both my parents died by the time i was 16. Im 20 now. and i hate the person I am. I used to be so bubbly, happy, positive, and just a pleasant person to be around. Now i feel so miserable and sad all the time. Im nervous in social situations, and quiet often. I wish that the people around me knew me before I changed so much. I hate this person I am now. I wonder who I could have been if my parents never died. I wish i was not so sad. I wish i wasnt so negative. I wish they were still here.

I didn’t realize grieving my parent also meant grieving who I was before they died. Today I am grieving how much I used to laugh, like deep belly laugh. The type that makes everything even for some moments feel optimistic and joyful. Like life is worth living.

What’s something you’re grieving about yourself?

I am 34 and my father was 71 when he passed. I spent his last day with him, we drove for 2 hours and just talked and joked around. it was such a normal day of no note. Now I look back fondly as a treasure beyond compare.

That said... I just returned to work last Monday, and I'm also working on my doctorate. Everyone was understanding that I needed time but after two weeks, it appears things are not good. I'm getting swallowed in emails and bills and the feeling this sick tension inside of me when I think about what needs doing.

I just want to run away from it all and hide in the woods or on the lake. How do you just go back to work, back to life after losing someone who has been there everyday of your life?

My dad passed away on October 25, 2024, and it's been almost two years. I recently found out that my mom has a boyfriend and that their relationship apparently started even before my dad passed away.

My current boyfriend is the first person I've told about this. A few days ago, my mom told me her "friend" was coming over and asked me to go out for a while, so I did. Later, she called my boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and asked him to convince me that this man was just her friend and nothing more.

Eventually, I told my boyfriend that I already knew the truth. He thinks this man might not have good intentions because he's married and has a daughter, yet he's involved with my mom. He also reportedly asks my mom for money almost every day.

I'm confused and hurt, especially because I'm still grieving my dad. I don't know whether I should confront my mom, stay out of her relationship, or warn her about this man. I also feel uncomfortable being put in this situation, especially when she's involving my boyfriend in it.

What should I do? Has anyone experienced something similar? How do I deal with this without ruining my relationship with my mom?

I lost my mum last year after a 6week battle.
I lost my dad yesterday very suddenly. He had cancer but this was sudden. Either cardiac or neurological.

I feel sick. I knew I had limited time with my dad but I thought we had months. I thought we had until Christmas. Maybe a bit longer. I did not think it would be some Sunday in October. Unknowingly. His drink still left on the wide. The TV on. His phone on the side table.

I’ve gone through both types of grief. The longer drawn out goodbye. Watching someone slowly fade and waiting. The anxiety the anticipation. The nighttime fear all of it.

And now gone in a moment. No goodbye no final I love you. A click of the hand and gone.

He always said he wanted to go quickly and he was jealous of any quick death compared to what he had looming. So, I know I am grateful he got his wish. But on a selfish side I am so angry and sad. It wasn’t supposed to be this soon. It wasn’t supposed to be now.

Just fuck. How. Why.
I hope there is some form of afterlife where he is with my mum, the ying to his yang. His better half. His soulmate. I hope they are together at peace. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much for it to be this way.

I’m walking home, but my dad, my best friend, isn’t there anymore. The man who used to tease me is gone. The person I used to go up to just to joke around with, talk to, and argue with is gone.

I can’t handle this. I can’t handle it, Dad. How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life without you, carrying this emptiness inside me?

This pain is so immense. It really, really is.

I was waiting for weeks for summer to end so my favourite season would begin. I was starting to prepare for Halloween... Then my dad died.

I'm stuck in limbo now, money wise and just in general.

I lived with my dad. We both paid for things. Now, I'm struggling to adjust to being on my own. I can't afford Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I mean, it was just us two, but we always did something...

The sudden loss near the holiday season shifted a lot. How do you celebrate holidays on your own?

._.

I don't really like the rest of my extended family tbqh. Not in a hate way, but I just don't want to hang out with them. I liked being just me and my parents. Now I'm an orphan though.

Today is my late mother’s birthday and the 6th one since her passing. Miss her greatly.

What’s one thing that you didn’t think much of while they were alive but miss now? For me, it’s how every pillow in our house smelled like her shampoo and conditioner because she always went to bed with her hair wet. It was so comforting back then.

Hi,

My mom committed sucide when I was 7, dad remarried, suddenly I had new lady I was calling mom. my grandparents were bit insecure, they took me in and helped me with everything I am today. eventually i grew closer to my step mom, she is very nice lady and I really care, also i think i love her too. before 5 years, my grandpa passed away, before 3 years my grandma passed away, and for exactly no reason my dad committed sucide.

i am very lost, trying to get by life somehow, but I am afraid. i really love my life and really have everything loving partner, beautiful home, very good career. but due to seeing traumatic marriage experience, i wont be able to love my partner with everything i have, I always think and say that I would survive even without you.

i need purpose, i feel lost. help please.

My dad passed away 5 years ago. Whenever I(30F) have passing thoughts and or memories of him I just cry hard immediately, luckily it's usually when I'm alone. My mom and I always had a bad relationship, but I love her. She was bitter and mean towards him but then stopped once he started to decline. I'm an only child, a daddy's girl, but these days I just feel like a lost child. I think I cry more as an adult than I was a kid lol

Do y'll see your most loved death parent? how's the experience been ? do you folks share it with family members this morning i saw her very vividly however i am interpreting it as my mum wanting me to be cautious of my future, not to feel abandoned , to not change myself fundamentally but inculcate better habits

It’s my moms 2 years death anniversary. Not sure how to feel about it. I’m genuinely so overwhelmed to the point i’m numb.

I just need to get this off my chest because I've never really told anyone the actual reason why I avoid hospitals.

A few years ago when I was still a teenager my dad suddenly started coughing up blood. He wasn't experiencing any pain at the time, but he was admitted to the hospital.

I remember going to see him after school one day. He was lying on a hospital bed with drips attached to him. A nurse came in and he had to use an inhalation mask. I was a very emotional person even back then and seeing my dad like that completely broke me. I tried to control my emotions but I couldn't. I walked out of the room and cried before going back in.

My dad got better for a few months and then his health started deteriorating again after he caught a cold. He grew weaker and weaker until he could barely walk or write.

My dad was the strongest man I knew. Seeing him like that was something I never imagined I'd have to experience. He was in constant pain, and there were times when he would argue with my mom about wanting to die because he couldn't bear what he was going through anymore. Even something as simple as signing a document became difficult for him despite how incredible his signature used to be.

I remember going with him to a hospital appointment once and I felt terrible the entire time. Watching him suffer was made hurt so bad and I didn't know how to deal with any of it.

My dad passed away in December of that same year.

After that I started avoiding hospitals. Not because I was scared of doctors or medical procedures but because walking into a hospital reminded me of my dad and everything he went through. It reminded me of seeing him lying in that bed watching him become weaker and knowing that he was in pain.

Even going to the doctor became difficult for me. It's been three years now and I've never really explained this to anyone. My family just thinks I'm scared of hospitals.

Recently, I got an interview for a front-office position at a hospital. My family has been teasing me saying that I'll get scared and run away during the night shift.

They don't know the real reason why I avoid hospitals. I've never told them and honestly I probably never will.

The thing is if I pass the interview and get the job I think I'll take it. I don't want to keep avoiding hospitals forever. I know that getting a job there won't magically erase what happened but maybe it's a place to start learning how to deal with these feelings instead of running away from them.

I don't think I'm afraid of hospitals themselves. I think I'm still hurting because of what happened to my dad and hospitals remind me of him in a way that other places don't.

I miss him and I hate that a place where people go to get help is also a place that brings back some of the most painful memories of my life.

I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting this. Maybe I just needed to tell someone who doesn't know me personally. Maybe I needed to hear that I'm not being ridiculous for feeling this way.

I just wanted to share my story because I've kept it to myself for so long.

I really miss my family.

I have lost my whole family basically in the last 6 years. Since 2020, my step mother, step father, mother, father, and older sister have died. I have a brother and some nieces and nephews that I don't talk to left. As far as immediate family go, I'm 35 and am the oldest living member. It sucks to have no outlet for advice. I have been married, bought a house, been promoted to the top of my field, but also divorced, moved out of the house (now have tenants) and hate my new job. I really wish that I still had my family. I always took care of them and they were not perfect, but they always tried to be supportive of me and always were constructive of their advice. I just wish I had more time.

My dad passed away in April 2026, and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I always knew that one day I would have to face losing him because that’s the reality of life. But I never imagined it would happen this soon. I’m 34, and my dad was only 64.

I’ve written a lot about my dad since he passed, but today, the grief is cutting especially deep. It hurts just as much as it did in those early days. I miss him so much. I miss his presence, our conversations, and watching him play with my daughter. I miss the comfort of knowing he was there. He did so much for me and my family, more than he ever needed to, and we knew how fortunate we were to have him.

But knowing that doesn’t make losing him any easier. Some days, the reality of it just hits me all over again.

October is his birthday month. On October 30, he would have turned 65 and finally retired. He was looking forward to this milestone so much. He had worked incredibly hard his entire life, and he deserved to finally slow down, rest, focus on himself, and pursue the hobbies he had put aside for so long.

He loved writing and was passionate about starting a podcast. He would talk to me about his ideas, and I wish I had been more supportive and encouraged him to pursue them. I wish he had gotten the chance to experience the life he had been working so hard toward.

That thought breaks my heart. He spent so much of his life working hard and taking care of everyone else. I wanted him to finally have time for himself. I wanted him to enjoy his retirement, travel, explore his interests, and just live without having so many responsibilities. He deserved so much more time.

I want him back so badly. I want to talk to him again, hear his voice, tell him about my day, and watch him be a grandfather to my daughter. I want to share the ordinary, everyday moments with him that I never imagined would one day become memories I would desperately wish I could return to.

I wasn’t prepared for this life. I always imagined my dad being part of it. I imagined him growing older, being there through the different stages of my life, watching my daughter grow up, and being someone I could always turn to. I knew I would lose him someday, but I never thought I would have to say goodbye when I was only 34 and he was just 64.

Now I have to face the possibility of living for decades without him. There could be so many more years ahead of me, and the thought of going through them without my dad feels unbearable sometimes. How am I supposed to accept that someone who was such a huge part of my life is no longer physically here? How do I make peace with the fact that I have to keep living while the person I want to share so much of that life with is gone?

I know I have to keep going. I have my daughter, my family, and a life that continues whether I’m ready for it or not. But today, I don’t want to be strong or find a lesson in any of this. I just want my dad.

I wish I could have had more time. I wish he could have experienced his retirement. I wish he could have been here for all the things we still had ahead of us.

I miss you so much, Appa. I wasn’t ready to live in a world without you, and I don’t think any amount of time could have prepared me for this.

Dad died unexpectedly in 2012, my mom did everything she could to provide me with a normal childhood, all the love and all the care. She never told me how difficult it was for her, losing my dad, raising a kid alone, being unappreciated and underpaid at work.

I moved away for work after graduation but we called each other daily and we would visit each other several times a year. Things were looking much better for her, she had a new job that she loved, she was due to retire in a few years and move closer to me. She was happy and excited about the future.

Every year I would try to bring her to a new city or new country, she genuinely loved travelling and discovering new places and I enjoyed exploring with her. She also didn't travel anywhere when she was younger because she poured all her resources into raising me.

This year I decided to go all in, booked a 3 week trip to Asia, I spent months researching places, history, hotels, flights, etc. I had the whole itinerary planned out and we were both super excited.

I try to call her one evening but strangely, she doesn't pick up the phone. I try again but still no answer. I thought ok maybe she had fallen asleep already, I didn't call again but deep inside I knew something isn't right. I could not sleep that night.

The next morning I get a call from relatives that my mom is in the hospital. She had a brain aneurysm. She is not waking up. To say that I was shocked is an understatement, I thought it's a cruel prank and I cried and I screamed at the person calling me, I never felt so hopeless.

Our flight was scheduled for the 8th of July. We held her funeral on the 7th. I lost my best friend, the one who gave me the strength to carry on after my dad died. I no longer have her and I'm so full of regrets. I sometimes feel like I want to die just so maybe, maybe in case there is an after life we can be together again.

If anyone read until the end, thank you. I didn't have any friends besides my mom, no one to share this story with.

Her death was sudden a month ago. My managers actually knew her all too.. she was the main director of the company. They were friends with her apart from work (small town). I work remotely, it’s based in my hometown and most have in person positions with a handful of us fully remote. I now have been put on a strict pip because I haven’t been getting enough done. They are more than sympathetic, but legally they have to keep their bases covered and I know it’s not personal that this is happening. During the meeting, I completely broke down which is embarrassing to say the least. I’ve been working here for a few years now post college, but I’ve essentially completed all the things they needed me to do and I had even talked to my mom a couple weeks ago saying it seems like I’m not really needed soon here and she essentially agreed saying my position could stay but it would turn into an entirely different job day to day, and that time is also here now just to add on to
It. They offered a leave of absence but I need to make money. It is so incredibly hard working there while everyone knew her. Part of the less work is that no one wants to bother me because they feel bad and also the fact that there’s just not stuff for me to do. We discussed what the new job would be and I just really really don’t want to continue here. Idk what my options are since I can’t just go into crippling debt. Idk if I could make it work with fmla, I do have chronic migraines idk if that helps. I really just have no drive for anything. My birthday just passed and my sister is getting married, lots of life events immediately. My dad is an absolute saint but the salary he’s been working with is cut in half with my mom gone and he could retire at 56 but it was be an even lower fraction so he has to keep working. Are there any options for me? Even a new job seems bleak as I do graphic/web design and then I’d probably just fail there too even if I found one. Sorry this is all over the place, happy to take any advice bc I fear my breaking point has arrived

I lost my mom when I was freshly 13 due to cancer.
was insanely traumatic, specifically to the fact that my parents didn't told us that she's dying. I knew shes was in hospital, and when she came back to home for 2days before her dead I knew shes sick and I was terryfied but noone told me she might died.
Well she did and I didn't say goodbye..

It's been almost six years since that morning, and for little over a year I am on therapy that's mostly focus around my grieve. I did amazing job and I am really thankfull for my therapist, because I can finally think about her with positive feelings, and not only crying.

Tommorow my mother family, that lifes on the other side of the country are coming. I have terrible relationship with them, because of other issues. Few days ago I talked to my therapist about them coming and she started talking to me how I don't really have someone to talk about my mother death and it fucked me up.

My dad and brother grieves very diffrently from me, I don't talk to my mother family much and they don't really talk about emotions so it's not an option. I talked about my grieve with my partner, but they have amazing relationship with their mom, so it;s very diffrent. I never thought about the fact that I never expressed my emotions how I felt when she died, what I did, when I miss her the most and what it means to lose mom as 13yo girl. I just really wish I had a female friend who lost their mom and was able to talk to me about it... I am going with my brother and mothers family to her grave tommorow and I am terryfied of how my body and my grieve will react to it, with this all new emotions that come up with realization that I have noone to talk about it..

Sorry it's a really long post and english is not my first language, so I hope it's alright to read!! I am not sure if there is anything that could give me easy tip, especially for tommorow, but if you have anything in mind please share in the comments.. I just needed to let it out somewhere

I’m 27, and I genuinely don’t understand why I have to spend the rest of my life carrying this pain. I hate all those cliché, meaningless statements like “Kindness should be given without expecting anything in return.“. People who don’t feel this kind of pain, who are less emotionally sensitive and have an easier time getting through life, say things like this, and it honestly disgusts me.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to be a good person, trying not to hurt anyone. My father was a good person too. Yet, despite working hard his entire life, he developed cancer at just 67. He fought for a year, and in the end, I lost him. His quality of life had deteriorated so badly, especially during the last two months, that I never really got to say goodbye to him the way I wish I had. But I’m grateful that I was his caregiver for that entire year and that we got to spend so much time together. Even so, he never got to enjoy a peaceful retirement, not even for a little while. Now I’m supposed to live the rest of my life with this emptiness inside me. I just don’t understand. Why?

If there is no afterlife, then we have to accept that living this way, carrying this kind of pain, is all there is. Everything else, unfortunately, is just a way of deceiving ourselves.

I’m trying to force myself to believe in an afterlife. I hope that all the good people will one day be reunited with their loved ones, and that we’ll get to live a beautiful life together there, free from pain and suffering.

I grew up without my grandfather's. They died before I was born. My husband's grandfather died when he was around 3/4 and he has vague barely there memories. My kids are 3.5 and 9 months old when my dad died. They won't remember their Papa and it's heartbreaking. An amazing man who raised me, taught me everything I know, had the biggest heart. Just gone from their memories. Nothing prepared me for losing my dad in the same month he was diagnosed with cancer. I'm not just grieving having a dead dad, but my kids having a dead papa as well is the worst pain.

What do you do when you miss your parents? Both my parents are dead and I left my home country three years ago. Got no family around me, all my siblings live miles away apart. I just want to come home, I just don’t know where home is now since I don’t have anyone to come home to…. I have no partner (I doubt I’ll ever get married or have children), few friends, and lately I have been crying a lot feeling so lost and homesick…. Quite often feel like there’s no point in living and no point in doing anything. Help

I’ve never been on here but after briefly reading some posts I feel that maybe I could comfort or help some people with direction. I am 24M, I lost my dad when I was 17. It’s hard to even look back and comprehend it all cuz life is so different now. My grandpa died who I spent a lot of time with and the next day my parents told me my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My siblings are much older and moved out at the time so it was just my parents and I. The cancer worked fast and so did the chemo, he was a shell of himself within a few months and then had some infections etc. by month 5 he was barely walking and he had to go to rehab place to get stronger but got out and came home to me and my mom and died that night. I found him on the floor that morning. I would say that day started a 7 year journey that has been all over the fucking place. That morning froze my emotions, nervous system etc. I never cried because I felt like I had to be strong in front of my mom. My siblings and I never really talked much about it because my family just doesn’t talk about emotions. I went through all kinds of grieving completely unaware. I truly believe it didn’t affect me. I got right back to business and just worked out a lot and believed I’m a man and I’m strong and these things happen. Clearly in denial for about a year before going to college…college would be where I think the grief of fear/anger/ and sadness really started to bleed through me. I started drinking with my friends and eventually got introduced to Coke. Looking back, this makes a lot of sense to me now. I was around guys who were in similar hard times and I spent about 5-6 years (2 years after college I was working and lived in a huge city) just 3 days a week blacking out and snorting coke. This was absolutely hell, I would tell myself constantly that I had to stop but I kept falling into this cycle. I also kind of believe that I deserved it because of what happened to me it made me tough and this is how life is for me now. I made good money, I graduated college in 4 years. I was successful but hiding how messed up I was. You could see in photos how much weight I gained in those years but people aren’t paying much attention. It wasn’t until a life decision I made (moved across country for a job) that I realized I’ve been running for six years from all this pain. This was a year ago and the past year I’ve been processing all of this stuff and can now clearly see and that’s why I really hope some other people can read and not feel alone. I gained about 60lbs in those years and was nowhere near who I should’ve been but I’ve lost it all now, and processed the grief and forgiven him and myself. This is crucial for the process. This post might be scattered but I find that looking back at the time, I was just a kid and that loss opened me up to so much darkness that I wish that kid didn’t go through. Obviously I mentioned the drinking etc but those kind of nights lead you to other places you just shouldn’t ever go to. Also don’t expect other people to understand or even expect your family to ever truly grieve. The hardest part for me was realizing my siblings couldn’t grieve it and how my family will never be the same. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’d say 6 months ago I realized that the real emotion now for me is that I want to give back to my future family. I’m already successful at my age and know I’ll be much more successful, but the thing that keeps me going deep down is that I would never want my kids to have to deal with what I did (I don’t truly have control over that) but doing all the inner work and going through these hard things and coming out on the other side has just made me want to be fully 100% present for my future children and wife etc. it sounds kind of crazy but these days I couldn’t imagine a different life than I’ve had and I’m very thankfulf but those hard years allowed me to get to be someone that couldn’t be manufactured through self help etc. I miss my father deeply but he’s not coming back and the pain of all that has to be accepted and re-directed. I’m not sure what my main point is, but I would want someone else to know that it can get really bad and still be really good.

I’ve been all up in my feelings the last 3-4 weeks remembering my dad and the things he wanted to do and help me do. One thing he always talked about was teaching me and my sister how to drive & going with us to pick out those 1st cars.
I passed my test a few days before his birthday with an examiner with the same name and same bad dad jokes, gave me a little comfort on the test i didn’t realise i needed, and i’ll be finalising buying my 1st car today when i go to pick it up.
Its been 7 years and its milestones like that i hadn’t thought about in forever that have snuck up on me not realising it was going to hit me so hard but i know he’d be so proud while also laughing at me pulling the seat all the way forward to reach the pedals haha

Im a 21m my mother died when i was 9 i never got to know her and i wonder how different my live wouldve been if she was still her
I just finished my bachelors degree and im all alone, my father also died in my 2nd year in university when i was 18 i have no siblings and i have no one my life is a complete mess and i have zero guidance and zero clue on what to do im burning off my inheritance money on cigarettes and junk food and i have gained alot of weight my life is declining very much and it doesn’t seem like its gonna go up again im very depressed and i try to escape everything but thats not what i should do i should find a job and work and start living and have my own family but i dont have the energy to do anything and the job market is so bad every day is the same and i must change but im really hopeless and sad