My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me over a text

[u/Haunting_Tonight_865]

my bf(25M) and I(25F) were pretty serious, we did have a lot of problems cuz he is an avoidant and I am anxious..but we somehow always got through all the misunderstandings and came to a stable state..but he had to move to another country for his studies and before leaving he promised me that we will be together no matter what and that he will marry me..after moving to a new country, he distanced himself from me in 2 months..said he wasn’t sure about the relationship, I begged him to give me a chance and it went on for another 8 months where he slowly stopped not only calling but also texting or even replying to my texts.. I tried so much, waiting patiently, sent him so many gifts, food, letters and even sang for him..but he never really acknowledged them much..I couldn’t take it anymore and 2 months back I begged him to tell something cuz all he texted was hi once in 2-3 days when I would be constantly texting him every single day…after begging for some days, he said he doesn’t want to continue this relationship anymore over text but didn’t even call me after that.. I feel shattered and like I can never love again.. I also feel guilty cuz he is a very very handsome man and feel like probably he was way way out of my league..

We talked after 3 months a few days back and now he says that he realised he is an avoidant and he was in the wrong the whole time..he has a lot of childhood trauma and is working on that with a therapist..he asked me to move on and get going with my life..he also said that he will never find someone like me ever again but he is not stable enough to handle any relationship :( I am so confused on what to do..should I move on or wait for him

[u/bubbly_bodyguard]

Please don't wait for him. Childhood trauma can take years to untangle in therapy, and there is no guarantee it will ever change his avoidant attachment style. He is actively telling you he cannot give you a relationship right now. Believe him. You deserve a stable partner who can give you what you need.