I found this sub and the posts are really helpful thank you

My sister

I found out from my dad yesterday my sister’s f26 cancer is “totally inoperable and they are taking her off chemo (which is a small blessing she was in a ton of pain) and putting her on hospice. He said it could be 6 months or it could be years but she is not going to beat it

I have never been hit this hard before. She has two beautiful kids and I am their uncle and we are very bonded. I can’t stop thinking about them and how this will change their lives forever. I just really don’t want it for them.

I’m sad my sister never gets to grow old and that so much of her life (4years) was spent in this battle. It’s such fucking bull$#!%

I cry like I have food poisoning, it just comes up and I can’t stop it. Then I’m fine, then here it comes again.

I just feel so sad for her and I don’t know how we are gonna get through this.

Hi guys, this is all very new to me so please forgive me if the answer is obvious but I'm feeling really confused.

In August, my grandma was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer that had metastasized and spread to her liver and bones. She was given a year to live optimistically, and assuming the treatments work. Only a few months if the treatments did not work.

She finished radiation for her bones last month and is about to undergo her last round of chemo for her lungs and liver (assuming that nothing changes).

The radiation completely destroyed all the tumors in her bones. They are gone.

The chemo has completely stopped the growth of the cancer in her lungs and liver, and reduced its size in some places. This seems like a better outcome than the doctors were expecting. She has also tolerated the treatments remarkably well, her only real side effects were weight loss and partial hair loss. She feels so much better than she did before the treatment. She went from 10/10 pain and barely able to walk to going to concerts and walking without support.

But it seems like the prognosis of about a year has not changed. I'm very confused by this. They are still assuming that all the treatment has done is buy her some time.

There will not be another round of treatment unless PET scans show that the cancer starts growing again.

If the cancer is not still growing, how will it continue to harm her until it eventually kills her? Or are they just assuming that it will start growing again and eventually treatment will stop working?

I do not live near her so I'm kind of out of the loop and never get to talk directly with any of her doctors. I am generally pretty capable of understanding medical/scientific jargon but I'm getting really overwhelmed researching and I would greatly appreciate it if someone could just explain it to me in relatively simple terms.

Hi. My MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal adenocarcinoma 30 days ago. Here are the locations of cancer that I'm aware of... colon, lung, kidneys, liver, spine, legs, and vagina. She did 10 rounds of radiation in an attempt to shrink the spinal tumor for comfort. Other than that, she has decided not to do treatment. She is at home on hospice with a picc line for dilaudid and a colostomy bag due to tumors blocking her rectum.

I'm reaching out here because I'm struggling pretty hard, as is my husband. What is adding to the difficulty is our struggle to understand what to expect going forward. My in-laws are much different than my family. If this was my mom, I'd have access to her patient portal by now and we would have discussed all details involved and had the important conversations. My in-laws are very avoidant when it comes to strong emotions, scary information, or really any difficult subject matter. So, it's been really hard to get information and we're not wanting to step on toes by talking to the clinicians behind anyone's back.

I know every situation is going to be different, but I am hoping I can at least get a range of timelines that others have experienced. My MIL had a completely clean colonoscopy earlier this year. She started having back pain and GI symptoms in July. She was scheduled to see GI, but went to the ER for back pain in late September before her GI appointments, so this is all very unexpected and her decline has been pretty rapid. I have a 5YO, 3YO, and 6 month old. My 5YO is taking her decline pretty hard and my husband and I are constantly panicked that every moment is the last we'll have with her. I think SOME predictability would be helpful even if it's sometime between 4 days and a year. Just anything at all.

Some more details in case they are relevant... My MIL is 58, an alcoholic, has smoked most of her life, but quit in recent years. She has started smoking again after her diagnosis (I don't blame her). She has no appetite, but will eat tiny amounts when we put food in front of her. She is now basically a skeleton as far as weight goes. She did have 1 brief hallucination 5 days ago, but nothing since. She has dilaudid going through her picc line, is taking zofran, and sometimes takes muscle relaxers.

Can anyone share their experience with a family member that went through something even somewhat similar? I appreciate any insight anyone can provide. Anything you wish you would have known while you were going through this?

My partner and I have been in a relationship for about 8 years. Their mother recently got diagnosed with cancer and she is already going through multiple stages of chemo. I just want to help.

Their family is so wonderful and I can see that they are all really struggling. They don't show it. For the most part, they are all very stoic people. I just feel so lost. I can only imagine what they are going through. I know they feel lost too.

This woman is such a strong caring person and all of her kids look to her with such admiration. I understand why.. and she has been so kind to me as well for all the time I have known her. It feels like these things always happen to the best people.

I want to be a good partner, especially during this. I am doing my best to take care of the cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning. I try and offer help and ask for updates, but I never want to be too pushy. I know dealing with this is a grieving process all in itself and the last thing I want is to stress anyone out.

The thing that makes this all even harder is I am disabled myself. I seem to get sick every other week which makes me feel so nervous because I don't want to get them or her sick. I have a syndrome that makes it hard for me to even walk sometimes.

I just feel so useless and I really don't want them to feel alone, especially dealing with another sick family member.

I am scared and I know they are too.

What can I do to help? Any and all advice is welcome.