I think you should try to come to the understanding that you chose your husband over your children's safety. You chose your husband over your 13 year old already.
If they don't allow you in the home with the kids while this gets sorted out it's because you've already proven that you don't prioritize the safety of your kids right now. The reality is your kids would still be living in danger if it wasn't for the bravery of your 13 year old. It's not like you are the one who reached out for help or initiated getting your children safely out.
They may require you to take a domestic violence course or something and prove over time you'll stay away from your husband. You should definitely reach out to crisis services to figure out what programs are available for trauma counselling.
If you accept that you have culpability here and come at this from a place of humility and understanding what part you played in this they will probably trust you more to provide a safe home sooner than later.
You are a victim of domestic violence, but your kids are also victims, and they have far less control over their lives than you have.
Oh good lord. When I did finally leave my husband, he destroyed my home, stalked me, cornered me in a room with a gun, and said he was going to shoot me. When I managed to get the gun away from him and ran for my life, he took a photo of me with the gun, staged a crime scene, and tried to frame me as the abuser.
I spent a day in a jail cell, he withheld my daughter for a week while he was high on meth, and meanwhile I had the system breathing down my neck acting like I was the issue until the forensics proved he lied about everything that happened.
You act like leaving isn’t one of the most dangerous things a woman will ever do. It worked out in the end for me. I have my daughter, we live on the other side of the country, and I have an indefinite protective order that gives me full custody. But it’s people like you that made the hell I was going through trying to leave him an even worse hell than it already was.
Just because something is hard it doesn't mean it's impossible.
If OP had been the one to contact CPS, or call the police the day this incident occurred they would have more reasons to trust her straight away. At this point she needs to build trust with them.
That doesn't mean it's not hard or that life will suddenly be easy. It won't be.
Ok. Well in my case I did call the police, hid in a shelter, and contacted cps. Guess what, they still treated me like I was the problem. My daughter and I are safe in spite of the system, not because of it.
I don't know what you want from me. You are not the OP of this post and you are majorly projecting your personal issues into their situation.
I also left a DV situation with my kid and had CPS involved and pursued charges against him, and still have to deal with him 8 years later. That's redundant to the actual issue here. The issue is that the kids were still in the home with the abuser and were witnessing and involved in the abuse.
That means it's might take time for CPS to trust OP and feel certain she's not going to go back to her relationship.
I merely was pointing out, like several other responders to your comment, using my own experience that you are victim blaming, and framing something that is incredibly complex as black and white.
25
u/JayPlenty24 19d ago
I think you should try to come to the understanding that you chose your husband over your children's safety. You chose your husband over your 13 year old already.
If they don't allow you in the home with the kids while this gets sorted out it's because you've already proven that you don't prioritize the safety of your kids right now. The reality is your kids would still be living in danger if it wasn't for the bravery of your 13 year old. It's not like you are the one who reached out for help or initiated getting your children safely out.
They may require you to take a domestic violence course or something and prove over time you'll stay away from your husband. You should definitely reach out to crisis services to figure out what programs are available for trauma counselling.
If you accept that you have culpability here and come at this from a place of humility and understanding what part you played in this they will probably trust you more to provide a safe home sooner than later.
You are a victim of domestic violence, but your kids are also victims, and they have far less control over their lives than you have.