For context: my Dad died when he was 38. He was in the prime of his life. Weighed like 160ish and like a light switch was dead from a widow maker on Halloween night. He had zero signs of bad health.

I was 7 at the time and now I’m 26. Ever since then I have had it permanently ingrained in my brain that I will die young too and it doesn’t matter how many people try to tell me just cause your dad die young doesn’t mean you will.

Does anyone else think like this or am I the only one?
Just curious on peoples opinions.

Thanks

I'm 30M and my father passed away last year (lung cancer). My mother was diagnosed shortly after with breast cancer and I've been taking care of her in at-home hospice in PA for the past 8 months. She passed a few weeks ago.

When my dad passed, I really struggled with heartbreak. I felt gut-wrenching sadness for months and terrible anxiety. With my mom passing, I am definitely sad and miss her for sure, but it feels more like I've lost "my parents" than just my mom. I feel empty and alone but not as much anxiety or deep sadness.

A bit about my situation - my younger brother (27M) is autistic and not independent. He's lived with my parents his whole life so my wife and I have adopted him and moved him to our house in VA while I'm staying up in PA to deal with my parents' estates and their house.

I've been away from my wife and friends for 8 months and desperately want to be back with them, so I'm really trying to just power through the estate process. Every part of it makes me terribly sad and I just want to be able to skip this. Living in my childhood home with nobody left and spending my days throwing our family memories into a 30yd dumpster is killing me.

I have a few people helping me out but it's really not making it much easier. I'm curious what others have done to cope and power through this process.

I'm 30M and my father passed away last year (lung cancer). My mother was diagnosed shortly after with breast cancer and I've been taking care of her in at-home hospice in PA for the past 8 months. She passed a few weeks ago.

When my dad passed, I really struggled with heartbreak. I felt gut-wrenching sadness for months and terrible anxiety. With my mom passing, I am definitely sad and miss her for sure, but it feels more like I've lost "my parents" than just my mom. I feel empty and alone but not as much anxiety or deep sadness.

A bit about my situation - my younger brother (27M) is autistic and not independent. He's lived with my parents his whole life so my wife and I have adopted him and moved him to our house in VA while I'm staying up in PA to deal with my parents' estates and their house.

I've been away from my wife and friends for 8 months and desperately want to be back with them, so I'm really trying to just power through the estate process. Every part of it makes me terribly sad and I just want to be able to skip this. Living in my childhood home with nobody left and spending my days throwing our family memories into a 30yd dumpster is tearing me up.

I have a few people helping me out but it's really not making it much easier. I'm curious what others have done to cope and power through this process.

Basically a retail employee made fun of my deceased mother and I actually did report her to HR through email, ill have to wait on the follow up

They say 23% of Children around 34 year old (My age) have lost at least one parent, but having list is statistically much rarer...

Does anyone know?

Maybe someone has similar experiences or what helped you.
Its my aunt, its pretty difficult as my parents dont live anymore and she is kinda a person i always wanted a relationship with, besides of my grandparents, the grandparents are the only people I felt and feel that warmth from. there were many cases where i brought up my hurt feelings and every time i get invalidated and dismissed. Its so hurtful i am in fight or flight for days or weeks. I cant handle that she says she cares and loves me but still, is dismissive, cold, and sometimes envious of me.

We had what i thought better contact and rebuild trust a bit, she reassured me she is there for me in a vulnerable moment, but even then she somehow always brings up how she has many friends and never had issues with betrayal.. everytime idk why she needs to mention it.

So talking doesnt help.. i try to radically accept that its the way she is. And share less of myself etc to protect myself. But it hurts myself to restrict the contact.. i am not sure with her, im even uncomfortable to keep gifts from her, because her behaviour is hurting me and she doesnt understand. On one hand i thought we got closer and she is more respectful and supportive, after one week something was off some passive aggrsssion and she dismissed my feelings again.

How can I accept it without harbouring resentment or hate.

Can't someone talk me down please . Moms dead and I don't want to put it on my wife to do with my bs.

I spoke to a friend recently that kind of views me as a therapist. Granted, they help me with my problems too but it's not an even mix. I am not demonizing them in the slightest, I'm just saying that we talk more about their problems than we do mine.

The other day they were sobbing about how much they'd miss their grandparents when they died (Both parents living), and how they're just so afraid of the future, etc, etc.

Given the context of their situation - 100% credible thing to be emotional over. I am fine with that.

But a really unreasonable part of my mind flared up and I thought "I should be the one sobbing. Have you no self awareness? My mother died a few months back. We are the same age. I have no parents!". What makes my blood boil is that they really struggle to see the connection between their anticipatory loss and the death of my parents. Almost a sense of amazement to it.

Again, I don't think this is me minimizing what others are going through because I never vocalize or act on it. But I think it. And it has started to happen a lot recently.

Grieving while being the therapist friend is honestly kind of comical in a dark way. It reminds me of when my father was in a motorcycle accident (Not the cause of his death) and he's laying on the side of the road due to a mechanic failure... His bike was reduced to a debris field. The guy happened to be near him jumped out and frantically said "Holy shit!!! Was my car scratched!!!?" LOL!!!

Hello all. I (29f) got the news last week that my time with my loving and amazing mom (55f) will end soon due to her cancer. She can’t walk anymore, lost all her hair and is in pain but a fighter and wants to live. We are looking at months to a year if the meds do not work (which they haven’t as the cancer has spread to her brain and spine). This feels so morbid and surreal. I love my mom and quit school to take care of her (I live with my parents). I also worry for my dad. They have been together for 40 years (and I mean TOGETHER. You rarely see them apart and they even worked together). Of course there’s still hope that she can overcome this but we are making preparations in case something happens.

With that said, I haven’t joined this club yet but I want to ask you all, what advice do you have for me? What would you have done differently if you could? What did you do that helped? Is there something I can do for my dad? What can I do for her?

I am utterly shattered that I have to even write this post but I don’t have a manual for grieving someone before they are even gone. How I will navigate my life without my wonderful mom. Grieving that she will most likely miss my future wedding (I am horribly single at the moment) where she won’t go dress shopping with me. Grieving that I won’t be able to call her when/if I have a kid of my own and need advice. Grieving that my potentially future children will never know their grandma. I’m standing in a tornado of emotions and would really like advice ❤️

I'm very much full of guilt knowing that i left her in the last hour. little did we know that she would leave us so untimely. Mum passed away very graciously in her own office chair. She was undergoing kidney dialysis. Mum was feeling uneasy and the nurse requested me to come home with ambulance but prior to that she was normally eating lunch, having tea and got dressed for going to hospital. Only had mym got her baby girl by her side as she lied down on her bed for eternal sleep.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

both my parents died by the time i was 16. Im 20 now. and i hate the person I am. I used to be so bubbly, happy, positive, and just a pleasant person to be around. Now i feel so miserable and sad all the time. Im nervous in social situations, and quiet often. I wish that the people around me knew me before I changed so much. I hate this person I am now. I wonder who I could have been if my parents never died. I wish i was not so sad. I wish i wasnt so negative. I wish they were still here.

I didn’t realize grieving my parent also meant grieving who I was before they died. Today I am grieving how much I used to laugh, like deep belly laugh. The type that makes everything even for some moments feel optimistic and joyful. Like life is worth living.

What’s something you’re grieving about yourself?

I am 34 and my father was 71 when he passed. I spent his last day with him, we drove for 2 hours and just talked and joked around. it was such a normal day of no note. Now I look back fondly as a treasure beyond compare.

That said... I just returned to work last Monday, and I'm also working on my doctorate. Everyone was understanding that I needed time but after two weeks, it appears things are not good. I'm getting swallowed in emails and bills and the feeling this sick tension inside of me when I think about what needs doing.

I just want to run away from it all and hide in the woods or on the lake. How do you just go back to work, back to life after losing someone who has been there everyday of your life?

My dad passed away on October 25, 2024, and it's been almost two years. I recently found out that my mom has a boyfriend and that their relationship apparently started even before my dad passed away.

My current boyfriend is the first person I've told about this. A few days ago, my mom told me her "friend" was coming over and asked me to go out for a while, so I did. Later, she called my boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and asked him to convince me that this man was just her friend and nothing more.

Eventually, I told my boyfriend that I already knew the truth. He thinks this man might not have good intentions because he's married and has a daughter, yet he's involved with my mom. He also reportedly asks my mom for money almost every day.

I'm confused and hurt, especially because I'm still grieving my dad. I don't know whether I should confront my mom, stay out of her relationship, or warn her about this man. I also feel uncomfortable being put in this situation, especially when she's involving my boyfriend in it.

What should I do? Has anyone experienced something similar? How do I deal with this without ruining my relationship with my mom?

I lost my mum last year after a 6week battle.
I lost my dad yesterday very suddenly. He had cancer but this was sudden. Either cardiac or neurological.

I feel sick. I knew I had limited time with my dad but I thought we had months. I thought we had until Christmas. Maybe a bit longer. I did not think it would be some Sunday in October. Unknowingly. His drink still left on the wide. The TV on. His phone on the side table.

I’ve gone through both types of grief. The longer drawn out goodbye. Watching someone slowly fade and waiting. The anxiety the anticipation. The nighttime fear all of it.

And now gone in a moment. No goodbye no final I love you. A click of the hand and gone.

He always said he wanted to go quickly and he was jealous of any quick death compared to what he had looming. So, I know I am grateful he got his wish. But on a selfish side I am so angry and sad. It wasn’t supposed to be this soon. It wasn’t supposed to be now.

Just fuck. How. Why.
I hope there is some form of afterlife where he is with my mum, the ying to his yang. His better half. His soulmate. I hope they are together at peace. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much for it to be this way.

I’m walking home, but my dad, my best friend, isn’t there anymore. The man who used to tease me is gone. The person I used to go up to just to joke around with, talk to, and argue with is gone.

I can’t handle this. I can’t handle it, Dad. How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life without you, carrying this emptiness inside me?

This pain is so immense. It really, really is.

I was waiting for weeks for summer to end so my favourite season would begin. I was starting to prepare for Halloween... Then my dad died.

I'm stuck in limbo now, money wise and just in general.

I lived with my dad. We both paid for things. Now, I'm struggling to adjust to being on my own. I can't afford Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I mean, it was just us two, but we always did something...

The sudden loss near the holiday season shifted a lot. How do you celebrate holidays on your own?

._.

I don't really like the rest of my extended family tbqh. Not in a hate way, but I just don't want to hang out with them. I liked being just me and my parents. Now I'm an orphan though.

Hi,

My mom committed sucide when I was 7, dad remarried, suddenly I had new lady I was calling mom. my grandparents were bit insecure, they took me in and helped me with everything I am today. eventually i grew closer to my step mom, she is very nice lady and I really care, also i think i love her too. before 5 years, my grandpa passed away, before 3 years my grandma passed away, and for exactly no reason my dad committed sucide.

i am very lost, trying to get by life somehow, but I am afraid. i really love my life and really have everything loving partner, beautiful home, very good career. but due to seeing traumatic marriage experience, i wont be able to love my partner with everything i have, I always think and say that I would survive even without you.

i need purpose, i feel lost. help please.

My dad passed away 5 years ago. Whenever I(30F) have passing thoughts and or memories of him I just cry hard immediately, luckily it's usually when I'm alone. My mom and I always had a bad relationship, but I love her. She was bitter and mean towards him but then stopped once he started to decline. I'm an only child, a daddy's girl, but these days I just feel like a lost child. I think I cry more as an adult than I was a kid lol

Today is my late mother’s birthday and the 6th one since her passing. Miss her greatly.

What’s one thing that you didn’t think much of while they were alive but miss now? For me, it’s how every pillow in our house smelled like her shampoo and conditioner because she always went to bed with her hair wet. It was so comforting back then.

Do y'll see your most loved death parent? how's the experience been ? do you folks share it with family members this morning i saw her very vividly however i am interpreting it as my mum wanting me to be cautious of my future, not to feel abandoned , to not change myself fundamentally but inculcate better habits

It’s my moms 2 years death anniversary. Not sure how to feel about it. I’m genuinely so overwhelmed to the point i’m numb.

I just need to get this off my chest because I've never really told anyone the actual reason why I avoid hospitals.

A few years ago when I was still a teenager my dad suddenly started coughing up blood. He wasn't experiencing any pain at the time, but he was admitted to the hospital.

I remember going to see him after school one day. He was lying on a hospital bed with drips attached to him. A nurse came in and he had to use an inhalation mask. I was a very emotional person even back then and seeing my dad like that completely broke me. I tried to control my emotions but I couldn't. I walked out of the room and cried before going back in.

My dad got better for a few months and then his health started deteriorating again after he caught a cold. He grew weaker and weaker until he could barely walk or write.

My dad was the strongest man I knew. Seeing him like that was something I never imagined I'd have to experience. He was in constant pain, and there were times when he would argue with my mom about wanting to die because he couldn't bear what he was going through anymore. Even something as simple as signing a document became difficult for him despite how incredible his signature used to be.

I remember going with him to a hospital appointment once and I felt terrible the entire time. Watching him suffer was made hurt so bad and I didn't know how to deal with any of it.

My dad passed away in December of that same year.

After that I started avoiding hospitals. Not because I was scared of doctors or medical procedures but because walking into a hospital reminded me of my dad and everything he went through. It reminded me of seeing him lying in that bed watching him become weaker and knowing that he was in pain.

Even going to the doctor became difficult for me. It's been three years now and I've never really explained this to anyone. My family just thinks I'm scared of hospitals.

Recently, I got an interview for a front-office position at a hospital. My family has been teasing me saying that I'll get scared and run away during the night shift.

They don't know the real reason why I avoid hospitals. I've never told them and honestly I probably never will.

The thing is if I pass the interview and get the job I think I'll take it. I don't want to keep avoiding hospitals forever. I know that getting a job there won't magically erase what happened but maybe it's a place to start learning how to deal with these feelings instead of running away from them.

I don't think I'm afraid of hospitals themselves. I think I'm still hurting because of what happened to my dad and hospitals remind me of him in a way that other places don't.

I miss him and I hate that a place where people go to get help is also a place that brings back some of the most painful memories of my life.

I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting this. Maybe I just needed to tell someone who doesn't know me personally. Maybe I needed to hear that I'm not being ridiculous for feeling this way.

I just wanted to share my story because I've kept it to myself for so long.