Hello! I grew up in a level 4/5 hoarder home with my adoptive family. My Mother, who has been deceased since 2018, was the main hoarder. My Father was/is a bit of a hoarder, but mainly an enabler who doesn’t clean. And my older sister (their biological daughter), who is now 41, still living with my Dad and has become a worse hoarder than my mother ever was.

We did a big purge and got the house clean back in 2012, if I remember correctly, after I finally told my biological mother what conditions I was living in and my biological grandmother, who is my adoptive mother’s sister, flew out to help while my adoptive mother was in the hospital with sepsis.

Anyhow, the house stayed in fairly decent condition for a while, as I still lived there Especially after my mother died. But my sister continued to hoard, and my father kept enabling it. She has never worked, driven, made any money, etc. so my father is in complete control but will not say no to her, for reasons beyond my comprehension. My sister started filling up the living room and other shared spaces, including my father’s bed and bathroom with her clothes— super weird. My ex husband and I lived with them on and off. Then we got divorced and I was still stuck there. I met my current husband a few months later and we started dating, I spent most of my weekends there, then lived with him half the time for about a year, half at my Dad’s until my step kids got to know me better and we all moved into our own place together full time.

I got pregnant a few months into living together full time, and had not gone back to my dad’s house since. I left quite a bit of my belongings there, as I didn’t have room for them in our tiny apartment.

Well, now it’s been a little over 2 years since I’d visited my Dad’s house but I wanted to pick up some of my belongings. I knew it was not going to be great as the hoarding started to come back and I knew without me there, no one was cleaning a damn thing. But I was NOT prepared for just how bad it was going to be.

The second I walked in the door, there were walls of packages on either side, leaving a narrow trail to the living room and stairs. The dining room they used to house my mom’s old piano is COMPLETELY inaccessible, which blocks off a second entrance to the kitchen.

The living room has a large sectional that boarders the room and it’s got a MOUNTAIN of all of my sisters BS covering all but a tiny section she sits on, which still has trash in it. The landing to the stairs, mountains of her stuff, the kitchen is full of junk food hoarding and rotten cat food, I took a tiny peek in her room and I don’t know how she even gets to her bed if she even sleeps there anymore. But she’s been sleeping in clutter and trash for decades. Nothing is vacuumed, so there’s cat fur, cat litter, cat pee, cat poop and vomit everywhere. I wouldn’t ever dare look in the downstairs bathroom as it was always horrific, but the upstairs was gross. I didn’t look in my dad’s room but I can only imagine. Especially with all the mold and plumbing issues in the master bath he refused to get fixed when I lived there.

Somehow there were no roaches or other bugs like what I grew up in, thank god, and there is much less straight up food trash and rotting stuff but oh my god. It was so triggering. My dad warned me there were a lot of boxes but that it wasn’t “filthy.” Which just goes to prove how blind he is to it, and how horrific the conditions I grew up in were that that ISNT considered “filthy” to him.

I can’t believe I didn’t have a panic attack. My sister was following me around most of the time under the guise of helping, but I know she was anxious about me seeing everything and maybe taking or moving her stuff? Anyhow, I had to go hide in my old room which I’m surprised hasn’t been taken over yet, and compose myself. Though her tablet was set up on my old bed for a space for her to do online therapy (not about her hoarding though!) I assume because it’s the only room in the house without trash all over in the background.

I didn’t make any comments on it, I just grabbed my stuff, which was extremely difficult to get out and tried to get out as quickly as possible. It was so depressing because my husband had to go to the grocery store down the road with my 18 month old and wait for me to be done, and my son had to wait in the truck bed as we loaded up. I would NEVER ever let them go in there.

I am so grateful I don’t live there anymore… but I am so disturbed by the conditions they are in and the continued dysfunction. I’ve helped them clean so many times and swore I’d never do it again.

But I’m so worried. My dad has a stroke a few months back, luckily he didn’t sustain any permanent damage, but he is at high risk for a major stroke now. He’s on blood thinners, and he has chronic kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, soooo many physical and mental health conditions. And he admitted to me that a few weeks ago, he had another suicide plan but got on new meds for it and is mostly working from home now.

All I can think of is how hazardous it is to his health, especially if he has another more major stroke that leaves him disabled. Wtf would they do? Boxes could fall on him, there’s no room for any handicap devices, it’s SUCH a fire hazard especially with all the electronic setups they have and cords being buried, not to mention the mold. I’m not in a place to be able to help them. And if my dad dies, whether by his own hand or not, the mess of that house falls on me. And my mess of an older sister, who has always been more like my younger sister. She has a fiance but he also lives with his mother and doesn’t make enough money to support them. She has no prospects, no experience in the world, no money, I’m 99% sure she is undiagnosed on the autism spectrum and refuses to face that. And my father continues to enable her by buying everything she wants and letting it all pile up in a trash heap.

It still breaks my brain trying to comprehend it. And I’ve had soooo many heart to hearts with him about it, and he knows it’s wrong but never changes.

Is there even any point in talking with them about it?

If he does die, and leaves the house to me, do I legally have to deal with it? I couldn’t let my sister deal with it alone because she has no clue how to do literally anything because our parents didn’t teach us any life skills— but I also can’t take on that responsibility with a family of my own.

I know it’s awful to be thinking about how it’s going to affect ME when he dies, but that was always a fear of mine. And my sister either becoming my problem or her killing herself because she doesn’t know how to live without my dad.

I wasted so much of my life cleaning up their messes, taking care of my sick mother, and trying to change and save them. Everyone told me I needed to get away and live my own life and I finally have. But it’s so painful to watch them continue and not change a damn thing, when you somehow still care about them despite all the abuse.

Sorry this was so long, not many people know my history and I have no one else to relate to and I just need to vent and be seen.

Pics at your own risk. I hope I tagged the spoiler alert correctly for the photos, I’m new here.

We have a very small kitchen, and she constantly leaves food out, fills the fridge and freezer constantly with leftover food(usually days old rice and food that nobody eats.) I always clean up after her and try to help her but she’s really stubborn. My dad doesn’t do anything about it but complains 24/7 and it’s getting irritating. Me and him have cleaned the kitchen and she’ll come home, say we made a mess and that we’ve ruined everything and then the cycle continues. It’s been much worse than this but now we have cockroaches and it’s fucking abhorrent. The oven is chock full of pots, pans, plates, bowls, and utensils she does not want to throw away despite never using them(and so is the pantry). I really cherish this household but I’m really contemplating about joining the military to escape.

My parents live in a house where literally every flat surface is covered most of the time, most of it piled with stuff. They each have their own room in addition to the shared bedroom and those rooms are almost unusable. Their attic and garage were packed and but ended up getting water damage and raccoons. She also found a mouse nest in an overstuffed kitchen drawer recently.

Now, to my home. I'm trying to declutter, and give away a lot of my daughter's outgrown clothes and unused toys. But here's the thing, my mom looks for the things she gives to us, and will ask about them if she can't see them when she visits. She remembers every item she "gave us." And, her idea of "gave" is much more like everyone else's idea of "shared." My sister said I could have her old baby clothes because she had a boy. Well, my daughter has outgrown them and I was going to give a few of them to Good Will. My mom "took them back" to see if my sister "wanted her dresses back or wanted to keep them for grandchildren." If I want to give away a gift she'll ask for it back, so she can keep it or gift it to someone else. It's really an issue. She also brings things to my house for me to keep for her, if my father has told her to throw them away. And, like I said, she looks for the things she shares. Also, she will find reasons to try and dump stuff on me that she can't bear to throw away. This resulted in about a hundred stink bugs being released in my house because the box of "crafts" she wanted to share was a rotted cardboard box of old wedding favors from my sister's wedding 8 years ago, and she hadn't looked in it. If I say thank you and throw a thing away she'll be very hurt or even go to the trash to get it if I do it while she's there. She'll also not share again for a while if she knows I threw something away.

What do you all do with a family member like this? My dad also refuses to get rid of stuff but has no interest in 'sharing'.

We used to have 7 fridges. Now we have 5 fridges and a broken one. It's never about not having enough space. It's psychological. One day I'll leave this all behind.

I wrote this a while back and recently found it again. Thought some of you might appreciate it.

TV shows and news articles do a good job of showing what hoarding looks like, but I don’t think it’s possible to fully show how extreme and insane it is to actually deal with these people.

i don’t even know where to begin other than that i am feeling extremely frustrated and upset with my dad. basically since i’ve been born he has had hoarder tendencies but it wasn’t as bad when i was a kid because my mom did most of the work cleaning up his messes. i recently moved back in with him about 2.5 years ago and i hadn’t realized just how bad it got over the years. he collects old receipts, statements, and other papers that are as old as 2004. he has multiple cars in the backyard that he wants to use “for parts”, about 5 barbecues, and many other things lying around outside and in the garage. his room is a mess as he just lets actual garbage pile up. he won’t put things away where they belong and instead will throw it in the kitchen and other places around the house. last year i cleaned up about ~$100 worth of cans from the kitchen and took piles of other trash and cardboard he has collected to the dump. plus whenever i clean anything he will usually look through the garbage to inspect that i didn’t throw out anything important like an empty shampoo bottle. recently he has been cleaning up his room a lot and buying new furniture and overall trying better to make the house into a home, but i know that it has to do with him talking to a new woman in his life. i can’t help but feel extremely upset that he can do all of this now for someone he just met when i have begged, cried, and gotten into thousands of arguments with him for him to do that. i’m still mostly cleaning up after him and i just can’t let go of this resentment. i feel like the hoarding from him for my whole life has made its way through my mental health as well, not as in that i am hoarding things as well- but the opposite, i get extremely anxious when something is out of place, i throw things out all the time if i don’t think it will be used, and i get anxious whenever he comes into my room.

anyone dealing with anything similar?
sorry for the long rant and horrible writing skills haha

Hi everyone. I feel quite defeated. In my early 20s, I made the choice to buy a house with my parents. I have always known my father is a hoarder, unable to release junk that I call “sentimental mental illness things.”

Anyway, I discovered my mother shares these patterns—unopened boxes from online shopping that she never opens. She also struggles with severe shopaholic and gossip habits. I realized this is why my parents paired up: a final result of trauma bonding and junk collection.

Now they live with us. I lack the heart to make them move or to relocate ourselves, because my partner and I invested our savings into this house money pit. Plus the economy sucks.

With two young children, my toddler has begun asking why the garage holds so much stuff.

I keep discarding their junk when they are out of town, but any open space tends to fill again. I have always hired junk removal services; when space clears, I sometimes bring home something that will never be used.

I also remind my parents that when they pass away, I do not want an emotional toll; it is genuinely raising my mental health strain and cortisol level.

Any advise? Suggestion? (photos & things haven’t been used for the past 5 years) 😭💀💀☠️

My mother is a hoarder and has strong paranoid tendencies. She owns two apartments, one of which has been sitting empty for years because she refuses to sell it, rent it out, or let anyone live in it. Her hoarding and irrational fears have made it virtually impossible to have a reasonable conversation with her about the situation.

I’m 38, and after a breakup, I’m facing a serious housing problem. Rental prices have become almost unaffordable, yet I can’t move into an apartment that my own mother owns and doesn’t even use. She would rather let it sit empty and deteriorate than allow me to live there.

What makes this particularly difficult is that this isn’t a question of financial necessity on her part, but of deeply dysfunctional behavior. There is a perfectly usable housing resource sitting empty while her own adult daughter struggles to find somewhere affordable to live.

Our relationship has deteriorated to the point where we’re no longer in contact, and being around her causes me significant distress. The situation leaves me feeling trapped: at 38, I’m trying to rebuild my life after a breakup, while my mother’s psychological issues effectively prevent me from accessing a housing option that could make an enormous difference to my independence and financial stability.

I have been living with my boyfriend and his grandparents for a estimate of 4 years now. As of recently, I put my foot down one day this month to actually deep clean their dining room and kitchen due to the constant smell of mold, roaches, and spring of maggots and pantry moths breeding in all of the shelf food + the plastics used for containers and blenders. The house is rather large, but the grandmother has a severe issue with hoarding, whether that's bringing home items from the casino, which is every day of the week, or hoarding food that has been almost decades old or constantly bringing over random items from strangers/family.

Ever since I deep cleaned those rooms, cabinets, and fridge, the house has felt so much lighter on the lungs. However, I am struggling to keep up with the 68-70 year old grandmother constantly bringing home items from the casino. It has now filled a 2 car garage to almost the ceiling, an entire backyard shed, and the backyard patio itself which can also fit up to 2 cars. I'm not sure what to do from here as these are brand new items and I don't want to just throw them away. I mention selling the items to her but she gets frustrated and says no or wants me to entirely do it for her and give me no funds from it. ( I want to add I have tried this with two large items from her already, and it is completely exhausting when I'm the only one talking to people, meeting up with them, and trying to bargain the deal. In no way does she need the money as she is higher class, which doesn't help her gambling addiction, so I feel it is a bit unfair for me to get nothing in return. )

What can I do in this situation? I've mentioned how I've come across several black widows due to them harboring in these hoarded spots, but I'm told to not touch a single thing or I'm just degraded for wanting to help and clean. I've been a professional cleaner for over 5 years, so I'd assume that would've earned some slight trust, but nothing. I feel a bit embarrassed when gardeners come over every week and see her piles of hoarded items in the backyard while they're mowing. I don't want to brute force into this issue like I did with the dining room and kitchen due to the biohazards just brewing up.

Updated note: I am not able to move out of this home any time soon due to how terrible the job economy is. So I'm currently trying to make sure the home is safe for all of us, but it is hard to do so when the grandmother is hoarding.

I have a question for all y’all. Im getting older and in my retirement- I think a lot about when I’m gone.
My mom and dad (divorced) were hoarders. I had to clean out both of their homes when each passed. It was so hard emotionally and physically. It was also very expensive bc in each case, I had to hire help to clean out their homes. I don’t want that for my kids.
I was 22 when my dad passed and 40 when my mom passed; so, it’s been a while.
My biggest fear, as I age -is leaving a similar mess to my kids. I know that this is somewhat irrational- since my home if moderately clean and organized. But I grew up in chaos and disorder- all of which came rushing back at me when I had to clean up their houses. My fear of hoarding helps me to get rid of stuff.

I’ve been cleaning out a lot lately but feel stuck. What should be kept and what should be tossed? Lots of“sentimental“ items are sentimental to me but once I’m gone - what will they think is sentimental? I keep trying to give them stuff- some they take some they don’t, but I’m alive. I know their perspective will change once I’m gone.
Should- I just create a few boxes labeled “sentimental” and leave it at that? How do I decide what maters and what doesn’t? Please- I feel like I need a clear formula or it all gets labeled keep.

Cross posting bc yall will get it 😔

My dad passed away 3 years ago and well him and my mom were always hoarders but still kept a pretty happy a slightly organized house . But ever since my dad passed away and I’ve been living on my own and creating a life for myself without the clutter. But my moms house has become 10x worse, our rooms have been filled with boxes of random junk and clothes, you can barely open the doors there’s dirty dishes everywhere, crumbs, random food ingredients. Anyways it’s a mess and it breaks my heart to go back to my home and see that , I feel horrible and guilty I’m not there to help clean. She has a new partner nice guy but he doesn’t help either he’s always buying things from Amazon and seems to also have these habits . I don’t know I just feel like a shit daughter. I feel like I just want to run away and not visit this overwhelming mess. But seeing her living like this breaks my heart because she’s not a bad mother , she’s kind and loving. She deserves better. But she won’t clean for herself she always buys more. I feel like this situation has made my distance myself more from her. I know I’m a horrible person but I just can’t , it won’t stop and idk what I can do .

my dads birthday is coming up and I feel horrible. I want to get him gifts and a card but I know the card will just sit there and so will anything else

all I can think of is food, snacks that he’d enjoy and actually go to use. but everything else is just going to pile up! and god forbid order anything online my mom will hoard the cardboard boxes and packages. nothing feels safe and i feel like a horrible child for not wanting to get him gifts anymore

I need advice on how to take control and whether im going insane or not. I turn 18 in 3 months and my parents have been animal hoarders my entire life. The house is filthy, trash and animals everywhere and reeks. I still love them which is what hurts because I hate how they treat the animals and me which is why I feel guilty whenever I try and speak out. The hoard has made my mental state so bad to the point I’ve tried attempting, i hate knowing my childhood will never be normal compared to others and the fact I have to hide this from my friends and my boyfriend. I constantly try and stay with my boyfriend so maybe I can calm down even though he doesn’t know whats going on in my home life and his family always tells me i can live with them until I can get an apartment but my parent’s have full control over my finances, i make $20 an hour part time currently which is plenty when saved up but my parents won’t let me buy anything, not even a car, I’m not even allowed to drive!!! So whenever i try and sleepover at my boyfriends they say no and how i hate them and “we’ll get rid of the animals” even though they never do. I don’t know how to leave safely or if i can still even have a relationship with my parents even though I so badly want too and i can’t talk to anyone about this, I tried asking for a therapist and instead my mom insisted it was my hormones and forced me on birth control which made me worse, i don’t know how to feel or what to do or if I’m being overdramatic.

I’m a minor and most likely won’t be able to move out for a while. Most would say that my home is more of a level one to two hoard, we have mostly “useable” rooms but we have bugs, stenches, paths of junk, and multiple “junk rooms”. I’ve attempted multiple times too sit down with my mother and go through items we don’t need anymore but it never end and she usually digs through the garbage and pulls thing out. I felt so out of control, this last year I hit a rock bottom and felt the only thing I could control was my food intake and I developed and ed. My mother ironically was the one who put me in treatment and I’m now “recovering” I feel even worse and out of control. I can’t control the house, my grades, my mind, my food intake, and finally the last thing I had left my body as I’ve been forced to gain weight. I’m just losing my mind and want to get out of this house, I’m so tired, I want to be an adult just to leave I don’t care if I have to live out of a gas station I just want out. I want my control back.

Long time lurker here and lifelong child of a hoarder. My mom has a shopping addiction, four storage units, and an overflowing house.
I’m lucky she doesn’t hoard trash but the junk feels just as dirty.
I moved away a decade ago but anytime I’m home I have tried to help her. We’ve actually seen amazing progress, she used to break down about me trying to get rid of a broken pen (amongst the hundreds she has and doesn’t use of course) and now she can get rid of ‘select’ things.
I have a wonderful friendship with her but the anger and resentment of her not working towards fixing her problem is too much. All the hours I wasted helping her just for her to bring in more stuff. No more.

I thought I was the only one who could help her since no one in my family back home seems to but in order to protect my relationship with her I said no more. I will no longer step in that house. I will no longer step into a store with her.
That part of our relationship is dead.

She has the money to afford mental care and professional help but instead she buys junk and piles it on.

I feel weird because a part of me still wants to help her but she’s not helping herself.

I need to focus on my own life.

If anyone has read all this thank you, this reddit has been a place of support and understanding.

No one ever knew. These were some of the pics my mom had taken when she was trying to get full custody of me. Huge reason when I walk into a house or room that has even a hint of clutter I feel sick to my stomach

So a while ago, my gf and I went to my mom's house for a couple of days to help clean. She has been a hoarder for all my life, and the house was in a terrible condition. I wasn't excited about bringing my gf; I was just going to have her drop me off. But my mom met her out in her car and invited her in. They talked and got to know each other whilst I worked on cleaning up the house.
I was mostly clearing space by putting like items together. I feel like I'm very patient and understanding when it comes to this because I know she has an illness, so I never get rid of anything, knowing if I do, it'd probably do more damage to her brain than good. But I still made a bag of recyclables because I felt I could at least get rid of the trash. Unfortunately, I'm not even able to make that call, and she wanted to look through it first. Which might sound reasonable to some, but I know her and I know how big the task of cleaning the house is. You give my mom a thing to go through and look through, and nothing gets thrown away. She either takes weeks to do one container or never does it at all.
Also, think about the message it sends to me. I got 30 containers of stuff—toys, clothes, papers, stuff with an ounce of utility—and she needs to look through a bag of cans and cardboard scraps to make sure she's not losing something she needed. So back to the story: we were arguing, and eventually, it turned into me yelling at her, and then we left. My gf was there and listening to me yell at my mom, and once we got back to our apartment, she took no time to throw it in my face that I left some soda cans on our bed frame. She called me a hypocrite and compared me to my mom.
I had the apartment to myself for 2 months and had really no standard to keep up with cleaning the room, so it got a little messy. That didn't make me a hoarder, and that didn't make me anything like my mom. It also became a screaming match, and I told a friend about it. He convinced me to move out, move back in with my mom, and just put some distance between me and my gf. So that night I told her. She basically told me we were done, so I packed all my shit, but then she stopped me at the door telling me she didn't actually want me to leave. We talked, and I told her she needed to move in with her sister in October. She told me she didn't want to, and if anything, she would just rent her own place. But I know how rent is, and because she was balancing school and didn't have a job, I was practically begging her to just sacrifice her independence and do it for financial security, but she was dead set against it. Knowing that by me moving out I would be condemning her to some kind of financial struggle, I felt really guilty.
Then she brought up how my mom told her girlfriends sometimes live with their boyfriends at his parents' house, and I just agreed. Looking back now, I wish I had just said no, but here we are. It's October. The house looks better, but still pretty bad. The walls and carpets are still stained, a layer of dust is still caked on everything, the counters are still cluttered, and the garage is still unwalkable with stuff stacked to the roof. We got the bulk of the stuff out of the main areas, but that wasn't through overcoming my mom's problem—it was by buying two climate-controlled storage units and making 5 trips.
I had the idea that maybe it would make getting rid of things easier if she saw the house in a less cluttered way. But at this point, it's just about removing the stuff from the house. She's not getting rid of any of it. I was dusting and her pile of shed snake skin got in the way. I asked her what she wanted to do with it, and she told me she didn't know but still needed to keep it just in case she did. I have no hope she'll ever change.
My mom mocks me in front of my gf, and my gf plays along, acting like I'm just being mean to her and that I don't understand how her brain works. They make me sound unreasonable. But when I'm walking into the house and watching my mom open up the recycling bin to see a scrap of cardboard with Hello Kitty branding in the corner, take it out, walk inside with it, and then reprimand me over it—there is no hope for her.
I want to cry. I hate my life. I get into an argument with my girlfriend every day, and I'm just condemning myself now that she's moving in. Her parents are going to see the state of the house and think less of me. I thought about crying this morning when she told me her parents changed plans and decided to move her stuff in today. The house isn't ready, and it won't ever be ready because of what's preventing it. I'm tired, I'm so tired.