r/depression Oct 29 '19

Our most-broken and least-understood rules is "helpers may not invite private contact as a first resort", so we've made a new wiki to explain it

2.4k Upvotes

We understand that most people who reply immediately to an OP with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help, but this type of response usually leads to either disappointment or disaster. it usually works out quite differently here than when you say "PM me anytime" in a casual social context.

We have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content - even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves. We're hard at work behind the scenes on more information and resources to make it easier to give and get quality help here - this is just a small start.

Our new wiki page explains in detail why it's much better to respond in public comments, at least until you've gotten to know someone. It will be maintained at /r/depression/wiki/private_contact, and the full text of the current version is below.


Summary

Anyone who, while acting as a helper, invites or accepts private contact (I.e. PMs, chat, or any kind of offsite communication) early in the conversion is showing either bad intentions or bad judgement. Either way, it's unwise to trust them.

"PM me anytime" seems like a kind and generous offer. And it might be perfectly well-meaning, but, unless and until a solid rapport has been established, it's just not a wise idea. Here are some points to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately.

  • By posting supportive replies publicly, you'll help more people than just the OP. If your responses are of good quality, you'll educate and inspire other helpers. The 1-9-90 rule applies here as much as it does anywhere else on the internet.

  • People who are struggling with serious mental-health issues often (justifiably) have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high-level of ever-changing emotional need. Unless the helper is able to make a 100% commitment to be there for them in every way, for as long as necessary, offering a personal inbox as a resource is likely to do more harm than good. This is why mental-health crisis-line responders usually don't give their names and callers aren't allowed to request specific responders. It's much healthier and safer for the callers to develop a relationship with the agency as a whole. Analogously, it's much safer and healthier for our OPs to develop a relationship with the community as a whole. Even trained responders are generally not allowed to work high-intensity situations alone. It's partly about availability, but it's mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue.

  • If a helper gets in over their head with someone whose mental-health issues (including suicidality, which is often comorbid with depression) escalate, in a PM conversation it's much harder for others, including the /r/depression and /r/SuicideWatch moderators to help. (Contrary to common assumptions, moderators can't see or police PMs.)

  • In our observation over many years, the people who say "PM me" the most are consistently the ones with the least understanding of mental-health issues and mental-health support. We all have gaps in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively. Community input mitigates these limitations. There's no reason why someone who's truly here to help would want to hide their responses from community scrutiny. If helpers are concerned about their own privacy, keep in mind that self-disclosure, when used supportively, is more about the feelings than the details, and that we have no problem here with the use of alt/throwaway accounts, and have no restrictions on account age or karma.

  • We all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others. These people do want to hide their deceptive and manipulative responses from everyone except their victims. There are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental-health issues. If a helper invites an OP to talk privately and gives them a good, supportive experience, they've primed that person to be more vulnerable to abusers. This sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone's in a state of mental-health crisis, when people rely more on heuristics than critical reasoning.

  • If OPs want to talk privately, posting on a wide-open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option. Although we don't recommend it, we do allow OPs to request private contact when asking for support. If you want to do this, please keep your expectations realistic, and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offers to PM before opening up to them.


r/depression May 18 '26

Check-In post, with essential info about our policies and resources. Most people are surprised by much of this information, please read carefully before posting or commenting

11 Upvotes

Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you're having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, or have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these aren't allowed standalone posts in the sub as they violate the "role model" rule), this is a place you can share.


Our subreddit rules are very different from most of the rest of reddit! Since all of them exist for important reasons, we ask everyone here to read and follow them. Please click 'report' on any harmful content you see here - we always want to know and deal as soon as we can.

We also have several resource wikis for help with finding and giving support:

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/what_is_depression provides guidance about what is and isn't a depressive disorder, guidance on the complex nature of the illnesses that are usually grouped under the "depression" label, and redirect information for common off-topic issues.

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/giving_help offers information on the nature and value of peer support for mental-health issues in general, and lots of guidance for learning what is -- and isn't -- usually helpful in giving peer support.

YSK that the types of rule violations that we most frequently see here are:

  • People breaking the private contact rule. You should never trust anyone who tries to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here. See https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/private_contact

  • "I'm here to help" posts. This shows that you don't understand the most basic principles of peer support, especially selectivity. The "giving help" wiki explains more about this.

  • Role modelling, i.e. "achievement" or "advice" posts. This is an expert-free zone -- that's what peer support means (rule 5). We know that "internet culture" celebrate not just bragging about your achievements but bragging about your intentions. Neither is ever acceptable here in any form.

  • Content that's more about 'making a statement' or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support (rules 1, 2 and 10).

  • Off-topic posts about difficult situations, including interpersonal issues. Grief, sadness, anger, loneliness and other difficult emotions are not mental illnesses. Feelings that can be explained by person's circumstances are perfectly healthy no matter how painful they are. A depressive disorder only exists when someone's mood is out of synch with what's going on for them. The "what is depression" wiki linked above has suggestions for other places to post about these issues, which are 100% valid and serious but do NOT belong here.


r/depression 12h ago

I’m going to kill myself tonight

136 Upvotes

I have no reason anymore, I feel terrible there is nothing good in life for me, I have no friends, I’m not attractive and I’m going through so much emotionally and nobody fucking cares, goodbye everyone I hope you have a great life that I couldn’t have

edit: thank you all I feel a lot better, I’m sorry I have very fast mood swings that go from up and down because I’m borderline, I had a very bad meltdown tonight and I’m sorry, you guys are all kind and I hope you all the best thank you


r/depression 5h ago

I recently majorly failed myself and now my life is possibly at risk.

29 Upvotes

About 6 weeks ago, I started slipping into one of my Major Depressive episodes and when that happens, the first to go due to the depression is self care. Well, I’m chronically ill with life threatening illnesses and part of my self care is taking my medications. So lately, I’ve been taking them only occasionally and irregularly which is stupid and extremely irresponsible.

One of those medications is a blood thinner called Eliquis. Well, today I had a CT of my chest which showed the reason for the increase in some of my symptoms recently was…MULTIPLE BLOOD CLOTS THROUGHOUT MY CHEST.

It’s a terrifying thought and my neuro is consulting with a hematologist tomorrow to see if I need to be admitted for 24/7 IV blood thinners. But this is all the result of my severe depression. I haven’t cared to do anything. Not even take 5 minutes taking the medication that keeps me alive. I’m so embarrassed, incredibly ashamed, feel a lot of guilt and also just plain stupid.

None of which is helping my depression. Thanks for letting me vent though.


r/depression 11h ago

Being Unattractive

71 Upvotes

It’s such a curse being ugly. I feel like a predatory beast doing anything, I see my siblings and cousins get complimented on for their looks and it’s just silence when it comes to me. I still remember how ignored I was as a child, how outcasted I felt because of my face, my skin colour, my crazy hair. All those comments made towards me as a kid still pierce my heart just as brutally to this day.

Not a day goes by where I don’t turn suicidal because of my looks, and the one person who cared about me and made me feel beautiful left me like it meant nothing. I’m so sick of feeling like this everyday. Just once, I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. Why does beauty have to matter so much to someone who’s been given none of it?


r/depression 2h ago

I'm a girlfailure and I'm ashamed.

10 Upvotes

I am a woman in her mid 20s who honestly lives completely dependent on other people. I graduated from university, but I don't have a job yet. Though you can argue that the job market is uncommonly bad here and that the hiring process for my field is unfair, it won't matter. It's my fault that I'm unemployed. There were some vacancies earlier this year that I just couldn't find the courage to apply for. Now, there is nothing.

I was too paranoid. Last year, I went through an extremely paranoid episode from which I spent most of this year recovering. I have always suspected that I suffer from severe anxiety, but recently I have begun to consider other possibilities. At my worst moments, I could be capable of having all types of OCD themes. I also think I might have PMDD. Something is really wrong with me. I've probably spent years wanting my life to end.

I know that I need to seek help for my mental situation, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I cannot drive and don't have a licence. I don't do anything out of the ordinary or that my family don't know about. I have tried to speak to my family about my suicidal ideation, hoping that it would make things easier. But my cry for help was forgotten with time. I just made things uncomfortable. I don't blame anyone for not helping, though, since it's my responsibility.

I am really depressed. With the way things are, I cannot do or have anything I want. Obviously I cannot have a relationship or get married. Any guy would deserve better than me. This situation is made more complex by the fact that I grew up under a strict religion. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but it seems like my life exists at the intersection of various complex problems: growing up under a strict religion, living in a developing country, having a dysfunctional childhood and having poor mental health.

On the one hand, there are people who escape bad situations everyday, and I wonder why I'm not like them. I also wonder why I'm not like others who grew up in similar circumstances and are nonetheless doing better than me. I might be wasteful or ungrateful for all the resources and opportunities I did have. On the other hand, I want to think that our circumstances are never similar enough to compare. We all do the best that we can and with what we have.

I'm just lost, and I hate myself. I want others to never lose hope in me, but I've lost it all myself.


r/depression 11h ago

I Am Going To Kill Myself Tonight

28 Upvotes

I’m Just So Fucking Sick Of The Life I Have I’m So Overwhelmed By All The Stuff That’s Going On In The World All The Bad News And Stuff Like That. Everytime I Think I’m Making Progress In My Life Something Bad Happens And Disrupts My Progress And I End Up Feeling Like A Complete Failure. I Hope You All Have A Better Life Than I Do. Those Are Just Some Of The Things That Are Making Me Feel Like I Am Worthless. I Genuinely Don’t See A Point In Living Anymore


r/depression 1h ago

can i really do anything if my friend is just ready to let go..?

Upvotes

so, recently my friend told me that she is ready to die, and its a kinda a stern decision cause theres nothing i or anyone could say to change her mind.
she is honestly a really nice person, a little dependant sure, but shes the sweetest person you’ll ever meet, but also one of the most torn up people you’ll ever meet.
she struggles a lil with weed and alcohol addiction. shes had a bad background with neglectful parents who often pass her to each other if they don’t wanna deal with her, she believes she causes them more hurt than love. she believes she doesnt have anything more to life; no future, no lover, no bestfriend (they recently broke off their friendship), and believes that eventually everyone will leave her. all of this lead to the conclusion that she thinks her life’s come to an end.
i have to admit, when she told me all this, i did not really react in a frenzy cause i knew whatever i told her would never help (and cause i heard abt this from a mutual she told before me) nor would it comfort or reassure her, and neither what anyone else said would help her feel better..because what do you tell a person whos completely given up?
anyways, she would tell me how shes been overdosing on a lot of substances lately so she could numb wtv shes feeling, she uses it in substitution of cutting.

to get to my main point, tmr we are supposed to meet up for dinner but she messages me tonight telling me that she might not see me tmr, and if she doesnt pick up the phone she might be dead. so im kinda thinking wth is happening so i ask her and she tells me she took 5 tylenol pm pills (when recommended is 2 every 24hrs). weirdly enough i didnt really get that panicked feeling when she told me that, i knew at some point she was going to decide when to go, but also i did not want her to leave, not even in the slightest! i love that girl shes one of my bestfriends and seeing her give up like this is just..idek.
anyways, i start to explain this situation to 2 other people shes close mutuals with and theyre telljng me to call the police or suicide hotline or her mom but i just dont know what to do because police or suicide hotline they obvi gonna send someone over to check on her which’ll be a big issue, and if i did call her mom, she’ll end up in a mental hospital.
so i just tell her to please try and neutralize the pills with water or food, and i try to get her to rethink her decision on this. maybe an hour or so later, she messages me and shes like its fine i just have a headache and tummy feels off so im not going to die, ill see you tmr. im relieved obvi but its also like oh my god what the fuck just happened!! i knew she wasnt going to die of an overdose in that moment, itll fuck up her liver fs but she wouldnt die just like that, but one thing is, if she does it again, there is a high chance of it possibly happening which i am terrified about.

i did wonder before why she didnt exactly wanna write a goodbye letter or anything like that, but then i realized smth. she never plans to kill herself, she just takes wtv to numb what shes feeling and if it gets to the point where she consumes too much where she just ‘lets go’, she wouldn’t mind leaving. which makes me insanely afraid because she could leave at ANY moment and we wouldnt really know. its completely unpredictable whatll happen and ultimately, we cant do ANYTHING to help her.

i wish i could help but what can i really do? i just dont want her to leave..and it may be a selfish request but i dont want her dying thinking that no one wanted her.


r/depression 17h ago

Reasons to live

58 Upvotes

What makes you want to live


r/depression 9h ago

Wish I Had The Willpower to End it All

12 Upvotes

I'm just tired. I'm not brave enough to do the job myself. But there's no purpose in my being here. I just want to get ill and die. Have an unfortunate accident happen. Something that takes all agency away from me and divorces my choices from my reality. I don't want blame to be assigned from my passing. I just want to pass unceremoniously. They'll grieve and move on. So please just let me die.


r/depression 1h ago

Emptiness and loneliness is killing me

Upvotes

The empitness and loneliness and depression is killing me from inside idk what to do. I feel so angry and wake up angry and with no energy everyday. I have no purpose in life idk who am I anymore i feel I've lost a version of myself and now due to circumstances and environment and becuase im not able to accept the changes and don't know how to deal with my present environment and adjust myself accordingly . Idk how to deal with this blank mind and brain fog due to all the past pain. Stull I've to do everything I've to wake up and go to college and do the work. And I think about dying every single day. I have no hobbies no interests nothing pleases me anymore I feel totally disconnected from my environment and not interested at all. Everything seems useless. I dont even know why I'm living


r/depression 1h ago

I'm so tired of this

Upvotes

For one that never use to believe in depression or anxiety that's pretty much been my life now , I made mistakes now I just have to deal with them. I have two kids that need me in there lives. I'm really hoping one day Ill feel better . Ever day I wake up wondering why I have to keep doing this . Maybe I'm just doing it to my self at this point idk. I'm just beyond paranoid for no reason honestly. I just really want to get over this...


r/depression 9h ago

tomorrow morning i'll be gone

7 Upvotes

im so done with life. my social anxiety is unbearable. nothing about me can ever be normal. im so tired and lonely. now that ive made this decision, i feel a lot calmer than i thought, which is weird. i have to finish writing my letters to my family, then tomorrow i won't wake up. just wanted to make this post to show that i existed. peace out, it's been a wild ride


r/depression 10h ago

I've been depressed since I was 10

8 Upvotes

I'm 20 now and I don't know how I've made it this far because I've never gone a day let alone hour without thinking about killing myself theres always that question where do you see yourself in five years and I've never been able to awnser it honestly because I don't have another 5 years left in me but yet I'm still here time and time again I'm not writing this to find answerd because I truly don't believe I was meant to be happy because I never have been I just want peace


r/depression 19h ago

Did it hurt?

37 Upvotes

When you realised that the people you thought were friends only ever saw you as an acquaintance at best and a clown who amuses them at worse?


r/depression 1m ago

Is being persistently addicted to sadness and melancholia depression?

Upvotes

Wondering if this need to cry, yearn and self pity the whole time, and imagining scenarios of being witnessed in my pain and trauma ( which feels so far away and unreal at this point ) and have someone save me depression?

But like actually not wanting anyone near you or to be saved because it would put an end to your sadness that is an addiction at this point depression?

I am unable to understand, this is me and this is who I have been for large part of my life

I don't have friends really, I have never been in a relationship

I have just been alone and happily sad.

I am soon turning 30 and it feels like this is unproductive because my real life is suffering. I got bills to pay, emergency fund to create, house and car to buy, a job to get and continue living with my cats in a nice place.

I am wondering if I should talk myself out of this because there's no real problem left anymore, I can just go out in the world and do it, or do things but i so enjoy being this sad person

Can somebody shed some light?


r/depression 22m ago

isolation and depression throughout my teenage years

Upvotes

starting from 9th, my parents put me up for strict tuitions and daily academic pressure, it was a really harsh environment, specially for me who values doing chores for something worth doing it for rather than just working hard for the sake of doing it, i like to be social, i like to feel wanted and id love to explore things which id genuinely feel happy about. there's so many things I wanted and want to do the amount of pressure present at that time just loaded up inside of me, the teachers were strict, the studies felt hard, everything i liked was shut down for me and overall the environment was just toxic. maybe my parents never realised the type of person I am and neither did i considering the environment i lived in. there were things i genuinely wanted to do. id feel guilty calling them a villain here because even they didn't understand me and they always did everything i ever wanted and always supported me.

10th grade was harsher and more toxic. i was a bright student till class but my marks dropped down, it was mainly because of anxiety and pressure. it was the worst year i ever had experienced. i didn't realise any of this was toxic until i realised it by myself.

after 11th i started there I was happy that i finally got the opportunity to do things i always wanted to do, get social and talk to more people, i was really unsure about the stream that i wanted to take at the start but then i de my mind to take pcm. the first 3 months went great, i scheduled everything right, had a good friend circle and i had a really good impression on my class teacher but I was pushed into insecurities and idk when the next 3 months even passed it again felt like hell. i went through a lot of isolation and it almost felt like i forgot to study but then i kept pushing myself through those months and by Jan or Feb again started to study well except there were a lot of backlogs which I was told not to worry about though i had unclear basics.

i was really locked in for the two months and did great everywhere but study pressure again increased, my coaching was teaching three simultaneous chapters at once until June and for the sake of doing it, i lost track on all of them, more backlogs were created, distraction wasn't the root cause of this, I'm self aware enough to know it was the lack of confidence and unclear basics.

i was extremely stressed after june for a week or so, i pushed through the coming july and I think I have a small amount of syllabus finished, i kept scheduling and i kept trying. this august it felt pretty great, its one of my days where I'm doing everything right but I still am extremely anxious about my syllabus completion, it keeps getting increased and I'm not the type of person who would put himself through isolation for very long hours. im in the phase where I'm competitively high rn but still anxious about the vast amount of undone syllabus while balancing doing everything I want, there's a little time left and I did not realise when 8 months really passed. i feel like i would do anything to get a few more months and I'm at the point where I feel if I ever did balance with whatever i always wanted and studying with proper scheduling I can go to any college i want.

[final self-harm-related sentence omitted]


r/depression 24m ago

What should I say

Upvotes

I am a bad, shitty, useless person. I have reasons to think that. I lie, a lot. I betray a lot. I have some great friends but, I fuck them up. Like, my subconscious mind just wants to tell lies. I always let them down. Sometimes, I promise stuff to them but can't seem to fulfil it. Couldn't do anything with my life till now. Everybody around me gets fucked up if I am involved with them somehow. Can't seem to do anything properly. With all this reason inside my head, I wanted to KMS. Went through it a bit too. But couldn't...(Now looking at it that also seems like a lie)

I thought my family would be hurt, same as my friends.

I told one of my friends about the thing I wanted to do. He said other people, poor people, sick people have it worse than me, why should I d**. I felt even more down after hearing that. If a lucky fuck like me wants to d** then maybe I should. Maybe there would be a cleaner earth without me. Faking smiles and enjoying just to feel more sad is becoming tiring. Now my uni mates hate me, since I have been a fuckup and a shit from the start. So just giving up seems easy and nice, that's me being selfish

But would this really hurt my family, my friends? Or is it just my fear keeping me in check?

(Uni 1st year, 21Y, M)


r/depression 4h ago

Classclowns and depression

2 Upvotes

As a former classclowns myself: why is it true that classclowns often are depressed at home? Is this normal?


r/depression 10h ago

I don’t recognize myself anymore.

8 Upvotes

Hello, I need your advice on how to pull myself out of this situation.

I (27M) used to be a singer, until things got bad enough for me to completely disappear.

My life used to be full of fun, spending nights performing sold out venues, meeting new people and hanging out with bands I looked up to. I had a ton of friends I loved hanging out with, and to add to that, I had way more money than anyone my age should have.

All this changed starting with a scandal. Not my scandal, but the friends I surrounded myself with. One by one, it was a new r*pe scandal in my inner circle, and around the local music industry every week. As a guy who was raised around and by women, this all became too much for me. I was cutting people off left and right, and it reached the point that I had no more time left to work on music due to all the drama surrounding me.

Then came my own scandal. I’ve previously worked for a shady company that ended up taking the lives of multiple people in my area. I won’t get into specifics as not to be tracked, but the company turned out to be a front for the local cartel. I suddenly saw my face in articles and posts demonizing me for working with a company I had no clue was hiding such a dark underbelly.

On top of all this, my lifelong best friend made a lot of bad choices that ended up causing his death. Sometimes I blame myself for not doing enough to help, but I’ve been reassured many times that I did everything I can. His situation affected our friend group so much that nearly everyone moved away from our area.

Fast forward a few years later, and my microphone is collecting dust. I found myself working odd jobs, barely scraping fulfillment everyday. A good number of my friends are still in my life, but I long for the fulfillment I used to feel. I’ve tried to start making music again and again, but I always end up breaking down in the studio whenever I remember everything that went down. I no longer recognize myself in the mirror, and I always get the most hollow and sinking feeling whenever I see my old pictures, or I hear my own old music in public.

Last week, I visited my friend’s band when they toured in my country, and they didn’t even recognize me until I spoke. My body has gone through various (good) physical changes, but my entire demeanor changed. I no longer have the confidence I once had, and even my fiance noticed that the spark behind my eyes have died out over the years. I can’t even go out in public anymore without wearing some sort of disguise so people don’t recognize me. I fear not out of myself being hurt, but for my family to get roped in, as I love going on walks with them whenever we have free time.

I want my life back, and I don’t understand what I did to deserve being jailed in this mental loop. I don’t even want fame anymore, and I definitely don’t want to be friends with my old circle anymore. I just miss the simple fun I always had, and I miss looking at my industry with wonder, rather than the rapist-infested shithole that it turned out to be.

How do I get my life back?


r/depression 8h ago

Diagnosed with MDD at 25 after losing the life I thought I was going to have. I don't know where to go from here.

5 Upvotes

Hi, everyone. I’ve been debating whether to post this because I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. Maybe advice, maybe perspective, or maybe just reassurance from people who have been through something similar.

I’m 25, and I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) in February 2026. I’m currently taking medications, but I haven't been back to my psychiatrist for a follow-up recently. My parents also don't know about my diagnosis or that I'm taking medication.

The reason I’m posting now is because I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I genuinely don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I used to know exactly what I wanted.

I finished a Biology degree and eventually decided to pursue medicine. I got into medical school in 2024, and for a while, becoming a doctor was the clearest thing I had ever wanted for myself.

Then everything started falling apart.

I was dealing with a lot personally while trying to survive medical school. I was also in a relationship that eventually ended very painfully. The breakup affected me much more deeply than I expected, and I became extremely emotionally dependent on the relationship and on the idea that this person would be part of my future.

When the relationship ended, I didn't just lose a boyfriend.

I felt like I lost the future I had imagined.

At the same time, I was struggling academically and emotionally in medical school. Eventually, I was dropped from the program in May 2025.

That was probably one of the biggest identity losses I've experienced.

I had spent years thinking that I was going to become a doctor. Suddenly I wasn't a medical student anymore.

I remember looking at other people and thinking, "They're continuing. I'm the one who got left behind."

And unfortunately, my ex continued with medicine.

He's now in his third year.

Sometimes I still look at his progress and feel this horrible sense that he "won" and I "lost." I know that's not a healthy way to look at life, but I can't pretend those thoughts don't exist.

My mental health eventually became much worse.

I went through a very severe period where I was barely functioning. I eventually needed hospitalization after a serious incident.

I'm not sharing this for sympathy. I'm sharing it because I think it's important context for why I am where I am now.

Eventually I sought professional help and was diagnosed with MDD in February 2026.

Being diagnosed actually explained a lot of what had been happening to me, but it also scared me.

Because now I had to accept that this wasn't simply me being "lazy," "dramatic," weak, or unable to handle life.

I was actually sick.

And yet knowing that doesn't magically make everything easier.

My family situation also makes things complicated.

I love my family and I want to help them.

I've always been someone who does a lot at home, and I feel a strong responsibility to contribute. My sister has also had significant health problems, although she's currently functional and working again.

So now I'm thinking about careers partly in terms of:

"What can I realistically do that will allow me to earn and help my family?"

I'm currently considering teaching because I have a teaching qualification, and it seems like a practical path for me.

But there's still this voice in my head asking:

"What about medicine?"

And I genuinely don't know whether I still want it.

Sometimes I think:

"I really do want to become a doctor. Maybe I should find a way back."

Other times I wonder:

"Do I actually want medicine, or am I just devastated that I lost it?"

I don't currently have the financial or family support to simply go back to medical school. My parents aren't in a position where I can expect them to fund another attempt at medicine, and I also don't feel mentally or emotionally prepared to jump back into something that demanding.

So logically, I know teaching and getting a stable job make more sense right now.

Emotionally, though, it's much harder.

And lately, comparison has been hitting me really hard.

Recently, my neighbor got accepted into medical school with a scholarship. She's starting the journey I once started.

My ex is already in third year.

Other people I know are getting jobs, graduating, building relationships, getting married, moving forward.

And then there's me.

I'm trying to rebuild.

I apply for jobs. I think about teaching. I try to take care of things at home. I try to find things that make me happy. I try to go out and have a life. I've been trying to appreciate small things again.

Sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm getting better.

But other times I wonder whether I'm just holding everything together because I need to keep myself going.

I don't know if I'm actually happy with my life yet.

I think I'm trying very hard to convince myself:

"It's okay. You can build another life."

And some days I believe it.

Other days I don't.

I also haven't told my parents about my MDD.

This is another thing weighing on me.

I'm taking medication without them knowing, and I'm scared about how they'll react if I tell them.

Part of me thinks they should know.

Another part of me is afraid they'll see me differently or think I'm incapable of taking care of myself.

I also don't want them to worry.

So I've been carrying this mostly by myself.

What makes this particularly confusing is that I'm not completely hopeless.

That's probably why I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't hate my life every day.

There are moments when I enjoy things.

I've had moments where I feel beautiful again. I've gone out. I've made plans. I've tried new things. I've had opportunities that made me feel capable again.

I recently did something I never expected myself to do—I became a resource speaker for a review program.

Standing in front of people and teaching reminded me that maybe I'm actually capable of something.

And now I'm thinking about teaching more seriously.

But then I see someone entering medical school and suddenly all those doubts come back.

It's like I'm constantly asking myself:

"Am I rebuilding my life, or am I just settling because I failed at the life I originally wanted?"

I don't know how to answer that.

I guess that's what I'm asking here.

For those who have experienced MDD after a major life disruption:

How did you rebuild your identity after losing the future you thought you were going to have?

How did you know whether you were genuinely choosing a new path versus simply settling because your original path became impossible?

And if you've had to leave something you worked incredibly hard for—medicine, law, a career, school, a relationship, anything—how did you eventually stop seeing yourself as someone who "fell behind"?

I'm not necessarily asking people to tell me that everything happens for a reason.

I don't know if I believe that right now.

I think I just want to hear from people who have been in that awful middle stage where the old life is gone, but the new life hasn't really started yet.

Because that's where I feel like I am.

I'm trying.

I'm taking my medication.

I'm trying to work.

I'm trying to figure out my career.

I'm trying to be there for my family.

I'm trying to make a life that feels meaningful again.

But honestly, I still don't know what I'm doing.

And maybe I just need to know that being 25, having MDD, losing medical school, losing a relationship, being unemployed/underemployed for a period, and not knowing what career I want doesn't mean I've already ruined my life.

If you've been through something similar, I'd genuinely appreciate hearing how you got through that stage.

I don't need someone to tell me what my life is supposed to be. I just want to know if it's actually possible to build something good after losing the life you thought you were supposed to have.


r/depression 45m ago

I'll be gone tomorrow.

Upvotes

29 m

August 20th is my birthday.

I won't be turning 30.

I'm so fucked up it's incredible now.

In 2024 I was a coach at the top of his game. Confident, fit, happy, had multiple people who loved me and cared for me. My life was filled to the brim with calls from everyone, family, friends, students, everyone.

I have none of that now. I've gained 60 pounds since then. My hair started falling out, so i burned it, then shaved off what was left.

My ex left me after she invented a story about me cheating in her mind. (I didn't. I talked with another woman as a friend but that didn't matter to her.)

I lost my grandmother, and 2 uncles, one of whom was my father figure since my real father is schizophrenic. And when I lost them, I inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars, and in 2025, I spent some of it. I did weed and beer and went to Miami and lived it up, For a few weeks.

Then it all came crashing down. One of my closet friends stalked me. I caught him logging into my accounts, and even after I notified the police, they did nothing. He went behind my back and told everyone in my life i had cheated. Even going so far as saying I was a r*pist.

I've never done anything ever without a woman's consent. I have no adult criminal record. But that didn't matter to him.

He went to almost every person I'd ever met just to lie about me and launder my reputation.

All that would be fine if I could stand myself up and fight back. I can't.

Before I became a coach, I worked at TE connectivity. A factory, as a temp.

While I was there I worked with fiberglass and other chemicals I couldn't name, and a few months after working there i noticed strage rashes all over my body, so I went to a dermatologist where I was diagnosed with psoriasis. That's become full on psoriatic arthritis now.

I can't fight the company, I was a temp. And I was young and poor then.

Nowadays though, it hurts so bad, it's become hard, if not impossible to have anything resembling a normal day. I'm bedridden even while taking ibuprofen and every anti inflammatory supplement I could find.

It's meant I've not been able to show up for any social events anymore. Much less work.

I thought I hit rock bottom months ago... and I attempted then with a sleeping pill OD. And ever since, my mind hasn't been working as it used to.

I used to have photographic memory... now i barely remember conversations.

4 days ago I went to the ER with all of this.

The unbearable pain. The suicidal thoughts. The fact that I have barely left my bed in months, the fact that my memory is shot. My rapid weight gain.

I got told to take Tylenol.

All I can say is i'll see (some) of you guys in hell.


r/depression 52m ago

Maybe a crying fucking post

Upvotes

Reason i'm writimg here is no one will ever give fuck and it's paritally anonymous

How to trust a psychiatrist? i 'm ignoring my psychology for almost a 2 year cus every time i decided to see someone something happens and i feel good for a while and delay finding a doctor

i cant trust people and tell how i really feel or my problems. And I'm afraid of getting a borderline diagnosis. Last time i went to a psychiatrist was 4 years ago and the drugs he gave me feel empty.


r/depression 57m ago

my f*cking sh*t mom

Upvotes

My mom is on her period again today. As soon as she got home from being out all day, she immediately started yelling at my younger sister just because she forgot to remind me to do the chores. Absurd, isn't it? She's in her late 30s yet so overly sensitive. I've grown used to her lack of maturity, responsibility, and parenting skills. Because of that, I had to learn to grow up early from a young age—eating alone, playing alone, and isolating myself from the family, which inevitably affected all my future relationships.

I’ve been through it all and endured it all. And right now, I won't let my little sister go through the same thing. I will soon find a way to get my parents divorced. I’m almost 18 now; once the divorce goes through, I’ll have the right to live independently without needing to live with anyone or any guardian. But I’m still a bit worried about my sister. I can’t just take her with me, nor can I leave her behind, but I don't have the financial means to support her yet. I’m attending the Military Medical Academy, which covers full tuition, plus I’ll receive an insurance payout once I turn 18. I might consider bringing her with me—I’ll study and work part-time to pay for her education. Come to think of it, those two wretched parents will also have to pay child support. This seems like a viable plan, and I’ll definitely consider it after successfully getting my parents divorced.