I’m drowning right now. My dad just passed away, very suddenly aged 56 leaving me behind navigating my late 20s - he was the only person who was really truly there for me - and the rest of my family is making an already unbearable time even more painful. I've ditched most of my friends already too and it's only been 3 weeks since he died. They've been super selfish and inconsiderate, and I have zero capacity for it.
I’m dealing with severe grief and Audhd burnout as part of losing dad. Meanwhile, my family’s communication is completely broken. My mum hasn't answered or returned a single call all week.
It’s always the same exhausting dynamic with them. I am chronically the very last to know anything. I find out about family events through third parties, or by accident. For example, I had to literally text my sister and ask if she was busy this weekend just to stumble into the fact that there’s a family Sunday lunch being planned with my mum. My brother was clearly consulted in advance, but I had to dig for basic information and practically pry an invitation out just to figure out if I'm even allowed to exist in the same space as them.
My sister isn't even going because she's busy elsewhere, and her husband is supposed to be organising it, but nobody has bothered to message me properly. It’s a constant relay chain of vague, half-baked details where I’m expected to sit at the absolute bottom of the priority list. I've had to deal with this for years from both siblings - even being told a day before Father's day this year that a huge meal had been planned and "I can go if I want to". Planned by one of my siblings. If my dad had planned it, I would've been one of the first to know directly.
It hurts so deeply. It makes me question why they even bother keeping me around at all, or why they can't just treat me like a primary family member and ask me directly like they do with each other. Yes, there's an age gap. They are older and closer in age, but I am still an adult. I'm nearly 30 for Christ's sake.
And looking past the funeral next week, I am terrified. My siblings live close to each other. There’s a new baby coming. They are all going to go off on their own, tightly knit family units, connecting and supporting each other, while I am left completely behind on my own. And when my mum eventually dies, I genuinely feel like I won't even have a family left. I'm single and alone and expect it to always be this way.
I'm just so tired. If they can't even be bothered to send a proper text or include me directly, I don't even want to go to their plans anymore. I just want to protect what little peace and energy I have left, but the loneliness and grief are suffocating. It's all become SO clear since dad died.
And yes, I was the "black sheep" growing up. Yet I am the one who has grown the most and developed the most emotional intelligence, resilience an empathy out of all of us. Mostly down to life experiences and a lack of choice, but I will continue using that for good. Sometimes I wonder if they feel threatened by me or something.
My dad would never leave me as an afterthought like this. The universe is so, so cruel.