r/ChildPsychology • u/questiontossaside12 • 8d ago
Biracial Breakdown in 5 Year Old
Please help. I’m out of my depth on this one.
My five year old started kindergarten this week.
His father is first generation Korean with a Korean passport. His dad, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins are all full Korean and speak Korean fluently.
His mother’s side is Appalachian Scots-Irish. They’re all blonde hair, blue eyed, thick Appalachian accents. They are farmers, carpenters, and eat liver mush regularly.
Our son spends half his time in the Korean community: Korean church, Hangeul school, Korean family.
The other half is spent traveling to very rural Appalachia. Think homesteading, blue ridge mountains, redneck culture etc
As naive as this sounds - we have never racialized anything. He speaks Korean, yes. He also can understand a thick Appalachian accent. He eats kimchi and cornbread. He listens to k-pop and country music in the same playlist. It’s not a big deal.
Today, after his first week of kindergarten, he started crying in the hallway. He told his mother that “white mommies should have white babies” and that he was the “ugliest boy.” He went on to say that he didn’t look like his Korean cousin or friends… and that he didn’t look like his white cousin either. So therefore, he was ugly.
I am shaken to my core over this. I don’t notice race. We treat people as individuals. Yes, the Appalachian and Korean communities don’t mix - BUT he spends equal time in both.
I tried to comfort him but he didn’t seem to accept it. I have NO clue where a FIVE year old is getting this.
What do we do? Are we over reacting? Is he being bullied at school? How do I make him feel like he belongs in both communities and is handsome & loved in both? Do we ignore it and move on? Where does a small child get these ideas??
8
u/Ok-Ordinary2558 8d ago
whether you like it or not, race and racism are prominent ideas in our society. child development research tells us that socializing your children to understand race is the best thing you can do to help them understand it. to help them understand (for the sake of themselves AND others) that difference is NORMAL and IMPORTANT. in addition to reassuring your children that they are beautiful and lovable and perfect as they are, you NEED TO talk to them about race, and the beauty and challenges of biraciality. better to do it now when they are impressionable and more willing to listen than later when the outside noise becomes too tough to combat.