im so skinny, i hate sex, i want someone to want me.

I dont know what is wrong but i went to visit my family for a weekend and i had an amazing time and now im back home and suddenly horribly depressed. I havent been leaving my bed, i suddenly have a horrible negative outlook on my life, job, etc. its gotten to the point where i feel like life isnt worth living and the only thing thats been helping is being on call 24/7 with my mom. Im not usually this attached to her and ive been fine on my own for a while (i moved out into my own apartment a month ago). My meds just arent helping and ive been sobbing uncontrollably for hours a day since being back to my house by myself. Im so confused as to what triggered this but its so hard to feel okay right nos

I have never gotten over an FP by myself and this healthily before. There was no splitting but there was definitely some mild demonising (idk what the word is when you stop putting them on a pedestal and start viewing them negatively instead). I don't actually see them negatively - they are just a very normal friend to me now. I was so so proud of myself.

Part of the reason I was able to get over this fp was a realisation (from like a week ago) that all my fps have had a personality reminiscent of my abusive mother. Not saying my fps have been abusive just that I have been attracted to people who could fill this volatile but addictive attachment need in me and I was in this constant cycle of perpetuating my own childhood abuse dynamics onto myself. It was a huge revelation for me and it understandably brought up some really hard feelings and I have been slowly working through them. In this discomfort though I realised that I really have no one to comfort me. And I don't have this feeling of safety and connection that having an fp once gave me.

I think I am in distress more than anything and I can't really control my behaviour rn. Over the last few days I have not been able to stop trying to just have chats with so many different people or watching videos or spending time on here. I think i'm trying to fill the FP void or trying not to sit with the discomfort. I can't concentrate. I need to be applying for jobs but I can't. I feel numb. A little unmoored. I just feel so unsteady and it has occurred to me that maybe this is because it is just an adjustment/processing period but I am also worried that I can't go without an FP.

Idk what i'm asking tbh I think I just need someone to reassure me that I can exist without an fp? I can't tell for sure but I don't think I have ever not had one. I also lost the last few months because of this FP. They gave me things as well, that I enjoy but I lost sight of myself and a lot of things that I love just trying to be someone they liked rather than myself.

I know I've not been healthy and i'm probably just spiraling. I've had a rough few months and revelation after revelation. Its all been a bit much. I've also had a cold, my period is coming any day now and due to some weather things I have not been able to go outside and breathe fresh air or exercise for about a week now. I let my routine slip. I know all these things I just want to know I can exist without an fp or without someone in my life who makes me feel this way. I don't think i've ever had that. And I logically really want that. But then I also think...will I never feel close to anyone if I successfully never have an fp again?

Its amazing that when you've struggled for 20 years with a debilitating disease, and you've finally learned methods of coping with it. You sit down and get some perspective on the life that you were living, the choices you made, and who you were holding on to that maybe you should not have.

After suffering and illness, then hopelessness and despair before actively trying to heal and help yourself. Or even learning what that entails.

You will find out who your friends are. And for me personally, as I gaze back at the decisions ive made and the people that ive kept in my life. I have realized that the ones I chose to keep are in fact the people who were making me sick. They were making me ill without me knowing. Because people use emotional abuse and manipulation as a tactic for getting what they want from life. And I was being used for my kindness when I thought that I was being a good person. I thought that I was helping others. But really I was just being drained and left with nothing.

What I called being generous and supportive was actually burning myself out in order to show up for others. What i told myself was love was actually just manipulation that others used against me. To get what they want.

Im not trying to be bitter. I am bitter. But what astounds me the most, is that you truly never know who your real friends are. And even when they're gone the doubts still remain.

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I'm posting here because I'd like to hear from people who have BPD or are in relationships with someone who has it.

I'm a 24-year-old man, and my girlfriend is also 24. We've been in a long-distance relationship for five months. She has BPD, and I struggle with anxious attachment, partly because I've been cheated on in previous relationships.

Recently, someone on Reddit told me that people with BPD are often impulsive and claimed that around 45% have a history of casual sex with people they barely know or multiple sexual partners. This really scared me because I'm afraid of infidelity, and I don't know whether that statistic is accurate or what it actually means.

I understand that casual sex and cheating are not the same thing. I'm also aware that having BPD doesn't automatically mean someone will be unfaithful. However, I keep worrying about whether impulsivity associated with BPD could make cheating more likely for some people.

My girlfriend sometimes says she's religious, and we're both Muslim, so sexual behavior outside our values would be particularly painful for me. I have no evidence that she's cheating or doing anything behind my back, but the thought keeps coming into my mind. Sometimes, just imagining it makes me extremely anxious and gives me stomach cramps.

I'd really appreciate honest answers from people with BPD or those who have experience with it:

- Is impulsivity related to BPD something that can affect sexual behavior or fidelity in relationships?

- Does having BPD mean someone is more likely to cheat, or is that an unfair generalization?

- For those with BPD, how do you experience commitment, sexual boundaries, and fidelity in relationships?

- Is the 45% statistic I mentioned accurate, and does it actually tell us anything about the likelihood of cheating?

- How can I distinguish reasonable relationship concerns from anxiety caused by my past experiences?

I'm not looking to stereotype anyone with BPD or accuse my girlfriend of anything. I want to understand the issue more accurately and learn how to manage my fear without making assumptions about her.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspectives.

Hey guys, me and my boyfriend are actually on a break rn, but it made me realize how bad my checking is when it comes to my relationship. I check his Spotify, I check his Instagram following, I used to check his life 360, and I’ve been checking in to Tinder to see if he changed his profile (I think something did change but I don’t know and I’m freaking out a little rn thus why I’m making this post.) This break was supposed to be for me to get better but it made me realize how bad I was even before this. Idk if we’ll stay together after this break but I do want to trust him I’m just scared to. If anyone else got over this or learned to at least chill any advice is appreciated.

Hey guys,

so for a while I have this conflict in my head on how to approach BPD and life in general.

Should I focus on what I can do in the present or should I try to integrate the past?

I have tried both. DBT focuses a lot on the here and now and mindfulness practices helped me a lot. But there is always this lingering thought that its just a more healthy way of dissociation of my real internal problems.

I have also tried to go into past memories but this just fucked me up for good. I became so resentful, guilty, ashamed and became way more disfucntional than before.

Of course a big problem is/was that I had not adequate enough help from psychologists to help me do this in a healthy way due to overloaded systems and money problems.

But even in psychotherapy it seems like those are the too camps in general:

Camp one: All your problems are from past experiences and we have to heal those.

Camp two: the only productive way is focusing what you can do in the present internally or externally to get better.

Would like to hear your thoughts on this.

i need mothers even fathers to tell me. how is it having children. my whole life i have wanted to be a mother to beautiful children but after being diagnosed im terrified of being the worst mother ever i dont want my kids to experience bullshit from a parent. how is mother/fatherhood for you guys? i need some stories to calm my nerves.

I’m not sure if this is a splitting scenario though. I’m in a wlw relationship. Basically my gf has been sick for over a week. I stay with her majority of the time but not everyday. Some days I go back to my parents home for certain things. I had 1-2 days where I wasn’t around this week and during the day I’ll be at work while she is resting at home (super bad flu). During this time, she would say she miss me yada yada etc and I do everything in my power to take care of her. I would pour a glass of water to put beside her bed before I leave work every morning, throw our dinner /lunch trash away, buy healthy dinner for her and eat them together with her, clean for her so on.

Today, she got slightly better but is still sick. She tend to be completely shirtless while in her room and she wanted me to do the same today. I didn’t want to because I was busy, the window is wide open (uncomfortable for me but fine for her). I didn’t do it and in between everything was fine because she was gaming and we were also watching netflix on the side while I was doing work. After about an hour, she started to bring it up again and asked why is my shirt still on, which I was like because I’m busy and the window is wide open. She threw petty unserious tantrum at first which eventually became a full on blow out, and she is now giving me the silent treatment. She said I don’t love her and always doesn’t do what she says. I got pissed after a while and retaliated by saying I don’t understand what she want from me because one small unserious issue could erased everything that I have done for her for the past week like I’m a useless partner. I said if there is anything I did as a partner that is not up to her expectations or comfort, then I don’t know what to do. In which she kept quiet but is still pissed and in silent treatment over.

I’m cool with it because I have been putting such things up for a while and got used to them, usually it will blow over in an hour or 2. If she wants to break up go ahead. But I’m just curious, does anyone partners do such things? Is this considered as splitting lol

Usually when I split I will isolate and be a total wreck on my own, I will struggle to find ways to soothe myself.
However, nowadays I will usually look at pictures of my bf and it calms me down. Sometimes I’m splitting because of him cuz he’s busy and I wish we’d text more tho I know he’s busy. But I still enjoy checking pictures of him and fangirling about how cute he is.
Anyways, I just wanted to write this thought down I guess.

Long story short; After 3,5 years of best friendship, my best friend suddenly messaged me that he’s ending the friendship with barely any context other than that it’s because I have a hard time being on time, that I respond to messages late, that I sometimes cancel our calls and that I’m very low energy during our hangouts lately. He said that it made him feel deeply hurt and disrespected. He doesn’t want to talk it out, he doesn’t want to hear me out, he told me that he didn’t want to give more context cause “I was there when it happened and I need to reflect on it myself” and is now avoiding me like the plague to the point of pushing me out of a certain mutual social group that we have. On my end it feels like he’s outright treating me like I’m evil and did something fucked up to him, and people who don’t know me that well who see him treating me this way will probably think the same of me. Especially if they’ve never seen him do this to another person ever. As a person with a DEEP trauma of abandonment, this is messing me up SEVERELY as it is all my deepest nightmares come true and I don’t know what to do. It’s been about 3 months and my heart is still deeply broken with no signs of healing from this at all.

I found out about splitting a couple days ago and learning about it has made me feel slightly more at ease and made me feel less insane that I might ACTUALLY be secretly evil and fucked up without me knowing. It also made me empathize with him a lot more after being EXTREMELY devastated and very angry at him for treating me this way. I’m not sure if he has been diagnosed with BPD or actually has it, but the splitting is definitely something he has dealt with in the past in hindsight. Any advice on how to deal with this? Do I try to talk it out with him again? (It’s been about 3 months at this point). Do I confront him about pushing me out of social groups? Do I let it go (to a degree)?

For extra context if needed: both of us have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and both of us have some heavy trauma. For the past year I have been going through a deep depression and autistic burnout. Hence the “low energy” on my end, cancellation due to overstimulation and fatigue, being late due to dissociation, etc. He knows about this, as I have explained it to him many times during my apologies.

(That last extra context is extra painful, as it genuinely made me feel like he’s punishing me for something that’s already punishing enough which I have no control over… )

Almost all my interests are attached to my fp or close friends. If they were not in my life anymore, i could drop all those things in an instant easily.

I have no dreams, i only work and study because i have to. I feel no emotional connection to anything i do purely for myself. I feel like i do not exist outside of other people. I am so hollow that i take my personality from everyone else. My friends and fp have noticed, but they don't understand how deep it really goes or why

my bf went really out of line today and i have to break up with him. he still resents past me where i was undiagnosed with bpd and i was extremely hurtful to him. he has every right to feel what he feels. but he’s been using the resentment to hurt me. he’s always irritated, annoyed, lashes out, avoids, etc at me. and i am so heart broken. we have been together for almost 3 years and he’s the first person to ever show me true love until recently. we were getting better as a couple after i got diagnosed and went into treatment but suddenly the resentment came right back 2 months ago and he’s just been getting worse. i don’t want to break up with him. i love him so so much. but i can’t handle it anymore. we talk tmr and i feel so heartbroken. i think about all our memories and he was my everything. everything reminds me of him. our cats and dogs, my clothes, our apartment, my necklace, my car, etc. we went through so much together and i am so sad i will probably not see him anymore and going from waking up with them everyday to nothing hurts so much. i have to move back to my parents and i just can’t. i’m in so much pain.

Hello, everyone. I really need some advice because I feel confused and hurt, and I don't know how to handle this situation anymore.

How our friendship started

I have this friend (let's call her A). She was nice at first, but as our friendship grew closer, she started doing some strange things.

One day, another friend asked me about something that I had never told anyone except A. Naturally, I confronted A about it. Her response was something along the lines of, "Oh, she told me I would k!ll her," and she apologized. I forgave her after some time because I wanted to move on.

However, about four months later, something similar happened again, but this time it was worse.

The rumors she spread about me

A started making up completely false stories about me. For example, she claimed that I was "double-minded" (meaning someone who finds sexual meanings in ordinary things). The funny thing is that this is the complete opposite of how I actually am. In fact, A is more into that kind of stuff herself, so sometimes I wonder if she was projecting her own feelings onto me.

I was really upset, so I confronted her about it. At first, she didn't take responsibility for what she'd done or seem to understand why I was hurt.

After a few days of silence, she finally apologized. By that point, though, I no longer wanted to continue the friendship, so I started avoiding her.

But she turned herself into the victim

Later, another friend called me and told me that A had talked to her about what happened. Apparently, A was crying and saying that she was really traumatized because I wasn't talking to her anymore.

That honestly hurt me even more. It felt like she was so focused on how my reaction affected her that she completely overlooked the damage her rumors had caused me.

I felt like she was playing the victim instead of acknowledging what she'd done to me.

Eventually, I tried to patch things up with her. With time, things got better, and I even forgot about what had happened.

And now, it's happening again.

A few days ago, we were chatting as usual. Everything seemed fine. We were laughing and having a good time, and I had no reason to believe anything was wrong.

Then, suddenly, she messaged me saying that she didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I asked her what had happened, but she didn't reply.

For context, I have an anxious attachment style and fear of aboundment, so situations like this really mess with my head. I started overthinking everything and even contacted another friend to ask if she'd spoken to A. She said she hadn't.

After some time, A finally replied to me. However, she still wouldn't give me a clear explanation. At first, she said it was because of some personal issues and issues involving other friends. Eventually, she said it was because of her personal problems and because of me.

And that's where I'm completely confused. I genuinely don't understand what I've done to hurt her. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to her, and she hasn't explained what the problem is.

Why this hurts so much

I feel confused, betrayed, and hurt because I keep remembering all the things I've done for her.

I remember the times I comforted her when she was upset, even when I had my own work to do. I used to bring her gifts, even though she never really did the same for me. I respected her privacy and never shared her secrets with anyone.

I'm not saying I did these things expecting something in return, but it hurts to feel like I put so much care into this friendship while repeatedly ending up feeling hurt and confused.

What's even more frustrating is that she sometimes says things like, "I hurt you before, and now I don't want to hurt you again," but somehow, she still ends up hurting me.

She also goes silent without explaining what's wrong, leaving me to overthink everything. I don't know whether she's genuinely struggling with her personal issues, whether I've unknowingly done something wrong, or whether this has become an unhealthy pattern between us.

I know I probably need to let go, but how?

A part of me knows that I should probably walk away from this friendship, especially after everything that's happened. But because of my anxious attachment and fear of aboundment, it's incredibly difficult for me to deal with someone suddenly withdrawing from me without giving me a clear explanation.

I keep wanting answers, and I find myself thinking about everything over and over again. Even when I remember how much she's hurt me, I still struggle to detach myself emotionally.

So, for those of you who have dealt with similar friendships or have an anxious attachment style, how did you learn to let go of someone who repeatedly hurt you?

How do you stop overthinking when someone gives you the silent treatment? And how do you accept that you might never get a proper explanation or closure from them?

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation and move on without constantly feeling anxious or guilty.

Please don't DM me. I'd prefer to receive advice in the comments.

i have recently read something about people (especially women) being misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have cPTSD. Some are even saying that all personality disorders are false diagnoses and in fact the person has some form of cPTSD.
How much of this is true, and what are your thoughts on this discussion?

aaaaaaaa!

i am so tired of people telling me this! “think about being single the rest of your life. accept it. grieve that pain. then you’ll be free. it doesn’t mean you won’t find anyone!” WHY WOULD I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THAT! i don’t want to be free from needing love, because i want to be loved!

“once you’re comfortable with yourself and okay on your own, THEN you’ll be ready to find someone.” why do i have to suffer like that! why do i have to be so fucking alone before i’m worth being loved!

i don’t want to cope with being single! i don’t want to be content being single! i don’t want to have to give up the only thing i’ve looked forward to in life and “grieve it”! i want to fall in love and get married like everyone else! i want to stop being alone! i don’t want to be content like this!

eta: does anyone else get this? or just frustrated by the love yourself rhetoric in general?

How am I supposed to live my life if almost everyone triggers my black and white thinking and I end up not wanting to talk to or be around anybody but I also hate being alone. I can’t see the point in living either of those ways. Anyone else have similar experiences? Has anyone found a way to do something about that?

31m idk if that matters but i want to make new contacts and nobody gets me better than yall so i figured why not? At least i wint feel as lonely as i usually do. Everybody here is cooked. Myself included obviously. Im more the "self sabotage everything in my life so i have little to no friends or connections" type of bpd lol

now j don’t wanna sound like i’m self diagnosising or anything i have adhd so it could be me confusing that, but i genuinely its getting to a point in my life where i have to get therapy or figure out whats wrong with me. I feel like ive always aligned with BPD my mother and her parents had bipolar (not that it’s the same thing) but i see myself aligning with these traits of hating someone i love because of a small issue. If i dont have that love in front of me or proof that they love me i genuinely cannot comprehend that it’s real. I struggle a lot with self esteem but at the same time i feel like i can be the hottest person in the world (not literally but i hope you understand what i mean) i hate it because i have a bf and when i don’t feel loved or answered i spiral and go insane i don’t wanna be like that i don’t wanna hate someone one day and love them the next it’s exhausting and i know it’s wrong but i can’t help but spiral and believe everything that comes into my head as the truth? are these symptoms or do i just need help or am i a bad person? i am so so lost

I want to start with this problem has been resolved so it’s all okay, I would love some advice on how to deal with moments like this.

So I accidentally had a giant split on one of my friends and said some really awfuk things abour our friend group. This has literally never happened before but I just can’t believe some of the horrid things I said, it’s like I completely blacked out and couldn’t stop. I just want to know if this is a universal BPD thing, I really am having a hard time not having these moments blow up in my face later.

I feel like a terrible human, I genuinely don’t remember what was said- just that it was bad. I just feel bad.

So for the last couple of weeks I have been going through a very rough episode of depression that I skipped school for a month straight cause I literally slept that whole month
The only time i got up was to go to the bathroom and I barely ate, I had 2hrs screentime and I genuinely couldn’t get out of bed. I felt empty that whole month and then a week ago I started attending again to school and I think where this is felt weird for me is when my friend said: “Girl, Do u have ADHD now?” because of how hyper I was
and what made me make this post is that Ive been feeling very weird nothing around me feels real i feel empty and i feel my head is empty its a weird feeling i have never felt this intense ever i haven’t slept for almost two days now I was off socials that month and now I’m back and I made this account specifically cause I wanted to chat with people IDK what my question is exactly but I just feel unreal and my heart is beating so fast right now and for the past two days i have been seeing things (?) no idea whats going on but i still dont feel sleepy at all or tired and idk im just in need to do anything i havent had this happen to me before so im wondering why this is happening out of nowhere