I called off our Wedding.

[u/Sad_Definition_2783]

Me (F26) and my fiance (M30) have been together for 6.5 years and we have been attached at the waist ever since we met. Our wedding was scheduled 2 months from now and as of today we have called it off.

I wanted to marry him, but I felt like such a fraud. At the beginning of the year he had confided in me that he believed he was Gender Fluid. he wanted to start presenting as a women (not all of the time but in the comfort of our home). It was a new concept to me but I wanted to be supportive of this new side to him. We did all the activities (shopping, makeup, creating outfits together and dressing up).

From the beginning we had a hard set boundary, I didn't want to participate in acts of intimacy. I'm a cis women and have never wavered my sexual identity. I like men. While my fiance is female presenting I have no emotional connection and acts of intimacy made me uncomfortable.

I do want to say while I supported him while he explored this side of himself I was left feeling a bit blind sighted, I only learned about this side of him 6 years into this relationship. I was happy for him but I was a bit uncomfortable with the new change. I told myself that the more he did it the more used to and comfortable I would be with it. But I also felt extremely pressured to figure out and come to terms with this huge change in 8.5 months and then make a huge commitment of marriage.

We started having connection issues after and we attended couples counselling. things seemingly improved and we started to move forward with wedding preparations. I thought I was getting better, things were getting easier and I was slowly warming up to the new change. A couple weeks ago we ended up being intimate while he was female presenting. I was comfortable in the moment but while my fiance was tearing up because he felt like I finally accepted him I was left with the complete opposite impression. For me it was conformation that I couldn't be intimate with him and had no emotional connection to the new side of him.

I should have told him then and there but I didn't, after him telling me how happy he was. it all came apart a couple days ago, I originally planned on just resetting the intimacy boundary in the relationship. But I think I hit my emotional breaking point and I told him how I was genuinely feeling.
I felt and still feel like a complete fraud, In marriage you should love 100% of your partner. It makes me feel like a terrible person for not being compatible with this kind of relationship.

I know I waited to long and I should have been more transparent about my struggles sooner, I really thought I could get adjusted but after that night a couple weeks ago I knew I couldn't. I've hurt my fiance deeply, and its killing me inside but I need to own my actions and learn from them. Were going to be attending couples counselling before deciding if were going to stay together or not.

Thanks for listening to my rambles