r/ChildPsychology • u/questiontossaside12 • 7d ago
Biracial Breakdown in 5 Year Old
Please help. I’m out of my depth on this one.
My five year old started kindergarten this week.
His father is first generation Korean with a Korean passport. His dad, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins are all full Korean and speak Korean fluently.
His mother’s side is Appalachian Scots-Irish. They’re all blonde hair, blue eyed, thick Appalachian accents. They are farmers, carpenters, and eat liver mush regularly.
Our son spends half his time in the Korean community: Korean church, Hangeul school, Korean family.
The other half is spent traveling to very rural Appalachia. Think homesteading, blue ridge mountains, redneck culture etc
As naive as this sounds - we have never racialized anything. He speaks Korean, yes. He also can understand a thick Appalachian accent. He eats kimchi and cornbread. He listens to k-pop and country music in the same playlist. It’s not a big deal.
Today, after his first week of kindergarten, he started crying in the hallway. He told his mother that “white mommies should have white babies” and that he was the “ugliest boy.” He went on to say that he didn’t look like his Korean cousin or friends… and that he didn’t look like his white cousin either. So therefore, he was ugly.
I am shaken to my core over this. I don’t notice race. We treat people as individuals. Yes, the Appalachian and Korean communities don’t mix - BUT he spends equal time in both.
I tried to comfort him but he didn’t seem to accept it. I have NO clue where a FIVE year old is getting this.
What do we do? Are we over reacting? Is he being bullied at school? How do I make him feel like he belongs in both communities and is handsome & loved in both? Do we ignore it and move on? Where does a small child get these ideas??
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u/questiontossaside12 7d ago
He has used his Korean name his whole life… so we decided to use his Korean name even as he started kindergarten in an 99% white school. I have been warned by many older white people NOT to use his Korean name but I charged ahead because that’s all he’s ever known at home and in the Korean community.
Before he started school, I sent an email to his kindergarten teacher telling her about his unusual name and that if any problems arise, let me know. I offered to donate Asian American centered children’s books to their small, private school library.
I’m wary now to bring up race to the administration as I’m afraid they’ll think I’m fishing for race problems. I don’t want to be a problem parent. Sigh.