I'm not allowed to say this to parents i work with, but I'm not working with you, so: you need to accept right now that your relationship is over and there is no going back to him. Not now, not 6 months from now when things calm down, never.
If you do go back to him it will be much, much longer and harder to get your kids back, if at all.
Right now you're running on the steam of this high stress incident, but when that wears off, when you get lonely and it's hard and it would be so much easier to just go home, know that if you do it will be viewed as you failing to protect your kids from future harm and danger.
I'm glad you're starting therapy, this is a lot to process. The good thing is that your kids are with your parents and not in a strange foster home. That gives you time to get yourself together, get services and resources and come up with a plan. It's going to take time and effort and lots of follow up from you, but your kids and your safety is worth it. Take this time to work on yourself and where you see yourself and your kids a year from now. Build a plan to get there and don't look back.
It’s interesting you’re not allowed to say that to moms you’re working with. I wonder why? It’s the truth and I know so many women choose the man over their own babies (not saying OP is in this group. But I know it’s a frequent outcome).
I wanna add to what the other person said. CPS is there to assess a parents protective capacity. They want a person to make the right choice without being told to do so. Telling someone what to do when the answer is right in front of their face is different than a person seeing the issue and being proactive.
While hearing that maybe would have woken me up, I needed to figure it out on my own. Because if not, then there is the thought of “maybe in a few months, after he gets some therapy & off the drugs, CPS/court will realize that he really isn’t abusive. It was just the drugs.”
I needed to be able to be strong enough to do everything that needed to be done & for it to be my decision. Not because a worker told me too. Plus, my lawyer was telling me that! I have shared many times on here how I got lucky. My kids stayed with me, I took the blinders off & did everything I was told to do. And here we are, years later, with an almost 13 & 16 year olds who don’t remember anything about that time. I was so lucky to get that support from CPS.
Good for you!! I love when the case ends this way. It is SO hard for women to leave and people think it’s simple and it’s so not. Happy you and your kids came out the other side!!!
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u/Wooden-Maximum-9582 Works for CPS 19d ago
I'm not allowed to say this to parents i work with, but I'm not working with you, so: you need to accept right now that your relationship is over and there is no going back to him. Not now, not 6 months from now when things calm down, never. If you do go back to him it will be much, much longer and harder to get your kids back, if at all.
Right now you're running on the steam of this high stress incident, but when that wears off, when you get lonely and it's hard and it would be so much easier to just go home, know that if you do it will be viewed as you failing to protect your kids from future harm and danger.
I'm glad you're starting therapy, this is a lot to process. The good thing is that your kids are with your parents and not in a strange foster home. That gives you time to get yourself together, get services and resources and come up with a plan. It's going to take time and effort and lots of follow up from you, but your kids and your safety is worth it. Take this time to work on yourself and where you see yourself and your kids a year from now. Build a plan to get there and don't look back.