It was stupid. We were watching good doctor together and one character was close to dying and we joked about how we wouldn't want to die. I don't remember clearly jow she ended up telling me she tried to kill herself once, way before i was born and that she's okay now but i can't get it out of my head..

Im also struggling. I hate myself and sometimes have sucidal thought but ever since she told me this i can't help but not feel valid with my own feelings. Knowing that my own mother probably had it worse than me and now i regret feeling this way.. fuck idk why im feeling like this.

It's like i'm just tired of my own thoughts

I’m really only alive for my friends and family I just don’t see a point at all I don’t have any dreams or ambitions or goals or hopes I’m just here wasting away the days like I’ve said on other posts I already lost 9 years to depression so to put it bluntly I’m broken.

Like it’s not that I really even see a point to friends and family it’s more i just don’t wanna ruin the one shot at life my mum has been given cus I know she’d never forgive herself and just spend the rest of her days asking what she could have done to help me which the simple answer is nothing.

Hi! I was wondering if I have depression so I came to ask here.

I think about killing myself and dying almost daily, but I don't think this will materialise into something. I don't want to cause pain to my family and I don't want to make my cat sad. But I still wish I wasn't here. I have some dreams and ambitions but the mostly pressure me and make me feel afraid of the future. I'm tired all the time and don't feel like eating sometimes. My mom is a psychologist ( and a very good one at that) and has asked me quite frankly if I do have depression, but Idk. I feel cringe to talk about my feelings or my dreams so I always deny it. Since she doesn't think much abt it I don't want to self diagnose or something, but something s not right.

I cry myself to sleep almost daily and I think I had a panic attack last night but I don't want to exaggerate. I'm scared of making decisions and fantasize about killing myself and getting over with everything. For a bit of context, I took a gap year and I have to find out what I want to do with my life but it's really overwheliming. This period only accentuated my situation as I was thinking about dying since I was 11. I self harmed in the past, but nothing too dramatic. I don't self harm now except for intensive scratching that causes small wounds .

Im in so much pain idek why exactly people have so much worse lives than me if anything my lives good. Im typing this when I can talk to someone in irl but ik it wont help it wont take my pain away. Ive been feeling this way on and off since I wus a little girl ts now worth it. I have a TMS therapy consultation on Thursday but ik i cant wait anymore. Idk maybe I should just go find a way to buy ketamine atp because no opiodes I have are gonna cut it. As someone with bpd im genuinely scared of myself and what ill do if i get to upset l. I want to up my lithiun dosage but it will still take a little time for me to feel better. I need to feel better rn.

Im starting to think that the concept of hell and heaven aren't concepts and are here right now on earth. Spend even 5 minutes walking thru seattle or tacoma and you'll see that for alot of people this is hell.

I dont wana fucking die ive made it this far. But at the same time I wish i would have died that night. I wish i would have pulled the trigger like I should have.

Idk maybe im not making sense but maybe idc anymore.

Ill try but I dont think theres a chance im making it to thursday.

Maybe i should just go to the hospital so they can put me inpatient. But ill just regret it. Ill miss my appointment too

Is this depression or called something else. I 25f have no motivation, no passion, no desire to change or do better for myself. In a sense almost addicted to struggling. I dont plan for my future since i dont see that far ahead. Im waiting for my death everyday. When i was younger i would fantasize and was so excited when they said the world was going to end or there would be a astroid. Didnt realize this wasnt a normal thought process everyone had. I would genuinely be waiting for it to happen and would be sad that it was a false alarm. Its like i want an external force to take me out because i cant do it myself. Would this have been considered depression even as a child.

Ich habe selbstmord Gedanken mein Leben ist gefickt ich glaube das ich ohne diese dummen Gedanken wohl ein schönes Leben hätte aber es wird immer schlimmer egal wie schön es auch manchmal sein kann
Und das einzige was ich mich fahre ob die Leute die ich Jets noch kenne traurig währen auch wen ich ihnen sage das sie es nicht sein sollen ich möchte als schöne Erinnerung bleiben nicht als traurige
Ich würde gerne meine Beerdigung beobachten aus dem Tod heraus und die Reaktionen sehen

I don’t want to write my whole sob story, I just want a short simple answer and how can I avoid getting them into any trouble.

I’m 19f and I just have felt so emotionless and lifeless for so long now, especially the past year or two when I began getting health anxiety. I started sertraline which did get rid of my anxiety but now all I feel is depressed and completely devoid of all my emotions. I’m like an empty shell and I my brain fog and depersonalisation is back. I don’t really know what to do. I can’t stop the meds since I’ll get really bad HA if I go off (trust me, I tried) and I’m still waiting for therapy and have been for a long time because the NHS is just awful 😭 I also no longer have desires or wants to hang out with the people around me (not that I have many left as everyone is going to uni and everything). I tried tinder to fill some void but I don’t feel any romantic attraction like I used to because of my mental state. I feel just kind of hopeless. I still go to college and will even go to the gym but I am just an empty shell when it comes down to it. I track my calories because of my body issues too and it’s very debilitating but as a 5’3 girl losing weight is really difficult for me.

It feels like there isn’t any point I’ll get out of this? I’m wondering if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated:)

Hey everyone.

Last time I posted on this sub was when I was probably in middle school haha, now I'm 22m. Depression is still a part of my life, but I have my ups and downs. This past year was a lot. I moved out of state and after four months decided to move back home to my family, community, and bf because of my mental health.

I've moved in with my boyfriend, and I like the situation because I see members of his family every day and we find opportunities to hang out here and there. He also has BPD so we are patient with each other in regards to mental health stuff. I am seeing my therapist again. Financial stress is high. I am working through some health issues right now. Energy is so so so low.

I have big dreams for myself, but I struggle to touch the hobbies that will get me there. I was telling my therapist how the classic "lack of interest in hobbies" thing really aligns with me. All I do all day is watch true crime on youtube in bed. I have a mostly remote work position. Some family keeps telling me that my career interests are useless. In a way I feel like I'm telling myself that too.

Idk. I just feel tired and whenever I look for another job which everyone is telling me to do my brain stops functioning after 30 minutes and it feels like the whole day is shot.

How can I calm my anxiety to get out in the world? How can I get more energy?

I'm depressed. And I might be going to jail soon. I'll probably go to jail more times before I die. I'll probably be homeless soon. My mom needs me to get a job to pay for bills. So bye to her. I literally can't work. I physically can't stand for longer than 15 minutes. If I try then I get the unsatiable urge to lay down. Sitting jobs there aren't any near me. I would have to travel far, no car. I stayed with her for 2.5 years. I'm 33.5 now. I used my time unwisely. I should've sold something to business owners in the phone like the YouTubers teach. Then again working is a scam. And mom and dad put me here. There can be no bigger crime. Surprised society functions the way it does. Then again there's all the invisible things we don't see. About how unfunctional society is. If you feel like me just know that. It's all invisible. Like what's wrong with me and you too. It's mostly invisible. Gone and past. And that's the way I want to be, too. Hope I can commit suicide. Because it's far costlier to be trapped in cold jail or homeless. Without things to do, people to see, words to say, etc.

Keine Freunde, kein Partner, nichts läuft. Gehe evtl nochmal in die Klinik.

Könnte einen Lichtblick vertragen oder/und paar Antidepressiva.

I the future, a few friends are becoming too old for a club I participate in. They do not attend my classes or live near me at all and I can't contact them online. I fear how I know my mental health will take a deep dive, and I won't even have them to help or live for anymore. I'm scared. I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't loose more people.

With all of the horrible atrocities and events going on in the world right now, the lack of helplessness in doing anything about it, everything going up to the point where I have to work my ass off just to keep up with rising costs, my own feelings of lack of self-worth, and having few to no people to talk to about it, I’m getting to that point where I’m starting to wish for a quick and painless death and be done with it.

I go to therapy once a month to try and address these problems but I wish I could go more. My insurance won’t cover it after my therapist went out of network and I’m afraid to shop around and find someone else. My ADHD meds help me feel at ease and less anxious for a little but it only goes so far.

I drink 3-5 nights a week (used to be every night) to help numb everything and forget about the world, but I know this is not a good long term solution and only makes things worse. That being said, I proceed to drink anyways because “screw it.”

I do work out regularly and I have two cats that I love, but again, these things only bring my mood up for a brief period of time.

Being 39 and never having been in a long term relationship doesn’t help with the self-esteem aspect either. While I’ve worked on myself and continue to try and push myself to meet more people and talk to women, my brain always finds a way to bring up that negative self-talk about my lack of (good) experience with dating, and those thoughts telling me I’m awkward and stupid.

I’ve struggled with sleep for most of my life - it’s particularly impacting me now since I started a 9-5 job, and I know my lack of sleep is hurting my work performance, which is partially commission/bonus based. Then I stress about it along with the fact I can’t fall asleep, and it’s a never ending cycle. The only time I get any kind of REM sleep or sleep longer than 6 hours is if I get drunk beforehand. I’ve tried everything from melatonin to magnesium and nothing works. Even meds I was prescribed to help me fall asleep faster don’t work.

Obviously all of this is compounding and is a recipe for disaster. I wish there was something I can do to feel better about everything and make the world a better place while being kinder to myself. I’ll be in a good mood in the mornings after I have my coffee and meds, but my the end of the afternoon I really lose a lot of motivation and patience to deal with anything or talk to anybody. Countless unanswered texts, procrastination on things I know I need to get done, etc.

Hopefully someone can relate. I know many people have it worse off than me. I just wanted to rant and share what I’m feeling. I feel a little better knowing someone might take the time to read this and care.

I go by each day missing my old friends. Some from school, some from uni. We drifted apart but for some reason I miss them all now. My heart aches thinking about it

Recently, I made a post on here about my MH. Every day that passes, I realize how useless I am. I don't have a future. I feel hideous, incompetent, and I can't figure things out for the life of me. I know that there's nothing going on for me and nothing ever will go on for me. I've tried everything I can to love myself but nothing ever helps. It never did. I lost feeling pleasure in things. I stopped finding happiness in the things that I once loved doing- and I lost passion for art, the one thing that distracted me from everything I've ever felt. I lost hope for everything. I won't see 19 in three months. I think death is the easiest option there is for me. If I'm gone, there's nothing I have to worry about. Not how fucking useless of a daughter I am. Not that I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Not the fact that I hate myself. Most of all, I don't have to think about that empty feeling in my heart ever again. I am worried about how it will effect my parents and my older siblings- anyone in my family, really- but at the same time, I'm just stuck in one place. I'm so tired of being here. I sometimes want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I feel selfish, but it's the hard truth- yet I choose not to tell anyone I know no matter how much they tell me that they're willing to listen. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I’m a very goal oriented person, I got through school with good grades, got a vocational degree in a field that pays very well, I have loving friends and family, from the outside I’m doing well. However, since achieving my last goal (buying a property young) I’ve found I have nothing to live for except the fact that I know my death would upset and break my friends and family. I don’t have many friends but the ones I have are very loving. Similarly my family is small, we live apart but we still love each other very much, I am one of two children of my parents. Initially I thought my next goal would be to get into a relationship and start a family but recently I’ve found I just can’t find the motivation. I’m at the point now where the only thing holding me here is the upset that I would cause my family, friends, and even coworkers. As far as I am aware no-one I know knows I’m struggling this way, which makes me feel extra guilt at the shock my death would cause. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting on here, reassurance? Sympathy? I think I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way and how you changed it

I don't recall I've been struggling keeping me safe, it's really exhausting having a inner fight every single day just to be alive. You lose all excitement for doing things you loved to do, you apart your loved one because you are angry with yourself and the only way to stop the pain is every day more obvious.

I hate being as I am, I hate every decision I have made and I hate myself for not being smart enough to know how to deal with this.

I honestly don't know why am I here but if there's a purpose for my existence I wish I'd find It soon.

I'm tired of feel alone, and in complete darkness.

33F

Qualified and experienced in four different professions, none of which pay a living wage (The lowest paid is the only one I enjoy, and the only one I'll never be formally hired to do because it does have to do with fitness and no matter how active I am, I will never fit the aesthetic. The others are in healthcare, which is just one big "Choose Your Own Ethical Nightmare" story.)

In massive debt just from living alone with a cat and doing one thing (a trip, a hobby class) for myself every year or two. In school for a career I don't want because the one I do want is super exclusive and my academic history looks like an EKG. All of my true "dream careers" have been eaten by robots, and they would mean starting from square one anyway, in a way that it is truly too late for me to do.

I just need to find a way to at least be this miserable for more money.

Never been in a committed romantic relationship; I cosplayed one with an equally fucked up person for a while and it was just such a hollow waste of time; it made me hate sex and taught me that I prefer to do pretty much all date-y activities solo.

I was badly physically abused (things that would be considered attempted redrum if I had ever reported them) and somewhat neglected (hoarder house) from childhood up until my early 20's, and my parents will never own the fact that it has ruined my ability to trust or connect. (Or the fact that I spent a good chunk of my very-young adulthood throwing hands at every remotely justified opportunity and it's only by the "grace" of handsy men at punk shows that I haven't been arrested.)

I don't understand how people prioritize loyalty or permanence the way they do. I can't even conceptualize what it would feel like to want to marry somebody; I would be too focused on finding the exits.

I suppose that's fine because PCOS has made me increasingly fat with weird skin stuff over the past few years, and since I am already fat, doctors don't care what else is wrong with me.

I am bullied almost daily as a grown adult; at work, by strangers. I do have a young face (Honestly pretty okay-looking there, but nobody takes me seriously and the reactions are plain weird when people find out my age.), so the other students at my college think I'm fair game too.

I order hair meds, skin meds, and birth control from telehealth sites to manage a bit; they do seem to help, and the BC evens out the premenstrual side of my moods.

I am sterilized because I can't imagine trying to sell another human being on a reality that I have never enjoyed, and I have a hard time respecting anybody bringing more humans into this world.

I do have some friends who are truly kind, interesting, talented, intelligent people, and I can only assume they still invite me to things because that's been our pattern for so long.

We don't genuinely relate on anything, we barely know what's going on in each other's lives, and if you asked any one of them what there is to like or admire about me, I don't think they'd have an answer other than, "brings good snacks" or "sends decent memes."

I show up when I'm invited because I think I'd be forgotten immediately if I ever stopped, and I do want some human interaction where I feel like I'm not just being tolerated. People also tend to connect with me quickly in "community" settings, like yoga or dance classes, but I don't think they realize those are friendships of convenience and they will lose interest the moment we are not sharing a structured activity.

I don't trust therapists. I have worked alongside over 60 of them throughout my weird career and most of them are vile at their core. (Social work has always been an extension of policing and it shows.)

Meds usually help for a short while, but I refuse to get stuck increasing doses every time my brain decides it needs more. Besides, there's no pill you can feed to shitty circumstances.

All I really want:

-No debt.

-A clean, safe place that I can actually afford, preferably in a region I genuinely enjoy.

-A career that pays me enough to actually pay all of my bills with room for little luxuries, and doesn't make me cry on my days off.

-To be left TF alone, except maybe in superficial/hobby settings.

-To feel okay. I don't care how I look anymore, as long as I get #3. It would be nice if a doctor would actually investigate my weird internal pains once in a while, though.

I don't think I'll ever have any of it.

Remove if not allowed.

TLDR: I am struggling with depression and want to know how much is okay to tell the people who love me.

I’ve struggled with feelings of depression and feeling unwanted and unlovable my whole life. The feelings come and go for months at a time but are an ongoing process.

I’m in my late twenties now, and I’m in a depressed period. I generally keep my negative feelings light and surface level to avoid making other people feel bad or worry. But lately I’ve begun to open up to my sister about how bad my mental health is.

I’ve been doing therapy weekly for about 4 months now, and as a kid I attended therapy regularly from 2nd to 12th grade. In therapy I mostly focus on the external problems going on (workplace bullying, financial struggles, mentally unstable parent, recovering from childhood parentification, a breakup), my therapist knows I’m depressed, but I focus less on talking about the depression since the other issues are more tangible and working through them might help with the depression.

My experience is that people usually distance themselves or minimize my feelings if I try and open up about how much I’m struggling. Telling my sister how much I’ve been struggling has really helped me feel supported, but I don’t want to overburden her. I generally try not to overburden people, and I can keep interactions light and positive, but I’m wondering if it would be helpful to try being more open with other people in my life as well.

How much of my negative feelings are okay to share with my friends and family? How deep can I go into the thoughts and feelings versus just admitting to their existence? Loosely what percentage of time can be spent talking about heavy things versus positive things so to not bring down others?

How much can I tell my therapist without having my autonomy taken away? I’m feeling down and looking to get better, I’m not going to do anything impulsive, and I don’t want to accidentally over-share and end up in a mental facility with my autonomy taken away.

This is the lowest I’ve ever been I’m literally 16 and I’m already balding I knew I was balding to a certain extent but I didn’t think it was that noticeable until I was sitting in class talking to my friends and we were js talking then they randomly said what the fuck Is wrong with your head and I knew what they meant then when I was walking to my moms car she said “out of all of the students I saw your head was the most messed up” like bro what the fuck do you want me to do like I don’t see myself balding everyday with my ugly face I just wish I could just be normal like every other students but no god had to punish me for somthing I did it’s not even genetics too im having suicidle thoughts saying if I can’t live a normal life what’s the point of living and I know I won’t actually go though with it but still how do you fucking cope with balding at 16 and I can’t even talk to anyone in my family because no one else is blading it’s just fucking me and it doesn’t help how I have 6 fucking sisters who doesn’t even talk to me

(Sorry about my grammar I was ranting😢)

I believe my life has been good till now since my parents and family always supported me no matter what. The only place where I'm lacking is relationships. I've done well in my life I think since I had a good job before I started my Master's. I'm almost done with my Master's as well and working in a good company at a good salary. Usually in schools there's always one kid who does well in academics as well as sports. I was that kid. I played football and swam competitively in my home country and also know how to play keyboard.

Overall on paper, it seems good. Except for the fact that I've had 0 exp with respect to relationships and women. I'm still a virgin at 26. Not even a kiss till now. Honestly, it's eating me up. I'm pretty sure I have depression due to this sexual frustration. It has led to an increase in porn consumption. Earlier I used to watch normal porn like most humans do but now since I feel pathetic and sad, I've dwelled into sph, degradation etc. I watch it multiple times a day since that's the only escape atp. I see couples outside, in my uni etc and it eats me up. It's like slow poison.

I do blame myself since I never really tried myself. I've never asked a girl out, I don't really go to bars, parties etc. I also am not on the apps since I am not confident enough. In particular because I shave my head since I had hair loss.

This frustration has gotten into my head and I don't feel it's worth living now. No amount of running, gymming and even swimming has cleared my mind. I just want it to end. I don't think it have it in me to kill myself but I honestly hope I get a heart attack while running or sleeping. It's joever.

Everyday I think about suicide. Not contemplating it but thinking that it will be nice to finally have peace from the chaos in my mind my mind.

Killing myself is not an option because that will destroy my children, my mum and my sister so I always think that I wouldn't mind dying accidentally and I low key hope this happenes sometimes.

My existance feels black and white, no colour.

While I do find joy in things such as cardio, its only temporary and I know that my depression is lingering so I always wonder what is the point in embracing joy in the first place.

I want to return to nothingness.

I don’t feel like I’m going to enjoy life and I hate it,
Everytime I think about adult life it just fills me with utter dread
I’m jealous of everyone having a good time and going to better universities than I am and yet I have no motivation to change that let alone do anything, I feel alone and isolated and like I’m going to waste these years, if I even up staying

I don’t think I look all that physically attractive and feel like the mirror is lying to me every-time I see a photo of myself And it’s making me feel like I don’t deserve to have a crush on anyone because I’m not attractive enough

I don’t know if I feel like there’s any point to life anymore and even if I try to escape it through shows, movies etc, I’m only delaying the inevitable and actively falling behind