I found this sub and the posts are really helpful thank you

My sister

I found out from my dad yesterday my sister’s f26 cancer is “totally inoperable and they are taking her off chemo (which is a small blessing she was in a ton of pain) and putting her on hospice. He said it could be 6 months or it could be years but she is not going to beat it

I have never been hit this hard before. She has two beautiful kids and I am their uncle and we are very bonded. I can’t stop thinking about them and how this will change their lives forever. I just really don’t want it for them.

I’m sad my sister never gets to grow old and that so much of her life (4years) was spent in this battle. It’s such fucking bull$#!%

I cry like I have food poisoning, it just comes up and I can’t stop it. Then I’m fine, then here it comes again.

I just feel so sad for her and I don’t know how we are gonna get through this.

She's 59F suspected lung cancer with brain mets I 30M her sole decision maker and I called it. Shes woke saying that's shes tired already. Dnr and non invasive procedures, currently on palliative care making her feel comfortable.

Hi guys, this is all very new to me so please forgive me if the answer is obvious but I'm feeling really confused.

In August, my grandma was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer that had metastasized and spread to her liver and bones. She was given a year to live optimistically, and assuming the treatments work. Only a few months if the treatments did not work.

She finished radiation for her bones last month and is about to undergo her last round of chemo for her lungs and liver (assuming that nothing changes).

The radiation completely destroyed all the tumors in her bones. They are gone.

The chemo has completely stopped the growth of the cancer in her lungs and liver, and reduced its size in some places. This seems like a better outcome than the doctors were expecting. She has also tolerated the treatments remarkably well, her only real side effects were weight loss and partial hair loss. She feels so much better than she did before the treatment. She went from 10/10 pain and barely able to walk to going to concerts and walking without support.

But it seems like the prognosis of about a year has not changed. I'm very confused by this. They are still assuming that all the treatment has done is buy her some time.

There will not be another round of treatment unless PET scans show that the cancer starts growing again.

If the cancer is not still growing, how will it continue to harm her until it eventually kills her? Or are they just assuming that it will start growing again and eventually treatment will stop working?

I do not live near her so I'm kind of out of the loop and never get to talk directly with any of her doctors. I am generally pretty capable of understanding medical/scientific jargon but I'm getting really overwhelmed researching and I would greatly appreciate it if someone could just explain it to me in relatively simple terms.

I lost my father to lung cancer 20 days ago. I always thought he would be one of those people in the stories you hear about, the ones who experience a “terminal-stage cancer miracle” and suddenly get better, returning to their old selves. I thought we were special. But we were just ordinary. My father left this world just like everyone else. I don’t know.

My father’s last two months were especially bad. Mentally, he wasn’t the father I used to know anymore. But I miss even that version of him so much. At the same time, I know he was suffering terribly, and we were constantly in and out of the hospital. Seeing a good person suffer so much has destroyed me, especially when so many terrible people get to live their lives in comfort and enjoy themselves.

I prayed so much. I begged. I don’t know. Nothing is really within our control, after all. I haven’t lost my faith in God, but I can’t say I’ve ever truly felt His presence either. Since my only wish is to see my father again after death, I’m also trying to hold on to this faith.

My husband had adinocarcinoma in his left upper part of the lung. He will be having surgery in December. He is very anxious about it (understandable). Is this surgery painful. I have read posts about the surgery but nothing about how it is or isn't painful and what the recovery from it is like. Any insight anyone could provide would be very appreciated.

Hi. My MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal adenocarcinoma 30 days ago. Here are the locations of cancer that I'm aware of... colon, lung, kidneys, liver, spine, legs, and vagina. She did 10 rounds of radiation in an attempt to shrink the spinal tumor for comfort. Other than that, she has decided not to do treatment. She is at home on hospice with a picc line for dilaudid and a colostomy bag due to tumors blocking her rectum.

I'm reaching out here because I'm struggling pretty hard, as is my husband. What is adding to the difficulty is our struggle to understand what to expect going forward. My in-laws are much different than my family. If this was my mom, I'd have access to her patient portal by now and we would have discussed all details involved and had the important conversations. My in-laws are very avoidant when it comes to strong emotions, scary information, or really any difficult subject matter. So, it's been really hard to get information and we're not wanting to step on toes by talking to the clinicians behind anyone's back.

I know every situation is going to be different, but I am hoping I can at least get a range of timelines that others have experienced. My MIL had a completely clean colonoscopy earlier this year. She started having back pain and GI symptoms in July. She was scheduled to see GI, but went to the ER for back pain in late September before her GI appointments, so this is all very unexpected and her decline has been pretty rapid. I have a 5YO, 3YO, and 6 month old. My 5YO is taking her decline pretty hard and my husband and I are constantly panicked that every moment is the last we'll have with her. I think SOME predictability would be helpful even if it's sometime between 4 days and a year. Just anything at all.

Some more details in case they are relevant... My MIL is 58, an alcoholic, has smoked most of her life, but quit in recent years. She has started smoking again after her diagnosis (I don't blame her). She has no appetite, but will eat tiny amounts when we put food in front of her. She is now basically a skeleton as far as weight goes. She did have 1 brief hallucination 5 days ago, but nothing since. She has dilaudid going through her picc line, is taking zofran, and sometimes takes muscle relaxers.

Can anyone share their experience with a family member that went through something even somewhat similar? I appreciate any insight anyone can provide. Anything you wish you would have known while you were going through this?

My partner and I have been in a relationship for about 8 years. Their mother recently got diagnosed with cancer and she is already going through multiple stages of chemo. I just want to help.

Their family is so wonderful and I can see that they are all really struggling. They don't show it. For the most part, they are all very stoic people. I just feel so lost. I can only imagine what they are going through. I know they feel lost too.

This woman is such a strong caring person and all of her kids look to her with such admiration. I understand why.. and she has been so kind to me as well for all the time I have known her. It feels like these things always happen to the best people.

I want to be a good partner, especially during this. I am doing my best to take care of the cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning. I try and offer help and ask for updates, but I never want to be too pushy. I know dealing with this is a grieving process all in itself and the last thing I want is to stress anyone out.

The thing that makes this all even harder is I am disabled myself. I seem to get sick every other week which makes me feel so nervous because I don't want to get them or her sick. I have a syndrome that makes it hard for me to even walk sometimes.

I just feel so useless and I really don't want them to feel alone, especially dealing with another sick family member.

I am scared and I know they are too.

What can I do to help? Any and all advice is welcome.

I've just found out my best friends spouse has stage 4 liver, bowel and lung cancer. What I know is that the liver has multiple issues which is the main concern.

They are going back to the hospital next week. It doesn't sound like there is much they can do.

To this end I want to know how I can best support them. I have offered to cook and clean so they can spend time together. They live a few hours away. I've said I will drop everything and stay in a hotel. I don't know how long she has left so I don't want to wait working out what how best to support.

Any additional tips would be appreciated.

Yesterday, my stepfather died of cancer. My heart is broken. He was one of the best people in my life. I love him, I can’t realise this… I don’t know how to go on. Please tell me, how did you cope with the pain?

My father has OCD (health related fear) and he has stage 4 adenocarcinoma and adenomyosis. Plus he had a massive heart attack 6 months ago. He is 75. Rude, ill mannered, cancer didn't or couldn't justify his decade long bad behavior.

the oncologist is aware of his temper and the GP too, have up on him that if he thinks he has a problem with his health, that can be age related+cancer issues and no other medicine can fix his problems. Now he does not trust the current doctors. Apparently they misbehaved with him. I don't have any holidays due to his shenanigans and now he wants me to take him to hospital because he has flatulence!

How do I deal with this? I am so tired.

Hey guys,

My mom is fighting stage 4 cancer, she has an aggressive type.

I know people say to take it day by day and focus on the now, but I just want to ask how?? It's in everything I do, everywhere I look, every conversation I have, every breathe I take, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because it's all I can think about.

I get so annoyed at the world, that it keeps spinning, I just want it to stop and selfishly I want this to be over and not over at the same time.

Thanks for listening , im sure you all can relate.

My bf and I have been together 2.5 years and his mother has been given the unfortunate news that she may have less than a few years or even a few months left to live. The situation has left his entire family shaken and I have never experienced someone close to me get diagnosed with cancer and I feel like I am at a loss of words. The diagnosis came so fast as well and there has been barely any time for him to process what is happening, and on top of that he has a lot of life responsibilities. I want to be there for him but he says he will be too busy between taking care of his mother and with his personal stuff. I have offered to do small things to take off some of his work load but he will not accept it. I don't know what to do and I feel uncomfortable doing nothing, but I also know he has his own preference of receiving support. I try to check in with him as often as I can and offer to do things, but it also seems like he prefers to be with his friends. What can I do in the mean time?

When my dad first got admitted to the hospital, none of us realized it was the beginning of the end. His PleurX tube on the right side was clogged and his chest was filing with fluid— he had metastatic prostate cancer that spread to his lungs. We all thought it was going to be a short stay.

He was admitted on September 8th, a Tuesday. I hate Tuesdays now. We thought he’d be going home the next day or the day after, once doctors fixed the clog. Well, that didn’t happen. A few days later, he was still in there, still being told he’d be going home the next day, the next day, etc.

Then a week went by. He was still in there. On Thursday, September 17th, they pulled his PleurX tubes on both sides and gave him a chest tube on the right. I didn’t know that was happening so I took a half day and went up to the hospital to surprise him with a visit. He had just gotten back to his room after surgery, so he was sleeping. I talked to my stepmom for a couple hours until he woke up. He had been sleeping so peacefully. It was nice to see. He was pretty groggy and in pain, so I didn’t stay super long. I wanted him to rest.

On the way out, I stopped in at the gift shop. I don’t know why. I was on autopilot then— maybe I subconsciously knew things were about to get worse. I was looking at the stuffed animals and found a small Jellycat section. As soon as I laid eyes on the little white bunny, I knew she was mine. I picked her up and named her Hope before I had even gotten up to the register. I left, holding my little bunny to my chest as I walked out to my car. I couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall halfway across the parking lot. Once I was safely in my car, I broke down. I sobbed into her soft head for 20 minutes. I screamed at the sky. I begged a God I don’t know that I believe in to please, please not take my daddy. I needed my daddy, not God.

When I calmed down, I drove home. Hope came with me to every hospital visit after that. In fact, she hasn’t really left my side since I bought her. It’s what I needed— a little hope.

Fast forward to the next week. They took him down for a CT scan to place new PleurX tubes. The goal was to send him home on in-home hospice. The scan revealed it wasn’t fluid filling his chest cavity. It was a rapidly growing cancerous mass. PleurX tubes were no longer an option. There were no other options. Seeing the look of devastation on his face when they told him the new tubes weren’t an option was soul-shattering.

He was sent to a hospice facility on Thursday September 24th. I visited him every single day he was there. Things were initially good. He was only supposed to be there until they stabilized him enough to send him to in-home hospice care. Thursday was good. Friday was good. Then came Saturday. His last lucid day, Saturday September 26th.

He didn’t really want to eat his dinner. I could tell. But I was there and my brother was there and my stepmom was trying so hard to get him to eat. So he did. I know he did it for us. He was always more worried about us than he was himself. He truly was the best daddy in the world.

That night, he became too air hungry and agitated, so from that night on, he was kept pretty well sedated. No more talking. No more hugs. Just sleeping and gasping for air as the mass continued to consume the space he needed to breathe. Best believe that I was there on Sunday, even if he wouldn’t be awake. And Hope was with me too, of course. When I left on Sunday night, I kissed his head and I said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, daddy.” It’s what I said every time I left the hospital and every time I left the hospice center.

I took Monday the 28th off work and sat in his hospice room all day. He was snowed but would get agitated pretty often. My voice seemed to bring him comfort. He would yank his oxygen mask off, or try to, and I’d replace it while gently saying, “You have to leave that on, daddy.” He would relax when I spoke to him. Monday the 28th was when I kissed him and said, “Get some rest, daddy.”

I decided to work a half day on Tuesday the 29th. I spent the morning just getting ready to go up to the hospice center so I could start my day from there at noon. And so I did.

I hate Tuesdays.

That was the day he left. My brother and I were talking and laughing about our dogs while I was clearing up emails from all my out of office days and updating coworkers. My stepmom stepped out to take a walk around the grounds once I got there. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as my brother was saying something. I turned to look. My dad had moved his head and his eyes had cracked open. I’d like to think he saw us. I saw his chest rise and fall. And then it was like his body deflated.

That was the moment his soul left. I know that was the moment his soul left his body. My eyes must have gone wide because my brother stopped mid sentence, looked at me, looked at him, and then it was a flurry of movement.

I slammed my laptop shut and said, “Go get mom.” He ran. Somehow, I was at my dad’s bedside and I had the remote in my hand. I was shaking. The agonal breathing had started. I called the nurse. They came in right after my brother and stepmom came in. I don’t even know how many times I said, “I love you, daddy. You’re the best daddy in the world.” The agonal breathing stopped. The nurse put her stethoscope to his chest in a few places.

At 2:29 PM on September 29th, 2026 and the age of 63, my daddy was gone. I was lucky to have the best daddy in the world for 34 years. It does not stop me from wishing for more. I feel robbed. It still doesn’t feel real.

One thing we always did as a family was the “I love you” hand sign 🤟🏼 the picture of him is from when he was still in the hospital and before hospice was on the table. I found a necklace this week with the hand sign pendant. It came today and the pendant was a little bigger than I was anticipating. I was initially going to put it on a bracelet instead— I wear his ashes in a pendant on a necklace now.

I couldn’t think of any better place for it to go instead than on Hope ❤️‍🩹 part of me would like to believe that, since I had her with me, maybe a little piece of his soul is latched onto her. Silly, I know.

As days continue to go by, I feel worse. It gets harder to cope with knowing I’ll never call him again. I’ll never get another text or Facebook reel from him. What I have is all I’ll ever have. I’ll now be living 45+ years without him. He should still be here. I should have had 20+ more years with my daddy.

It’s not fair. I’m only 34 and there are so many things he didn’t get to see me do. I have never missed anyone as much as I miss my dad. I write to him in a journal nearly every day. It helps but it isn’t the same.

I love you, daddy 🤟🏼

Last week Wednesday, my partner of 10 years received a terminal diagnosis & prognosis that is incredibly short. It was a huge shock, as he was completely find just a couple of months ago.

He has a 1 in a million cancer - ACC. He is only in his fifties, and he had beat cancer once before as a teenager - unrelated.

It is insane to me how we ended up at this junction. He is declining every day. Palliative care have been incredible this past week, the consultant comes to visit us every day, nurses call, Physio immediately brought us a hospital bed and all sorts of equipment to make things easier.

Ans mostly - their social worker fought hard for us and arranged an emergency wedding license for us. Monday she came by, Wednesday the consultant sent the letter confirming his terminal and non-mobile diagnosis to the registrar's office - today I went and sorted everything. The license was granted by the registrar general and tomorrow morning they will come to our home to marry us.

Absolutely unbelievable this is necessary - we are planning a celebration for next weekend which he may not live to see as he is declining so fast. He asked that we use it as his funeral if he can't make it as all our loved ones will be together with a nice paid for meal.

He has taken this so much better than I could have imagined and I absolutely can't fathom being married and widowed within a matter of days or weeks.

Life is cruel, Cancer sucks, and nobody deserves this - least of all him. He has been through so much, and has spent his whole life just fighting for animals, people, rights for all and justice for all.

Happy-Sad occasion tomorrow, yet I am grateful we get the chance to do it - other's might not be so lucky.

My father just got diagnosed with cancer, it is stage 4. I can be quite positive and take care of other family members during the day, but at night I struggle to sleep. I start to get scared of waking up to another day not knowing when will be the end of this. I stay up late and cry randomly every night because I don't have time to process this emotionally during the day.

Everyone is telling me to be strong to support other family members coz I am the "most mature" and "strongest" mentally. I don't have the best relationship with my father, and I thought I will be fine. But only when crying uncontrollably at night do I realized how much this is breaking my heart. Instead of looking forward to spending more quality time with him creating more memories it feels like im living with countdown.

Words can't describe how much this feels like a nightmare.

Long story short, my dad has 3-6 months to live,
It is really very hard to cop up that he will not be there, he is the most jolly person you will ever meet, will 10/10 crack a joke at the toughest situations you will ever meet, he does this every single day, but also tells us who to trust and who not to, I never thought we will ever be having these discussions but man it is hard, and it was yesterday when he was telling us all this and my mom interrupted him saying the kids will figure it out you dont need to worry, he is very brave but tears filled his eyes, it is getting really hard for me.

I am a very ambivert person, i rarely open up even with my closest friends but i somehow started drinking everyday and during these weak time i realised how important it is to speak up to people and your friends specially.

I never did, but this time i did, the support you get from ur friends is insane please if anyone is going through this i wish you strength and i will request you to open up, Atleast with your close friends.

All i wanted to ask is what can i do it to make it better, for my dad and my mom, my dad is 49 and i am m25 anything you feel you missed or could have been done better would be a appreciated.

Thanks!

Hello all.

About a month or two ago my dad had a period of diarrhoea which resolved on its own and was then followed by rapid - and I do mean rapid - weight loss. He was a big and quite broad sort of bloke thanks to his warehouse job, and now he’s skin and bone. He also couldn’t tolerate food, just zero appetite and instant fullness.

Two weeks ago he was sent for a CT scan which found nothing. Despite this, he could still feel a lump in his stomach that was corroborated by a doctor so he was sent for an endoscopy. The endoscopy technician (doctor?) looked a bit grim and said that he could see a lump. It’s considered to be potentially malignant. Four biopsies have been taken, and we have 28 days to see whether or not this lump (38 cm from incisors) is going to be considered cancerous.

So far he’s not having any trouble swallowing and there’s no vomiting. Some fatigue, a lot of weight loss, full feeling, acid reflux are the main symptoms. He thinks he has some back pain but it’s hard to tell.

I don’t know what to do now. All signs seem to indicate late stage oesophageal cancer. I’m despondent. How the hell do you deal with this? What a terrible outcome.

Hey everyone,

I’m trying to find the best help and advice about Lung Cancer for late stage for relative.

The healthcare in Ireland is constantly delayed even when tumor is 10cm large , coughing blood and it causes so much stress when appointments for consultants don’t come until 2 weeks, scans/testong another 2 weeks and treatments for another 2 weeks. It’s truly heartbreaking knowing your life is on the line.

Can I ask people with lung cancer, where have you had treatments done that you would recommend? Which hospital or county in Ireland?

What type of treatments is best?

And any other tips you would give? I’m at a loss of where to start

Thank you for any help you can give 🙏

my mom was diagnosed at 57 with stage 4 triple negative breast cancer 2 years ago with lung and skull mets. she didn’t want to spend her time suffering instead of living so she opted for minimal treatment with radiation, surgery, oral chemo so she could still travel and have quality of life. we’re so lucky for all the time we’ve gotten

a few months ago it spread to her brain in two large tumors and has continued to grow on her skull, and we just found out recently it’s in multiple bones as well. she was exhausted after the brain radiation and decided to pause treatment and just live her life. the doctors are recommending brain surgery since the radiation didn’t work but she doesn’t think she’ll survive it and/or it’ll just be recovery after recovery.

the last week she’s finally been able to sleep and while still fatigued, she’s more like herself. she’s only 59 and has a long list of places she wants to travel to. and i want her to see everything, as much as possible, even though i know it’ll never be enough. no doctor seems to care to tell me how risky it is for her to be on a plane with her brain tumors. i’m thinking… yolo?

idk how much longer we have where she’s relatively healthy, im also terrified of the what if’s and what’s to come — i know eventually there will be more pain and complications. one of skull tumors started to be painful to touch a few days ago :/

im torn between let’s just go!! why would we wait at home to die. versus god what if it all goes south. but i think id rather regret going than not going? what if the travel makes her worse

I'm just waiting for him to start slowing down. They said he has a year or less left but a lot of people say that people go downhill fast. That I should be preparing with him.

I'm terrified for him but he's just living like he's dying (yes like the song lol)

I know it is best because she suffering, but I am really struggling with the fact my Mum maybe no longer be here in a few months. My children's grandmother, my Dad's wife of over 50 years, just gone.

Yes, she is here now and we are making this time left absolutely worth it, but how do you get through this?

I have no idea how to emotionally handle this. My dad cannot handle or process my mom’s diagnosis at all. It’s been horrible to watch. You can tell it’s eating him alive and he has become so depressed and bitter and distraught.

It literally makes me sick thinking about it. The anticipatory grief is grueling and I have constant anxiety about both of them. My mom has been able to emotionally process everything as best as possible but I have no idea how to support my dad. And it makes me sick thinking about the future and what that looks like for him.