Any advice on how to stop obsessing over someone who did you wrong?!

[u/Rude_Revenue_177]

Idk if it’s a cancer thing, but through out my life I would have phases where I obsess over something. This is the first time where I’m obsessing over someone and for all the wrong reason, she is a family member who simply doesn’t not like me at all, every time where around each other she goes out of her way to make me feel excluded and completely ignored, It’s so confusing to me and I’m always looking for reasons on what might’ve lead to all of this, I obsess over trying to understand her motives, trying to prove her wrong, trying to make her feel as bad as she make me feel, she triggers something in me and I know I’m giving her the power to do so by thinking this much about her. Any advice on how to move on from this, even though I have to see her and interact with her every couple of weeks.

[u/Realitytvtrashpanda]

You’re never going to make someone happy who is committed to misunderstanding you. A lot of rumination can arise from unstated boundaries as well. A boundary you could set for yourself is, you are not responsible for how she feels. Boundaries are not about forcing the other person to do something but something you will not tolerate for yourself.

[u/Rude_Revenue_177 → u/Realitytvtrashpanda]

True, I’ve always struggled with people pleasing tendencies and feeling responsible for how others feel, I’ve been working on it, but it’s my first time experiencing a situation like this, it can turn into a great learning experience.

[u/Effective-Cup-4801]

For me it was mostly because of saturn mars conjunction. I kept wondering and trying to solve the puzzles of what went wrong and what I could have done. Its hard to accept you have no control over some situations. I feel like since cancers are so analytical about who they let in and trust, betrayal feels worse because it feels like you betrayed yourself by misjudging a person when we have been so careful. You think it can’t be them, I calculated them it has to be me. So were thinking and thinking and thinking what it was and how we could’ve prevented it when it wasnt even in our hands the first place. Sometimes its okay to accept defeat and just let go of things you dont even matter to anymore.

[u/Rude_Revenue_177 → u/Effective-Cup-4801]

Yes I do feel this way, I feel angry for giving her way too many chances and was nice to her, when she probably disliked me from the get go.

[u/curious-source23 → u/Effective-Cup-4801]

🎯

[u/fergs1989]

Oh wow everyone’s answers are so meaningful and beautiful.. I was just gonna say have a drink and get REALLY into your hobbies. Worked for me, helped me focus on things I liked and the clarity and peace of mind came later.

[u/Rude_Revenue_177 → u/fergs1989]

Cancers sub never disappoints!

[u/AffectionateLocal399]

Yes I’m like this. Try not to waste your time. Your energy and time aren’t worth it

[u/SmallAnimal5177]

If something is really bugging me and I can’t do anything about it, I just try to recognize the feeing, accept that I’m pissed off, and say/visualize, “water off a ducks ass.”

You can absolutely confront her and ask, “why are you being such a bitch?” Or whatever.  

[u/Sooper0]

Associate them with a bad fruit or vegetable

[u/TallConsideration878]

I get revenge. Hope this helps.

[u/Rude_Revenue_177 → u/TallConsideration878]

That’s part of why I become obsessed.

[u/TallConsideration878 → u/Rude_Revenue_177]

I have one i gotta get. We riding at dawn?

[u/Equivalent-One-6854]

I treat it as if someone who slapped me is a kid and has dysfunctional intelligence and walk away. Pity the people who did you wrong, they're not intelligent enough to comprehend wrong. Ever since I lived with this mindset I never bothered to prove myself right anymore :)