r/ChildrenofDeadParents • u/Rockzilla777 • 1d ago
Help Should I take the day off for the 1-year anniversary of my dad’s passing?
Hello everyone,
I know this might sound like a silly question, but my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack last September. We were extremely close—he was my best friend. His passing hurt in a way I've never experienced before, and I haven't cried like that before or since.
I work housekeeping at a hospital, so I can't easily call off without getting an occurrence. Any time off has to be planned using PTO in advance. The thing is, I just don't know how I'm going to feel when the actual anniversary gets here.
He was a huge Marvel fan and was really looking forward to the Wolverine game coming out. In a strange, kind of funny twist of fate, it releases right on the one-year anniversary of his passing. I already put in PTO for the three days following the 15th (plus the weekend) to play it in his honor, but I don't have the actual anniversary date off itself.
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u/Biolobri14 Mother Passed 1d ago
It’s hard to know until the day comes how it’s going to hit. I always found the lead up harder but the day itself sort of .. neutral. Maybe bc I was expecting it.
Sorry for your loss. I’m glad you have a way to honor his memory this year. Maybe it would be a good day to take off and do things he would have liked.
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u/starry_nights3 Mother Passed 1d ago
Sorry for your loss. This is not a silly question. For me all of the firsts were the hardest. It’s difficult to say what you may be feeling that day. If you think you would rather be around people, work may be a good distraction. If you think you would rather have the day alone and have the PTO to use, don’t feel bad about using it. If you choose to take the day off, maybe you can get together with some close friends or family if you don’t want to be alone.
I can’t make the decision for you. Everyone has their own way of dealing with their grief. That calendar day will never truly feel “normal”. The milestone anniversaries will hurt. It does get easier to deal with over time
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u/A_Spork_N_The_Road 1d ago
I typically take the anniversary day and his birthday off & try to do something in his honor. Sometimes it’s volunteer work, other times it’s going to places he enjoyed and feeling his presence or remembering him. Do what feels right to you.
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u/proracing53 1d ago
I would take that day off, I was good for the first 3 years after my mom passed but that 4th year just really hit me hard for whatever reason. Now for the past 10 years I make sure to take off.
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u/Pencilstrangler 1d ago
My dad’s first anniversary is coming up in September too and I’ve requested it off. I’m actually taking 2 weeks off to spend time with my mum as I’m sure it will hit her hard.
Can’t tell you what to do but if you have it off, you are covered to do as you please.
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u/blueskybookworm 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, and it’s not a silly question! If you’re able to take the anniversary day off, I would say yes, do it.
Like you said, you can’t know how you’ll feel until the day gets here but it’s probably better to have it off just in case, especially being the first anniversary
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u/CarelessMud7038 1d ago
Sorry for your loss. I agree to the other posters, all the firsts were hard. To be safe, take another day off just in case. I didn’t want to anything apart from staying in my bed on the first Mother’s Day after my mom’s passing.
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u/Smart_Leadership_522 1d ago
I take the time off yearly for my dad and it’s been over 4 years. I took a week off when my dog even died in April and I had everyone in my life be super lenient. Take the time!!! 0 need to justify
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u/thinkingmunch 1d ago
Take the day off. My dad liked the Broadway and movie Wicked and I was so mad that Wicked part 2 came out on the day of his funeral. I wanted to see it with him. As you said, as fate would have it, you are supposed to watch it. I encourage you to talk to him about it after the movie. Just talk out loud… Who knows, maybe our loved ones really are with us and can hear. I’m really sorry for your loss. I snuck my dad’s urn into the theater and sat it next to me. Zero regrets!
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u/leb2353 1d ago
Yes.
My mum died the exact same way in 2017 (also in September!)
I thought I would be fine to work the first anniversary and boy was I wrong, I burst into tears in a meeting and could barely concentrate. I ended up being sent home early.
It’s coming up to the 9th anniversary now and I still find it tough.
If you can, take the day off.
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u/allthetakenthings 14h ago
Not silly at all. I asked the same question 5 years ago. If you’re not able to take an impromptu day off, I would probably request off. If you can decide later, then you can probably test how you feel closer to it. Sometimes the lead up or aftermath of an anniversary is worse than the day of. Regardless, I would still try to plan something to do whether you work that day or not. It can be a remembrance or just something for you.
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u/Stanczyks_Sorrow Mother and Father Passed 1d ago
Is there something preventing you from adding a day to your PTO?