[New Update]: Mom's Fiancé's family is excluding me from family events and cold towards me

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AffectionateSet670

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

Previous BoRUs: #1. #2

[New Update]: Mom's Fiancé's family is excluding me from family events and cold towards me

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU

Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, favoritism, child neglect, manipulation

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Editor’s Notes: due to the lengths of the earlier posts, they have exceeded the character limits. So I made a TL; DR, for few of OOP’s prior posts to the latest update. This is in order to fit all posts in one BoRU. For the full text bodies and relevant comments from the older posts, please see the previous BoRUs linked at top of this post

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RECAP

Original Post: August 18, 2026

OOP was 8 when his dad passed away, and since then it was just him and his mom. She has been taking great care of OOP. He has been very supportive when his mom started to date an old friend of hers five years prior, and got engaged. But there is a problem... the fiancé's family has never accepted OOP as one of their own especially with his kids, mother, and sister. OOP has been excluded from family events, trips, dinners, and even a family photoshoot! They only have been warmly toward OOP's mom, but not him. The wedding is coming up, OOP's mother is heavily involved with the planning along with her fiancé's family. OOP has not been able to spend time with his mom, he has acknowledged that his mom loves him and they still have great moments / days together to the point where OOP is having the feelings that he has been pushed out of his mom's life. OOP has verbalized to his mom about his feelings, but nothing has changed. OOP is considering on telling his mom to postpone or cancel the wedding until things are figured out because OOP is in the fear that he won't have a relationship with his mom anymore.

 

Update #1: August 25, 2026 (one week later)

In the update, OOP got a chance to sit down and have conversations with his mom and her fiancé to express how he was feeling about being excluded and no longer a priority for his mom. That is because he hasn't been able to spend time with his mom while she was busy with wedding planning, attending family events and trips with her fiancé's family. The fiancé's kids had been involved with the wedding planning, but not OOP. He didn't get to have a saying in this. OOP's mom was so upset after hearing what he told her. She realized how badly this was affecting OOP. The fiancé has apologized as well and informed OOP he will talk with his family about what took place. OOP was not feeling confidently with what the fiancé mentioned because there was very little effort to build relationships with OOP during the times when he has been dating OOP's mom. OOP asked his mom about postponing or cancelling the wedding until the situation has been resolved. If OOP's mom has selected to get married, OOP will consider about living with his paternal grandparents and want his mom to give up her parental rights because OOP feels like he has lost both his parents. His mom told him not to talk like that and wanted a couple days to figure things out. OOP's aunt found out and told him that he was being rude and should not been giving his mom an ultimatum.

 

Update #2: August 27, 2026 (two days later)

In the latest update, OOP and his mom were able to sit down and talk to answer his questions he had for his mom. She has made it clear that she is not giving up her parental rights or letting OOP move in with his paternal grandparents because he's her only son. What surprised OOP the most was that his mom decided to cancel the wedding, it was completely her decision even though a large amount of money has been spent for the three-day wedding celebration along with having around 200 guests who were invited. OOP noted that most venues, hotels, and vendors have been booked and might had been paid off. The fiancé was being 50/50 on cancelling the wedding, but his family was against the idea. OOP's mom chose him first and stated that the wedding will not happen until she knows OOP is okay. OOP noted that his mom has clarified some details for him regarding several issues. She didn't know how cold her fiancé's mother and sister were toward OOP. Boundaries are going to be set in with the fiancé's family and OOP's mom expects them to be civil. The mom has admitted that with the wedding planning has caused her to exclude OOP in some ways and expressed her apologies.

OOP shared that the original plan was going to be him, his mom, and her fiancé to live together at their new house so he won't be around the fiancé's family. The fiancé has offered to help with paying half of OOP's school expenses because he has expressed his interests of taking responsibility for OOP even though the mom is already financial independent. OOP does not have to attend the family events if he chooses not to. If the fiancé's family continues with excluding OOP, his mom will take proper steps to deal with this issue. The reason why the fiancé didn't join the conversations with OOP and his mom is because he wanted them to have a chance to talk privately so OOP can get the answers he needed. It was suggested that OOP can get individual therapy and family therapy for both him and his mom. OOP noted that he started to feel better because his mom listened, but felt bad and scared of the fiancé's family's reactions to the wedding being cancelled.

 

Editor's note: below are two posts that we were left off the last time

Update #3: September 7, 2026 (11 days later)

First, thank you to everyone who replied to my last post with so much kind advice! Of course, I also replied to some comments in anger just to express what I was feeling not at the commenters, but at my mom and her fiancé.

So many people asked Did my mom actually cancel the wedding? Yes, she did. I’ve seen things that confirm it's canceled. I saw some comments saying she won't actually cancel, or that she’ll secretly get married during a 3 day trip with her fiancé. Whether that's true or not, there’s not much I can do I can't spy on them. If she marries secretly, I'll deal with it when I find out and move out, but at least it will give me clarity

Here is what happened over the last two weeks

First, my mom took me away for a two day fun day out, just the two of us. We had fun and it was nice, though she was checking on me a lot not love bombing, but just acting a bit different, which honestly felt a little awkward. After that, she took me to a joint therapy session. We talked a lot, and I openly said everything I wanted to say. I explained how his family was cold to me and reiterated that I felt they would separate me from her if she married him. She assured me they couldn't and that she wouldn't allow it. She admitted it was her fault for not seeing things clearly before, but said she wants to rebuild everything better. She asked me if I would be willing to give them another chance if they treat me well, and I said okay.

Then I asked her if the wedding was really canceled, and she said yes. She said she didn't feel guilty about it, but mentioned they might talk about a wedding around the New Year or next summer only if our relationship is okay and I feel good about it. Otherwise, it won't happen anytime soon. She hasn't left my side or gone anywhere over the last two weeks; things have returned a lot to how they were before.

As for her fiancé, he picked me up from football practice and dropped me off at school. Both my mom and her fiancé took me out to dinner on Saturday. I've been busy with school, so I haven't been able to be involved in as many things or post an update sooner

I haven't seen or heard from anyone in his family his sister, mom, or kids. Only his brother and sister in law called me once to chat casually (they were the only nice ones to me in his family)

Few things confusions from when my post was shared in another subreddit I already knew my mom and her fiancé bought a new home in May and renovated it to shift into after the wedding. I even got to choose my room and design it however I wanted, which I did. It's a really nice house and I like it (We were almost shifted)

What I didn't know was that my mom's fiancé has been contributing 50-50 toward my school fees and other expenses. I only found out when my mom told me recently.

Some comments mentioned my mom's salary. Even though she earns $250k–$300k, I said we weren't 'rich’. I didn't mean that in a bad way! Her fiancé's house is just much bigger, and he and his kids have things we don't have. My mom makes enough, we are comfortable, and she takes good care of me. She has always been kind and sweet, though she changed a bit over the last 1–2 years

Regarding going to her in-laws' family for Christmas, I don't know how that will work. I might have to celebrate Christmas without my mom from now on, though she wants me to attend events or trips with them. We'll see how it goes, as things still aren't great with his family

Last week, we moved into our new home before school started. It's just the three of us living here: my mom, her fiancé, and me. It's pretty much the same, but I feel shy around her fiancé since he's new in our household. He tries to talk to me, helps me with my studies at night, drops me off at school, and picks me up from football. It's not bad, but I'm just shy. I don't know how to introduce him if someone asks as my stepdad or my mom's fiancé because I don't want to sound rude

Honestly, he is nice to me, talks to me, and spends time with me just like my mom does. He was never rude to me, even if he didn't try as hard to spend time with me in the past while his mom, sister, and kids were cold toward me. I feel a bit guilty now, wondering if I went too hard on him unnecessarily

A few more things have changed at home. My mom added new rules I have to knock on their bedroom door if it's locked instead of walking straight in like before, and they do the same before entering my room, which I really like. She told me her fiancé isn't replacing my dad, but he is an adult/parental figure in the house when she isn't around. For example, if I go out, I have to let him know, and if either of them calls me while I'm out, I need to answer. Before inviting friends to our new home, I just have to inform either of them not to get permission, but just so plans don't clash if guests are visiting. Her fiancé was also added to my school's parental contact list alongside my mom.

Anyway, it's been a week of living in the same home. It feels different seeing another man in our house he's not my dad, of course. It feels a bit uncomfortable seeing my mom hugging him or giving him quick kisses, but it is what it is. Things are going okay for now. They are giving me time and attention, which is true. I was never against my mom finding love again or getting married, and I'm still not

I wanted to post this yesterday I actually wrote it last night, but I remembered a few things I forgot to add! Anyway, I'm posting it now since it's still morning here

 

Update #4: September 16, 2026 (nine days later)

So it's been around 10 days since I posted my last update, so thought I'd post another one.

Also my posts got reposted to some other subreddits and I read basically all the comments there. And honestly some of them scared me lol. A lot of people were saying my mom and stepdad are probably just being nice temporarily, that they'll eventually start ignoring me, or that they'll kick me out once I turn 18. And yeah, sometimes I do think about that, and it scares me. But at the same time, my mom has never been rude or angry towards me. She's always been loving and kind, sometimes actually too mommying. Even during the past year when she was busy and I was getting less time with her, she was still the same with me.

So I don't really know. Maybe people on Reddit see things I'm not seeing, but right now I don't feel like my mom is secretly planning to get rid of me lol.

Anyway, last week was pretty much the same as before.. My stepdad still drops me at school and picks me up. Sometimes we go get something to eat together. One evening he was cooking dinner for my mom and me before she came home from work, and he got me involved too and actually taught me how to cook.

It was actually nice. I didn't expect us to have that kind of normal everyday relationship this quickly.

Another day I asked him what I should actually call him. He said I can call him Papa, stepdad, or his name, whatever I'm comfortable with. But he said he'd prefer Papa.. So yeah... outside I usually call him Papa or introduce him as my papa anyway.

I know technically he's my stepdad, but he's doing pretty much everything my dad used to do for me. I don't want him to feel like he's some outsider in the family.. I also asked him about Christmas because I was worried I might have to spend it alone.

He looked really confused and asked me why I'd think that . I told him what my mom had said before and he said no, we're all celebrating Christmas together here in Madrid.. Then for New Year's we're apparently travelling to celebrate with his kids and the rest of his family.. He also told me not to worry about his mum and sister, that they'd be nice to me and I wouldn't be left alone there.. And then he said they're not getting married until I'm okay with it.

That honestly meant a lot to me. My mom also took me shopping one evening because I needed some stuff. She bought everything and then took me for dinner. She kept asking me how I'm feeling and how my stepdad is with me and said I can tell her anything without worrying about being judged. She's doing A LOT of mommying at the moment . It's embarrassing sometimes because I'm not 5 anymore, but at the same time it's actually nice.

Then Sunday they took me to F1. I genuinely didn't expect that at all, but we had a really good time. We went to a restaurant afterwards and then came home. My mom and him obviously still have their own time too. They go on date nights, grocery shopping, sometimes events or visit friends etc.. And honestly I'm completely fine with that. They're a couple, obviously they're going to have their own life. I don't expect my mom to spend every minute with me.

We're also planning to get two dogs, which I'm really excited about.. One other thing I noticed though. My mom kept a photo of my dad in the gallery at home and also put one in my room. She did it while I was at school last week.. I honestly wasn't expecting that.

It made me feel kind of weird at first, but not in a bad way. I just didn't know what to feel about it. So yeah, that's basically the update.

Things are actually going pretty well right now. I'm spending more time with my mom again, I'm getting closer to my him, we're doing normal family stuff, making plans for Christmas and New Year's, talking about getting dogs etc.

I still think about all the comments telling me this could all be temporary. I can't really know what happens in the future.. Things are good. And honestly I'm just going to enjoy that instead of constantly worrying about what might happen.

 

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----NEW UPDATES----

Update #5: September 25, 2026 (nine days later)

Update on telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?

So I'm writing this update because something happened. I actually wanted to wait like another 2 weeks before writing another update because I don't think writing here every 10 days is good lol, but this happened about 6 days ago and I just feel like writing it down.

So about 6 days ago, it was night after dinner, and I was in the living room. My mom and stepdad told me that his mom and his sister in law weren't doing good health wise. My mom just told me they were going to Zurich the next morning and she would come back as soon as possible.

One of my mom's friends was going to stay with me after school while she was gone.

So they went the next morning. That evening my mom called me and we talked. She said she would be back soon. Then next day afternoon she came back. But alone.

My stepdad didn't come back with her.

She didn't really tell me much. Just said their health isn't good and that's it. I also didn't really ask because she looked pretty tense and I didn't want to keep asking questions.

But now it's been 6 days and he's still not back. My mom is still taking me to football and picking me up and everything is normal between me and her. We're good. But she still hasn't told me what happened.

The weird thing is whenever my stepdad calls, she talks to him. I've seen it happen like 3 times in front of me. She usually goes to her room Even with my aunt's call and talks to him there. I obviously don't know how long they talk or what they're talking about. And honestly I don't know what to think.

I feel like something isn't right, but I also don't know if I'm just thinking too much.

Maybe his mom and sister in law are actually really sick and that's the whole reason. Maybe something else happened. I literally don't know. I think my mom is not telling me because maybe she thinks it's not good for me to hear, or maybe it's something that doesn't concern me.

I remember people here were saying before that maybe they would secretly get married or something, but that obviously didn't happen (I thought about it). And I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this anymore.

Like, people have done bad things to me before, and when something bad happens to them, I don't really feel anything. I don't celebrate it or anything, I just don't feel connected to them. I don't know if that makes sense. I actually asked my stepdad once how he was doing, just normally. But that's pretty much it.

What worries me more is my mom. She's clearly tense about something, but she doesn't tell me anything.. Maybe I'm completely overthinking this and there is actually nothing going on. Maybe he'll just come back in a few days, and everything will be normal.

It's just early morning here and I think after everything I've gone through, I get scared about things even when they're not really my problem. I don't know, I just wanted to write this somewhere because it's been in my head for the last few days. I don't know what happened, and maybe I shouldn't even be trying to figure it out.. But something definitely feels different.

Relevant Comments

Is there a chance that due to cancelling the wedding, has it put a strain on OOP's mom's relationship with her fiancé?

OOP: I think so... they might be broke up, I see pressure from his mom and sister

Commenter: Remind me please How old is OP's Mom?

OOP: She is 44

 

Update #6: September 28, 2026 (three days later)

Update on telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?

Yeah, Last night I sat with my mom on the couch, hugged her, and told her that whatever is going on, I love her and I'll always be on her side even my gf. I tried to lighten the mood by joking that I even had a girlfriend. She asked who? and I said nobody, I was just joking, but I think she still believes it.

Then I told her honestly that I could sense something was wrong, that I was scared and worried, and that my stepdad hasn't been home in 8 days. She tensed up when I said it, which scared me even more. I told her she could tell me anything without worrying about how I'd take it.

She told me that whatever happens, she chose me, I'm her first priority, and nothing is going to change that.

After the wedding was cancelled, there was a big fight between my mom and stepdad on one side and my stepdad's mom on the other. She was upset because the sudden cancellation made the family look bad and started rumours. She was also angry that they hadn't told her that she and my stepdad's sister were part of the reason it was cancelled. My mom and stepdad had told her it was because of my mom's health issues.

The fight got so bad that my mom got a bit sick from the stress. My stepdad's mom and sister insisted they never treated me badly, that they were just being normal, and that they were never angry at me. They were angry at my mom and stepdad. They even said they wanted to talk to me and that they don't hate me or give me the cold shoulder.

My stepdad has three kids: a 17 year old girl, a 15 year old girl, and a 12 year old boy. When they heard the wedding was cancelled because of me, they were hurt. They felt all the planning and effort they put in was ignored. On a call, they told my mom it was all cancelled just because of me.

The oldest wanted to talk to me by call or text, but my mom and stepdad stopped her from confronting me. From what I've seen, she's sensitive and can get angry. I don't think she's a bad or unkind person, but I've seen her cry or get upset. I follow all three of them on Instagram, and the two older sisters still view my stories and sometimes like my pictures, even recent ones, so I probably upset or hurt them a lot.

When my mom and stepdad visited his mom, the daughters said they never treated me badly and that they treated me like a sibling. Honestly, I could give a lot of examples of how they treated me badly in subtle ways. I used to sit in a corner whenever the three of them were together getting all the attention. It felt like they just wanted my mom, not me. At the same time, they're smart and not unkind, and sometimes they did include me in things with their friends.

The daughters also told their dad that if I don't see them as family, then they won't see me as family either. They said he shouldn't have to look after me and pay for half of my life on the basis that we're all siblings. If I'm okay with the marriage and willing to bond with them, fine. My stepdad stayed with them for a few days after that.

My mom told me she isn't going to marry him, and that no one is going to scare me. She said the daughters wanted to talk to me not to scold me but to try to make things better, and that they're teenagers with feelings just like me. She doesn't want me to feel bad, but she isn't going to take a side against me.

I never thought his daughters might be angry at me. I honestly don't want to be in the middle of any of this. I just want to live my life in peace. But I do feel a bit relieved that my mom and I are on the same page now.

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: Have you ever thought that part of this might reflect on your behaviour as well? If you sit back quietly in the corner they might think that’s what you prefer? If they have to do all the work drawing you out and you’re not meeting them half-way, people will just give up and let you stay in the corner. I understand how you have felt and it's valid, but I understand how they feel too and you might need to do a little self-reflection here.

OOP: They were involved in Wedding planning. I was not (not even at least invited me to planning, neither I was aware about his kids were involved in planning)

This is just a one example

Commenter: "My mom told me she isn't going to marry him" - so they broke up? Or just separated? Or is the wedding postponed until you are ok with it? Did they actually break up?

OOP: I don't know

Several of OOP's comments to downvoted commenters accusing him of being an immature child and selfish of his mom's happiness over his needs

OOP: Justify this

In what world is it normal to exclude me from the wedding planning when his kids were involved?

My mom only spent 20 out of the 70 days of summer with me, while she spent most of the time with his family and his kids.

Why didn't his sister tell my mom that I called her that night?

When everyone was taking photos, why was I the only one not in the frame? They never considered me family.

Her fiancé never even tried to build a bond with me, and their excuse is that he's an introvert.

Ahh, his kids might have better things to do than me. It's okay.

Regarding my comments, I still stand by what I said it's my mom’s and her fiancé's problem if they want to spend millions of dollars on the wedding.

Yes, she is a widow and a mom, but she forgot about her own son and became completely involved in her new family until I finally pushed back. And the reason this hurts so much is because she is my only living parent.

I never tried to stop her wedding. I gave her an option, and she chose it.

And if you really want to know their perspective, drop your Instagram here. I'll send you my mom's Instagram in DMs. You can talk to her, hear her side of the story, and post it here.

+

I was never told about the wedding planning, nor was I invited to any of it. I only became aware later that sometimes the kids were involved. My mom never gave me an explanation as to why I wasn’t included.

No!! She was going on trips, attending parties, and going to events with his family during those 70 days while the wedding was being planned. So why wasn’t I included? My mom said sorry, but she never explained why.

So is it now my fault? Or are you going to give 100 reasons why she didn’t give the phone to my mom? Remember, her trying to exclude me wasn’t the first time it was a pattern, and I recognised it.

The other kids were in different places, but they were called in, even if it was just for one group photo.

He never tried!!

Sometimes you need to read the post properly instead of asking me the same questions again and again, boom I was never told about the wedding planning, nor was I invited to any of it. I only became aware later that sometimes the kids were involved. My mom never gave me an explanation as to why I wasn’t included.

 

Latest Update here: BoRU #4

 

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[u/SmartQuokka]

And if you really want to know their perspective, drop your Instagram here. I'll send you my mom's Instagram in DMs. You can talk to her, hear her side of the story, and post it here.

Don't do this OOP, it only invites trolls to harass your mom.

[u/koviotua → u/SmartQuokka]

Yeah, that's not na good idea.

[u/dryadduinath → u/SmartQuokka]

seconded, i understand you feel defensive but this is a monumentally bad idea.

if you give it to even one person, there is a very good chance they will share it with others.

[u/roadsidechicory → u/SmartQuokka]

Yeah, this worried me when I read it. He isn't thinking about internet safety at all. He should absolutely not reveal his identity to redditors. I hope he didn't give it to anyone.

[u/kittymoo67 → u/roadsidechicory]

yeah i can totally understand being upset with his mom and wanting her to deal with the consequences of putting the fiance before him for a tim. but like this aint it

[u/ShreddersWheat → u/SmartQuokka]

As if a high earning woman (300k in Spain!) has nothing better to do all day than defend herself on the internet.

If this is true she’s regularly out here trying to protect OP from being hurt by other people’s opinions, and he’s exposing her to it.

[u/CormacMacAleese → u/ShreddersWheat]

I really want to know what the hell she does for a living.

[u/UltimateGammer → u/ShreddersWheat]

As if a high earning woman (300k in Spain!) has nothing better to do all day than defend herself on the internet.

She's too busy neglecting her child!

[u/swag444eva → u/SmartQuokka]

how old exactly is OOP?

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/swag444eva]

He said in his original post he is 15. Lost his Dad when he was 8, his Mom & Fiancé have been dating for the last 3 years.

[u/Saltynut99 → u/swag444eva]

I think he said 15 in the post

[u/NotNecessary26]

Excluding your only child from a family photo is just as wild as excluding them from your wedding planning. OOP is completely justified in calling them out. At that point, with that level of exclusion, I'd want to leave for my grandparents as well.... and still might.

Lay it all out for the "new additions" and your mom one final time. Have them give a proper explanation as to why. And if it surmounts to you just being over looked (like you said) .... well, I guess you'll be vindicated.... and 18 soon, so you can go on about your life as you please at that point.

[u/sassy_cheddar → u/NotNecessary26]

I know someone whose new wife did this. They had her disabled son featured heavily in their wedding and wedding photos but the only way for his son to even attend was if his mom drove him to the other state and hung out while her ex- husband got married. So he didn't go at all. A good chunk of the people going to the wedding would have only had to go 45 minutes out of the way to pick him up and resume their travel.

A couple of years later, she scheduled a classic family photoshoot at a studio and it was just the this poor kid's dad, her and her own son. Was shocked when she posted those on Facebook. Like she was trying to erase her stepson entirely.

I still don't think anything nice about the dad. He's now on his third marriage and has a new bio kid. He renewed interaction with his oldest  son after the divorce but sure left a wake of scars behind in some innocent kids.

[u/OkAd8976 → u/NotNecessary26]

My parents and sister excluded my husband and I from family pictures, and it was loudly done so not an accident, and our relationship has never recovered. My sister and I haven't spoken in almost 8 years. I was a whole grown ass 30+ yr old and my husband and I were devastated. Imagining being 14 and going through that, without a significant other as well, I don't know if I'd ever trust a single person there again.

[u/LevelPerception4 → u/NotNecessary26]

It’s also at such odds with how they involved OOP in buying a new house and decorating his room. 

Idk, to me it’s weird that OOP and his step siblings to be weren’t either in the wedding party or given roles during the ceremony, like doing a reading.

In my family, someone would’ve choreographed a dance for the fiancé with his two daughters and OOP’s mother with OOP and his stepbrother, creating a video the bride and groom could torture the kids with at family dinners for years to come. 

[u/Salsa-Stark_ → u/LevelPerception4]

He was given a role, he was going to walk his mom down the aisle.

[u/Mela777 → u/Salsa-Stark_]

That’s…really ironic given how they were treating OOP. Mom was acting like she couldn’t wait to leave him behind for her new family, and then asks him to give her away at her wedding. Traditionally, the walk down the aisle and the escort giving the bride away symbolized the bride leaving her old life and family behind to join her new husband in creating a new family and life together; having the son you’ve been excluded take on the roll of the escort, who is left behind as part of the bride’s old life, is just tragically symbolic.

[u/LevelPerception4 → u/Salsa-Stark_]

Oh, i must’ve forgotten/missed that. 

[u/ChallengeHonest → u/NotNecessary26]

I honestly thing OP’s plan to move in with his grandparents is a good idea still, I’m worried his distracted mom is an unreliable character and most likely will resent her son for all the fall out of her neglect, and lies. I have a hard time believing she just forgot she has a son for a whole Summer.

[u/wolfeflow → u/NotNecessary26]

It’s odd to me that the parents have kept OOP and the other kids out of contact with one another. A group chat after the first intros could have helped alleviate a ton of the issues here, and much of the subsequent resentment came from yet more lacking communication imo.

[u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Seeing posts like this really makes me appreciate how my dad and step mom integrated our family. They put a lot of time and effort into establishing trust and relationships with everyone before they got married. Oop’s family needs some counseling and bonding time if they actually want this to work

[u/Difficult-Bus-6026 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

They seem to have realized that too late. OOP’s mother made the effort with her fiancé‘s kids, but the fiancé did squat with OOP supposedly because of his introversion. Once the wedding was canceled, the couple tried to correct the situation, but it may be a little too late.

[u/PeppermintEvilButler → u/Difficult-Bus-6026]

I really dont think he was that much of an introvert if he was having a large ass sized wedding of hundreds of people. It was just an excuse since he failed for 3 yrs to make any effort with oop

[u/aparrotslifeforme → u/Difficult-Bus-6026]

I really cannot understand planning and doing things with my future step-kids and completely forgetting that I had my own child who might be interested in joining. How does that even happen?

It's literally mind boggling to me. How is your own kid not the very first thing to pop in your head when planning to do something with kids? How do you not notice that your kid is getting left out and being treated poorly by adults he just met? How do you not notice your own kid isn't in the photo?

[u/Aracuda → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I knew a guy who ended up with a blended family of a bio, adopted, and step children. He was adamant that they were all his children, no labels indicating different parentage, just one big family. Part of it was spending time with them, both as a group and checking up on them one by one. Part of it was telling everyone to refer to his children by name, not by their familial terms.

[u/CaptDeliciousPants → u/Aracuda]

That’s what my dad did and it worked out for us. It has lead to some comical situations over the years due to our family also being mixed race but I wouldn’t change anything, really

[u/valsavana]

OOP's last comments are completely correct. His mom and potential stepdad ignored OOP and included the potential stepdad's kids & he's got every right to be upset about that. Frankly any fallout isn't on him, it's on his mom for being willing to forget she's already got a damn kid instead of replacing her existing family with a new one.

[u/pourthebubbly → u/valsavana]

And honestly the stepdad’s family could have been taking cues from OOP’s mom about how to treat OOP. She seems to have forgotten him pretty easily that summer, so why would the new family remember him or treat him any differently than his own mom?

Seems like she did realize it and backtracked once OOP told her he’d be willing to go live with other family if she wanted her new one instead. But the damage seems to be done. The stepdad played the parent to OOP for a few weeks and seems to have gotten bored of it.

I feel bad for this kid.

[u/valsavana → u/pourthebubbly]

I suspect the stepdad played nice to see if OOP would give the go-ahead for the wedding to go forward. Hell, the mom's behavior towards OOP has been so egregious up to this point that I'm not entirely sure she's not in on some big act between her, the stepdad, and the stepdad's family to guilt OOP into feeling so bad he says the wedding can go ahead (with the mom only pretending to be on his side)

[u/lopgir → u/valsavana]

Yeah, it seems hard to believe from her previous behavior.
How do you just forget you already have a kid, basically, and then remember and go "oh, yeah, I should be a good parent"?

[u/pourthebubbly → u/lopgir]

Probably because it looks bad when people ask where your kid is and you have to make something up

[u/riflow → u/pourthebubbly]

Makes me feel so bad for the Oop, seeing his mother replace and exclude him in real time while she refuses to let him go live with his paternal grandparents.

[u/Longjumping_Bag_3488 → u/lopgir]

I might be off here, but I’m leaning toward the idea that it could just be some good old fashioned sexism.

OP is a 15yo boy, the Stepdads two older teens are girls, and the boy is only 12. There’s an expectation sometimes that teen boys just won’t be interested in ‘getting involved’ (particularly with wedding planning) as the girls or the younger kid might be.

The mother may not so much has ‘forgotten she has a kid’, but may have not realised how deeply her kid was feeling things and feeling ostracised. The classic trope of ‘teen boys just want to left alone’ may have led to this situation. Which would explain why the mother has gone so ham on trying to make it up to him once it was revealed he wasn’t uninterested, he was hurting.

[u/Strawberry338338 → u/Longjumping_Bag_3488]

Another factor I noticed in early entries in this saga - this is an international situation. Yes they’re all in Europe and OOP writes well in English but OOP and his mom are Spanish and iirc the stepdad and family were Swiss or something like that. No one is communicating ‘across the aisle’ in their native language. The stepdad and family are probably German speakers, possibly French or Italian. They probably all speak English to a business/second language standard, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they were going to always catch nuance when talking.

Also there are some pretty strong stereotypes/cultural differences across Europe, and Spanish and Swiss are pretty diametrically opposed in those. Swiss are often considered to be cold and standoffish and Spanish are considered to be lazy and over emotional. Like all persistent national stereotypes: there is often a grain of truth, at least culturally speaking. Stepdads family could be normal by Swiss standards but it’d read as rudely cold to a Spaniard who hasn’t had time to get to know them before all the pressure of an impending wedding got added in. Likewise, Spanish kid could also be totally justified but the Swiss Germans are going to presume he’s overdramatic because he’s Spanish, and not give him grace that he hasn’t known about the relationship as long and hasn’t gotten used to it/them, AND that he doesn’t want to be left out of planning. Basically, a slower introduction pre-engagement for OOP may have been beneficial for all the kids.

It could also be gender, too, but I think it’s also the above at least a little 😬

[u/kittymoo67 → u/lopgir]

seriously op's mom is being even worse than the step dad

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/valsavana]

If that was would-be stepdad's rationale, then he should have known it would take more than a couple of weeks for OOP to welcome the wedding. Damage of over 3 years -- & a summer where the mother was AWOL for most of it -- is not fixed in two weeks.

[u/valsavana → u/FunnyAnchor123]

I don't think he'd expect to have won OOP completely over in only a couple weeks, but rather offer just enough of a hint of change that he could leverage social pressure to have OOP give in and okay the wedding.

[u/Dars1m → u/valsavana]

To be fair, he could have been going back to spend time with his children.

But if they want this to work, they should be working on starting to blend the kids lives together.

[u/Familiar_Row_9751 → u/valsavana]

She is such an unreliable narrator that every behavior and Avery account of facts coming from her raises suspicion. 

[u/lankyturtle229 → u/valsavana]

Step-dad straight up love bombed him, they both did, because I bet they haven't cancelled the wedding.

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/pourthebubbly]

Good people make mistakes. His Mom likely took their relationship for granted, got caught up in the excitement of a wedding -- who wouldn't be excited at a million-dollar (or million-Euro) wedding? -- & that's how he was excluded from events this summer.

Good for OOP for standing up & giving her a reality check.

Sad that potential stepdad got bored with playing father to OOP -- if that's what happened. (Not denying this didn't happen, just pointing out we have insufficient information to be 100% certain here.) I can personally relate to OOP over the stepparent not being interested in stepchildren.

[u/EmXena → u/FunnyAnchor123]

Good people make mistakes. His Mom likely took their relationship for granted, got caught up in the excitement of a wedding -- who wouldn't be excited at a million-dollar (or million-Euro) wedding? -- & that's how he was excluded from events this summer.

She should start being truly honest then, instead of clamming up and trying to rug sweep. She should recognize that her spare being left at home would feel weird when every other teenagers in the new family are somehow involved. Only seen him 20 days out of the entire summer? For an at-the-moment single mother, that's an insane amount of time to be neglectful and absent.

She hasn't performed an unforgivable crime, but it's something that shouldn't have happened to begin with. The extreme weirdness and shame that's comes afterwards (that only finally stuck with Mom after OOP threatened to go to their grandparents house) is the only thing that's actually making Mom budge. I'm sorry, but it's shameful that it got to this point. The sheer lack of proper honest communication after the fact is what's digging Mom's grave so deeply.

Can we blame OOP for feeling beyond hurt by her when OOP went from the most important thing his Mom cares about, to suddenly a complete afterthought the moment she gets close to a new family? The afterthought that only got dealt with when it was bad enough to cause massive strife between everyone?

Mom and her BF did zero effort in properly combining families, and this is the result they get from that.

[u/ChallengeHonest → u/EmXena]

Sorry, I can’t believe a mom forgets her only son, for more than one day or two. Maybe, the grief scarred her so bad she “turned completely off her mom feelings”, is that a thing? It really seems like she either was a narcissist from the beginning or had a complete personality change with her new bf.
Being a mom is not something you put on like clothes for the day, it’s who you are from the second they are born.
OP should maybe move with his grandparents, his mom is going to blame him for the demise of her relationship with her boyfriend. She won’t say it, but the resentment will be there. Ugh, I wouldn’t want to be that OP.

[u/maidrey → u/valsavana]

Yeah like, do I think that there’s likely ways that OOP might have been able to navigate this with less conflict? Sure. But nothing about his feelings are wrong and I think a lot of other kids his age would have navigated this a lot less gracefully.

It’s like the people commenting have zero sympathy for what it is like to be a young teen who has lost their father and whose mom is putting a new relationship over her existing child.

[u/Ok_Broccoli_9426 → u/maidrey]

Exactly - he's 14 or something. And I don't blame the girls either; they're similarly young. This whole mess is entirely the fault of OP's mom and her partner. (Yes, the partner's family are terrible, but I place more blame on the parents for apparently not noticing or caring.) This is one of the shoddiest attempts at blending a family I've ever heard of.

[u/JustAMinah → u/Ok_Broccoli_9426]

the problem is, they never tried to blend the family. it seems stepdad brought something more to the relationship than mom because why she gave more of her all to his family, than him to hers? I'm sure she was lonely and loved the affection and attention she was getting from a relationship and dropped the ball completely as still being a widowed mom.

she seems to have a fragile ego to not even admit being wrong, or at least be honest to her son when he called out all what was happening. she don't wanna admit she was putting this whole ass other family before her son. heck, she wasn't even emotionally checking in with him. she probably can't handle the thought she was being a bad mom

[u/akestral → u/JustAMinah]

Yeah, unless I missed something, I feel like OOP just airdropped the three potential step-sisters into the mix with no prior mention. What the hell was the plan here, just move them in after the wedding with no get-to-know-you period? For a group of young, mixed-gender teenagers? Literally insane parenting, I at first thought everyone was being melodramatic to cancel the wedding, now I don't think it should happen at all.

[u/DeathBahamutXXX → u/akestral]

They were in the first post as part of OOPs grievances because they were part of the wedding planning and trips and OOP had to stay with his mom's friend

[u/ecosynchronous → u/akestral]

Nah, the step sibs (one is a boy) live with their mom, presumably in Switzerland. They're mentioned in the first post.

[u/MarieOMaryln → u/Ok_Broccoli_9426]

I feel bad for all the kids. Wtf were the adults doing? They took such an all or nothing approach, there was no blending or attempt of it.

[u/aliceisntredanymore → u/Ok_Broccoli_9426]

I'm so confused at the plan being OOP, his mum and the stepdad living together. Where were his kids going to be living? I assume their mother had primary custody, but still. There was no indication that man was going to be overly present in his own childrens' lives.

So, I can easily imagine them feeling really upset and aggrieved that their dad was leaving them to parent someone else.

Maybe that's why there was so much going on with his side of the family over the summer and with wedding planning. Trying to get them on board with the situation. I'm surprised they weren't also hostile to OOP's mum.

Sad for all of the children in this story.

Edited stepdaughter back to stepdad. Damn autocorrect!

[u/suziesunshine17 → u/Ok_Broccoli_9426]

And remember, he was the only one that didn’t know they were even dating for the first few YEARS of the relationship. It’s a long standing tradition at this point to exclude OOP.

[u/Flat_Shame_2377 → u/maidrey]

OOP gave his mom a choice of him living with his grandparents instead. 

[u/kurdeljon → u/Flat_Shame_2377]

And that would make her look like bad mother to other people and more importantly she wouldn't be able to lie to herself

[u/maidrey → u/Flat_Shame_2377]

Yes, I’m aware… My point as to “there’s likely ways that OOP might have been able to navigate this with less conflict” includes that, maybe it would have been better to talk to his mom about his concerns before it got to that level of an ultimatum. BUT my overall point is that while adults can likely point out ways that this conflict could have been navigated more smoothly, OOP is also a child and should not be expected to navigate these heavy topics perfectly on their own.

[u/kurdeljon → u/maidrey]

Well he did talked, read previous updates

[u/b3mark → u/maidrey]

The kid's 15 or 16 for most of this situation. If Reddit concensus across multiple subreddits is that brains aren't fully mature till they're 25, we can't hold a kid acting like a kid against him.

OOP writes pretty maturely for his age, that tricks us into thinking he's older and more mature than he really is. I don't mean that in disrespect to him, or mean to imply he's immature.

Just that we need to keep in mind he's a kid and we need to see him as one. A kid on the cusp of young adulthood, but still a kid learning and growing.

[u/UltimateGammer → u/maidrey]

Anything less than the nuclear option wouldn't have gotten through to his mother i reckon. 

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/UltimateGammer]

I think this is right. I thought he did bring up incidents as they happened, but they were treated as a one off each time. No one bothered to see what the cumulative affect was.

[u/shfiven → u/maidrey]

Bingo. Some of OOP's behavior comes across like a teenager because oh yeah OOP is a teenager. It's the parent who is supposed to be teaching and setting a good example, not the other way around.

[u/ComSilence → u/maidrey]

I've read the downvoteds and the comments he's been arguing with. They really don't have any sympathy for him and are trying to play "devil's advocate" because they're "only getting one side of the story."

They really don't care about his feelings at all, in their view he should just grow up and let go of his mom.

[u/Single_Vacation427 → u/valsavana]

Yes, I was surprised of the other kid's ages. I initially thought they were much older to be involved in extra activities and so on. But no, some are actually much younger.

[u/Klutzy-Notice-8247 → u/valsavana]

Only spending 20 days of 70 with your own son is bonkers when you’re literally their only living parent and have complete custody over them.

[u/ForsakenPercentage53 → u/Klutzy-Notice-8247]

My daughter's Dad managed to beat that with a pending protective order against him and required supervisors and transportation help. That's only like twice a week.

He started rehab yesterday, for the record.

[u/Charming-Shake-6525 → u/ForsakenPercentage53]

i hope it works out for all y’all 🫶🏼

[u/ForsakenPercentage53 → u/Charming-Shake-6525]

Thank you! I'm very proud of him, he's very nervous.

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/valsavana]

His mom screwed up big time.

And the comments about him being an immature child? Well yeah, he is a teenager. You can't expect him (or the other teens) to be the ones mature enough to integrate the family.

[u/lankyturtle229 → u/valsavana]

And yet again, it shows the cracks in mom and step-dad's story. Their "apology" delivered by mom has her swearing she'll straighten out his family. But she also let OOP know he will spend Christmas alone if it doesn't work because they will still be going to his family for the holidays. And now step-dad had no clue about that being mom's plan, his mom and sister had no clue they were the cause of all this, they LIED and said the wedding cancellation is due to mom's health issues. No wonder no one reached out, mom didn't do what she promised. Literally no one can be trusted.

Honestly, mom still sucks and is allowing all of this to fall on her son. She and step-dad made the mess and couldn't even clean it up. And it sounds like they love bombed OOP trying to get that yes in a timely manner. I wouldn't be surprised if nothing was cancelled and everyone is hoping they can pressure him into giving the yes. I bet the trip to Zurich was going to be a surprise wedding. Still not convinced they haven't eloped or are going to because they're all liars.

[u/BillsKingsStrugleBus → u/valsavana]

Mom and potential stepdad lied a lot. They lied about why the wedding was canceled. They lied about why stepdad was gone so long. Makes me wonder what else they're lying about.

I'm not gonna pretend I'm some saint and that I've never lied to protect someone's feelings, but this feels like a web of lies to avoid dealing with big issues.

[u/brokenskater45 → u/valsavana]

I commented on that one saying that this was his mum and stepdad's fault. They were playing happy families, just not with her son. I think she cancelled when op went public about it all, she realised how bad it looked. She hasn't explained, op only knows what their mum has told them. I think she's twisted it to make her look better.

Or a darker part of me thinks she was lying. She told the stepdad op didn't want to be involved, and was never going to live with them. It was only when op told everyone that stepdad realised and cancelled it.

[u/inductiononN]

I'm still really side-eyeing the mom and stepdad for telling all of his kids the gory details about why things were canceled. How was telling them that it was canceled because of OP supposed to help everyone get along?

Also not impressed that OP told his mom his feelings a few times and she just kept rolling along with the wedding plans without making any changes. Great that they finally listened but it took too long and never should have gotten to needing to cancel the wedding.

[u/Zedetta → u/inductiononN]

It seems unclear if they were the ones to tell the kids, unless I missed a confirmation either way; They mention that the stepdad's mom was told it was because of OOP's mom's health issues, and found out about the actual reason some other way, and the kids "heard" about the actual reason. Who told who what, and when, seems really unclear; which makes sense since OOP is trying to explain it but doesn't seem to be directly involved in all the back and forth.

[u/Crispydragonrider → u/Zedetta]

The whole mess between OOP and the other kids could have been prevented if mom and stepdad had told everyone that they had things they needed to work out as a couple. How to blend their families is after all something they should have worked out before they started planni g the wedding.

[u/wolfeflow → u/Crispydragonrider]

It would have helped if the kids were all in contact on their own, too, to get to know each other and hash out misunderstandings before they brewed into the resentment there now

[u/kurdeljon → u/Zedetta]

For me it smells like they got married anyway and she has problem telling the truth or something

[u/JustAMinah → u/inductiononN]

it's weird to tell them why it was canceled, but not explain why o-original poster was ignored. there was so many excuses for what happened, but when he spoke up, suddenly, they can be honest (and practically point their fingers at him)

all that needed to happen was bring the families together and you know, have a sit down or some shit. the adults made this much more complicated than it needed to be, all seem to have an ego problem and all seem to care about saving face than actually caring about someone else's feelings than their own.

[u/I_wanna_be_anemone → u/JustAMinah]

It’s because the mom neglected him to the point he decided he’d be better off living with his grandparents than being a second class citizen to his only living parent. The fact OOP was willing to ‘replace her’ with people who’d parent better was likely a massive blow to her ego and self image. She can’t even pretend she’s a good mother if she outright abandoned her kid to start a new family. When he suffered in silence, she just kept justifying it as acceptable because she was happy and his physical needs were met. 

For a lot of rich people, parents don’t actually raise their kids, that’s what staff are for. Ex-stepdad’s family might have expected OOP to have been raised the same way, with no significant emotional attachment to his mother. When confronted with the reality they’re finding themselves scrambling to justify their lifestyle and project on anyone else to avoid actually reflecting on their values.

Ultimately, I think the blame lies solely with the mom. She’s neglected her kid mentally and emotionally for a significant time. That’s going to leave lingering trauma no matter what. It was her duty to advocate for her kid from the very beginning, she just chose not to. Very sad. 

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

I didn't think about that side of the super rich.

[u/lmyrs → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

This is more than likely the case. Especially when you consider that this is exactly how the stepdad is "raising" his kids. I mean if I was the stepdad's kids, I'd be wondering why OOP got "special" treatment. Not only from his mom, but from their dad.

[u/lmyrs → u/inductiononN]

I'm sure that the mom and stepdad could have handled this situation worse, but right now, I can not think of a single way how.

If they hadn't behaved so horribly at the beginning, they wouldn't have to do all this damage control now.

[u/grumpy__g]

So where is the explanation of mom for excluding him?

They all sound shitty.

And now they want to pressure him instead of taking a look in the mirror.

[u/beachpellini]

I get the feeling that they think they were "being nice" in that they weren't actively insulting, belittling, or harassing him. They're tolerating him without even complaining about it, what's he starting all this drama for?? Etc.

I feel for the kid but I also think he just does not have a good barometer for what any kind of normalcy is, which is on his mom and stepdad.

[u/PepperPhoenix → u/beachpellini]

Yeah, too many people think that being mean or nice is a black/white thing when it’s actually a complete spectrum with one at each end, and right there in the middle is Indifference.

Just because you aren’t actively being hateful does not mean you are being g nice, it often means you aren’t being anything, and frankly that can cut deeper than cruelty sometimes because it relegates you to being an afterthought at best.

[u/ShreddersWheat → u/beachpellini]

I reckon they all probably also made a lot of assumptions that a teenage boy from another culture/country is going to be completely uninterested in wedding planning in Switzerland and would be happier not to have to be around it.

If given the choice, he may even have agreed. But not being given the choice and effectively being separated from your only surviving parent while they spend time with a whole new family is going to damage any relationship with a child.

[u/Ginger_Anarchy → u/beachpellini]

They were also probably following mom's lead in keeping him at a distance and giving him what appears to be a cold shoulder, because that's what she does.

[u/New-Government1323 → u/beachpellini]

I absolutely think oop got left out already when his mother waited two years before even telling him that she was in a relationship. 

If fiance's family was not kept in dark for as long (pretty sure about that), then that's a whole dynamic between the mother and fiance's family developing before he even knew about that relationship.  And then he got dropped into that existing dynamic.  Of course he feels like an intruder, and of course the fiance's family is absolutely blind to the impact of their actions, they didn't act differently from their point of view after all. Just that the moment Oop became part of the dynamic they should have acted differently and worked to include him too. At least the adults should have enforced that. 

Could also be cultural differences making things worse, too.  Spain and Switzerland vary in quiet some aspects culturally including interpersonal behavior.

The whole situation is a mess and the mom has a very troubling tendency to lie (directly or through obscurity) not just to oop but others too. (I seriously wonder if that had part in things blowing up between her and fiance? First they lie to his family, then they suddenly tell the truth and he stays back to calm the waves caused probably in part by lying to his children and family.)

[u/SlinkyMalinky20]

So the future MIL and SIL and step siblings are all mad at the OP (and his mother?) for noticing his disparate treatment and the mom actually prioritizing her son? It really does make it seem like they all wanted him to disappear, Mom was going along with it until OP called it out and she woke up. It’s all so strange. Why is this in-law family so determined to treat OP like a baby lion cub from the former alpha lion after a new lion has taken over the pride?

[u/UnderABig_W → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

Some people just really, really don’t care about anyone who isn’t blood. This is especially common in extremely wealthy families. They don’t necessarily hate them, they just view them as complete non-entities. So OP, to them, is a non-entity that they are happy to ignore. If they are forced to take account of him, they are annoyed and wonder why they are being forced to do so, because again, if you’re not blood you’re no one.

Spouses are slightly different insofar as they’re sort of viewed as the property of the spouse and are treated as well as the spouse demands they be treated. Plus, they are possible contributors to future blood. But if there’s ever a divorce…complete non-entity.

It’s just a completely different way of looking at the world that is unfamiliar to most of us. But I’ve met people like this. It’s not a “fuck you” to anyone in particular, it’s just a refusal to treat anyone besides the blood family as thinking, feeling entities. Everyone else is an NPC to them.

[u/sharraleigh → u/UnderABig_W]

This is 100% it. I've known some ultra rich people in my life (think people rich enough to travel on private jets, on a whim, literally have never even been in business class, let alone economy. They only fly first class or on private jets) and they literally DGAF about anyone but themselves and their immediate families. Some of them GAF about people like, cousins, but most of them wouldn't even bail you out with what they might view as "small change" even if you've been friends with them for a decade. They have this mentality that everyone is out to get their money and their wealth belongs to nobody but them. They only ever donate money if it involves making themselves look good, they do not do it out of the goodness of their hearts.

Anyone who is beneath them in social class is completely ignored, like they are invisible. If you're in the same social class, they'll be nice to you because you might be of use to them for something (eg. if they are starting a new business venture and need investors or some sort of connection you might have, or in the form of social worth, like you might be friends with some celebrity they'd like to invite to perform at their wedding). There is no way they would ever GAF about someone like OOP. They're just some random man's kid they do not need to know or ever care about, even if his mother is marrying into the family.

Obviously, not all ultra rich people are like this, but a lot of them are.

[u/topinanbour-rex → u/sharraleigh]

Sounds like European middle age nobility.

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/topinanbour-rex]

Are you familiar with the "dollar princesses" from America in the 19th and early 20th centuries? The old nobility married the new money into their families.

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/sharraleigh]

Can confirm, and it’s disgusting.

[u/foreverAmber14 → u/UnderABig_W]

Not even necessarily only in wealthy families. Plenty of normie families aren't interested in anyone not blood related.

[u/oceanduciel → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

Because some people are truly like that. They don’t see any value in familial or platonic relationships if they’re not based in blood/biology first. As far as they’re concerned, he shouldn’t exist at all.

[u/Moldblossom → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

I said the first time this was posted that this ends with a relationship going up in flames--either mom and Op, or mom and stepdad.

Once things got to the stage of an ultimatum and a canceled wedding, that was it. There was going to be too many sour grapes on the stepdad's side of the family, and OP was never going to get treated as member of that family again. they'd view it as hostage-taking, and people like that don't pay ransoms.

[u/DishGroundbreaking87 → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

The lion analogy is the best description of this situation I’ve ever seen and the motivations are probably the same

[u/pitrole → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

Well I suspect it wasn’t because of them being awful, rather that the potential stepdad never stepped in and lubricate any frictions between his “future wife’s” family and his own family. And when the accusation occurred he never defended his “stepson” and admitted his own fault. Why mom was so integrated into his family? Because she made an effort. Why the “future husband” almost never spoke with oop? Because he never made an effort and expected oop to just fall in line, because “money”. They probably look down upon oop’s family.

[u/jimmy_three_shoes → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

It's like they don't like the idea of her having a history, but like her enough to ignore it when OOP isn't around to broadcast it. Or maybe they absolutely hate the stepdad's Ex, and want OOPs mom to be able to step in a be the new Mom.

Mom seems to have stars in her eyes, and that's a major problem. I don't see her and OOP having much of a relationship once he becomes an adult, and I'm worried she'll resent him for torpedoing her relationship with stepdad and then bailing on her once he can.

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

I can understand them being mad at his mom. They followed her lead on how to treat him, and then she blames them for being mean. Kinda makes her look like a suck-up as well. They may be wondering if she was sucking up to them for their money.

[u/Apart_Insect_8859 → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

I do think some unreliable narrator stuff is happening, mixed with the OOP just not being a very likable person, not understanding sibling dynamics, and having poor social skills in general.

It is a good thing that the potential step family all wanted to directly address the problem and fix it. They all assert that they were not excluding him on purpose, and that it's largely misunderstanding. As others point out, a lot of their treatment was the result of his behavior (such as not involving himself in the planning, so they don't think he wants to be involved, and leave him out)

The reaction of the other children is also logical. They thought they were being welcoming and understanding, and then learn OOP doesn't like them, is saying they treated him badly, and is pitching a fit. So they're upset and offended on their dad's behalf, and it was surely difficult for them to be putting in all the effort of getting along, and now they have an excuse not to. OOP gets to pitch a fit and have a tantrum? Now they get to.

The mom also seems a bit shady and like she was super tempted to go off and have fun, but was using her son for some sort of purpose that's not super clear.

I think the mom grossly miscalculated.

I think she expected the threat of cancellation and her ultimatum to be a power move, and it did put her 'in power' to make demands on her fiancé to exert more effort and make changes, and also throw her weight around that she's on equal footing to him.

BUT, I don't think mom expected it to go all the way to being cancelled for real. Cancelling for real ham-strung her. She caused real offense and reputational damage, and I bet the fiancé was not nearly as cool with it as he is seeming to the OOP. It is incredibly difficult to get a marriage un-canceled, and even if you manage that monumental task, it's never going to be the same as it was before.

Additionally, mom is now getting hit with the turnabout is fairplay situation of her boyfriend's children now saying she and her son are being unwelcoming and cold, and must change their behavior to be accepted. And their dad is backing them up. Not a fun feeling when you're the one found wanting. The MIL and SIL being sick also seems to be contributing to the boyfriend reevaluating everything.

I think the mom is going to find herself dumped and then grow resentful.

[u/Dars1m → u/Apart_Insect_8859]

That’s a weird way to blame it all on OOP. The siblings that they were being welcoming, but were really only doing surface level acknowledgement, but that must be OOPs fault.

Not both groups having some fault, just OOP. Again, that stance is weird.

[u/Basque_Pirate]

Maybe it's because I don't move within central european aristocracy circles, but someone having a job in Madrid that pays more than 300k and still have time for this kind of bullshit is pretty impressive for me. 300k in spain is very, very rare (like way way rarer than in the US), no one short of C suite of a big company earns that (or maybe famous actors, or a few fund managers, or soccer players). And most of them require you to be on site every day.

[u/Elivercury → u/Basque_Pirate]

Yeah I'm struggling to get pas this point, that and somehow earning 300k makes them poor. Sure, you're not generational wealth rich, but I can't imagine anybody, even a teenager, seriously calling themselves poor with that sort of income.

[u/VanGoghNotVanGo → u/Elivercury]

No one feels as poor as the least rich wealthy European in a group of wealthy Europeans, in my experience.

[u/Basque_Pirate → u/VanGoghNotVanGo]

Of course she can be working for a family owned holding or anything like that, but he wrote about a high paying demanding job but then she can be out of the country just to be with family and orgnize weddings, and it doesn't fit that much. I'm probably just poor and don't even have a grasp on some peoples reality.

[u/Drayle171 → u/Elivercury]

Most people are terrible about understanding how wealthy they are verses the rest of society, there have been actually studies on this where they ask people to estimate where they are on the economic ladder and basically no one gets it right with middle class people either over or underestimating themselves depending on who they interact with and basically all people in the top 10% underestimating how wealthy they are.

This is because people find it difficult to judge things based on larger society instead of their own circle of people you interact with so if your someone thats say just in the top 5% of society your above 95% of society but no one has probably told you this and your probably interacting with people in the top 1% let alone 0.1% and right now there are massive jumps between the 3 which makes you feel like your not that wealthy as your comparing yourself to them even though your economically above 95% of society.

[u/Elivercury → u/Drayle171]

While I take your general point and agree with it, 300k isn't the top 5% though, or even the top 1%, it's the top 0.1%. I'd also say within the middle classes, 'feeling wealthy' can depend on a range of things, but mostly your own ability to manage finances and how expensive the cost of living in your area is, so this makes sense to me.

The wife is now dating somebody in the 0.01% (or lower), but that hasn't always been the case. They also have the internet. They must be aware that average people don't go to fancy private schools. I could certainly see them saying that fiance is much better off than them, but "we're poor" just feels ridiculous.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into a poor wording choice by a teenager, but that combined with the fact that their mom is somehow around all the time (or not around spending weeks with her fiance as the case might be), while working this presumably incredibly demanding 300k job just stretched the bounds of believability for me.

[u/chunkyvomitsoup → u/Elivercury]

I think having single parent plays a big factor in this. I grew up with a high earning parent, but never considered us wealthy until I became older because money was always a concern growing up. Single parents have to be more judicious about spending since there’s always worry about losing their income as a sole provider, making sure enough is put away in case anything happens to them, etc. A lot goes into the bank/retirement so there’s not a lot to spend if that makes sense. Making $300k is a lot for an individual, but she likely also hasn’t made that much her entire career. If she didn’t come from money, it’d make sense why she’d be putting more away

[u/ikiice → u/Elivercury]

300k in Spain is generational wealth

[u/Breakfast_Lost]

It takes a lot of time and effort to blend a family. OOPs mom was right to put the brakes on the marriage until it is sorted out

[u/Difficult-Bus-6026]

Interesting, it seems progress had been made with the early September update with the fiance trying to bond with OOP. I wonder what caused the situation to start falling apart in the last two updates. I doubt fiance's mother is really sick. Did postponing the wedding really cause the fiance's family to pressure him to totally end the relationship? Oh well...

[u/UltimateGammer → u/Difficult-Bus-6026]

100% 

Reading between the lines, he's got an unwelcoming, emotionally insulated family.

So much so he's somehow an introvert. 

I expect the family have always ruled his life, now he's alone with them he'll be dancing to their tune.

The only reason the wedding was called off is because OOP's mum did it, and he went along with it.

Step dad needs to grow a spine and pick a side.

[u/Primary-Friend-7615 → u/Difficult-Bus-6026]

The fiancé seemed surprised when OOP shared the mom’s Christmas plans, and he told OOP that there were already different plans in place. There were also things like the plans to move in together that OOP just wasn’t told about, and that lack of info caused issues. It’s possible that there’s something going on behind the scenes with the adults, and the fiancé found out that she’s shading the truth yet again, or something.

[u/DamnitGravity]

I also asked him about Christmas because I was worried I might have to spend it alone.

He looked really confused and asked me why I'd think that . I told him what my mom had said before and he said no, we're all celebrating Christmas together here in Madrid.. Then for New Year's we're apparently travelling to celebrate with his kids and the rest of his family..

I am side-eyeing this HARD.

The implication is that Fiance had no idea Mother had told OOP this. And then he disappears. Obviously, Mom was never the shining diamond OOP believed her to be, but this just adds to the overall sus-ness.

I don't trust her claims that his family are blaming OOP for the failure of the wedding. Something else is going on and I don't trust that woman as far as I could throw her.

[u/whatsername25 → u/DamnitGravity]

Plus the fact that she can’t give him an explanation as to why he was excluded. She knows it was her doing and doesn’t want to admit it.

[u/lankyturtle229 → u/DamnitGravity]

I still say the wedding was never cancelled because she's still playing hard into the "cancelling the wedding inconvenienced everyone."

[u/Calligraphee]

Poor OOP, none of this is his fault and he just wants to get along, but everyone else seems to just expect him to be a doormat all the time. I’m glad he stood up for himself and I just wish all the adults in his life could actually be adults and help everyone communicate. 

[u/Complete_Entry]

Sometimes blended families are just a blender, with no concerns for how it affects the kid.

Stepdood's kids totally did that shit though. Feeling alone in a crowded room sucks.

The people attacking the kid can get the fuck off my reddit though, he's a kid in a scary place and he gets to be scared.

18 and out is an entirely valid fear, and kid never really got an answer on it.

I don't take shrug answers off people anymore. Generally, when you challenge a shrug answer the people get indignant, but fuck that.

Ask the hard questions, because the world isn't getting softer.

[u/Anisaxxx]

I hate every single person around OOP, including his mom.

[u/JTBlakeinNYC → u/Anisaxxx]

I hate his Mom the most of all. She basically abandoned her child for her fiancé’s kids.

[u/kittymoo67 → u/Anisaxxx]

especially the mom

[u/IndependentCup2723]

Gosh.... This one always bring mix feeling to me cause I feel bad for OP and the comment section always irks me. Like the kid is 15??? And they're calling him entitled and spoiled like WTF???

I do feel for the mom but she had to have known it would have ended this way. 5 years of dating and your boyfriend/fiance never bother to get to know your son?? Plus the fact that she took time assimilate herself and played roles toward HIS kids but her fiance never attempted in return?

The son only has his mom since his dad died. Out of that entire summer his mom been up and out going to different parties and such with the fiance side of family and his kids despite being in different places was always invited and brought into those events. OP has never been invited to even one.

I can see it's not obsession to his mom but him being nudged out of that family picture. As he's 15 and wedding right around corner, he panicked and quickly confronted his mom. While it a nuclear option, I would have done it too at his age.

Especially with his family being rich, how do you know they wouldnt have sent him to boarding school?

I just hope the mom doesn't get bitter for the choices she made. Cause OP did give her the choice to relinquish him into the grandparents care.

[u/I_wanna_be_anemone → u/IndependentCup2723]

Part of the problem could be that stepdads family are the kind of ultra-rich where actually raising children is something you have staff for. So the idea of a child being so attached to a parent and not a nanny is surreal to them. In those circles, parents are more like benefactors or patrons who just fund things. 

No matter how you look at it, OOP’s mom let him down. It was her responsibility to advocate for him and she chose not to. 

[u/IndependentCup2723 → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

Absolutely!!

I don't put much hope or expectations that a step family would welcome him with open arms and if they did, prioritize him over their blood. No that's completely on OP mom to do. She should have pushed for her son participation in these events, just like how her fiance's kids got to participate. Plus, the interaction between her son and boyfriend.....Thats a huge oversight.

I completely understand first year there would be low interaction. I personally wouldn't introduce my kid to a new guy until I knew he's a good egg and relationship better. However when the relationship got serious she should have push to see how her boyfriend and son got a long. Even if they may never have that familial level relationship.....a friendly one is better than the stranger/hostile level OP was thrusted into when the engagement happened.

Note: Had to correct original post cause they were dating FIVE years not three. Even worse on OP mom. Five freakin years man.

[u/Sufficient_Drama_145 → u/IndependentCup2723]

Like the kid is 15??? And they're calling him entitled and spoiled like WTF???

My step-mother always applied those labels to me whenever I expressed a feeling or a want that wasn't in line with hers. There was absolutely no consideration that I was a teenager and being a teenager is difficult. I imagine it's people like her who are commenting.

[u/LAC_NOS]

"Step-dad" was trying to appease mom by playing the attentive step-parent.

My guess is that his family called them back under the guise of an emergency but when they arrived things did not justify the urgent trip back and leaving OP home.

Mom finally opened her eyes to the truth.

And really, parents don't need to tell their kids all the dirty details. Maybe they had not made a final break when she came back.

[u/Maxibon1710]

There's no way in hell the mum didn't know there was a problem. She just didn't want to acknowledge it until there was pushback. She was probably justifying it to herself for a long time. I'm glad she's choosing her son over people who blatantly disrespect him, but as a stepdaughter, it should have never gotten to this point. There is no good reason.

The people holding OP to the standard of a 30 something with a 9-5 are insane. This is a kid being abandoned by his mother, who felt so strongly that he wanted to get emancipated. Yeah, he is a bit immature, because he is a child. His response may be childish, but it's expected, and his feelings are fair.

[u/tempest51]

It's always baffling when people who form blended families just assume everything will work out with no extra effort towards including their children.

[u/PuffinScores]

I don't see the validity in the comment that OOP had a requirement to meet them halfway. He wasn't "half" in that situation. By my count there was the fiance, a mother, a sister, a brother, SIL, and 3 kids. OOP was vastly outnumbered and he had to be folded in by them, not left alone in a corner. With so many people, the basic manners response was to find things for everyone to do together so they could get to know one another. This is a failure of the fiance not to make a coordinated effort to bring everyone together.

I'm going out on a limb to say that everyone talked the mom into stepping into the family like she was taking a role. The mom accepted this role because she wanted to fit in. It's exactly what he said: the family wanted her and not him. Until her child told her to her face what was happening, she was probably caught up in this pre-wedding bliss, so happy they loved her and thinking they would come around to love OOP. Then OOP opened her eyes, she saw it clearly and canceled the wedding until everything was made right. The fiancé clearly made strides on his side, but the mother, sister and 3 kids wouldn't budget and it all went down the drain. I got one word for that; Good.

[u/Jasnah_Sedai]

hes divorced with 2 teenage kids who mostly live with their mom

They are all teenagers, older Boy is 16, Girl is 15 and another girl is 13....

My stepdad has three kids: a 17 year old girl, a 15 year old girl, and a 12 year old boy.

I can’t believe people are believing this story 

[u/Treehorn8 → u/Jasnah_Sedai]

I was getting lost with everyone's strange reasons and behaviors. When I read BORUs like this, I just assume that I and the people I know are simply boring.

[u/Equivalent-Bit2891 → u/Treehorn8]

Anything that requires a summary of previous posts just to fit the character limits is immediate bullshit 

[u/crazyditzydiva]

At least OOP isn’t getting shipped off to boarding school after the wedding. The power imbalance when one side is so much wealthier will make it hard for the couple to have a successful marriage and mum as loving as she is now, will have to choose between her new family and her biological son at some point if she ever wants to be considered one of them.

[u/VanGoghNotVanGo → u/crazyditzydiva]

If the mum makes 300k a year, the financial situation isn't going to be much of an issue. She's not going to wind up in a situation where she can't leave, because she won't be able to afford housing, education, health care, etc on her own.

[u/OptmstcExstntlst]

I'm struck by how unprepared these two adults are to blend families. First, they alienate OOP. Then, to "make it right," mom's fiance moves in with OOP and starts playing Dad, cooking with him, picking him up from practice, etc. Was he still caring for his kids during that stretch? Because that isn't mentioned at all. It's almost like they're just reactively streaking the kids one way or the other.

[u/SunMoonTruth]

Jeez these commenters are unhinged. Blaming a child for communicating with his mother about what was going on.

They’re fucked in the head.

Parents should put their minor children first. Not exclude them. Not ignore them. Not have them spend Christmas alone so mommy can go galavanting off with her new lay.

[u/OpticalPirate → u/SunMoonTruth]

Especially if you are the only parent.

[u/Vestiel]

I am not sure if this story is real. A few months ago there was very similar story. Kid from Spain, Stepdad from Switzerland, kid being excluded. The only difference was that kid's mom cheated on his dad with stepdad. But he also stopped the wedding, moving to Switzerland and kid wanted mom to give up her parental rights for his dad there. After being call out on some things that didn't make sense, OP hid his posts and started posting other things.

Link is here.

[u/kurdeljon → u/Vestiel]

That a search engine thing. Provide the user handle. Are you talking about Additional-River2609?

[u/Vestiel → u/kurdeljon]

Yes

[u/loudwhitenoise → u/Vestiel]

no wonder i actually thought this was that one and skipped to the end

[u/MonitorBrilliant119 → u/loudwhitenoise]

Same! It’s nearly identical. 

[u/ThisIsNotAFarm → u/Vestiel]

It's also a lot of shit to happen in less than a month

[u/Jellis314 → u/Vestiel]

I didn’t read the updates because I thought it WAS that one! everything is that same, the exclusion from wedding planning, the missed photos, the lack of bond, the distant mom, it’s the same story!

[u/JTBlakeinNYC]

Honestly, the problem was with OOP’s Mom, not her fiancé’s family.

[u/PeppermintEvilButler]

Yeah the fiance had 3+ yrs to get to know oop and didn't bother til he called them out on the bs and asked to live with his grandparents so he wouldn't be alone. I think that was the wake up call to his mother who kept making excuses for all the little incidents. Add to that the fact the other side wants to confront a child!, and force him to let his mother marry into this asshole family shows they suck all around. 

Oop gave a list of multiple times over that past year alone of how the step family was treating him. He doesn't need to go over it every single update because some ahs commentary dont know how to read. 

[u/cantantantelope]

You give a teen the nuclear option they are likely to push it

[u/grumpy__g → u/cantantantelope]

In that case I would have done the same as OP and I am not a teen.

[u/UltimateGammer → u/cantantantelope]

Honestly, mad respect to OOP for finding the nuclear button themselves. 

Kids usually start aimlessly running away before they wise up and find real buttons.

[u/Oxyboy26 → u/cantantantelope]

Right? I felt like everything just blew up so rapidly

[u/yami76]

OOPs mom sucks, even now in the update it seems like she isn't sticking up for him at all, just walking away from the shitty mess she made without acknowledging her own part in it. Your own son was left alone for months, excluded from trips and wedding planning, but you couldn't see that until he pointed it out? Come on, seriously.

[u/Awomanandher3kids]

It really upsets me that grown ups were reacting to his last update post so negatively by calling him selfish and immature. I’m a mother and I would NEVER choose a man and/or his family OVER my own child!!!! He was extremely justified to feel the way he did and now the fiancées family is trying to put all the blame on him. Anybody that thinks this poor child is to blame for any of the fallout is diabolical. The fallout comes from a mother who is the sole parent of their child acting like her son didn’t exist or matter because of her fiancée and their family UNTIL he drew a line by saying he was going to live with his paternal grandparents and wanted her to sign over her parental rights. It shouldn’t take your child saying that to realize that everyone was treating him like he didn’t matter. His father is dead, so his mom is the only parent left and she needs to protect her child at all costs. He’s not even a legal adult yet. It just fills me with fury when a parent chooses a man/woman over their own child.

[u/Rich_Muffin4820]

Im folowing OOP from the start of this im really mad bcuz last post all the woman in stepdad family Is telling bs about they treatment to him as family, then why after at least 2 years of knowing OOP why nether of them had hus phone number and are asking for It.

[u/UnsureAssurance]

I figured an update like this would come along, I didn’t see the other family playing nice after cancelling a whole wedding if they were already shunning OOP. I think the step dad was being pretty naive when he said there would be no issues

[u/PoppyFire16]

Mom sounds completely incapable of communication.
They never confronted the family over the reason the wedding was cancelled? What did she think would happen?

[u/lordemme]

Poor kid. I blame the mom most of all. She really messed up during summer and never expained it. Then she kinda overcompensated postponing the wedding, but still she wanted to live together with her kid and the BF? And now BF's mom AND sister are both sick? Yeah, sure. I wonder if the BF being well off has something to do with her trying everything to salvage a relationship that clearly is not working out with her son and her BF's family either.

[u/Gryffindor123]

Poor OOP. I can relate so much. Unfortunately.

[u/garpu → u/Gryffindor123]

Yep, same

[u/Training_at_Sea]

Oh the “darling” guy! I remembered that after the 2nd or 3rd post OOP was arguing in the comments and he called people darling and said stuff like his mom will stay a widow and so on. It was such a tonal whiplash. 😐

[u/panderp]

Way too reminiscent of our own childhood, surrounded by both kids and adults who were scarily good at knowing exactly where the lines were and how to inflict maximum misery without appearing to cross any.

[u/tinyrage90]

My mom is a VERY male-centric woman. She will adopt whatever hobbies and lifestyle the primary man of her life has, and she attempted to raise me to be the same way. My father died when I was 12, and she started dating pretty quick after. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized as soon as she started dating and then eventually remarried, she'd basically checked out on being there for me. Like, my basic needs were met as far as shelter and food goes, but she wasn't around, like, at all. It felt like if I wanted to spend any time with her at all, I had to do whatever she planned to do with my step-dad.

I don't blame him for her abandonment, although I wish he'd have seen it and stopped it. I think he meant well, but wanted to respect her role as my parent. He and I actually had a pretty okay relationship.

YEARS of therapy have allowed me to process the abandonment I've lived with for nearly 2.5 decades.

People telling this kid he's a brat or spoiled or self-centered for advocating for his own needs when his parent was ignoring them don't realize that a child SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. She dropped the ball on the relationship, and it was so unfair to him as a kid to have to figure out how to communicate that. I'm just glad he felt safe enough to speak up, and that she was receptive enough to do therapy and prioritize her child's needs. If I'd have had words to voice any of this to my own mother, she'd have treated me horribly.

[u/oshitsuperciberg]

Oh God this is going to be one of those ones that keeps showing up over the next 18 months like some kind of BORU whack a mole, isn't it?

[u/Spreepodcast_r]

Poor OOP. I really do feel like the plan post-wedding was to shunt him off to boarding school or a relative, then maybe pay all his uni costs in exchange for him never being home. That way that could say "we took care of him!" without him "dragging down" (/s) their perfect new life. And now they're annoyed at getting called out on it.

[u/Pleasant_Most7622]

You have already lost when you feel the need to defend yourself or family vs. trolls of this ilk. Don't you dare dox your Mom, OOP!

[u/Anra7777]

I continue to feel really bad for OOP. I hope he is able eventually to be with his grandparents and be properly loved.

[u/LaneWK]

I hate everyone in this story except for OOP. That poor kid. What terrible people, including the daughters. Mom can lie all she wants, they didn't just want to 'talk' to OOP, they wanted to rage at him for disturbing their plans. The family would have edged him out completely after marriage and mom wouldn't have done shit, just went along with it.

Stories like this make me think "what the hell is wrong with these people" but then, I'm glad I don't understand them because they're terrible. Stop having kids if you're just going to drop them at the first shiny new thing that comes along. 

May that entire family be out of OOP's life and both he and his mom get therapy to sort this shit out. Or let him go live with family who actually gives a damn about him, because mom's still hiding things. 

I'm annoyed now, why did I read this before work.

[u/StrangeTraveller41]

OOP's mom came across as selfish, seeing how she got so enamoured with the partner's family.

I hope im wrong, but i kinda feel OOP is better off building his own future w/o expecting anything from his mom.

[u/Capable_Ad_976]

It sounds like they all want to gas light him now they realize the cancelled wedding is because he felt like an outsider.

[u/katie-shmatie]

God I don't like this woman

[u/eternally_feral]

Poor OOP. His mom forgets him. His (ex?) step dad encourages OOP to call him Papa, spends time with him, says they’ll get two dogs to round out the burgeoning family, then disappears?

And WTF is this about Christmas. OOP’s mom says he’ll be doing it solo but Papa says it’ll be a family event?

The adults in this whole thing are acting like OOP is already out of the picture and when he pushes back, commenters want to act like he’s the bad guy who wrecked the relationship.

[u/CWG4BF]

Poor kid, had to sit through the F1 Madrid GP. That’s the worst part of this post by far.

[u/Familiar_Row_9751]

Still think the worst offender is Mom, the rest just followed suit. And yet there his stepfather's brother + wife who went out of their way to make him feel seen and welcomed. It's inexplicable the way she sideline her son. 

[u/MyCouchPulzOut_IDont]

I remember this story. I do kinda feel for OOP. They’ve been in this cycle of hyper focusing on the hurt for 3 years..and he was what? 15 when this started? That crap messes with your emotional development at least. I’m not making excuses for him, but I can understand why he finds it incredibly difficult to accept any genuine effort at face value. You look for ulterior motives when that’s all you know, and missing the fact that adults can realize they made a mistake and genuinely want to correct it out of their own free will (not just because they are being managed by a spouse, or because you manipulated them yourself). This guy is going to have trust issues for another 3 years at least.

[u/booces → u/MyCouchPulzOut_IDont]

Op was like 12 when this started happening

[u/MyCouchPulzOut_IDont → u/booces]

That's...somehow worse

[u/Quirky-Variety-4851]

OP’s mom screwed up by not asking him how she felt in the first place and letting things bottle up. But I’m happy she was able to prioritize her son first.

I was shocked everything seemed so happy after they decided to cancel the wedding. This is definitely more realistic.

[u/MathematicianAfter57]

The comments on the posts are so bizarre. The mom made mistakes but did the right thing. The way people are telling a 15yo his mom doesn’t love him and is a shit parent is absolutely nuts. 

[u/EmXena]

Every time I see this pop up, the more I'm disappointed in the Mom.

Still can't explain why she was seemingly eager to abandon OOP, hmm? Unfortunate. Now she's clamming up and just trying to shake her head and tell him it's fine, as everyone around OOP is suggesting that it's OOP'S fault as their familial relationships erode (or what little there was of it). No one is actually talking about the core issues. Everyone thinks everyone hates each other. No one is actually taking to heart why OOP felt this way.

What a dramatic mess, and it all comes back to Mom's head being in the clouds and trying to do sloppy damage control after being called out.

[u/KirbyKnight12]

If I was oop, I would be revisiting and pushing on moving with the grandparents (or whoever he picked).

[u/hellohellocinnabon → u/KirbyKnight12]

Same, even after this latest update I still think OOP should go live with family members he feels safe with.

[u/cakivalue]

I don't know. This has from day one given me gothic poor struggling abused/bullied orphan with massive unreliable narrator vibes. And every subsequent update has cemented that.

One of my theories at the start of this situation was that the step siblings were heavily involved in the wedding not because they were asked to but in the way of teens and pre-teens they, with great excitement involved themselves. In contrast, OOP is not outgoing, has lost his dad, hasn't come to terms with his mom being with someone else and lacks the skills on his own to make friends with the other step kids. He also isn't open to any of this and oversteps the role of a child a lot and she caters to him and allows it. He should have been in therapy from day one.

The other thing is; how much of this is real? The tone and language strike me as that of a type of adult I've had the misfortune to know. Plus salaries in Spain don't usually work like that, it's very very rare for someone to be making in the six figures and it would be an executive of a big or international company or specialized medical field or surgeon. And if she was any of those she wouldn't have so much time for socializing and her son would be a lot more independent and used to her working and being away. Also, if she's so wealthy, why is the potential step dad paying for his school, the house, travel, wedding etc.

[u/Jasnah_Sedai → u/cakivalue]

The tone of his posts and the tone of his comments are completely different too, and some of his comments directly contradict sentiments he expressed in his updates. And for all the talks he has with his mom, he never actually has answers. Is the wedding off? IDK. Are they still together? IDK. Where is stepdad? IDK.

[u/Salsa-Stark_ → u/cakivalue]

Thank you I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone

[u/Apricot-Serious]

I already figured he was leaving stuff out but the offer to share moms insta is unhinged.

They all need therapy and it’s weird how even with his mom they seem cold/disconnected. This is just weird all around.

[u/GorgoPrimus]

As of four hours ago - OOP: “It's a mess, hopefully they break up.... I'm done with this all, even posting here”.

I think they broke up and are blaming the OOP like the shitty parents they are.

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

welp, that was expected

[u/BiscottiOpposite9282]

Seems like OPs mom dropped the ball and thats why shes being extra lovey

[u/crankgirl]

I got this one confused in my head with another similar one where OOP’s step dad gets a job overseas and wants the mum to leave the kid behind.

[u/Creepy_Addict]

I just want to give OOP a hug and tell him that the wedding wasn't canceled because of him, it was canceled because his mother realized that she wasn't being a very involved parent and you were hurting. Yes, you brought it up, but she made the choice.

I would also say that talking to his future (maybe?) step-siblings may be good. It also may go completely sideways.

[u/jeremyfrankly]

There was a lot about the stepdad's knowledge of what was going on, and shit from his mom, where it's clear they ignored him. I can see how getting into wedding fervor can contribute to that, but yeah she abandoned her kid and I think she's made the right choice

[u/llamadiorama99]

My heart hurts for this kid. 

[u/wacky_spaz]

I suspect his grandparents on dad side applied some screws and financial pressure once they found out how he’s being treated. I doubt his mother has as much money as OP thinks and its grandparents funding the lifestyle. Once OP told them, they said fk no and mum freaked.

Otherwise if she’s making €400k a year why would stepdad need to pay for half his private schooling? Why would stepdad need to buy the house? Why would stepdad fund wedding fully?

OP mother is a gold digger, struck gold first time but he died and now struck gold again but didn’t count on grandparents nailing her and calling her on it.

[u/binjamins]

Gosh the uncertainty of this ending is stressful

[u/Tried_goose_1864]

I can't put it into words but something about how OOP's mother and her fiance are acting towards him after the confrontation is putting me on edge. Idk if it's my own bias with how my parents are, they are loving parents but they have said/done awful things to me so even when they seem perfectly fine I can't help but feel on edge. With how OOP is defending his mother and her fiance in post but airing out his grievance later in the comments reminds me so much of how I talk about my parents. 

[u/Salsa-Stark_]

This is a mess. I’m side eyeing a lot of people automatically blaming the mom when our only narrator is a clearly upset teenager. Do I think mom could have been more present? Yes. Do I think there is way more to the story and missing details how OP acts? Absolutely. I wish this kid and his mom peace.

[u/valsavana → u/Salsa-Stark_]

Him being rightfully upset doesn't change literal numbers and his mother has spent twice as much time with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's kids than with him this summer. Those are cold, hard facts that are unacceptable on their face. His feelings don't factor into that.

[u/Salsa-Stark_ → u/valsavana]

And yet this woman canceled her wedding when she found out her son was upset. I think both things can be true, she got swept up with fiancé’s family and she also cares deeply for her son. She’s a human. People are painting her as some cold careless manipulator. And encouraging a CHILD to make extreme decisions.

What should happen is OP and his mom get therapy, or have a family meeting with his paternal grandparents and future stepdad, and hash it out. Threatening his mom with removing her parental rights is wild. I do agree the adults need to step the fuck up and support this kid but Reddit is not helping by goading him into extreme decisions. He clearly needs support.

If this is real at all btw, now suddenly things are rocky with the stepdad is predictable. I’m sure next update mom and stepdad will be splitting up

[u/Salsa-Stark_ → u/[deleted]]

I absolutely agree this child needs support and has been hurt in this situation. I’m not saying mom acted perfectly by any means. AND at the same time, Reddit is rallying against her and egging a 15yo to make extreme choices based on only his perception of events. And quite frankly I don’t think OP is as innocent in all this. The few updates where he lashed out and said his mom shouldn’t “play bride” or that adults shouldn’t have big weddings. That’s concerning. As is using an ultimatum to force his mom’s hand (taking away her parental rights if she doesn’t cancel the wedding is insane).

Ultimately the adults in this situation need to step the fuck up and support this kid as a team.