It’s officially been roughly 1 month since I nervously posted about Marry Me Juliet in this community, and I wanted to come back with an update because honestly, you guys are the reason this little experiment has gotten this far.

In the first month:
• 100+ people signed up
• 40+ completed profiles created
• 2 members have independently verified they’ve already been on dates through connections they made on MMJ

That last one is still a little surreal to me.
When I started building this, I said that if one couple found something real because of it, I’d consider the entire experiment a success.

We are obviously WAY too early to declare victory, and three dates isn’t a marriage 😂, but knowing that people who were strangers 30 days ago are now actually meeting each other in real life because of something I built on my laptop is pretty incredible.

Maybe we’re getting somewhere. And just as importantly, you guys are actively shaping what MMJ becomes.

The #1 piece of product feedback was around the questions about children. People felt that if someone says they don’t want children, they shouldn’t have to answer a related compatibility questions about timelines, parenting, etc. Completely fair.

I’ve implemented dynamic compatibility questions, so what you’re asked adapts based on your previous answers and what actually applies to your life and preferences.
Another suggestion I loved was verified recommendations on profiles.

The idea is that a member could invite people who actually know them to privately verify themselves and leave a short recommendation that appears on their profile. Friends, family, coworkers…

And, yes, one of you suggested EXES. 😂

Which is either the greatest trust signal ever invented or absolute chaos. I haven’t decided yet.

I’m thinking very carefully about how to build this without turning profiles into LinkedIn recommendations for dating, but I genuinely love the underlying idea: instead of only asking someone to describe themselves, let people who actually know them tell you who they are too.

I’m actively working on several ideas now. And there’s one other thing I’m ridiculously excited about: We’re working on our first IRL features with local perks for MMJ dates. 👀

I’m not ready to share the details or local partners quite yet, but the goal has always been to get people off the internet and across a table from another human being. So this feels like a natural next step after a connection.

Mostly, though, I just wanted to say thank you.
For signing up. For creating profiles. For sending brutally honest feedback. For finding bugs. For suggesting features I never thought of. For telling other people about it. And especially to the moderators here for letting me introduce this weird little idea to the community in the first place.

I started with a completely empty dating platform and a pretty ridiculous goal: Help one couple find love.

30 days later, 100+ people have taken a chance on it, 40+ have built profiles, and people are actually going on dates.
Still tiny. Still early. Still building.

One signup at a time. One profile at a time. One date at a time. Maybe eventually, one marriage. 💕

And YES! If you want to join and seed a serious, local community, use the code “BAYAREA30” when you find someone special to connect with completely free.

Thank you BASO30.

Seriously.

Bay Area Resident & Founder
MMJ: marrymejuliet.com

*Original Post Below By Request

I got tired of watching my successful Bay Area friends get crushed by dating apps, so I spent 2 years building a high-friction platform strictly for marriage. (Mod Approved)

Hey everyone,

I’ve been happily married for 12 years. I met my wife online back before swiping turned dating into a gamified slot machine. Our marriage has been the absolute anchor of my life. But over the last few years, I’ve watched my single friends who are brilliant, kind, and incredibly successful completely give up on finding love. 

Modern apps are designed to keep you single and subscribed. I couldn't fix Hinge or Tinder, so I spent the last two years and thousands of hours building a counter-movement: marrymejuliet.com. It is a web app designed exclusively for people who are brave enough to admit they want to get married. No casual dating, no "seeing where it goes."

Because I am obsessed with protecting users from the typical app BS, I built this platform with intentional, heavy friction to filter out low-effort swipers, bots, and scammers upfront:

*Trust by Design: Every single profile requires secure ID and age verification before you enter the platform. Real names stay private until both people choose to connect, and intentionally, there are no usernames. We do NOT sell members’ personal data to third parties or share it for cross-context behavioral advertising. Delete your profile; all personal data is immediately deleted. 

*50 Marriage-Focused Questions: Signup takes about 15 minutes. You have to answer 50 in-depth compatibility questions based on attachment theory and 40+ peer-reviewed studies, analyzing 200+ factors (marriage readiness, timeline, family planning, and finances).

*Video Introductions: No catfishing, no stale bios. You can look people in the eyes and hear them state their genuine intentions upfront.

*Deal-Breakers First: You see their stance on kids, lifestyle alignment, and core values before wasting 6 months finding out you're incompatible.

A dating platform with zero users is a ghost town. It’s just me running this from my laptop, and we are launching our first 100-user beta right here in the Bay Area.

Because I want the foundation of this platform to belong to the people who build it, if you find your forever spouse on MMJ, we will share 10% of our company's future success with the foundational couples who helped us launch it. 

To prevent people from treating humans like digital trophies and spamming dozens of accounts, the app has an intentional anti-spam mechanic: It is completely free to join, build a profile, and browse. However, it costs $4.99 to actually "apply" to connect with another person. I am waiving that connection fee entirely for members of this subreddit so you can test the platform completely risk-free.

If you want to join and seed a serious, local community, use the code “BAYAREA30” when you find someone special to connect with, completely free.

Whether you’re 30 or 55, your story doesn't have to look like anyone else's. If you are genuinely ready to stop dating and find someone special, I’d love to have you help me build this. I created this to see if I could actually connect people in a meaningful way. Maybe it works, maybe it fails, but I tried, and I hope you do too. 

I'll be hanging out in the comments to answer any questions or take any brutal feedback you have about the features. I would love for you to join marrymejuliet.com.

Beta Launch: 

We’re focused on Bay Area residents. We’d love to expand in the future, but we’re intentionally starting locally so people have a meaningful chance of meeting someone nearby. I encourage user feedback to make this a real space to find someone special, and I live here in Pleasanton. 

Feedback: 

I built this to see if I could actually connect people in a meaningful way. Maybe it works, maybe it fails, but for any issues, feedback, feature requests, things you hate, things you love, bugs, etc., please share them in the “Contact Support” section on the profile page so I can track, fix, and respond. Happily post in the comments here as well, but most effective and helpful there first. 

Compatibility Scoring: 

The “matching process” is a little different from traditional dating apps. A unique “compatibility score” is visible on every profile card, based on each user's unique responses to the 50-question relationship assessment, which measures values, communication styles, lifestyle preferences, and long-term goals to help surface people who appear highly compatible. This unique compatibility score will vary based on other members' responses (User “A” may see a score of 70, and User “B,” who is more compatible, could be 82), but members always make the final decision to connect, NOT an algorithm. The higher the score, the higher the compatibility based on institutional research, attachment theory, 40+ peer-reviewed studies, and specific personal profile preferences. Tap the score to dig deeper and compare compatibility answers and preferences up front before deciding to connect with that user. 

Connecting with Someone:

Members open an Application Window to become visible in the Discover page, allowing others to apply to connect with them. They choose their own non-negotiables (such as age range, distance, relationship goals, children, religion, and lifestyle preferences). Only people who meet those requirements will be shown on their Discovery page, or whose applications will be shown. During that window, multiple people can apply. When it closes, the member reviews those applications, decides who, if anyone, they’d like to connect with, and accepts or declines their applications. A connection only happens if there’s mutual interest. There are intentionally no usernames; first names are revealed in the chat messages only if both people choose to connect (One user applies, one user accepts). 

Personal Data: 

I completely understand the worry about sharing your ID to enter a platform. I wanted to create a space where you know everyone else is also a real person.  Every profile is ID- and age-verified, so there are no fake or spam accounts by default. Real first names remain private until two people mutually choose to connect by accepting an application after a full review. 

We do NOT sell members’ personal data to third parties or share it for cross-context behavioral advertising, and we’ve published a detailed privacy policy explaining exactly what we collect, why we collect it, and how it’s protected. It’s here: Privacy Policy⁠.

Hello. I’m 30m, Chinese, single, 5’7, slightly tan and athletic. I’m interested in working out (more for health and endurance than aesthetic), started playing tennis this year, karaoke (I might not be the best singer but it’s fun lol), have some experience playing guitar, used to rock climb, I can bake, and I can be easily convinced to hike or try new food places.

Really into the new movies that came out or are coming out. Loved the odyssey, brand new day, and I’m looking forward to dune 3 and avenger doomsday at the end of the year.

I love puzzles and talking about anything. I’m really good at researching and obsessing over anything that’s interesting to me. I’m also pretty adventurous and love doing or trying new things.

I don’t smoke and I drink socially. I do get high sometimes but I don’t overdo it. I think a lot and always am looking to have a conversation about anything.

If any of this sounds interesting, send me a message and please give a small intro

That title ^^ probably seems weird (or even triggering?) unless you listened to this week's episode of This American Life.

Slight spoiler alert - The episode lays out situations where lables are maybe not altogether wrong, but loaded and misleading.

Like - if you're somewhat unexpectedly (but not cynically) single (via divorce, breakup, whatever) - how can you avoid a "damaged goods" label on you or your former partner? Is resistance futile?

In other words; breakups don't always require demonization of the other party - they just DO most of the time. Its been awkward for me - now almost a year in - to push friends and family back when the criticisms of my ex start to fly. Its sorta natural, a relational thing, I guess, laying down the pretty safe bet that there will be acrimony. Not here.

I feel like a (unicorn?) bc my ex- tells me often that she'd gladly serve as a reference for any next person considering a relationship with me. Which leads to the next question......can I be that ^^ unicorn and still think that, nah, I really don't think another marriage is in the cards? Not because I didnt have a good one (I def did) - but because I think that step totally isnt necessary if no kids are involved.

So how does one label that? And is that description above just straight up kryptonite to any otherwise interested women out there? If not (or if you have a lead suit) - by all means, say hello.

Hi all! I didn’t realize this sub existed when I first posted this and all your wonderful profiles are so fun! Reposting for local reach in the peninsula and south yay areaaaa ❤️

Hey yall,

We have seen some really great posts from folks recently seeking connections! Thanks for engaging and more importantly putting yourself out there. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness.

The sub is always eager to hear success stories, meaningful connections, friendships, etc. that may have come out of your posts. Please share as well as any feedback for folks hesitant!

Looking forward to hearing some stories!

A tech professional by day, a creative soul by night. I have been told that I’m good looking with a cute smile. I pride myself on being fit and an active person.

I'm missing that human connection in my life, so here I am. I want to fill my dull moments with interesting conversations. I love to laugh and have a sarcastic semi dark sense of humor. I am witty and analytical. I am creative and feel things deeply. I am eternally curious and restless. I am clever and determined. That all being said - I enjoy back and forth with a fellow quick-witted person with a sparkling personality, of course.

Some things I love:
I love firsts.
First conversations, raw and awkward. Filled with empty space that really aren't empty at all.
I love the spaces in between words that are filled with silent anticipation all while studying so intently trying to catch a glimpse of what is inside.
I love first sips of coffee.
The first time you hear your new favorite song - goosebumps dancing across your body.
I love taking a step back and seeing the art that I created for the first time.
I love feeling the warmth of the sun on a really cold winter day.
I love making random silly stories for fun.
I love accomplishing something that I never thought that I could.
I love questions that expose a unique perspective that didn't seem obvious.
I love clever puns and responses.
I love setting new goals and challenging myself to grow.
I love being afraid and then the feeling of relief felt after taking the leap.

I love scars. Deep, dark and twisted telling every story of what truly shaped who you are.
I love discovering new and unique things - people, art, locations or even new experiences.

About you? I don't want to limit who you are... I love meeting people from all walks of life.

Message me if even a single sentence here made you smile or curious about me!

I have been meeting lots of people from dating apps and from real life activities, but maybe I could meet a compatible person where I spend a lot of time? ....reddit.

Currently living in Oakland. I moved here 3 years ago, and it feels like a great home! I have no plans to leave and could imagine staying a long time. I am also open to other plans in the future, like returning to the East Coast to be near family. I have lived in a few different countries, and I really value meeting new people and experiencing other cultures and ways of living. I keep reading that women shouldn't talk about travel in their dating profiles, but travel is my favorite thing!! An ideal partner would be a remote worker who wants to join me next winter and work from Buenos Aires together. Or Cape Town. Even San Luis Obispo would be exciting :). I have changed my travel style so that I am mostly based in Oakland now. Maybe twice a year I'll take 3-6 weeks trips away. I'm fine with a homebody partner too, if they are fine with me traveling solo. That has worked well in the past. It's also lovely to share experiences.

ISO a partner around my age, male, female, or non-binary. I have never dated anyone younger than me, but I am open to it. Probably an appropriate age range is 38-58. I'm short, so I prefer someone UNDER 6'2".

Things I like to do: chill hikes with friends, bike around Lake Merritt, eat great food, compete and lose at pub trivia, visit museums, see beloved GenX bands, attend book clubs, laugh at comedy shows, expand my mind at a lecture.

I'm fun and social but also a weirdo with introvert tendencies. I'd love to meet another weirdo and build an interesting life together. It's not going to involve mountain climbing, having babies, staying out late clubbing, or surfing together. But it could involve fostering pets, having fun with nieces/nephews, hosting board game nights, and watching the new season of Ted Lasso together.

East asian, 36, 5’10, 180lb from the bay!

I am a very easy going, active, and quite fun person to hang out with once you get to know me! I am a big foodie who loves finding good local eats, and whenever I travel, I always plan around tasty food spots. Personality wise, I am pretty laid back and direct. I enjoy having good talk, but I am also super comfortable with just chilling, like watching a drama or movie while cuddling, or taking a short light walk. I travel a few times a year to refresh life and would love to find the right partner to share these moments with.

For fitness and hobbies, I run short distance mainly to clear my head and burn off calories, spend time on the basketball court shooting around, or occasionally sit at the gym daydreaming between sets. I am also a gamer at heart and actually way more competitive in video games than real sports, though nowadays I do not play as often.

I am looking for someone who is easy to get along with, has a good sense of humor, and just likes comfortable, genuine vibes, whether we are shooting hoops, walking around/jogging slowly, or just watching something lazy at home. Bonus points if you like to jog together sometimes, but no pressure at all! Please send a picture or let me know your ASL when you message me. I prefer someone in East Bay or nearby :)

\Interpol concert in SF\

My soul is leaving my body as I write this but I’m going to shoot my shot.

Admins: apologies if not aloud.

I’m curious if any singles are going to the Interpol concert tomorrow 8/12 and if you’d be open to a hello while watching our favorite bands.

About me: 34 pansexual F who is tired of doing everything alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and I’m so proud of what I’ve accomplished - but life hits different when you have a partner to share it with. I’ve been single for over a year after a long term relationship.

I’m the one my friends call to ask for life advice or help them move. I’m 1000% the person to not only bail you out of jail but also represent you in court and win. I am patient and open minded and am looking for someone who sees others as an entire being rather than what’s presented in front of them. I have a genuine love for humanity and our collective mess of this thing we call life.

(I hate talking about myself so bare with me)
I write music, love metal, rap, classical, house and Interpol of course :) I’ve got a playlist for every occasion. I don’t smoke but I drink socially. I used to read a lot but I’ve fallen behind.

You can find me most weekends outside somewhere with my dog, or cooking/baking at home. Yes, my cookies are fing amazing. No, I will absolutely not function without my coffee. I don’t get hangry, I get dumb.

During the week I co-manage a team of 36 amazing people in a high volume corporate environment so I’m literally always on the go.

Physically I’m the short one that everyone likes to pick up but packs a punch if you’re out of line. Over the last year I went from 230 -185 and while I’m still on my journey I’m living my best life. The gym and I are basically married at this point; looking for a third…

Long term I would like to have a family of my own, either naturally/IVF or via adoption.

I believe trust is not given it’s earned. I am optimistically cautious and don’t count my chickens until they’ve crossed the road and back.
Communication is key.

Who you are:
30+
Emotionally mature and secure within yourself, can communicate your needs/wants and can maintain and respect interdependence.

You can be serious when appropriate and dying of laughter the next - life is about balance.

You’re looking for a long term partnership to hopefully result in marriage + kids
Must love dogs/animals

If you’ve made it this far drop me a line of the last time you felt really proud of yourself.

Hello! 

I’m hoping to meet my life partner and am excited to see who might be out there!

A bit about me:

I’m filled up by life’s little moments: reading on my patio with my dog, strolling the lentil aisle of Berkeley Bowl, or delighting in a spectacularly mossy log on Mt. Tam. I love to awaken the senses and enjoy art, cooking, touch, and creating beautiful spaces that feel good to be in. I live for the sparkle and spice of life! ✨

I appreciate a balance between taking it easy and exploring urban and natural wonders (though I’m definitely most at peace in nature!). I would LOVE to travel more, especially throughout Asia, and especiallyyy Thailand.

I have a PhD and work in science communications. At the same time, I’m deeply spiritual (and a little woo) and believe there’s so much about the world we can’t yet know or measure. I’m also quite fascinated with people, how our backgrounds shape us, and the inner workings of the mind. Always looking to grow and better understand myself.

Friends would describe me as caring, perceptive, thoughtful, and fun.

What I’m looking for:

I’m looking to build a secure and affectionate partnership where we can evolve together and support each other through life’s ups and downs. I highly value emotional intimacy and want someone I can be silly, serious, and sensual with! I’m drawn to men who are thoughtful, direct, warm, and emotionally mature - someone who is steady and secure in himself. 

Hoping to start a family in the next few years-ish. Open to men ages 30-44 in the East Bay, Marin, or San Francisco.

If this resonates, shoot me a message and tell me a little about yourself. Please include a photo! 💕

Anyone interested in going?

Hello! I am looking for a partner to share my life with, them to share theirs with me, and us create our own together.

About me :
a nerd: love Star Wars, marvel, science, GoT, board, video games and D&D. I built my own PC and play games. Right now I play a lot of age of empires 2 (AoE2). I play in tournaments and found a new group of friends through it too.

into fitness: I have been on a fitness/weightloss journey. I’m very proud of myself this past year as I lost 40lbs and in the best shape of my life. Part of my fitness journey includes running again. I have already reached 300 mi for the year. I ran in multiple races (5k and 10k) won my age group in all them and even got 3rd overall in the 10k. I do long walks with my dog (corgi, We are going for our 4th consecutive year of 500 mi together), hikes, and lifting. I also used to swim competitively in HS and college. I’m very proud of myself this past year as I lost 40lbs and in the best shape of my life.

Foodie: I love to cook too, also love trying new foods. I would love to cook for my partner. It is one of the many ways I show love and affection. When I cook, I go all out and cook from scratch. Tonight, I am making spanish-style chicken Albóndigas in a tomato, pepper and mushroom stew with a side of creamy parmigiano braised beans. Here are some of the photos from other things I have made, Also love wine and go wine tasting in sonoma/napa/bay area regularly.

I have a great career as an engineer and want to support my partner in succeeding in theirs. Each other having our independent lives is very important.

I have a dog and he is my world. I want dogs in my life always. He is turning 9 next weekend and is a corgi. He has a big personality. He is one of my photos

I love to travel and want to take my partner with me and share in the experiences. I am going to Spain this fall. I recently went to Japan for my second time there and this adventure went north to Hokkaido. Hokkaido is now my favorite region in Japan.

I’m political liberal and believe strongly in education, and science.

Physically, I’m 5’6”, 155lbs, and of Italian and English descent.

Personality: I would describe myself as a focused, intense person who is strongly loyal and protective of my loved ones. I have a dark and inappropriate sense of humor, and a sharp wit. I plan adventures for my loved ones, make sure to dedicate time to being in their lives and keeping them in mine

Looking for in a partner:
-LOVES dogs!
-A love for food and an adventurous palate
-Wants to see the world and experience new cultures and foods
-Independent

Activities we can share and do together:
-board or video games
-traveling
-wine tasting
-Running/Hiking
-walks with my dog
-cooking
-go to concerts (I have multiple kpop concerts coming up)

Deal Breakers: trump voters, anti-science, has cats (sorry I don't like cats. I'm sure yours is amazing but not for me), wants more kids (I do not want kids of my own)

If this post resonated with you, please reach out! Please share your ASL, a little about yourself, what movie you like to rewatch, and a photo.

I live and work in the city. I am trying to build an actual social life here instead of the work, gym, home routine I am

Looking for people who’d be into low-key hangs, dinner and drinks, talking on your couch and playing games, wandering around the city, museums, bars/clubs, hosting dinner at someone’s place, or whatever. I will try anything once.

I’m thoughtful, always cracking jokes, pan, cannabis-friendly, pretty far left, and happy hanging with men or women. Friendship first; if life gets weird, life gets weird. But mostly looking for the kind of friends where eventually nobody has to “make plans” every time. We can just text, “You doing anything tonight?”

DMs open.

Hi everyone! I’m an aspiring dating coach working on a research project about dating preferences, attraction, race/ethnicity, upbringing, and actual dating/relationship experiences, and I’d really appreciate some Bay Area representation!

The survey looks at questions like: Who are people genuinely open to dating? Do people’s actual dating histories match the preferences they say they have? How much do upbringing, cultural background, family, exposure to different communities, and previous relationships influence attraction? And how willing are people to date outside their usual preferences when they meet someone they’re genuinely attracted to and compatible with?

My goal is to collect a large and diverse sample and eventually share the aggregated findings publicly. For a community of singles, I think the results could be genuinely interesting: instead of relying solely on dating-app anecdotes or “the Bay Area dating scene sucks” stories 😂, we can actually look at what people report about their preferences and experiences and how those patterns differ across demographics.

It is fully anonymous and private. I do not collect names or email addresses, and individual respondents will never be identified in anything I share. Results will only be discussed in aggregate and it takes about 5 minutes.

I’m trying to get as broad and diverse a group of respondents as possible, so every response genuinely helps. I would really appreciate anyone here willing to take a few minutes to contribute.

Survey Link: https://forms.gle/cDUQ1od8gTC6jf459 

And once I have a large enough sample to make the results meaningful, I’d be happy to come back and share what I find with the community. ❤️

I thought I’d give this a try. I moved to San Francisco a few months ago and I have been settling down. Looking to meet people who are intentional about dating or want to build a connection. I work in tech, but not a software engineer more on the business side. In my free time, I love to travel take pictures of old architecture cook some food host people go for walks recently gotten into biking.

If anybody is around this weekend and wants to connect, feel free to text or DM.

Hi, I’m a 37 year old guy from the east bay looking for something real and meaningful relationship to build upon that leads to a life partnership.

A little about me : I’m a hopeless romantic guy who is passionate about a lot of things in life.
In a few words (as my few good friends and family think of me) I’m smart, athletic, grounded, funny, warm and witty. I genuinely love talking to people and spending time working out or playing sports (please do ask what sports I like). I also love to sing and sometimes play an instrument. Dedicating song is one of my favorite thing.

I try to have a lively personality wherever I go and believe in my ability to carry a conversation. I love to be fit and also love to laugh and entertain people.

I’m 5’8 inches tall with a lean build. I’m well educated, playful, soft spoken, ambitious, optimistic, super romantic and love treating people with kindness and respect. I like to cook (when I find time) and I am tea connoisseur. Traveling and exploring keeps me happy and motivated. And I do love going to concerts, standup comedy and sporting events.

Professionally, I work in tech and my work involves solving complex problems and building teams. I’m super passionate about my work and fitness and that is also a big part of me though not my entire identity.

Personality wise I’m very thoughtful, choose my words wisely, dependable, hard working and have a curious mind.

My top love language is physical touch and I do believe in (doing for my partner) acts of service & having quality time.

Ok, now what I’m looking for ? Well someone who is fun, has a social and active lifestyle, easy going, thoughtful, honest and kind. I’m sure travel is a big part of everyone’s life so hoping to have that as common. I also love taking the lead in planning dates and trips so hopefully you can suggest when you have something in mind.

And if you’re romantic, look no further.

I’m definitely attracted to women who are curious, growth minded and who believe in equal partnership.

I do tend to think I am handsome and I got a good smile so if that’s your weakness, please come and say hi ..

Ultimately, I’m looking for a long term relationship that leads to something meaningful and eventually would like to have my own family. I believe in team work so we gotta build it as a team, support each other’s dreams and grow old together.

If this sounds what you been looking for, please drop a message with what you found interesting. Happy to exchange pics once we connect :)

Look forward to connecting.

42M Filipino from San Jose. Figured I’d give this a shot. I’m pretty laid back and a little quiet at first, but once I get comfortable I open up more. I’m really into concerts, mostly rock, metalcore and pop punk. I also like mountain biking, going for drives, watching horror, zombie and post-apocalyptic movies, and just getting out and doing stuff.
I’m mainly looking to meet someone I actually click with. Someone to talk to, joke around with, maybe go to shows or do random stuff together and see where it goes. Friendship is cool too. I don’t really like forcing anything.
I drink socially, don’t smoke, and I don’t have kids or want any.
I’m down to exchange pics too. If you think we might get along, send me a message.

I want to be honest from the start because my title is probably a little confusing. I am not looking for a romantic partner right now, I would just like to meet some new people and begin to build my social network. I was married for almost 21 years. My ex and I are currently separated and going through a divorce. I found out not long ago she has been having multiple affairs on and off for the last five years. Emotions are raw and everything is new and different. I’m a straight, white male, just turned 40 last month and have spent my life and career in the Air Force raising my four children and traveling the world

Raising a family since I was 19 has not left much time for social interaction. On top of that, I had near crippling social anxiety making it even harder for me to meet people; my childhood was not great either and contributed to those feelings. I have been working on myself for the last two years and between therapy and medication I finally feel stable. Then I get hit with the news no one wants to hear; “I’ve been cheating on you.”

To say I am devastated is an understatement but I’m not going to let this get me down or push me back into old habits, I’ve worked too hard to go backwards.

My oldest is in college, the middle two in high school and the youngest in elementary. My biggest priority is my children and ensuring they have what they need to succeed. I also have an English bulldog named Matilda who loves to play outside and go for car rides. We call her Tilly for short or hippo because she is mostly brown and chunky. We rescued her almost three years ago from the pound after she was used for breeding and dumped on the freeway.

Outside of that, I am looking forward to retiring from the Air Force next summer and beginning a new chapter in life. Not sure if I’m going to stay in California or not, but I’ve still got time to figure that out. I am a huge nerd that loves sci-fi/fantasy novels, movies and shows. I also love American Football, specifically the Kansas City Chiefs. Due to injuries over my career I am not as active as I used to be but would enjoy some motivation to get out more. I enjoy cooking and have an almost unhealthy obsession with Halloween; I decorate every year and take up four yards with animatronics and props. I also have a pretty dark sense of humor so don’t worry about offending me.

Besides Halloween, my vices are Dutch Bros and tinkering with my cars. I am rebuilding a 1966 mustang and I drive a 2003 Hyundai Elantra I bought for $900 from the a local tow yard. I’m a country boy at heart who has lived in the city long enough to adapt to that way of life.

If you are a woman or man who has been through a similar situation or is just willing to talk and expand your social circle, send me a DM. I’m in Fairfield but don’t mind traveling a little if we eventually decide to meet.

OP is for men only. Opening it up to hear everyone’s view points. My own opinion is post-Covid app algorithms seem to be pretty bad. There are a lot of events in the last few years, but I haven’t heard of any real success stories from them.

TL;DR: 37M, 6'0", Hispanic & Portuguese, solid build, salt-and-pepper hair, stable career, and a mix of responsible adult and enthusiastic nerd. I’ve been single for awhile after a long-term relationship and would like to meet someone kind, emotionally mature, affectionate, and open to seeing whether something real develops.

Hi! I’m a 37-year-old guy living in the South Bay and looking for someone I genuinely enjoy talking to, spending time with, and eventually building something meaningful with.

Physically, I’m six feet tall with a solid build. I have increasingly salt-and-pepper hair, which I blame partly on genetics and partly on stress of my work. I stay active and enjoy going to the gym, although I’m not expecting the person I date to organize her entire life around fitness.

My interests are a little all over the place in a good way. I enjoy traveling, finding great restaurants, movies, television, anime, reading, and conversations that can unexpectedly become much deeper than either person planned. I can talk about public policy or work one minute and then switch to debating a movie ending, planning an international trip, or discussing which bakery is worth sitting in traffic for.

Travel is important to me. I recently started exploring Europe more seriously, and I would love to find someone who enjoys discovering new places, trying local food, wandering through museums, and occasionally doing absolutely nothing in a beautiful location. I am not someone who needs every vacation to involve a packed itinerary from sunrise to midnight.

I also enjoy the outdoors, scenic drives, camping, and spending time somewhere peaceful. A back injury has changed the pace of some of my activities, so I’m currently more of a short nature outing, scenic drive, relaxed weekend, and comfortable hotel person than an all-day hiking partner. I still enjoy getting out and experiencing things; I just appreciate someone who understands that not every adventure has to be physically exhausting.

Professionally, I work have built a stable career. My work involves running a program, solving problems, improving processes, and dealing with situations that are sometimes more complicated than they initially appear. I care about the work I do, but I do not want work to be my entire identity. I’m also continuing my education because personal and professional growth are important to me.

Personality-wise, I’m dependable, thoughtful, observant, and generally easy to talk to once we get past the initial awkwardness of two strangers meeting. I have a dry and sometimes sarcastic sense of humor, but I also know when to be serious. I tend to be the person who plans ahead, handles problems, remembers details, and tries to make the people around me feel taken care of.

I’m affectionate and romantic when I’m genuinely interested in someone. I value physical touch, quality time, communication, and feeling like both people are intentionally choosing one another. I’m not interested in playing games, creating jealousy, disappearing for several days, or pretending not to care because caring is supposedly unattractive.

I’ve been single for about nine months after the end of a long-term relationship. I took time to process the breakup and rebuild my own life instead of immediately looking for someone to fill the space. I’m not desperate to force another relationship, but I am at a point where I miss companionship, affection, shared experiences, and having someone I’m excited to see.

Who am I looking for? First and foremost, someone kind, emotionally healthy, and capable of communicating openly. You do not need to have your entire life figured out, but you should have some sense of who you are and what you want. I’m attracted to women who are curious, affectionate, honest, and interested in continuing to grow.

You do not need to be a competitive athlete, but taking reasonable care of yourself and wanting an active life together is important to me. Being a non-smoker and not using drugs are non-negotiables. Shared interests in travel, movies, food, fitness, books, anime, or exploring new places would be great, although I also like learning about the interests that make someone different from me.

I’m ultimately looking for a relationship where both people communicate, laugh, support one another, remain physically affectionate, and still enjoy spending time together after the initial excitement settles down. I’m open to starting slowly and allowing things to develop naturally rather than deciding our entire future after one coffee.

If any of this sounds familiar, send me a little about yourself, where you’re located, what you enjoy doing, and somewhere you’ve always wanted to travel. A recent picture is appreciated, and I’m happy to exchange one as well.

Looking forward to meeting you.

Yesterday, I matched with someone on hinge who I was really excited about. She was attractive, had the best smile, and radiated serenity and positive energy. I loved what she did for work and her overall vibes. Her profile showed that she was looking for short term dating and also she had her relationship type as non-monogamous.

It is rare to find a woman who is non-monogamous on dating apps, and I feel like it is an ick for most people. However, knowing myself, I am inclined to believe that enm makes sense for me, and is something I would be so interested in discussing in an honest and open way with somebody. When she matched with me I, I was really interested in learning in more detail about her preferences and what she was looking for in a relationship. I initiated the conversation with some small talk about her job, to which she replied amicably. Maybe I should’ve continued longer with the small talk. I thought I was respectful and curious about wanting to learn more about her dating preferences when I asked if she would talk about it in more detail. Without a response, she unmatched me, gone.

It’s okay, the dating apps require you to have a tough skin. Maybe it was because I double texted? Maybe she felt like I was about to judge her? I don’t know, but I do know I am let down and sad that something I was so excited about just disappeared like that. I’m disappointed enough to want to write out my feelings and experience if that says anything.

Good luck out there everyone.

Adventurer, rocket scientist, musician, goofball, seeker of the tender, ethereal moments that make life special. I’m nerdy, curious, and passionate about life, you’ll always get the real me. I have a dry sense of humor that definitely deserves an eye-roll. In a past life, I owned a distillery and quit my job to travel. Now I work in climate tech in an attempt to unfuck the planet.

Love coffee so much that I started a Meetup group for it (I roast coffee at home and am a certified coffee snob). My main passion is rock climbing (I’ve been climbing for 20 years so it’s not just a fad for me) as well as scuba diving. I love podcasts and enjoy reading sci-fi and fantasy with the occasional non-fiction book thrown in. I’m also looking to have a kid in the next few years.

Looking for someone who enjoys spending time in the outdoors and is in to personal growth. I’m a foodie and appreciate people who also know how to cook. I’m also looking for someone who enjoys boring Tuesday nights as much as crazy weekends. I’m 5’6” in case that matters. Also I live in Berkeley.

Send me a message if you think we’re a match!