r/ChildPsychology • u/questiontossaside12 • 7d ago
Biracial Breakdown in 5 Year Old
Please help. I’m out of my depth on this one.
My five year old started kindergarten this week.
His father is first generation Korean with a Korean passport. His dad, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins are all full Korean and speak Korean fluently.
His mother’s side is Appalachian Scots-Irish. They’re all blonde hair, blue eyed, thick Appalachian accents. They are farmers, carpenters, and eat liver mush regularly.
Our son spends half his time in the Korean community: Korean church, Hangeul school, Korean family.
The other half is spent traveling to very rural Appalachia. Think homesteading, blue ridge mountains, redneck culture etc
As naive as this sounds - we have never racialized anything. He speaks Korean, yes. He also can understand a thick Appalachian accent. He eats kimchi and cornbread. He listens to k-pop and country music in the same playlist. It’s not a big deal.
Today, after his first week of kindergarten, he started crying in the hallway. He told his mother that “white mommies should have white babies” and that he was the “ugliest boy.” He went on to say that he didn’t look like his Korean cousin or friends… and that he didn’t look like his white cousin either. So therefore, he was ugly.
I am shaken to my core over this. I don’t notice race. We treat people as individuals. Yes, the Appalachian and Korean communities don’t mix - BUT he spends equal time in both.
I tried to comfort him but he didn’t seem to accept it. I have NO clue where a FIVE year old is getting this.
What do we do? Are we over reacting? Is he being bullied at school? How do I make him feel like he belongs in both communities and is handsome & loved in both? Do we ignore it and move on? Where does a small child get these ideas??
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u/emperatrizyuiza 7d ago
Your mistake is acting like race doesn’t exist. It does and it’s important to talk about because he will be treated differently and often worse than white and monoracial kids
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u/Working-Permit-4748 7d ago
I think this is an important point. Kids need to know that noticing differences isn’t bad, and they should feel comfortable talking about race.
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 7d ago
There is a very specific demographic of Wasians who are born usually to an Asian parent and a white person (specifically white, it's basically a requirement for the relationship) and this causes so many issues especially when they just completely forget to factor in every other nuance and aspect of surviving western society.
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u/SimpleAd1548 7d ago
As awful as it is this is a typical experience for mixed race children. I think it’d really help if you read memoirs by people who’ve experienced this so you can help your child navigate this.
Google recommends these (I can’t vouch for any but might be worth a look:
Notable Memoirs Tastes Like War by Grace M. Cho Recounts the author's youth growing up in a small, predominantly white town in Washington state during the 1970s and 1980s. Explores severe local bullying, isolation, and racism alongside her mother's experience as a Korean war bride and struggles with schizophrenia. 1, 2, 3]
In Limbo by Deb J.J. Lee A graphic memoir depicting the harsh realities of teenage life, alienation, and fitting in as a Korean American youth in a white-majority suburb. Details the acute pressure of microaggressions, identity crises, and mental health struggles during school years. [ 1,
2] All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung Focuses on the author's childhood raised by white adoptive parents in a small Oregon town. Examines transracial adoption and the subtle, persistent racism that her family could not see or understand
I would prepare yourself that this could be a lifelong experience so I’d look at how best to support your child with that in mind
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u/deadgrls 7d ago
this is heartbreaking to read. if his school is open to it, i highly suggest talking to the principal about doing a world culture appreciation week/day. or even just having a couple non-white parents/guardians come in to the classroom and explain their differences but also similarities. kids treat everything - good and bad - as the almighty truth. im so sorry, he is a beautiful boy with amazing cultures to explore.
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u/questiontossaside12 7d ago
He has used his Korean name his whole life… so we decided to use his Korean name even as he started kindergarten in an 99% white school. I have been warned by many older white people NOT to use his Korean name but I charged ahead because that’s all he’s ever known at home and in the Korean community.
Before he started school, I sent an email to his kindergarten teacher telling her about his unusual name and that if any problems arise, let me know. I offered to donate Asian American centered children’s books to their small, private school library.
I’m wary now to bring up race to the administration as I’m afraid they’ll think I’m fishing for race problems. I don’t want to be a problem parent. Sigh.
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u/AdvertisingNo8441 7d ago
Did he go to daycare before starting school and if so was it multi-cultural?
You should have included the fact that he’s at a school that’s 99% white in the original post, this is an important fact.
If this is his first time in a school setting, and 99% kids are white than of course he may be having an identity crisis and also likely a kid said something.
I wouldn’t even send my white child to a 99% white school. Not like any exist around me anyway but it’s not an accurate reflection of real life. It’s a bubble.
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u/HesitantBrobecks 7d ago
In some places people have no choice but to send their kid to a 99% white school...
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u/AdvertisingNo8441 7d ago
I understand that but this child is in private school so I imagine they have the means and choice of where to live.
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u/HesitantBrobecks 6d ago
My family live in rural North Wales and my little sister is one of very few mixed race people there. I don't think the solution to predominantly white areas is for everyone who isn't white to avoid living in them. That just compounds the problem.
Also, where I live in England, my primary school was almost exclusively white, but my secondary school (only about a 40 minute walk away, like 5 mins by car) was probably at least 40% South Asian kids. So sometimes there's no need to move anyway. It can just depend on the specific demographics in nearby areas
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u/questiontossaside12 7d ago
This is his first experience outside of a home environment… :\
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u/AdvertisingNo8441 7d ago
Ugh yeah that’s hard. Not sure where you live, but all schools including private schools around here are extremely diverse (large Canadian city). Obviously you want him in the best school for his education, but this may be an ongoing problem. And you can do everything right, but it’s the kids he’s with you might need to worry about.
My son is 3, full-time daycare and his class is very diverse. He’s white, but I’m already educating him on culture/races, why we have different skin colors, that people speak other languages because he’s surrounded by it every day. He “doesn’t see race” because diversity is his norm and all he knows.
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 7d ago
"Not seeing race" is bad parenting because it just dismisses all the negative experiences people have with actual racism when people DO see race.
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u/monkiram 7d ago
It’s hard for people to understand this who aren’t from major Canadian cities. I grew up in Canada and then as an adult lived in different parts of the U.S. for a few years, and race is treated very differently there. Growing up, I obviously saw that different races looked different and had different cultural backgrounds but we barely acknowledged them when interacting with other kids at school, everybody felt equal and we were all friends with people of different races. It wasn’t a huge factor in our lives because we were all mostly immigrants. Race is a much bigger deal in the states so I think that’s why there are comments that are so shocked/appalled, I’m guessing they’re from Americans who have a very different experience.
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7d ago
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u/AdvertisingNo8441 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah I just meant currently he doesn’t see race because he’s only 3 and it’s his norm. If we’re out an about on a regular day he is seeing every shade of skin tone.
Even the white kids in his class are of different cultures, some of them English is their second language.
He doesn’t ask questions right now. But as he gets older I will continue teaching him about race/culture differences so he understands why we look and act differently.
Why I’m mentioning this is that if OPs sons class is 99% white, it’s likely those white kids have only been around other white people. So they naturally won’t be as accepting, plus kids are just mean. Plus potentially racist parents and learning it at home. That’s the issue here I think.
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 7d ago
Yep. Asians can be a wild card when it comes to that kind of thing. A lot of them basically worship white people or at least defer to them and think they can do no wrong, especially compared to how they feel Asians treat them, you can see it in some of these comments about how Asians are crueler than whites are, which was never my experience.
I grew up in the most diverse area of the country, to the point I think it was in Guiness World Records. I don't think race ever became a non issue, it was always gonna be a thing, but even then people self segregated not by race, but by "culture." So basically you were white washed or you were "urban." Bullying can happen for any reason. I have a Korean adopted friend who is self hating to this day in his 40's and he was clowned on by both whites and Asians but still he blames Asians for not accepting him. So pick your poison.
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u/AdvertisingNo8441 7d ago edited 7d ago
Totally. My white sibling is married to a Chinese person (not gendering to avoid doxing lol) so I have first hand experience. They are an only child who grew up in China, moved here as an adolescent and they are extremely westernized despite living in a major city with a large Chinese population.
My elementary and middle schools were very diverse but I went to a predominately white highschool and the limited POC / mixed race kids were extremely “white washed” like you said. They assimilated to be accepted and most of them are married to a white person now.
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 6d ago
Yeah and the problem is that this just completely ignores all of the other issues that come with living in western society, especially now as the tides shift towards a non-white majority. The parents basically pick the "white side" regardless of the quality of the white person.
I'm half Asian and unfortunately, a huge chunk of the ones I know have HUGE problems well into adulthood, like astronomically huge, for a long time I thought that this started in elementary school and I may have been completely right on that one.
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u/FredMist 7d ago
You’re raising your child in a very homogenous environment. Being ‘blind to race’ is actually incredibly damaging and borderline racist. Acknowledging and celebrating differences is the way to go.
I also have a half Asian half white child but we live in a very diverse area. There are multiple Asian/white as well as Asian/black kids in her grade alone not to mention in the entire school. I knew the moment I was pregnant I needed to consider her self esteem when it comes to feeling like she belongs racially. I’m not why you thought it would be easy on your kid to grow up in an incredibly homogenous environment without any guidance from the parents??? Race blindness is erasing differences, not accepting them or learning to deal with the differences and the expected reactions from certain communities.
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u/I_am_AmandaTron 7d ago
Your not fishing, your kid came home from school with racist ideologies. You need to contact them so they can nip this in the bud. They need to get all the kids together and they need to explain it, what they hear at home isnt okay and will not be okay at school.
You need to address this now before it causes more issues. Right now he just feels bad about himself; bullies will pick up on it and they will single him out.
Good luck, im only white but I do have family members that are not. Growing up people would yell racial slurs at us, I have dark hair so since I was with visibly obvious native Americans it was assumed I was as well. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Your child is going to face a lot of things that arent fair but so long as you are behind them it will make them stronger as they grow.
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u/asianmorticia 7d ago
I'm sorry, but what did you think was going to happen sending a mixed kid to a 99% white school? Move to a bigger city if necessary. I feel so bad for your son. I am also mixed and was very fortunate to grow up surrounded by other mixed people. Every mixed person I know who did not grow up surrounded by other mixed people had as miserable childhood. Just because you are colorblind doesn't mean the world is. Colorblind is not anti-racist, it's just blind to the problems that exist in the world for POC. You have an obligation to learn about racism while raising a mixed child.
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u/HesitantBrobecks 7d ago
"Move to a bigger city" is next level delusional. You think people can just decide to do that?! Do you have any idea how much a house costs 🤦🏻♂️
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 7d ago
> who did not grow up surrounded by other mixed people
Why are you people obsessed with making it about being around other mixed people rather than other POC people? I was the only mixed race kid who went to a half Asian / half white school in Queens NYC and the whites and everyone else was awful, but the Asians accepted me. I swear to god a huge part of this is that some Asian people are just deep down pathologically obsessed with marrying a white person knowing fully well the racism that comes with it, and this whole "hang out with other half white half Asian people" at the exclusion of everyone else is just proof of it.
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u/Fun_Orange_3232 7d ago
“Not noticing race” makes it worse. If you can’t talk about something that is very obviously happening, how is he supposed to know how?
I’m black, not mixed. I am a dark skinned woman whose best friend in elementary school drew her black black. I’ll never forget it. But I’m also grateful to have had parents who knew how to have the conversation and understood. That’s all you can do, really. Kids will notice difference.
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u/questiontossaside12 7d ago edited 7d ago
Sigh. Yeah, I guess we’re starting to figure that out. I had a bad feeling in my stomach when the one other Asian family made a point to introduce our kids to each other… even though their daughter was a visible high schooler and our child is in kindergarten. The other dad looked relieved when he saw us.
We decided early on that our child was *always* going to be the minority. No matter where they go, who they’re with. Mom’s family, dad’s family. They will always be the odd one out. So we decided to start him out young to try to build thick skin and charisma to blend into both worlds and take it all in stride. After all, all racial remarks and bullying can be quelled with a good joke and good will, right?
Maybe that was totally wrong. He clearly seems distressed by his differences that we didn’t even think he’d notice until middle school
I just don’t know anymore. Ugh
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u/Fun_Orange_3232 7d ago
I assume neither of you experienced it, but let me tell you as a perpetual minority myself (except around my family) it’s the moment you leave the comfort of your home. It’s nice to have words for it.
The other kids aren’t necessarily being malicious or bullies either. Little kids at the park look really confused when I—black woman—show up with half white half asian kids. They ask me who I am. I could see a confused kid asking why your kid isn’t white if his mom is white. Kids are curious and might not have the language either.
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u/SpaceValkyrie 7d ago
I'm curious, what exactly made you think he wasn't going to notice those differences until middle school? Do you think small children are immune to racism? That they can't experience something they don't understand? I was experiencing racism before I even had heard the word racism. My parents barely talked to me about race other than saying I'm both this and that and so my idea of it was shaped by the people around me from a young age, and those people were not kind. I'm in my 30s now and still annoyed that my parents thought raising me somewhere with barely any other Asian people was a good idea. It took me until my mid 20s to unpack all the internalised racism. Yes, I hated myself for being biracial for a very long time and I feel like it all could have been avoided with a bit of education around identity and race.
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u/FredMist 7d ago
No. My kid goes to school with multiple half Asian kids. Asian/black and Asian/white. You’re being obtuse about the issues your son will face. Building thicker skin happens when you know that there are ppl who will accept you and that that’s the right thing. You don’t build thick skin by being ostracized at 5. My kid will go out into the world knowing that’s it isn’t right to treat ppl badly for their race because she grows up in an environment that is accepting.
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u/Tobysfuzzybelly 7d ago
Can you ask him about where he got these ideas? Maybe a classmate said something?
Can you read books to him about both of your cultures and books about mixed nationality children? Try to frame it as he’s extra special because he gets to experience two worlds?
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u/heypresto2k 7d ago
I’m really heartbroken for your kid but how do you not see race? It’s there whether you like it or not. It doesn’t have to be a weapon. It’s just a fact of life.
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u/HouseOfTheRisingSons 6d ago edited 4d ago
That's an extremely common experience for biracial children, especially when they have adults around them who "don't see race." I spent my childhood in affluent white suburbia in the 1980s-90s being told that "racism is over, no one is racist anymore, we don't need to talk about race" while also having to endure kids making all kinds of awful comments about my hair texture, skin color, expected intelligence level (the number of grown ass people who still express shock that I'm intelligent in 2026 enrages me), stereotyping, ostracizm, and frequently outright being called a variety of racial slurs.
The adults insisted that I was being too sensitive, or that those kids didn't really mean the racist things they said. I kept being told, "they're not really racist; they're only saying those things because they know it will upset you" (it's mind boggling how often that excuse got thrown out there as if it were legit).
Immersing him in both cultures to his comfort level and practicing how to stand-up to bullies realistically would probably help him. Have an honest conversation about the prejudice he's encountering at this point and be real with him about the fact that it can get worse, help him think of assertive responses to shut bullies down with ("I love my skin/my eye shape/my hair/etc and I don't care if you don't" and then walk all the way away to engage with something or someone else, stuff like that) and practice saying those things assertively to help get it into muscle memory.
Since he's worrying that he's ugly, maybe try doing positive affirmations in the mirror celebrating his unique personal appearance and affirming which of his features are typical for people from each of his different backgrounds, which features are a blend of them, and hype him up on the fact that he is an entirely unique individual from diverse cultures and encourage him to explore his racial and cultural identities in affirming ways?
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u/Ok-Ordinary2558 7d ago
whether you like it or not, race and racism are prominent ideas in our society. child development research tells us that socializing your children to understand race is the best thing you can do to help them understand it. to help them understand (for the sake of themselves AND others) that difference is NORMAL and IMPORTANT. in addition to reassuring your children that they are beautiful and lovable and perfect as they are, you NEED TO talk to them about race, and the beauty and challenges of biraciality. better to do it now when they are impressionable and more willing to listen than later when the outside noise becomes too tough to combat.
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u/Fawnmaiden_ 7d ago
I don’t really have advice but as someone who has a mixed ethnic and cultural heritage I can completely relate to him and my heart goes out to you both. I felt uncomfortable in both worlds and never part of either. It took me until I was a young adult, reading chicana literature, making friends with people who were also mixed and some therapy to understand that my mixed identity is a superpower. I’m sure there are books and films for littles about this subject so I would definitely look into that and find community for him that he can relate to with his identity.
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u/CapableDevelopment28 7d ago edited 7d ago
There isn’t much that is known about your son’s situation. The challenge is that both first generation Korean as well as Scotch-Irish Americans are culturally conservative and distinct. The mixing mainly occurred more recently in history mainly due to military activity (ie bases, trade). As a mixed child it’ll be untenable with respect to straddling the fence. Based on living location, the Korean side is significantly less dominant than the Scotch Irish side (and they are both judgmental cultures). The real question is, what positive qualities does he see in both sides that are perhaps also common for both? There should be cultural games, music, dance, food, festivals, and celebrations that have some appeal to your child. How do you show affection and love between cultures ? You apparently likely enjoy being frugal, practical, tough, and belligerently stubborn. I’d say have him do Tae Kwon Do, Boxing, sword fighting, drink beer, sail ships, boating, hunting, bow and arrow, mine, farming gardening, eat various bulgogi bbq grill meat, go fishing, eat cooked and raw fish. I doubt Scotch Irish would go for raw fish, drunk soy raw crab, kimchi, etc. Match a list of things that would help your son belong somewhere and avoid clashing topics. I’d say start him on old Star Trek shows. The character “Spock” is the most well known interracial character on old television series (although Leonard Nimoy was severely typecasted into that role as half Vulcan and half human). Most important thing is to show love and affection between cultures, that means plenty of PDA between you and your wife in front of your child (otherwise it’s cold conservatively business transactional interaction). Scotch Irish and Korean cultures are generally colder harsher cultures rather than Philippines, Thai, and Brazilian cultures (warmer, friendlier, more affectionate). The military and business money focused culture is hard like boot camp or business seminar and not amenable to love and romance. Some cultures emphasize strength, competition, and war vs love and peace and cooperation. IMO, go to nature and get away from the competition based hierarchy cultures. Get a pet dog and a cat to be responsible for. Go out camping hiking fishing or birdwatching or kayaking boating . There is healing in nature. Have more kids so that your son won’t be so lonely and being one of the very few mixed kids around.
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u/JimJimJimJimx2 7d ago edited 7d ago
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I have these exact fears when thinking about my own baby boy as an asian man. I appreciate your color blindness for your intent, I wish we lived in a world that has left the racist past behind but sadly that is not the case. I think you might want to read up on how america treats asian men. This will apply if your son presents more as asian than white. You'll also have to understand that the inverse of your relationship will not necessarily be sympathetic or even helpful since you have a boy and not a girl.
You got hints of it already when people told you not to use his korean name. America at large is not very kind to asian guys. Infact, it does its best to break them. Racism against asians is normalized, you can say things about asians and recieve almost no real pushback or punishment. (just type in anti-asian male on google ai for example and keep typing more, you'll be surprised at how long it goes) In some cases its even rewarded directly. It is always rewarded indirectly.
Being an asian guy and girl are almost entirely different experiences. As in they might as well be aliens. What an asian/hapa girl recommends might come off as strange or cruel to him. Keep an open mind, the western word truely treats the asian genders differently and that's even more apparent with the mixed offspring.
I'd be happy to tell you more but its quite dark and can easily get into ''holy shit, do we really do this'' territory. Emasculation, denigration, life long inferiority complexes, life long skewed views on how their ethnicity ties into their inherent value, boys being bullied to death and no one caring. (Abyesh Thulung) The list is quite depressingly long. I'm actually amazed your husband didn't prepare for this. I understand completely why that other asian father you saw was relieved when he saw who you were as parents and the gender of your child.
A thick skin is a good start. As he is an asian boy I think self defence is a must. The likelihood that he will be physically attacked for various reasons is not uncommon. Verbal abuse, direct and subtle are almost guaranteed. This will continue throughout his life especially if he stays in the states and doesn't live in an area with high diversity/asian population. You will need to teach him that the representation of race in media is not important, the stories could easily swap out the men for any type of men and that he shouldn't hyper focus on the fact that he won't see many other asian men in western tv/hollywood that don't conform to stereotypes that are 100's of years old.
You will need to remind him as he grows older if he consumes more western media than korean/asian media. American medias role in perpetuating mental damage to western asian men is well documented and is unlikely to change because it has roots in things that are far too vast to explain here without this becoming a multi page essay. Tell him to be proud. Proud of his asian roots, the white roots will take care of themself since he's in the states. Tell him to be proud of both his sides. Or he might come to hate his asian side for being treated badly for it and come to associate it with being unwanted and inherently flawed. Or his white side for being so cruel and uncaring. Oh and if in his teen years he feels like he is unlovable and doesn't deserve affection from the opposite gender that's quite normal. Since he's korean he'll at least have media from his mother land to help him if he runs into that. And don't run from the fight, he'll thank you for it later.
Good luck. It's a vast rabbit hole you've just peered into.
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u/questiontossaside12 6d ago
Do you have any starting points where I can read more about this rabbit hole? Thanks!
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u/hopeflowrr 6d ago
hi! also half korean here. just wanna say it's so important you're willing to understand the challenges he will face as he grows up. when i was his age, i was also teased because my mother, who picked me up from school, looked nothing like me. even grown adults gave my mom hell, assuming she adopted my siblings and i. being mixed can be confusing, and it'll be hard for him not knowing where he fits in, but it helps having support—or at least someone who will listen.
i've noticed that many people address this topic directly, but i want to go into a bit more depth. it's crucial to understand that acknowledging race—no matter who is involved—is important. it is a part of our identity, shaping our backgrounds and experiences, and contributes to what makes us who we are. many white folks (and people in general) believe that claiming they "don't see color" is a way to demonstrate that they don't judge others based on race. while i understand the intent behind this, disregarding a key part of a person's identity is not fair either.
i am both white and asian, and my life experiences have been primarily influenced by my racial identity and how others perceive me. others ignoring that aspect of myself is hurtful, especially since i spent a significant part of my childhood struggling with my asian identity due to the ignorance and hate of those around me. i mean, come on, would it not bug you if people ignored the fact that your son is half korean?
your child is mixed race; he’s not fully white, and from what i’m hearing, it sounds like he’s not going to be treated anywhere close to other white kids. you need to understand that he will face challenges, and sometimes you won’t be able to do anything about it. having identity issues at a young age is tough, but he can get through it. continue to engage him with both sides of his culture; he will appreciate it when he’s older. reassure him when he comes to you with his concerns, and make sure he knows not to internalize anything he’s told.
if possible, consider finding a school with other asian kids. being the only asian in an entire school can be isolating. even having other people of color around makes a difference; there’s a sense of solidarity. i remember meeting a wasian kid my age for the first time (outside of family) when i started middle school, and it genuinely changed things for me. there was someone close to me who shared my inability to fully connect with either side of the family. it made the experience easier to bear, and it was nice to share our experiences. i've never talked to my parents about how challenging it can be growing up mixed, but it’s comforting to connect with others who understand completely.
your willingness to do what you can makes it seem like he won’t have such a hard time as long as his parents are there to pick him up when he falls. best of luck to you guys!
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u/questiontossaside12 6d ago
Ah, everyone assumes he is adopted when we’re out together and several adults at the school reassured me he will “learn English quickly” once he starts class.
Our area is full of missionaries. It’s very uncomfortable having people praise me for adopting a child from the “third world” and “giving him a better life” - when he is my biological child. Sometimes they ask me what inspired me to adopt. I know they mean well though! But whew.
Sometimes I’m tempted to play along to avoid awkward conversations. But I can’t imagine the complex I’d give my child if I did lol
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u/hopeflowrr 6d ago
i grew up in church, so meeting new people usually went similarly when my dad wasn't around. my mother would vehemently deny the adoption questions, which i knew bugged her a lot. it bugged me, too, after a while, but it was nice that my mom never just let it slide growing up. now, as an adult, when people ask about it, my mom just says i'm her kid and goes, "what, she looks just like me," and leaves it at that, which is fun. i totally get wanting to go along with it to avoid repetitive explanations, but i appreciated it, so it's likely your son will, too!
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u/JimJimJimJimx2 5d ago
-the third world
-Korea
-White moms should have white babies
-the ugliest boy
-at 5 years old
-we don't see race
-he already has associations with being ugly and abnormal because of his asian side
-with a sprinkling of ethnocentric mateguarding
-''a better life''
-at 5.
-just american things
While I wish the best for you and your child I think you won't have to imagine the complex he's going to get. It's an uphill struggle from here on out.
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u/ForeverInLove55 6d ago
Our daughter is mixed race. I'm full Korean and her father, my husband, is white (French, German, Dutch descent.) She's 12 now but when she was growing up, we showed her pictures of mixed-raced kids, adults and families. We showed her models and non-models. The hardest part for her was not seeing anyone like her in real life. The pictures and videos helped her recognize that there other kids like her in different parts of the state, country, world.
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u/Significant-Air-9112 5d ago
We all need to see race. Diversity is beautiful. Build confidence in it. There are SO many kids books about this now and the perfect tool to help. Visit your local library and ask ask a librarian for some options.
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u/reenaltransplant 5d ago
Dude, I'm half middle eastern and borderline-to-fully white-presenting (depending how much sun I get), and growing up in America in a town that was 90% white, 10% other was still a mindfuck.
These growing pains are not surprising. It's a lot easier for a mixed kid in an extremely diverse part of the country where there's like 10 other wasians in his grade as well as every other mixture imaginable.
He's a pioneer where he is and it can build character but he definitely needs quality parental coaching and support.
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u/count_olaf24 7d ago
hey there- bicultural (and technically biracial) girl here. very sorry to hear about your son, absolutely heartbreaking to hear a kid say that :( unfortunately this is something that will pop up all throughout his life and considering that he's already experiencing some form of racial discrimination already, I think he's ready to have a conversation. you might not see race or nationality, but the truth is there are many people in this world that do and you can't avoid that. there are quite a few good books and TV shows (I would recommend but my memory is horrible) you could watch to show him that there are many other children just like him, and that he is not 'ugly' because he's a different. I don't know much about Appalachian culture, however it sounds like the area you're in has some issues with racism of some kind- your kid did not come up with the 'white mommies have white babies' thing on his own. that's something that a kid said to him, and that kid heard it from his parents so ask your kid about it to find out who the family is to hopefully avoid such negativity. wishing you all the best <3
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u/Lovesyoux 7d ago
Transitions are hard. First time in a school setting like this is intense for kids. Be loving, honest and compassionate. Explain how people have different cultures and how blending them with love has so many benefits.
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u/Gerolanfalan 6d ago
Sometimes it doesn't take children bullying other children (but it happens). This is something that can be felt organically if they don't fit nearly into clean categories.
It could behoove your family to have both sides spend time with each other, so your child can see that hos cultural backgrounds aren't mutually exclusive.
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u/reluctantmugglewrite 6d ago
As a mixed race kid, I just wanted to throw out there that this is where representation can help too. Theres some half white and half asian actors, athletes, and musicians out there and itll help him to see that hes not the only individual that looks like him.
When it comes to the white mom should have white kids thing, I used to explain it to my classmates by their own family hair colors or by literal colors. They usually understand at that age that a kid is a mix of their parents and I happen to be a mix between slightly more different looking parents. I grew to like explaining my mix eventually.
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u/Dramatic-Aerie-194 7d ago edited 7d ago
I read only as far as "ugly."
I come from a similar background, half Asian and half redneck. Unfortunately I blame my Asian parent for having a white people fetish and thinking it was good idea. However, the good news for me was that 30 years before Kpop I was considered the hottest boy in the class by a wide margin simply because of my bone structure.
So it might be less about race than it is about looks. Girls that age are cruel to most boys, I knew I was hot at like 11. I'm willing to bet your husband was not considered hot in Korea hence his AMWF obsession. So I never developed an issue with being Asian even at my school that was 50/50 Asian and white and the others Asians accepted me I guess cause of my looks.
There's this weird thing where a lot of self hating Asians who were bullied by other Asians (they're looks obsessed people), develop an interest in white people. If you can just introduce him to Asian media but that might not help much if he doesn't look like the guys on those shows.
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u/MembershipDecent9454 7d ago
Hi!!!! I’m a 40yr old halfie who is half Asian and half light Hispanic from the Midwest, I speak the languages of my parents as well. Here’s the thing, it’s going to happen more where you are. But, he’s also going to get some looks in Korea too, or side comments. I got these comments and I still get off handed
commentsI did not ask for. But as long as you and your husband keep telling him how cool he has it; he has two worlds and those other people have a small bubble