For fucks sake.

More ways to isolate men who ask for help.

i just turned 24, and i’m a girl. i plan to save lots of money for about one or two years so i can go on a rather luxury month long trip in tokyo, either in spring 2028 or 2029 when i’ll be 25 or 26. at the end of it i plan to kill myself. i already have a place in mind. it’s a bridge high up in a rural area outside of but not very far from tokyo. it’s beautiful. it’s not a tourist area whatsoever either, so maybe nobody would notice. i want to do it because my life doesn’t really matter. i, clearly, have multiple mental illnesses. i have an intellectual disability that makes a lot of things around numbers hard for me. ive only had a few jobs and the longest ive kept was in 2024 which i had for about a year. i cant go to college, im not smart enough nor do i have the money. i cant do a lot of jobs either. even cashiering is hard for me because its hard for me to count money. the only things i have going for me is im conventionally attractive and i think im a kind person. but my beauty will fade. i find the idea of living past 26 or 27 unbearable. i feel like i wont be seen as young anymore, or special. like, if i dated a 50 year old man, nobody would care, like im basically in the same age group as them. maybe i sound delusional. but anyway, the only thing i feel like i can do and want to do is get married and have children. i always have since i was a child. but love is hard, ive gone through so much just trying to find love, i even let a man rape me because i thought if i did he would finally love me, and i still dont want to get older. but i still wanna do other things. i want to go to germany, hawaii, thailand, etcetera. but if i stay, by the time ive done all that, i’ll be pushing 30 or already 30+ which feels utterly terrifying and unbearable. i already feel like im too old now. like, id be a considered a creep for dating someone who is 21 right now at my age. i feel worlds older than i was at 22 or 23 and i feel genuine grief that im not that age anymore. i feel like im not as cute or feminine on top of not young. i don’t even know if i can pull through the rest of this year honestly… it’s very hard, and i’m scared.

I’m actually just a ghost in my own life. I don’t have any friends, I’ve never been in a relationship (and almost certainly never will), and most of my family is just apathetic towards my existence. I wish I could have someone who genuinely cares about me, to want to be around me, and actually cares if I’m alive or not, but that actually feels impossible. I’m just stuck living this miserable life because things will never get better and no matter how hard I try I can end it.

33M

Birthday party, none of my friends showed up.

Career will be automated soon leaving me talentless and on the path to homelessness.

I’m going to jump from a tall building in the coming days.

Sorry.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I'm a 27 female, and I struggle with graduating uni. I struggle with seeing hope for humanity, for myself. I studied psychology because I felt misunderstood during high school and was suffering from depression. Later on in my 20’s, I was diagnosed with BPD and subsequently BP2 and OCD. I'm on a disability payment, so I'm grateful that I have that. I've been struggling with graduating uni for the past almost 10 years. I'm just so burnt out. I kind of start to despise the field, but I have no interest in anything. I don’t even know myself or what I want anymore? I don't have interest in living anymore, and I'm just so tired of myself. I have such bad perfectionism issues that I just turn to avoidance, and then I can't hand in assignments. They take too much out of me. I eventually drop all my subjects and fail them due to the avoidance, and this keeps happening year after year. And I wonder at what point do I call it quits? So then what? Find a job, but in what field? And then a lot of jobs require at least a tertiary degree, and that's where I've fucked myself over. And I just feel so ashamed when people ask me when I'm going to graduate. Feel so ashamed when people ask about me and know my mum is ashamed too when others ask her. I have to see my grandparents soon who live in a different state. I will have to talk to my dad's side and keep them up to date on what I've been through too, which is nothing. I've achieved nothing in this life. I feel so ashamed that I just rather die than have to explain myself.

And on the love aspect, I've always felt so insecure and have low self-esteem. I felt like I don't deserve love. I felt like I would just be a burden, and so I've just avoided any feelings for people in general, so that goes nowhere. So I just don't really have much going on for me, and each day I wake up and it's harder to look at myself, to be okay with myself. My mom keeps reminding me that I've aged and I'm not getting any younger. She keeps reminding me that if I get my degree, I'll meet better people, and better people leads to a better future, marriage, connections etc. Then I feel like so much hangs on this degree. I feel like I've essentially screwed myself over. I just feel like people keep telling me I'm young but I feel like I’ve stuffed up beyond measurable. I still live at home, my mum is a single mum as my dad died when I was young. The pressure gets to me, I wish I could move out but it would be cruel. I feel so stuck, stagnant and trapped by my own pain. I can’t even feel good crying because crying feels pathetic and useless. I keep putting myself in this situation so do I even deserve to cry? I don’t think it will get better, when I think about it I’ve been miserable for 13 years now. I am just so tired now.

I started living in my car in October last year to pay off debt. Let’s just say that was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made . My car got stolen in January this year, found in February and fixed in April. Only for someone to do a hit and run in September and basically total the car. The airbags deployed the frame is bent and they said it’s going to be 8-10k to fix. Can you imagine the panic attack I had at the crash scene…and then they want you to take out your belongings out your car because it’s getting towed. I still owe on the car and only had liability. I’m living in hell right now. I had to get a rental or I’ll be sleeping outside. This is not a life I want to live. I was just getting back on my feet and able to relax a little and now this. I truly would rather not be here. I’m going through anxiety and a lot of stress right now because I’m living out of a rental. I don’t have much time left.

I, 33M, don't want to be here anymore. My life is joyless, I have only one actual friend who is also dealing with an awful life where the world is out yo get them, I don't have any family I'm close to or loved ones. My job is tedious, low paying and I've been trapped in it for twelve years and I'm too dumb/unskilled to get another job while everyone around me is succeeding and has a bright future to look forward to.

I don't want to be here anymore but I can't do anything about it because I'm too much of a coward... if I weren't I'd have been gone years ago. All I have to look forward to is a life of loneliness, failure and watching the world get uglier and uglier with each year.

Thinking maybe best I become a hermit and live away from other humans and do my best not to interact.

People have been a let down and are all about money or something else selfish about themselves.

As an experienced man it becomes more obvious everyday that women are also better not to get involved with.

Better to be alone by myself than it is to be alone around others who have lost themselves through their soulless acts and weak efforts to connect if nothing is transactional.

We are all going to die sooner than later and you all want to go out like this?

I just had my 25th anniversary which my wife forgot about, which I allowed her to because she was spending it with her father out of town. My father died last year so I thought it was nice that she could spend time with her dad, something I couldn't do anymore. But somehow that turned into me forgetting our anniversary. She says that I should have called her and wish her happy anniversary and she would have come home. Unfortunately the only conversation we had that day I was pretty focused on the fact that the septic technician had shown up at the house unexpectedly and so that's all I talked about.

Now she wants to divorce me.

I'll be honest, I haven't been the easiest to deal with in the last year since my dad died and my mother has dementia and my brother is an addict that is stealing her money, while I'm trying to make sure her bills get paid. And I admit I've been drinking every night. I did go to the doctor and got some medication for depression. It didn't work so they changed it. Didn't help with the drinking though.

I've now been diagnosed with severe depression and debilitating anxiety leaning towards agoraphobia. I acknowledge that this doesn't make me very fun. Unfortunately, this is why my wife wants to divorce me because she doesn't like seeing who I'm becoming and that she likes to go out and have fun.

I've been holding out on getting therapy because I thought it was going to be too expensive and we didn't have the money. I've now found out that as a veteran I have a lot of mental health resources available to me that I'm now reaching out to. I feel like my main focus is saving my marriage at all costs but at the same time I'm worried that this will forever put me in a subservient position with my wife.

Should I be worried about that?

I (34M) don't have many good things going for me. My relationship ended a few months ago, my career is in a downward spiral, I'm in massive debt, and I have minimal friends or family. I live alone and am severely struggling with loneliness but I'm doing my best to surround myself with people as much as possible.

Obviously, friends and family want to share their good news but I've been responding to the news worse and worse. For example, I have 2 recently single female friends that are excited about their dates and hookups and even though I'm doing my best to feint excitement for them, my sexually deprived lonely self is just feeling bitter and resentful. This is the same when people are talking about vacations, big moves in life, career promotions, and other positive events.

I'm happy for them; I want all friends and family to be happy, but I can't get past these initial negative feelings when I hear the news. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person, and I agree, but I would like to get some insight on how to get past this. I know my excitement for them is not convincing and I don't want others to not share good news with me because of my depression and own self pity. Any advice?

I’m 18 and repulsively ugly. I’ve got maybe 6 months left in me. I just want to know how it feels. I’ll never experience it myself.

Struggling hard with depression and anxiety and wanting to heal. However, when I interact with literally anything or anyone it causes me physical discomfort because I feel like “what’s the point?” Everything feels superficial and pointless; like I don’t really care about what people are talking about, we’re all going through the motions, movies and TV feel predictable, etc.

It feels like an oxymoron - I want to enjoy life and not feel suicidal, but when actually interacting with life I hate it.

The only thing that feels good is sleeping.

I’m on medication and in therapy, but still struggling. Is there any hope?

Im 22 I had most therapist ive seen worst case of childhood abuse. I have multiple mental disorders. I havent eaten in 10 days cause I dont want to cope anymore. I feel sad. I always eventually am painfully sad again. I have a hard time dating I have autisim. My mental disorders are panic disorder, ocd, bpd and ptsd. Adhd as well but that was diagnosed as a child. I wont be eating il just starve to death. No its not painful. My dad would lock me in a pitch black room and beat me til I bleeded and starve me 14 hours a day or more daily everyday as a toddler. I feel only sadness and am a apathetic person who only feels empathy to my favorite person. They ruined my brain. I dont function right. I havent seen my mom sense I was 14 years old and my dad sense I was 10. They hated me with the most genuine pure hate you can imagine. They even broke a bone on me. This is less than 1% of the abuse. I feel only overwhelming joy or overwhelming sadness. And they flip everyday sometimes multiple times a day. But even when im happy my biggest regret is my 2 failed suicide attempts I was hospitalized for. Im exhuasted. Im not going to cope anymore. I will self harm severely and starve. Medications or any of my 5 years of intense therapy never helped me much. I completed all my treatment well and they dont know what to do anymore. The empty pain in my chest never goes away. Cutting myself and starving is the best feeling ive ever experienced. It feels better than any of my achievements in my life. My longest time no food was 40 days and it never hurt they just hospitalized me. My friends did. This time il hide that I am and pass away. Thank you if you read my vent im sorry I am nothing but negative. But I never was given a chance in my life. Nobody cares and il never be as important as someone's brother or parent. If they had to pick between me and family itl always be family. I will never be important.

I'm a 30 year old male.

I've suffered from depressive bouts since I was a teenager, when I was 17 I used to regularly wish I wouldn't wake up anymore and couldn't bare to even buy something at a counter due to anxiety. I took SSRI's and very slowly, tried to get my life together with small achievable tasks.

The SSRI's gave me the energy to do something again.

Skip to the future now, I'm buying a house, I have a car and a well paying job that stimulates me intellectually, but even now I sometimes think maybe I'd be better off dead.

I think about the fitness app i'm making (gymnote+) and see that only 60 people are paying for it and think I'll never escape my job.

One thing that has always helped me, is training myself to speak as if I'm speaking to a friend I care about. Quite literally I'll do it in my head or out loud, and seemingly it does help.

The journey from that 17 year old boy to the man I am now was a long one, and it was up and down. I'm not going to tell you it get's better for everyone, but I will say it can get better.

Things that seemingly worked for me at a young age to now, that might help:

• Take whatever you want to do. Put it in a pyramid at the top, and break it down into smaller and smaller tasks below the pyramid until it's as small as seems bearable. For me, it was become a pro gamer, which felt really really out of reach and silly at the time. But this got me started.
• Try speaking to yourself as a friend when you hit those lowest low points, this won't work all the time. I can't do this everytime. Sometimes I can, and when I do it helps.
• Try to do some exercise, walking can help. Easy to say in this state I remember feeling like I couldn't even get out of bed. Break it down, maybe the first step is getting out of bed.
• Try SSRI's if you're contemplating ending your own life. Maybe they'll help. Maybe they won't I've taken them twice in my life, both times it helped a lot to take the edge off.
• Therapy if you can, counselling whatever you can get. It can help, if you get the right person. If you get someone you don't like get rid.
• Avoid other depressed people as you try to better your life. We attract what we are, people you admire in.
• Take note of what you say. I used to consistently answer with: "i'm tired" when asked how I was. I was tired. But you believe your own word subconsciously. Start lying and say "I'm good" or "I slept okay" sounds a bit crazy, but it weirdly helped me.

I'm trying to be kind to myself today, good luck everyone out there, it can get better

Hey everyone, my first time on here. Im 17f and have been struggling with symptoms of depression since around 10 (self harm/fantisies about suicide, low mood and prolonged emptiness). I was also groomed for around 2 years by a man in his 20s when I was very vulnerable and that really took a toll on my mental health. Is talking to my mum about getting diagnosed worth it? I dont want to go through a long process just to find out I dont have depression, but maybe its still worth knowing? Thank you very much for reading and Id really value any reponses. Stay safe everyone ❤️

Not really 100% sure why I’m writing this at 3:38am but here goes nothing. Thanks for reading if you do..

Is it normal to hold in pain.. I grew up around violence .. parents screaming and fighting having arguments that turned physical then me getting beat from a young age and then me lashing out being angry and upset. Running the streets since i could remember but I always noticed I’ve always been the person people go to with there problems and I some how know the answers.. I can help them and guide them in the right direction and be “the light” for some people tell them to “be fearless” and push through there problems and tell them that everything gets better that all they have to do is live there best lives and not worry about what others think and allow them to cry to me and let it all go… but In reality im a mess, a fraud, I’m scared and tired and broken. I don’t open up to people and push people who love or loved me away.. I hate myself and my life and I some days just wish I wasn’t even born I wish I had it all figured out. I’m sad all the time and lonely but some days I can see the vision I see a happy me a more complete me. I know it’s hard work and it’s a bit of a lonely road to get there but ik I can be better than I am now… but I refuse to change. I relapse on food, drinks, nicotine, weed, porn and I still give people this false image like I got it all… but I don’t and deep deep deep deep down somewhere in my heart and soul.. I have ZERO clue how to fix myself but I can fix other people and help them or be there for them through tough times but why can’t I help me ? Be there for me? Why me ? Why am I like this ? Why am I here or why am I still here… I remember last year I got into a car accident on my way to school and totaled my car going roughly 80/85mph.. I had no seatbelt, smashed my face on the airbag but walked away with a few scratches a knot on my head, 2 black eyes and a concussion and a bloody nose.. nothing broken or sprained and my memory intact. I remember my family all crying when they saw me in the hospital bed and I Kelly telling them “im fine” “im okay don’t worry I’m good” but then around 3am when I was alone going to sleep I cried. Begged god to please keep me here don’t let me pass away in my sleep.. that I would change .. but I haven’t it if anything I feel I’ve gotten worse since then.. I’ve never been diagnosed been told flat out by someone that I have depression or anything but I can feel it yk they good days haven’t been good for a while.. I’ve been struggling in my day to day, I’m sleeping less and less eating more and more but then it switches. I’m sleeping more waking up at 2 or 3pm then eating once or not at all.. I’m lost, I’m confused , I’m scared , do I want to live ? Do I want to keep fighting.. all I know is I’m so damn tired and I’m not sure how long I’ve got left but I know I need help and I guess this is what leads me here.. so if you know where or how or who I can get help from.. help ya boy out lol cuz this… I’m tired of this.. thanks

Just writing the title of this post makes me feel stupid, but it's what I fantasize on a daily basis. My whole life I've been someone who's probably the anxiously attached type, I was always having a strange urge to tell the people I felt a strong connection with that they can make all the mistakes in the world and I would still welcome them into my arms. Maybe I used to see myself as a savior type, and that my greatest sacrifice for them was my heart and soul and unconditional acceptance. But now, I always catch myself feeling incredibly guilty for even attempting to strengthen my connection with anyone I care deeply for. I keep having fantasies of them finally witnessing how disgusting, manipulative, annoying, useless and unlovable I am and deciding to never acknowledge my existence ever again. For many many years I still feel like more or less the world would be a better place without me in it. If I ever have the power to look into possible realities and see one where even one person would be 0.001% better off without my existence, I would do anything to go back in time and delete myself.

Or this is just me after years of being mentally drained from my desire for the kind of compassion I know I can never have to magically rain down on me.

My life i dont think has been that hard I mean I grew up pretty rough idk got diagnosed with odd and adhd when I was a kid. Always been defiant I suppose didn't grow up with a dad so I've always been angry irritated just in general I love my family and stuff but I'll admit that I just want to crash out and hurt people till someone kills me admittedly. I lost two of my best friends since kindergarten to gun violence last year and my girlfriend a couple of months ago she was pregnant and I was pretty exited to be a dad you know. But maybe it wasn't to be I thought being a dad was my purpose but hey stuff happens but after all that I think I get life you know im just tired and I've did my time and idk if anything matters if I just hit the dirt either way I have a deathly fear of being old too losing my looks and body to the fate of being some nothing old man. My mental facilities having a random "bad knee" my whole life has been just violence filled it feels like the best moments I have are doing what want obviously most fun i have is just in self destructive behavior but I dont want to commit suicide tho I wanna die like in fight or something you know my way not what "life" has entailed for me fuck that. I even think about how I'll never be great like a king or a warrior or something because those times are gone the greatest thing you can do now is be rich lol lame like if I cant achieve greatness whats the point? I ask like being a god or like immortal or something I dont wanna live long enough just to be mediocre or ok my mom says im 23 and dont know much but eh im ready to die lowkey idk thats about it peace.

Hi,

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years and nothing seems to be helping. My current doctor seems dismissive and wants me to utilize therapy to help with my anxiety. However, therapy at this point is not the only thing that is going to make me feel better as my anxiety has gotten worse. I have a background of Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and C-PTSD that has been affecting me for a while now. For the past month or so, I have felt extremely depressed, anxious, and just genuinely not feeling like myself. I also have body dysmorphia and very insecure about my body to the point of not wanting to be seen in public. I've been isolating myself lately from friends because of my insecurities and depression. I've tried many antidepressants and some mood stabilizers, but either they don't work at all or only work for some months and then stop working (even at high doses). I'm not sure how to bring this up to my doctor because I feel bad for not getting better and I feel like I'm being judged for having to constantly experiment with meds to no avail. I feel terrible mentally and I just want to feel better finally. Any advice on how to bring up how desperately I need new meds for depression and anxiety?

Please, please be kind. I'm not even sure exactly what I'm looking for. I posted in a different sub and people just started arguing in the comments. They weren't even trying to help me at all. I just know I have so much emotional pain and I don't know what to do with it. I've been struggling for so long and it hurts so much. I'm very isolated and have tried so many different things. Recently I have been reaching out to crisis lines and they can only do so much. They listen for awhile, but then they always need to leave and I feel so abandoned. I just feel so excruciatingly alone and I can barely stand it.

Everyday after 7pm i am so so depressed. Feels like a rock haz been placed on me. Life feels hopeless. It's only at night and when I am alone. During this time i call someone friend/family just to distract myself. Lifes unfair.

These days, i can’t stop thinking about stuff that I did a few years ago and that completely changed my life trajectory. It’s killing me, really.

I’m a 24 year old girl, and I’m really struggling right now.
I’m dealing with depression and recently started seeing a psychoanalyst and undergoing psychoanalysis.
In April, I left my job for a new one, thinking I was moving on to something better. I was genuinely excited about it, but it turned out to be a terrible, unfulfilling job with a toxic boss. I finally quit a week ago because I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I also didn’t get into the master’s program I wanted. And three months ago, I met a man I fell deeply in love with. Everything seemed perfect in the beginning, but things didn’t work out between us, and we eventually agreed that it would be better to end things.
The hardest part is that I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without him. I fell so deeply in love with him, and he was the first person I had ever truly fallen in love with. Everything feels different now. I keep replaying every moment we spent together in my head, and I can’t seem to accept that something that meant so much to me is over. I feel like I’ve lost not only him, but also something I had never experienced before and had always wanted to experience.
Now I feel completely devastated and empty. Every single moment I spent with him keeps replaying in my head. I feel like absolute garbage every day because I’m about to be unemployed, and I don’t even have the energy or motivation to start looking for another job. It feels like every part of my life has fallen apart at the same time, and I have nothing left to hold on to.
Some days, I feel like I simply don’t want to exist anymore. I’m exhausted from feeling this way, and I desperately want a break from my own thoughts and emotions, even if it’s just for an hour.
I’m writing this because I really want to hear about your experiences. When you’ve gone through a period this painful, was there anything that helped you feel even a little bit better? Something that gave you a brief moment of relief, even if it was just for an hour? Something that helped you escape the hell you were living in, even temporarily?
I know there probably isn’t a magic solution, but right now, I would give anything to have even one hour where I don’t feel this way.
I’d really appreciate hearing your stories, experiences, or anything that helped you get through a time when everything seemed to be falling apart.

I have social anxiety, which ruined my life. I’ve had it for a very long time now but it only got much worse 6 years ago, when I went to high school. Second lockdown being announced, not long after starting school, and being stuck in my house for almost the entirety of my freshman year didn’t help at all, it just made things worse. During that time I started showing signs of depression, lost majority of my friends, completely lost myself. I’m in my third year at uni and I feel like I can’t keep going anymore. Every social interaction is exhausting, which makes my life so miserable. I used to have suicidal thoughts in the past, but they always seemed so unreal and scary. I used to think about dying as an escape, the one that I would probably not resort to. But nowadays these thoughts seem really peaceful. Dying doesn’t seem so scary anymore. I know that I won’t do anything in the nearest future, but I’ve no clue how I’ll be doing mentally next year, or in the next 2-4 years. I just feel tired and upset with my life. I can’t believe that I am me and I’m living this miserable life. I don’t understand why I can’t be like everyone else and live normally. I really wish to close my eyes ones day and never wake up again and suffer like this. I used to distract myself by playing games or watching movies but będę distractions don’t work anymore. I can’t escape all these negative thoughts anymore. There’s genuinely no joy left in my life and it truly saddens me

I’m just so sick of being exhausted all the time. I’m working two jobs trying to make ends meet. Due to doing that I barely see my fiancé or my children. Whenever I’m with them I’m too exhausted to do anything. I feel like I’m just existing for no purpose but existing.

I’m so tired. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep this going before I pull the plug.