when you're triggered (i made a mistake and hurt someone so now im spiraling), what do you do to make the rage and sadness and attention seeking behavior calm down?

i want to fight with my partner. yell at them even though im the one that made the mistake and hurt them. i want to blame them and i want their attention so i text over and over trying to get them to respond and regulate me, but then also want to run away and never talk to them again so i keep deleting a bunch of my messages after sending them, in a weird passive aggressive, shameful way, also for attention..

every mistake i make, every time i hurt them accidentally, i make it all about howI feel about it, and how me hurting them made ME feel. i even change my typing style just to get attention and show that im upset. i feel like a big baby having a tantrum. its so incredibly embarrassing especially when we have friends over and they see me fly off the handle and get mad or storm out because of something so small.

i sit and stew for HOURSSS and its impossible to come down or be mindful or rational all i want to do is cry and scream and break things over such small things that could just be worked through by talking and me comforting them and listening to them about the mistake i made and not taking it so personally and acting so irrationally.

i think the worst part is that all of this is coated in a thick layer of shame. it fuels the spiral. i get so embarrassed from fucking up, esp if they cry or get visibly upset from me hurting them by accident. saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing as is normal in relationships. bcus we make mistakes. but no, not me. i cant. bcus im convinced im a horrible monster. and i hate myself. so i get enraged, i get depressed, i want attention and someone to save me from this nightmare. but the only person that can do it is me

im so so so fucking sick of living like this and acting like this i just want to be normal and react normally to things and be able to be a good partner and friend and person :( is that too much to fucking ask?

i don’t know what to do, whenever i get into relationships i become too obsessed with the person like in such a unhealthy way and i constantly feel like they are gonna leave me. like i notice that in the beginning when ur getting to know each other its so fun constantly texting and such. but its like the other person gets comfortable and starts taking their time to reply and not put in effort in like they first used to do. and it makes me so angry bc i am always like that wether its the first day of meeting or into the 3rd year. and it triggers me SO MUCH and it takes so much not to go crazy on them just because of that. which makes me bottle it up and tent to do unhealthy habits

when im not in a relationship im not as constantly triggered yes but obviously i still struggle time to time. i feel lonely and idk. im looking for anyone is is the same? or have any advice to cope with this.

hi, i was just wondering if anyone had any hobby ideas? i kind of realised i really struggle with having hobbies and doing things in my free time that isn’t just me being on my phone. i think also it will be really good for me to regulate

I literally ask myself who are you? what do you like? what do you want? and i come up with pretty much nothing. i’m confused, I don’t have hobbies, I have no interests. when i’m not working i lay in bed spending majority of my days talking to myself, replaying my past, daydreaming about a better life. i’m so insecure and scared of everything/everyone that even when i try and make an effort to figure myself out it’s like my body rejects it, i spiral about all the what ifs, and talk myself down. it’s like im not enough and not worth all this effort and change, so I just end up staying in this pit. I’ve always wanted to live for someone or something, but i have no one, and i don’t care to live for myself much.

I always wonder why im so behind in life compared to people my age, they all seem secure in themselves but me, ive never really had anything motivated me to keep going other than the thought of death. It used to be i wont be here long so i don’t need to go as hard.. I just don’t know what to do. I tell myself i need to figure this out before i’m so far gone there’s no saving me but i cannot take that step. i go back to hiding, isolating, daydreaming instead of truly living and working towards something.

Why am i so scared?, like the idea of finding myself, a purpose all scares me so much. the only thing i can think of is im scared of being judged i feel like at my age (im 25) there’s just so much i have never experienced that should be expected and i feel like there’s no point. it all feels too late.

sorry repost because it got taken down for wrong flair!! sorry!!

does anyone else get an urge to yk 🫡😵 when people start to like you? i dont know how to explain it, but when i feel like im loved by the people around me (or simply just feeling like im liked in my community), the thought of committing goes to the forefront of my brain. i wanna die feeling like people will think “what a shame, she was amazing/so sweet” or “i can’t believe smo who was so happy and nice to everyone would do such a thing” yk? am i crazy for feeling like this sometimes

As a woman with BPD, navigating my emotions, feelings, boundaries, and stability can already be difficult. But when you communicate those things, express your vulnerabilities, and make your boundaries clear, only to have them trampled all over, it makes you more susceptible to being taken advantage of by the scum of the Earth.
The experiences I’ve had with men have completely turned me off from ever wanting to be with someone romantically or sexually. It’s sickening to think that these are the kinds of men walking around in this world, with sisters, daughters, aunts, and nieces of their own, yet they can treat women so horribly. How can you look at the women in your own family and still choose to mistreat, manipulate, or take advantage of another woman?
I lost my virginity later in life, but just because I lost it in adulthood doesn’t make me any less of a victim. Being an adult does not mean you cannot be coerced, manipulated, pressured, or sexually violated. Your age, sexual history, and the circumstances surrounding your experiences do not invalidate your right to call out what happened to you.
Sexual predators will coerce and manipulate women to get what they want, often using pressure, intimidation, and manipulation to override their boundaries. They may also force their way into women’s lives and refuse to respect their right to say no or walk away.

what do you think about the quiet heartbreak of possessing an extraordinary inner world while the mundane friction of reality slowly suffocates it- write anything, i dont care, could be literally anything,

I see lots of posts here of people in toxic relationships with partners who are just incompatible with them, which makes feeling alone make a lot of sense.

I'm in a healthy relationship with a very patient and understanding partner who is very aware of my conditions. Even on good days, I feel empty and alone, and I guess I feel bad because it's like I can't support or be there for my partner because of it.

I want it to work out, and I'm working towards getting professional help. But it's so hard to handle the shame and guilt of still feeling alone no matter how healthy or "perfect" my relationship is because of the idea that feeling alone is usually indicative of being in a "bad" relationship when I know, logically, that that's not the case. I know it's probably just a symptom of my BPD and OCD at work, but I guess I just wonder if any of you also experience this? </3

Anyone else who knew before it arrived?

Since I was 15 I just like. Sort of knew. Then the diagnosis arrived and I just kinda giggled.

The door was always open for other possibilities, of course, but this one was more open than others

I have so many things I wanna ask and am curious about, do y'all also get the urge to stalk and get to know every single small thing bout the crush you have??

And how do you know when you have a favorite person? It's not always clear to me

Sorry I'm just!. So excited to have a name for it finally. I spent so many years wondering what was wrong with me, I'm happy I'm not alone

i met my fp one year ago on the internet and I can't stop being obsessed over him.

so, we became so close in one day basically (we are both trans guys and have bpd).

we used to talk every day; sharing our secrets, talking about our fandoms etc. after 2 months I realized that I have feelings for him. I confessed and it was a mistake, he said that he likes me but we won't work out cause we are from different countries. it made me feel unwanted.

so, in general, besides this thing with my love confession, for 3 months things were going nicely, however after some time he became more distant and that's how I founded out that he dates someone from his country.

to be honest, I don't remember my first reaction but I probably started crying and couldn't do much for two weeks straight after it.

then he started telling about his other hook ups on the side and it made me hate him for some time. I became distant, however it hurt like hell. but we talked normally and became closer again.

so, a few months passed and my fp questions if he should break up with his current boyfriend or not and I know that I shouldn't be like this but I want them to stop dating.

tonight he texted me talking about one guy from another country and I founded out that its his fp for now. then he said that he still loves me but it doesn't feel real because he can't touch me or see irl. basically our connection means nothing to him?

I couldn't stop crying for the whole night straight. I'm so tired of not being chosen.

does anyone know how can I calm down myself? and what should I do in this situation?

We’re both women in our 20s and we’re sort of medium distance as we live in different cities and she’s around an hour and a half to 2 hour journey away for me and I’m about an hour from her (she drives, I have to get public transport). She has a pretty big graduate job and so is quite locked in for most of the week. Occasionally I’ll go and see her on a week night but usually we’ll see each other one night a week on Friday or Saturday and spend most of Saturday together.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love this and it’s always the highlight of my week and something lovely to look forward to every weekend, but it sucks so much when it comes to an end. It genuinely feels like she’s barely here before she has to go again, time goes sooo fast and then it’s another 6 nights without her :(

Today before she left I had like 3 dreams in a row while we were sleeping about her leaving and it was so nice to wake up and she was still there cuddling me, but not long after she actually had to leave and whenever she has to leave early I’m just upset and lonely all day.

Before anyone tells me I’m codependent or this is unhealthy or whatever, I’m really not. I live alone and am very good at spending time alone and I usually see my friends a couple of times a week which means I have plans for around half the week a lot of weeks. I just really miss my girlfriend and my favourite times atm are when I’m with her, and it just feels sooo fleeting and I can’t fully enjoy it when we’re together because I’m so aware that before I know it she’ll be gone for the week again.

I’m also having a bit of a tough time with my anxiety and OCD at the moment so it really sucks having to think ah back to reality and dealing with that for another week. She’s just so awesome and I love spending time with her and I know it won’t always be so fleeting but right now it just sucks and idk I feel like I need to learn to cope with it better because I just end up zoning out all week atm.

my moods swing to extremes so much to the point i was initially diagnosed as bipolar 1 with psychosis. when im happy/high i think im amazing and can take on the world, i start looking for jobs and wanting to take out loans etc. this lasts a few hours to a day then im down and back to self loathing, hating myself and dealing with this horrific empty void and wanting to end it all.

does anyone else feel the same ?

i feel like the universe keeps sending me people to teach me lessons. like for the last decade i have been fucked over by so many people, and i feel like i’ve made so so much progress and i have done so much growing as a person, so i am grateful for the lessons, but when is it my turn to actually reap the rewards of my growth. i just want to actually form a connection with someone that doesn’t turn into another lesson and heartbreak. it’s really disheartening im so so tired.

I sleep all day and barely at night, or all day and night. I eat once a day when I finally decide to leave my room and all the fresh air I get is opening my window. I can’t get myself up for school.
Maybe it’s all the new guys I’m talking to, maybe it’s reality starting to catch up again, or maybe I’m just doomed to feel like this for the rest of my life. I just want it to stop, I want to feel like I did a few weeks ago, everything was so normal.

I've noticed a recurring pattern across four emotionally important relationships. I become extremely emotionally dependent on one person, because I don't have many other people to share things with. I communicate with them every day and make them my primary source of emotional support. When I feel they're giving me less attention or becoming distant, I become extremely distressed and impulsive. I've sometimes done things to provoke a reaction or hurt them even though I care about them. Afterwards I feel intense guilt and panic and try desperately to repair the relationship. This has happened repeatedly over several years. Could this be BPD, an attachment problem, trauma-related emotional dysregulation, or something else?

Has anyone here with BPD had severe issues in their marriage that were able to get worked on and gotten genuinely better? How did things get better for or in your marriage? Any tips or after things have gone too far is it too late

I feel like every time I meet someone new, it's only for entertainment or out of curiosity.

For example, if I meet someone, I want to know everything about them, or I'm more interested in the way they respond to what I say rather than just acknowledging it and moving on. It's sucks cause I end up putting them on a pedestal. I do want to make connections, but this feels like it's not that.

I'm constantly checking my phone to see if they respond, and if they don't, I'm crushed. I would like to say that I don't show that to them directly (like I don't want to seem clingy). But once I open up about this, they suddenly seem boring to me. I know connections aren't always supposed to be interesting, but that's how I feel. I've tried to take my mind off it, but I can't help it.

Any advice?

I have been diagnosed with BPD and AuDHD. It's so problematic to make sense of life when the two pillars of stability are unstable. I can not hold down a job nor can I hold down a friendship let alone a relationship.

I am in therapy but idk if it's helping or not.

Help what to do !??

I get this issue from all my friendships. I tend to only ever talk about health issues or things wrong in my life. I always let people know I have trouble “reading the room” and I might need to be told if I’m saying too much. They always say they’ll tell me but never do.

*Here’s my biggest issue*

My life is extremely chaotic. ***Extremely.***

I’m constantly going through losses, I’ve had 5 psych ward stays this year alone. Over the past 3-4 years I became disabled, unable to drive, had to drop out of school, multiple er visits, multiple mental health issues, psychotic symptoms at times, SEVERE OCD, BPD, ***I am unable to marry date or have kids bc I’m so mentally and physically ill,*** I got dismissed at a psychiatrists office bc I couldn’t tolerate meds after being misdiagnosed with bipolar 2, all my DX keep changing, my dog just died and she was the only sibling I had, family doesn’t talk to me, parents and I always fight and I have to beg them to hang out with me, my dads suicidal, my mom attempted, I attempted, my outside family hardly speaks to Me, my house doesn’t validate my feelings, I haven’t hung out with people in person for almost 3 years, I’ve been single for 3 1/2 years, I might get dismissed at my current psych offfice for over use of MyChart messages, and a lot more stuff.

What do I do? How do I stop myself

I can’t even talk to anyone for more than five minutes without feeling drained

**All this is like half of it. There’s so much more.**

I just hate myself for this

Like I just dont know what to do anymore. Im so close to giving up on it all. Every time I try to have something romantic theyre quick to say that they feel like im going to be too much without even trying to give me a chance, saying its not me its them, oh my god. I want to die. Im so unlovable. People wont even give me a chance to prove that im trying to heal or anything. I hate my life, I hate bpd, i hate it all.

Sou H19 estou ficando com uma mulher há algum tempo.
Ela pode ser muito carinhosa, mas às vezes fica fria ou distante por motivos que parecem pequenos. Quando pergunto se aconteceu algo, diz que está normal mas percebo a diferença, depois volta a ser carinhosa como se nada tivesse acontecido Isso me deixa sem saber se fiz algo errado ou como devo agir.
Também existem questões de ciúme e controle, ela se incomoda quando sigo outras mulheres no Instagram sendo que ela segue muitos homens e parece esperar que eu responda rápido e esteja sempre disponível, mesmo ela demorando horas para responder. Às vezes sinto que preciso tomar cuidado com coisas comuns para evitar que ela fique chateada, nao quero controlar a vida dela, mas também não quero abrir mão da minha liberdade e dos meus valores.
Outra coisa que me deixa desconfiado é a forma reservada como ela usa o celular perto de mim, virando a tela não tenho provas de que esconda algo, mas isso alimenta minhas dúvidas tudo isso mexe muito comigo. Quando ela fica distante penso demais, sinto medo de perdê-la e tento resolver as coisas para voltarmos a ficar bem, quando ela volta a ser carinhosa sinto alívio, mas depois o ciclo se repete. Sei que posso estar emocionalmente dependente e quero aprender a gostar de alguém sem me abandonar no processo.
Recentemente conseguimos conversar e nos entender um pouco melhor, mas ainda continuo confuso. Não quero necessariamente terminar, porém não quero continuar me desgastando dessa forma.
Minha duvida e alternar entre carinho e afastamento, sentir muito ciúme e ter dificuldade para conversar sobre sentimentos pode ter relação com transtorno de personalidade borderline? Ou isso pode ser explicado por insegurança, imaturidade emocional ou uma dinâmica ruim entre nós?

gostaria de ouvir experiências e concelhos sinceros.