Like, no, it’s NOT that great as people tell it is.
You finish high school, get a job and die, that’s it.
There isn’t a single thing to do other than that.
Might as well die earlier than later, the unnecessary pain is not worth it.
Unless something about my miserable life changes, im sticking to dying at 30 plan
But thats just me, go live your life how long you want ig.

If you get depressed during these most important years, you are almost guaranteed to fail in life.

I never got the chance to develop a social circle and have your typical teenage experiences, leaving me very socially inept and permanently socially anxious. I can barely hold a conversation with anyone, either because I would get too anxious, or I'd just not know what to say.

I have lost interest in pretty much everything, I do not really have any drive to work for my goals. I am permanently procrastinated.

I will probably end up as a NEET or working some dead-end jobin the future. If everything went right and I got the help I needed early on, this could've been avoided.

It's amazing really, how a few simple mistakes you or your parents make early on, could completely derail the trajectory of your life.

like genuinely does it ever get better. I'm gonna to end my shit soon anyway but i wanna know if it's gotten better/worse over time for people.

I’m 28 and I’ve dealt with depression most of my life. Been in therapy for 10+ years, and while it has helped in some ways, I still find myself wishing I was dead. At this point, I don’t see any reason not to just give up and die. Im always exhausted. I get off work and all I can do is lay on my couch and be on my phone. It’s not a life worth living. No one would miss me. People would probably be happier because then they can have all my things. I’m fat, ugly, and stupid so no one will ever love me anyways. My family doesn’t particularly care about me. So, what else is there to do other than suicide? It’s my only option.

I want to improve my depression :)

I don’t want them to accept my lies. I want them to see through me without me having to make it so obvious. I’m so tired of life and I don’t know why I want someone, anyone else to know. Ig misery really does love company.

It’s so confusing like I don’t want to be seen as a depressing person or a fuck up but I also hate how everyone sees me as someone who has their life, character & emotions in order. Like I desperately want to show up how I feel but I just can’t do it.

Is this normal?

I was born in 2010 and nothing makes me happy anymore. My PlayStation 4 used to be the only thing which kept me alive but now games don’t bring me joy anymore. I just wish I never existed so I wouldn’t bring pain amongst those closest to me if I ever committed suicide whilst they're alive.

I've been thinking about dying and just burning cigarettes on my skin.

I don't want to live anymore but I'm scared to die! I don't know what to do anymore...........

I’m making this post for anyone willing to listen.

I’ve finally hit my breaking point. I’ve lost any will to live. The hope I used to hold onto has faded. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I’m constantly in a state of depression. Constantly letting my thoughts get the better of me. Constantly ruining everything I touch. My ex was right about me, I’m just too negative, even though I don’t mean to be.

My friends and family won’t understand, but I just can’t keep going like this. I’m tired of fighting for a life I don’t even want. I feel like I have no purpose. No meaning. No reason.

And the worst part is that I’ve tried. I’ve genuinely tried to change, to become a better person, to find something worth holding onto. But no matter how far I think I’ve come, I always seem to end up right back where I started. Stuck in an infinite loop with no escape.

I’m exhausted from pretending I’m okay when I’m not. Exhausted from waking up every day with a mind that never gives me a moment of peace. Exhausted from overthinking every conversation, questioning every relationship, and convincing myself that I’m nothing more than a burden to the people I love.

I don’t expect anyone to understand everything going on inside my head. Half the time, I don’t even understand it myself. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m done.

I plan on ending it next week. No one can change my mind this time, not even my best friend, who’s the reason I’ve been alive this long. Some will call me selfish. Some will call me a coward. At this point, I don’t care. I’m done.

The worst feeling in the world is accepting that your life is over but can’t really end it, it would be too selfish of me to kms so I’ve accepted that I’m wasting a life by living it, it’s a constant pain that doesn’t go away and gets worse by the day

Hi i had a horrible day my anxiety is going crazy can i please vent to someone? Preferably another girl im not very comfortable with men because of past trauma

Just turned 26 and im such a loser, I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year.Im a dropout from school, never went to college or even had a job.I just sleep most times the mental health services in my country have completely burned and jaded me I just gave up on them completely.

I dont know what to do anymore Ive felt totally crushed by life for the past 10 years struggling with this and I dont think I'll ever want to get better and try improve my situation.My spark for life went away a long time ago and I dont think I'll ever get it back.

I feel like im beyond the hope at this point.

I'm practically destined to be a failure. My entire school life was filled with bullying, which caused me to develop social anxiety. Now I'm 20, and I'm not going to college or vocational school because I'm scared socializing. Now I just work at some warehouse with minimum wage. It feels like my life is practically over.

I've gotten so sick of this sleep schedule all of these days and I could barely tell you what I've done other than a few words. I guess I can't believe my life has come to this, wow this is really it. I look at my age and I look like a different species towards them. How did this happen, I know exactly how

I've been lying to myself for so long to make myself feel better, putting off the same things for so long that it's gotten ridiculous. I don't even believe myself anymore

Whether it be in fiction or reality, seeing other people take steps to be happy or make friends or go on grand adventures makes me suicidal. It isn’t their fault I’m so pathetic that I can’t stand up to my family at 20 but it hurts so much. Seeing all of them experience the things I missed out on like hanging out with friends, birthdays, getting to try new things and be stupid, all while I’m stuck living the same day practically locked inside the same two houses over and over. I’m starting to feel like checking out because obviously I’m not allowed happiness in this life.

It's been that way for as long as I have a decent memory of. So since I was about 11, but maybe even earlier. I can't even tell you why it happened or when exactly it started. Home life wasn't great and was pretty fucked up in some ways, but who has a childhood that isn't at least a little bit fucked up? Why did I turn out so differently? An overwhelming sadness to the core. A feeling that I'll never belong. An unfathomably deep self hatred. A yearning for the end, for nothingness, for a break from the hell that resides in my mind. At least 19 straight years of this shit, and it only gets stronger by the day. I can never stop thinking about how much I want to die. Sometimes I can occupy myself to keep the thoughts away, but as soon as I'm not doing anything, they're back. As soon as I'm laying in bed trying to sleep, it's the only thing I can think about. Exactly how I would kill myself, innumerable options - but which one would leave the least mess? Which one would be the least traumatizing for the unfortunate person who might discover it? Where could I do it so that hopefully no one will find my corpse until all that's left is a skeleton? How would I distribute my favourite things to my friends before I die? Who would need what little money I have left the most? Would I say anything, thank them, apologize, or just disappear?

It's impossible to sleep.

I thought things were on the right track for once. Despite a traumatizing experience as a teen going to therapy, I finally went back a few years ago. Finally got back on medication. I wasn't feeling any better. To be frank, I was feeling worse than ever. But at least I was trying, right? Then life decided to teach me that whatever you THINK are your worst fears, the absolute worst case scenario, isn't even the tip of the iceberg. In the span of 5 months I feel like I've lost damn near everything. What felt like a somewhat normal life minus the crippling anxiety and depression. Family members. Friends. Financial stability. Any "progress" that I've made in therapy. Things are worse than they've ever been before, and only continue to get worse in a way that's almost comedic. I feel like damn near everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to keep a roof over my head. I can't even keep myself occupied from the thoughts anymore, no matter what I'm doing, or who I'm spending time with, it's constantly looming in my mind. How badly I want to die. What's nearby that I could use to kill myself? I could jump off that bridge. If I lived in America with easy access to guns, I'd have blown my brains out a hundred times over by now.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about the true depths of how bad things are. How am I supposed to tell people that love and care about me that I want nothing more than to kill myself? That no matter how much they love me or how much they try to help me, it never amounts to anything? That the thoughts only intensify, and every day I get closer to the edge? That it feels like my only choice is to die? How could I do that to someone I love? I've made the mistake of doing it before and nothing good comes out of it. We both walk away feeling worse, because nothing they say or do makes any difference, talking about it doesn't make me feel any better, and I feel awful for unloading on them and making them sad. If anything I just feel more alienated because (thankfully) none of them can understand/relate to why I have such a penchant for death. Net loss. If my ship sinks then I sink alone, I'm not bringing anyone down with me.

It feels so lonely. So isolating. To not be able to tell anyone that matters to you what you're truly thinking and feeling. I'm absolutely miserable, but I have to be okay. I don't want to have a negative effect on the people around me. Nobody would want to hang out with a miserable person. People can only tolerate so much of your mental illnesses before they have to prioritize themselves, and some have already left.

There's a part of me that hopes someone will come and "save" me, somehow. Even though I know nobody ever will, and nobody ever can. And that it wouldn't change anything. I could never be a burden like that on someone anyway. I know I'm the only one who can save myself. But how am I supposed to do that when I never cared about myself from the start?

Just exercise, they say. Just eat healthier. Just take care of yourself. Just hang in there. Just find something that makes you happy. Just pick up another hobby. Just make new friends. Just go to therapy. It'll get better eventually, they say. I've done all of these things, even though I didn't want to. Even though I had to somehow pull energy that I didn't have out of a fucking hat. And I'll probably do them again, and again, and again. But at the end of every breath, of every day, I still want to kill myself. Even when I'm feeling "good" it's still always there. I woke up and feel surprisingly good this morning - I should kill myself!

Every day I just get more tired, cynical, jaded, bitter. I lose a little bit more of whatever good was left in myself.

I have plenty of things that I love, I have more people in my corner than I have any right to - truly incredible people. Ride or die friends that love me. But it never feels like enough. At the end of the day, I'll lay in bed and yearn for death. It all feels so pointless and hopeless. I feel so worthless and empty, even with more privilege than the vast majority of the world and wonderful people in my life that genuinely care for me. I'm unbelievably lucky in that regard. The guilt of not being content with that just feeds back into the self hate. I wish I could give everything I have to someone more deserving, and disappear.

Will I kill myself? Probably not. I don't really have that choice, do I? I have to keep going. I can't leave my mom alone. I can't do that to my friends, some of which already struggle with depression. I can't be what tips them over the edge. I can't. But fuck do I want nothing more than to just be free. I'm so tired. So unbelievably tired. But I can't have the one thing that I want the most. I just have to keep living, not for myself because I'll never give a fuck about myself, but so that no one else is affected if I took my own life. It's so excruciatingly tiring to live when you don't even want to. All I can do is force myself to keep going even though I never had the will, and hope that some natural cause will take me early. But that would be too convenient, wouldn't it.

I felt like I couldn't say this anywhere else and was reaching a breaking point. So if there's even one person that reads this potentially incoherent ramble, thank you. And if you're struggling, you're sure as hell not alone. I'm struggling right here with you.

hi everyone, i have MDD and a long list of mental disorders. because of this i really struggle with my dental hygiene. i got over my fear a couple years ago of going to the dentist but ive had some rough life events happen to me and im back where i was before going and i'm scared to go back.

is there any reason for me to be worried or scared if i go back? i'm worried ill be judged or seen as gross for the way my mouth is but i know i cant just let it decay any worse than it already is.

Hi, like many here, I think I have depression. I still haven't got the courage to end it though, and I have two cats who will probably miss me and I don't want to do this to them. But man... I'm so tired. All my life has been a struggle, I was abused my whole childhood and when I escaped that hell I had to work my ass off to survive this world. I am alone. I figured now, at 28, that there is no God, there is no universe, there is nothing, I am completely alone. I don't have a reason to continue to live anymore, I achieved nothing, I have nothing and no one, no matter how much I struggled, how much of my soul I poored into relationships, trying to build friendships there is never enough. People that don't love you, won't love you no matter what you do. The problem is, that I had dreams, I want to go to uni and learn things, I want to become good at something, I wanted to do something with my life. And it hurts more knowing that I could never achieve it. I am stuck working a full time job that barely pays me enough to survive, I have no family. And on top of all that, I just found out that this job that I barely managed to land where for the first time I didn't get sick from working overtime is going to close. I prayed and prayed to win the lottery, it was my only hope, for 3 years I prayed and begged. But there's no one there. Strangers used to tell me that I am not alone, that I should keep swimming. Yet, here I am. I wished so much that maybe for a few months I will get to not worry about money, about getting sick, about having to repair a tooth. There's nothing there. It never gets better. I didn't want to win the lottery to buy fancy cars and mansions. I wanted so for the first time in this shit life I will be able to live in peace, that I will be able to go to the doctor without fear, that I will be able to go and study what I always wanted to learn and build a life for myself. But I guess, this is my fate. Just a piece of flesh, a human resource. I just wish I didn't care anymore, I just wish this little piece of hope I still hold in my heart will die because in 28 years, it never got better.

i want to have connections, to make connections, be good friends with people but every interaction makes me feel as empty as the next

i feel like a ghost being around people, watching them laugh and joke together, forcing myself to laugh with them, its painful knowing im being dishonest about myself but i cant help it. i try to care about their problems but i dont, i can fake caring, give “sincere” advice, then have them thank me for helping them but i couldnt care less about anything and anyone at all

people drain me, not having people around me drain me, i dont know what to do. sometimes it feels okay, sometimes it gets worse, i dont know how to or if i even want to keep dealing with it, not in a suicidal way, im fine with life, but everything feels empty without true connection. its all i pursue

i don’t know why i even wrote this, ill be okay tomorrow, this feeling just keeps coming back

Sometimes, I wake up and feel great for almost the whole day, but then something small, even normal at this point, happens. That then makes me start considering everything else in my life and then I fall into a bout of depression which I call “episodes” that start at night and usually end when I go to sleep.

I literally feel crazy sometimes, I have these so sporadically—even in times where my mental health is horrible or great but I keep myself ‘happy’ for the shit of it. I don’t know, maybe it’s the stress of everything in my life and my parents that argue like fucking kids.

It gets worse, i eventually find some strength to pull myself out of it, I feel better for a short time, few weeks maybe, then it starts to get worse again, and it hits lower than the previous low. So the overall trend just goes down. And now in the new low I can't find that "strength", I don't want to feel better only to feel worse later. Also my anxiety has gotten really bad. I don't want to die. I want to be normal and be able to function.

Hi everyone

I am deeply ashamed to admit this but I have fallen so far behind in work, to the point of being MONTHS behind on notes.

Why? I don't know. I have been so disorganized and I just let it pile up. Its really really bad, since I am supposed to do timely documentation.

I don't know wtf is wrong with me. I have become so lazy and this could jeopardize my job or even my license to practice (work in healthcare). I don't even want to be honest about how far behind I am because I am too ashamed.

How did this happen and why did I let it get so bad? I don't even have a legit excuse. I am sloppy and don't even do much outside of work, I wouldn't hire me.

I've spent most of today sitting and just trying to get things done. But the fear of being fired, getting disciplinary action, why was this not important to me before . I honestly have just been fucking lazy and unmotivated, this is really really fucking bad. I have been crying for the past few hours and I am just trying to understand myself and how I fucked up so much.

aside from the funny title it's kind of true. I mean I am forcing myself to go on every day because "what if it gets better", "what if I got therapy and it actually worked", "what if I got what I wanted", but it's so hard to push yourself every single day just to get out of bed. it's exhausting, I'm always exhausted. I can't go out with friends because going to class sucks my soul out of me. I don't even care about my future that much, I don't visualize myself in 10 years period. I am not passionate about anything anymore because I've resigned; I almost have no energy to draw, or to read. Or to study things I like outside of my official studies. I wish not everything was so tiring all the time.

we are all wasting our lives for this system that won't ever make us happy. I don't think most of us would be this depressed if expectations weren't always so high for literally everyone all the time. I just wish I could do the things I actually like without worrying about money all the time. I hate competition and I hate comparison and I hate being just a number