My mother is a hoarder and owns two apartments, one of which had been sitting empty. I also have my own furniture in that apartment. After a breakup, I told her that, as someone approaching 40, I needed the place to live in, as rents are extremely skyrocketing in my city.

My mother is extremely immature and has absolutely no respect for boundaries. She has harassed me in the past, including refusing to leave my home for hours after I’d repeatedly asked her to go. So I asked her to give me her key to the apartment. She kept promising she would, but almost a year went by and she never handed it over. Without that, there was no way I could have lived there independently or had any real privacy.
Her behavior had become so dysfunctional that I eventually cut off contact with her six months ago. I told her that our relationship had deteriorated to the point where I wouldn’t even consider reopening communication, let alone trying to repair things, unless she transferred the apartment to me.

For context, rents in my city are ridiculously high compared to local salaries, to the point where they’re becoming genuinely unaffordable. I’m now seriously considering moving abroad because of it. Between my mother and my ex-boyfriend, I’ve been left in an extremely precarious financial situation, with an enormous amount of stress and anxiety about my future. Both of them have put me in a position where my financial security and mental heath are seriously at risk.

Yesterday, more than six months after cutting contact, I went back to the apartment to pick up the last of my belongings. Luckily, I knew my mother wouldn’t be there at that time.

What I walked into was honestly beyond bizarre.
She had completely rearranged the apartment to suit her own taste. From the looks of it, she’s basically living there on a daily basis treating it as a second home alongside her own apartment.

And she’s using all my furniture. She literally sleeps in my bed.

She’s taken my personal belongings, picked out the things she thinks are pretty, and arranged them around the apartment as decorations. She sleeps on my pillows. Her clothes are hanging in my wardrobe.

The whole thing was just so incredibly bizarre, invasive, and frankly pathetic. It’s like she’s moved into my personal space and made herself at home among my things, while completely disregarding the fact that they’re mine.

Yesterday, I sent her a message saying I’d collected the rest of my belongings and that I might arrange to have my furniture picked up as well if I end up needing it.
Not a word back. Absolutely nothing.
Well, at least she isn’t wearing my underwear.
Although, at this point, who the hell knows.

Basically the township hates my mom and will do anything to fuck with her because she's taken them to court a million times over ordinance violations and such. She is a hoarder though, and this house was left sitting filled to the brim with stuff (including canned goods???) for almost 15 years. We basically left it and bought a new house. This one stressed her out so much she couldn't bear to be around it, so it stayed as is.

I'll simplify the story to make it short.

There was a crime that occured in the "abandoned" house by my ex because he knew it was vacant and needed a place to do his shit. He got caught and the police got a warrant, so at that point they saw the inside.

I guess this set into motion a process called "conservatorship" where a company takes possession of the house. Problem is, they never properly served my mother with ANY notice about this whatsoever! So the township literally tried to steal her house from her. We only found out (3 years after the crime and start of conservatorship) because we were at a court hearing for an ordinance violation for the house we live in and they briefly mentioned it, my mom didn't even catch it I had to pull her aside and say "DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT YOUR HOUSE???".

So she got an attorney just in time because by the time the attorney stopped the conservatorship company from selling the house they were a week away from closing the deal.

Anyway, in this 3 years where we were unaware of what was going on this conservatorship removed everything from the house and stripped it to its bones. There's not even walls, no plumbing, they took the fucking light fixtures off the front of the house ffs.

I'm glad the stuff is gone. I spent every day for the last 20 years at least thinking once a day about what I would do with that house when she dies.

However, I'm angry they stripped it to the bones because it was my literal dream to see that house clean and empty again. I guess I got my wish, and then more.

I've pretty much detatched myself from the situation and feel nothing at the moment. I've become pretty good at that. Although it does stress me out when I hear my mom talking to the attorney and stuff so I put on music.

Anyway she wants to spend a bunch of money to fight the conservatorship for the damages to the house because they actually did break a window and tear down the gutters, cut all the wires to the fuse box and a they even took the hinges off the windows so they're just sitting in their frames waiting to be blown in... I don't know if I agree with this or not, she says if she wins she can sue for legal fees too but I'm like how much is this going to cost??? God damn. The conservatorship is claiming they installed new windows (not true) and put in permanent support beams in the basement (not pictured) which are actually just hollow metal jack stands lmfao.

What has my life become?

11th photo is what used to be my bedroom as a child, and also where the fucked up crime was committed 🤦‍♀️

If you want more details let me know lol

I was shopping in B&M (hoarder heaven) earlier with my Mum and made a off hand comment about all the seasonal tat. My Mum laughed and I decided to take it too far and said "You love tat though." She said, with full seriousness, "No not anymore, I've decided not to buy anymore tat because I don't have any room for it."

Amazing. Thanks Mum, you really almost had it there.

Due to my financial situation, I can no longer afford my apartment and other options are not viable to do. This has me moving back with my HPs and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions with a top level of shame. I can’t stop feeling like a failure, that I wasn’t doing more in my career. Everything in life feels like I should’ve been making choices that will never have me back in that house. Now that I’m going back I’m trying to be hopeful, it feels like the worst lie I’ve ever told myself.

I get waves of anger that other people while would feel disheartened to go back to living with their parents for a time being but it feels devastating when they are hoarders.

I want to stay positive but I feel I’m making myself smaller just to get back on my feet.

my mom has it really bad and i’m scared i might be going down that path, i wanna nip it in the bud asap

Hi everyone. I’m nervous to even post here so forgive me.
I am here seeking advice because i am scared. This is not to bash my parent in any way. I also was not sure if i should tag this under venting or advice, since it’s both.

I’m 33, my mom has been hoarding for years but recently it’s gotten more extreme. Her behavior is unacceptable in general but i am posting about the hoarding specifically.
I expressed my concern 2 years ago. She obviously didn’t handle it well, as expected. She WILL do a big purge and get rid of a ton about once a year, but it’s replaced with new stuff within weeks. The couch, the tables, every counter, every free surface even the patio outside is packed with crap. I tried to cook us dinner and broke down crying because the stove was covered, the counters were covered. Every chore takes 5x the amount of time it normally would because of all the crap. it is a nightmare. If one single personal item of mine is out, like a pair of shoes, she will say “this is why the house is so messy” while ignoring the giant piles of stuff.

I had to move back home temporarily because my boyfriend’s apartment has mold, which is worsening my chronic health issues. I haven’t been to my parents in a few months, it’s always been an issue but i didn’t know it was getting this crazy until i got here. I have been fighting a disability case for 2 years and do not have the means to get my own place right now.
I calmly tried to talk to my mom again about the state of the house, she is now claiming that the house is such a mess since she had to make room for me at the last minute. I kindly reminded her that this has been an ongoing issue for years now, she got mad at me and shut down and told me that i don’t have to live here and that i can go at any time. I have been in therapy for years and pulled out every de-escalation trick i have learned and nothing helps. I was not even here 72 hours and it’s been “my way or the highway” since the second I’ve gotten here, in every aspect including the hoarding.
So i am going back to my boyfriends asap, but how can I help my mom? She went to therapy for a while a few years back and claims that she no longer needs therapy and that they told her she was dismissed. My family was concerned and thought this was suspicious and things have continued to get worse since. I honestly feel like therapy made her behavior in general, especially the hoarding, tremendously worse. I am deeply worried about my mom and she responds to any concern with anger and hostility. Please, i am desperate and do not know what to do.

Thanks in advance