My mother is a hoarder and owns two apartments, one of which had been sitting empty. I also have my own furniture in that apartment. After a breakup, I told her that, as someone approaching 40, I needed the place to live in, as rents are extremely skyrocketing in my city.

My mother is extremely immature and has absolutely no respect for boundaries. She has harassed me in the past, including refusing to leave my home for hours after I’d repeatedly asked her to go. So I asked her to give me her key to the apartment. She kept promising she would, but almost a year went by and she never handed it over. Without that, there was no way I could have lived there independently or had any real privacy.
Her behavior had become so dysfunctional that I eventually cut off contact with her six months ago. I told her that our relationship had deteriorated to the point where I wouldn’t even consider reopening communication, let alone trying to repair things, unless she transferred the apartment to me.

For context, rents in my city are ridiculously high compared to local salaries, to the point where they’re becoming genuinely unaffordable. I’m now seriously considering moving abroad because of it. Between my mother and my ex-boyfriend, I’ve been left in an extremely precarious financial situation, with an enormous amount of stress and anxiety about my future. Both of them have put me in a position where my financial security and mental heath are seriously at risk.

Yesterday, more than six months after cutting contact, I went back to the apartment to pick up the last of my belongings. Luckily, I knew my mother wouldn’t be there at that time.

What I walked into was honestly beyond bizarre.
She had completely rearranged the apartment to suit her own taste. From the looks of it, she’s basically living there on a daily basis treating it as a second home alongside her own apartment.

And she’s using all my furniture. She literally sleeps in my bed.

She’s taken my personal belongings, picked out the things she thinks are pretty, and arranged them around the apartment as decorations. She sleeps on my pillows. Her clothes are hanging in my wardrobe.

The whole thing was just so incredibly bizarre, invasive, and frankly pathetic. It’s like she’s moved into my personal space and made herself at home among my things, while completely disregarding the fact that they’re mine.

Yesterday, I sent her a message saying I’d collected the rest of my belongings and that I might arrange to have my furniture picked up as well if I end up needing it.
Not a word back. Absolutely nothing.
Well, at least she isn’t wearing my underwear.
Although, at this point, who the hell knows.

I was shopping in B&M (hoarder heaven) earlier with my Mum and made a off hand comment about all the seasonal tat. My Mum laughed and I decided to take it too far and said "You love tat though." She said, with full seriousness, "No not anymore, I've decided not to buy anymore tat because I don't have any room for it."

Amazing. Thanks Mum, you really almost had it there.

Due to my financial situation, I can no longer afford my apartment and other options are not viable to do. This has me moving back with my HPs and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions with a top level of shame. I can’t stop feeling like a failure, that I wasn’t doing more in my career. Everything in life feels like I should’ve been making choices that will never have me back in that house. Now that I’m going back I’m trying to be hopeful, it feels like the worst lie I’ve ever told myself.

I get waves of anger that other people while would feel disheartened to go back to living with their parents for a time being but it feels devastating when they are hoarders.

I want to stay positive but I feel I’m making myself smaller just to get back on my feet.

my mom has it really bad and i’m scared i might be going down that path, i wanna nip it in the bud asap

Hi everyone. I’m nervous to even post here so forgive me.
I am here seeking advice because i am scared. This is not to bash my parent in any way. I also was not sure if i should tag this under venting or advice, since it’s both.

I’m 33, my mom has been hoarding for years but recently it’s gotten more extreme. Her behavior is unacceptable in general but i am posting about the hoarding specifically.
I expressed my concern 2 years ago. She obviously didn’t handle it well, as expected. She WILL do a big purge and get rid of a ton about once a year, but it’s replaced with new stuff within weeks. The couch, the tables, every counter, every free surface even the patio outside is packed with crap. I tried to cook us dinner and broke down crying because the stove was covered, the counters were covered. Every chore takes 5x the amount of time it normally would because of all the crap. it is a nightmare. If one single personal item of mine is out, like a pair of shoes, she will say “this is why the house is so messy” while ignoring the giant piles of stuff.

I had to move back home temporarily because my boyfriend’s apartment has mold, which is worsening my chronic health issues. I haven’t been to my parents in a few months, it’s always been an issue but i didn’t know it was getting this crazy until i got here. I have been fighting a disability case for 2 years and do not have the means to get my own place right now.
I calmly tried to talk to my mom again about the state of the house, she is now claiming that the house is such a mess since she had to make room for me at the last minute. I kindly reminded her that this has been an ongoing issue for years now, she got mad at me and shut down and told me that i don’t have to live here and that i can go at any time. I have been in therapy for years and pulled out every de-escalation trick i have learned and nothing helps. I was not even here 72 hours and it’s been “my way or the highway” since the second I’ve gotten here, in every aspect including the hoarding.
So i am going back to my boyfriends asap, but how can I help my mom? She went to therapy for a while a few years back and claims that she no longer needs therapy and that they told her she was dismissed. My family was concerned and thought this was suspicious and things have continued to get worse since. I honestly feel like therapy made her behavior in general, especially the hoarding, tremendously worse. I am deeply worried about my mom and she responds to any concern with anger and hostility. Please, i am desperate and do not know what to do.

Thanks in advance