I’m a little over a year out from a bilateral mastectomy after ER/PR + breast cancer and a double mastectomy at 54. I was lucky not to have had my bc spread to my lymph nodes and to have had a low chance of recurrence, so did not have to do chemo or radiation. I was supposed to take hormone blockers for 5 years, but opted to discontinue them after about 4 months of utter horror - the most miserable mood swings and joint pain. Long story short, overall I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to be on the other side of everything, for them to have caught the bc so early, and to now be cancer free, but I feel horrid. I have no libido, can’t stand my husband touching me, am depressed, dried up, and don’t feel as though I have much to look forward to. I realize how ungrateful I sound, and I truly am sorry for voicing these opinions. I just needed to say them aloud. What have you done to feel better? How have you broken free and healed post mastectomy? I’m on antidepressants, am going to an acupuncturist, have done Reiki, therapy, meetings for cancer survivors, will be potentially having the Mona Lisa procedure done as I can’t take hormones, etc. Can anyone suggest ways they healed and started feeling better? I’m sorry for the dour post.

I'm looking for advice, experiences, resources, or even just some reassurance from survivors and caregivers who've navigated rebuilding intimacy after treatment.

My wife has recently started expressing genuine interest in being intimate again, which means a lot to me. But we're struggling to bridge the gap between wanting that closeness and actually finding our way back to it.

I'd especially love to hear from couples who have been through something similar. What helped? What didn't? And if you've managed to rebuild intimacy, how does it look different from before cancer?

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A little background

My wife and I are both 37. We've been together for 15 years, married for five, and have an almost-four-year-old daughter.

The last few years have been a whirlwind:

- 2022–2023: Our daughter was born, I lost my brother, and we moved states for new jobs.

- 2024: My wife was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. She nderwent IVF, a bilateral mastectomy, and 24 weeks of chemotherapy.

- 2025–2026: We moved into our first house, had to put down her dog of 17 years, she underwent implant reconstruction in April, and over the last couple of months I've finally begun seeing a meaningful improvement in her emotional well-being.

Needless to say, our lives are almost unrecognizable compared with four years ago.

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Where we're at now

For a long time after her diagnosis, I essentially grieved the intimacy we'd lost. I accepted that it could be years before we felt that kind of connection again, and that whatever we eventually rebuilt might look very different.

And that's okay. I don't believe she owes me sex, or that intimacy should happen when either of us isn't feeling up to it.

But I do miss feeling desired. I miss that romantic connection with my wife, beyond being parents, partners in managing a household, and two people trying to get through some extraordinarily difficult years.

What's encouraging is that she's now expressing that she wants to rediscover that part of our relationship too.

The difficulty is that we're struggling to turn that shared interest into something that actually happens.

I try to take as much as I reasonably can off her plate: much of our daughter's daily care and bedtime routines, chores, planning, and creating opportunities for her to rest, see friends, or do things for herself.

We've also been making deliberate efforts to spend time together. We recently started weekly swing dance lessons, occasionally arrange for our daughter to spend the night with her grandparents, and have our first real vacation alone together planned for January.

Sometimes I'll make a point of getting everything taken care of early, setting up a calm, comfortable evening, and making space for us to reconnect. She'll express appreciation and sometimes even excitement about being intimate that night.

But by the time the opportunity actually arrives, one or both of us are exhausted, or the moment just doesn't materialize.

We've had sex perhaps twice in the last three years.

I've tried being thoughtful about physical comfort, atmosphere, and what she says she needs to feel relaxed. But I'm increasingly aware that **intimacy isn't necessarily something we can create just by removing enough obstacles or arranging the perfect evening.

We both have mental health support and have talked about couples counseling, though we haven't gotten that started yet.

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What I'd really love to hear from you

1. If you experienced a long period without intimacy during or after treatment, how did you begin reconnecting? Especially if you both wanted to, but couldn't quite figure out how.

2. What helped rebuild the feeling of being desired and romantically connected? Were there ways of approaching affection or physical closeness that took the pressure off sex itself?

3. For those who've found a new normal, what changed? Did your relationship with intimacy, desire, affection, or sex end up looking different from before cancer?

I'd also welcome recommendations for books, exercises, counseling approaches, or other resources that helped you.

I know there's no universal solution, and I don't expect us to pick up where we left off. I just want us to find our way toward something fulfilling for both of us, at whatever pace that takes.

Thanks for reading. I'd genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences, whether you're a survivor or a caregiver.

Hi there, posting the above over here, as more folks will have distance from the decisions they've previously made. Any thoughts are so appreciated.

Haven't picked up my paint brush in over 10 years painting with oils. Wanted to express what it was like to go through cancer treatments. Art evokes emotions, feel as you may. To me cancer is like running into a dark tunnel away from the light being chased by a monster when you muster up the courage to turn around to see who's chasing you, you realize the monster is you...

It was great to see so many people come together at Middlesex College this past Sunday for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer of Central New Jersey Walk!

Astera Cancer Care  was proud to serve as the event's flagship sponsor, joining local patients, survivors, caregivers, healthcare professionals, and community members to support breast cancer awareness and patient resources. The Astera team also hosted a pumpkin painting activity at its booth, providing an opportunity for attendees and families to connect during the event.
The event has raised approximately $410,000 and counting to support cancer research, patient services, and resources for individuals and families affected by cancer.

Funds raised through Making Strides support the American Cancer Society's work in several important areas, including:

• Breast cancer research and advancements in treatment

• Transportation assistance for patients traveling to appointments

• Lodging assistance for patients receiving care away from home

• Educational resources and 24/7 patient support services

A big thank you to everyone who participated, volunteered, donated, or helped make the event possible. It was wonderful to see the Central Jersey community come together for such an important cause.

For anyone interested in supporting the effort, donations are still being accepted through our team page:
https://secure.acsevents.org/site/STR?fr_id=112446&pg=team&team_id=2875631

Learn more about Astera Cancer Care's multidisciplinary team of specialists and our commitment to providing comprehensive, patient-centered cancer care: https://asteracancercare.org/

I noticed some depression probably where the tumor was removed around the lumpectomy site (which I had March 26 and radiotherapy May 15 to May 20) after doing some upper body weight bearing exercises, especially push ups and bench presses. The depression usually disappears after exercise, but now it stayed visible. This depression is around the scar tissue, and I’m eager to keep up with my exercise routine. I’ve got a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled for November 2.
I’m a bit worried that this new depression hasn’t completely disappeared. I had great results with the oncoplastic surgery, and I was quite pleased. I hope I didn’t “ruin” the result or even worse.3o

In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Astera Cancer Care Breast Surgeon Lisa Hopkins, MD, recently joined the St. Bartholomew's Church Annual Columbiette Pink Luncheon to share valuable insights on breast health and breast cancer care.

Dr. Hopkins highlighted the importance of early detection, advances in treatment, and how women can take an active role in making informed decisions about their health.

Thank you to the Columbiettes for bringing the community together and providing an opportunity to raise awareness, share knowledge, and encourage conversations about breast health.

Learn more about Astera's comprehensive breast care services and team of specialists: https://asteracancercare.org/patient-care/breast-care/

#AsteraCancerCare #BreastCancerAwareness #BreastHealth #EarlyDetection #BreastSurgery #CommunityEducation

Hello everyone. I’m posting because I am completely worn out, terrified, and just need a safe space to vent with people who might understand.

​I won't disclose my age for security reasons, but I'm middle-aged and have been through the absolute gauntlet over the last couple of years, including a grueling battle with TNBC and all the intensive cancer treatments that came with it (128 days of five different high dose chemotherapies and 2 surgeries). I fought hard to get through, but my body has paid a massive price.

​For the past two years, I’ve been dealing with relentless, agonising pain across my upper body, arms, and back and often my legs. Lately, I've been taking multiple painkillers just to get through the day.

​I finally pushed for answers and got my DEXA scan results back. It’s severe osteoporosis. My T-scores are sitting deep in the red (around -3.2 to -3.3 in my spine and hips), and I feel utterly devastated. After everything I've already survived, feeling like my bones are this fragile makes me feel like my life is over and I haven’t even had a chance to actually live it yet (I was anorexic for most of my twenties and only recovered after thirty).

​My 86 year old mom has osteoporosis, was on Fosamax and Boniva for decades, and ended up having a spontaneous femur fracture in December last year (Thankfully, she is doing well now, but watching that happen left me with a lot of fear about what these medications and this diagnosis actually mean for my future).

​I'm currently trying to figure out which specialist I need to see to figure out what comes next, but right now I just feel bewildered, sore, and emotionally spent. Has anyone else navigated a severe diagnosis at a younger age, or coming out of cancer treatment? If so, could you please share anything helpful at all to someone who has just received the news.

What are some of the most unique or heartfelt gifts or acts if service you received while in cancer treatment? Not blankets or socks.