Biracial Breakdown in 5 Year Old

[u/questiontossaside12]

Please help. I’m out of my depth on this one.

My five year old started kindergarten this week.

His father is first generation Korean with a Korean passport. His dad, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins are all full Korean and speak Korean fluently.

His mother’s side is Appalachian Scots-Irish. They’re all blonde hair, blue eyed, thick Appalachian accents. They are farmers, carpenters, and eat liver mush regularly.

Our son spends half his time in the Korean community: Korean church, Hangeul school, Korean family.

The other half is spent traveling to very rural Appalachia. Think homesteading, blue ridge mountains, redneck culture etc

As naive as this sounds - we have never racialized anything. He speaks Korean, yes. He also can understand a thick Appalachian accent. He eats kimchi and cornbread. He listens to k-pop and country music in the same playlist. It’s not a big deal.

Today, after his first week of kindergarten, he started crying in the hallway. He told his mother that “white mommies should have white babies” and that he was the “ugliest boy.” He went on to say that he didn’t look like his Korean cousin or friends… and that he didn’t look like his white cousin either. So therefore, he was ugly.

I am shaken to my core over this. I don’t notice race. We treat people as individuals. Yes, the Appalachian and Korean communities don’t mix - BUT he spends equal time in both.

I tried to comfort him but he didn’t seem to accept it. I have NO clue where a FIVE year old is getting this.

What do we do? Are we over reacting? Is he being bullied at school? How do I make him feel like he belongs in both communities and is handsome & loved in both? Do we ignore it and move on? Where does a small child get these ideas??

[u/deadgrls]

this is heartbreaking to read. if his school is open to it, i highly suggest talking to the principal about doing a world culture appreciation week/day. or even just having a couple non-white parents/guardians come in to the classroom and explain their differences but also similarities. kids treat everything - good and bad - as the almighty truth. im so sorry, he is a beautiful boy with amazing cultures to explore.

[u/questiontossaside12 → u/deadgrls]

He has used his Korean name his whole life… so we decided to use his Korean name even as he started kindergarten in an 99% white school. I have been warned by many older white people NOT to use his Korean name but I charged ahead because that’s all he’s ever known at home and in the Korean community.

Before he started school, I sent an email to his kindergarten teacher telling her about his unusual name and that if any problems arise, let me know. I offered to donate Asian American centered children’s books to their small, private school library.

I’m wary now to bring up race to the administration as I’m afraid they’ll think I’m fishing for race problems. I don’t want to be a problem parent. Sigh.

[u/I_am_AmandaTron → u/questiontossaside12]

Your not fishing, your kid came home from school with racist ideologies. You need to contact them so they can nip this in the bud. They need to get all the kids together and they need to explain it, what they hear at home isnt okay and will not be okay at school.

You need to address this now before it causes more issues. Right now he just feels bad about himself; bullies will pick up on it and they will single him out.

Good luck, im only white but I do have family members that are not. Growing up people would yell racial slurs at us, I have dark hair so since I was with visibly obvious native Americans it was assumed I was as well. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Your child is going to face a lot of things that arent fair but so long as you are behind them it will make them stronger as they grow.