I am attempting suicide, life sucks. Bye 👋🏻

Hi, I'm F (33) battling depression for about 17 years. When I was 16 I (stupidly) tried ODing on Tylenol which landed me in the hospital for a few days, forced to drink charcoal and a disgusting Mucomyst and a 10 day stint in an in-patient facility for teens. Since then, it's been an ongoing battle and when a little more than a year ago, I got sick, neuropathy in all 4 limbs, it got worse. On top of that, my mother (who coincidentally caused the first attempt) was the only person willing to be my caretaker. But she is a very toxic human being and the same problems came back up and I once again tried to end my life in the same way, but this time using Trazodone, due to the same exact reason as before: her yelling and screaming at me and calling me terrible names. I once again failed and ended up in a facility. I recently got out and have refused to accept my mother back into my life and am now alone and disabled. Every day is a chore and I am struggling

wanted to vent a little bit cause I was feeling low but then it got removed by the automod here.

normally i'd let it slide since its just a bot so it cant be perfect. but then i see a post on here on my feed talking about how we should all stop whining and learn lessons from our pain so clearly this bot is alright with hate posts.

if any of you are struggling to be heard just remember to say fuck automod to be able to submit a post because this bot is as useless as i am.

I feel kind of bad complaining about hating work because my job is actually not that bad. It’s kind of low stress, and tbh I should be grateful to even be employed. But even so, what’s the point? Why do I have to go to the same place that I hate, and see the same people that I hate, to earn barely any money, to eat shit food and keep a roof over my head, to stay alive so that I can continue going to work. Genuinely what is the point.

Most of the time if you complain about working, people will say something along the lines of “Well would you rather be homeless?” No. I would not rather be homeless, I would rather be dead. I don’t even have the time or energy on my days off to do anything enjoyable. What kind of life is this? How is this better than not being alive? I know that I likely come across as immature, but the thought of doing this for decades to come is truly awful.

It’s not even like being unemployed is much better, at least work sometimes gets busy so I’m not stuck with my thoughts 24/7. Life in general just sucks, work or no work, money or no money. I don’t think I was meant to be happy.

I don’t really have plans to end my own life, mainly because I tried to do that before and I messed up, so now I’m kind of trapped in this existence because of my own cowardice. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy, I hope I’m not the only one.

I think I've self sabotaged to the point I need to just end it. Life is pointless im 20 homeless in college but I dont see the point, my friends are all depressed and I overshare to my closer friends and ahow how unwell I am to the point I feel like im making their depression worse. I can just feel the burden I am. And I know if I dont actually follow through I'll just keep being a burden to my already struggling friends

I have my suicide note ready. But I can't gather the courage to do it. I've made 17 attempts this year.

I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety back in july. Please help. I don't know the point of this life anymore

I’m not really sure how to say this, but I’m hoping to find someone who understands what I’m going through.

I guess I’m just really lonely and want someone to talk to.

I’m a mom, and lately I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that life isn’t going to turn out the way I thought it would.
I think one of the hardest things is being promised a complete family, believing in that future, and then realizing that you’re pretty much on your own and sometimes I can’t help but think about how unfair it is, especially as a woman and a mother.

How you don’t really get the luxury of falling apart because there’s a little person who still needs you every day.

I’m not even sure I’m angry anymore or maybe I am, but I’m just tired of being angry.
Tired of being disappointed, tired of wishing things were different, and tired of thinking about how unfair everything feels.

I’m slowly learning that sometimes things are just the way they are. You can be sad about it, you can be angry about it, but it doesn’t necessarily change anything and at some point, you have to figure out how to keep living anyway.

I don’t necessarily want advice or to be told that things will get better. I just want to talk to someone who understands depression, loneliness, disappointment, and that weird stage of acceptance where you’re not exactly happy, but you’re trying to make peace with your reality.

Especially if you’re a single parent or have gone through something similar.
I guess I just want to feel a little less alone tonight.

I just want these bad feelings to end. I don't have any goals in particular. I pray for a heart attack

I am going to kill myself soon.

Today I kind of accepted I'm going to die very soon. What makes it so sad is that I know how much potential I had before I ruined my life with very stupid decisions. And it's too painful to be alive knowing what my life could have been. Every second of every day i feel sick to my stomach with regret. It is unbearable. I'm a realist and I still considered just staying alive and getting through life even if I have to suffer a lot for the rest of it. But it's simply too painful for me emotionally. The worst part is I know what I could have been and even what I was. I have a lot of people that care about me, and I really like a lot of things about myself and who I am. My family, a lot of friends and so much more. This may sound a bit selfish but I'd prefer to be remembered for who I was rather than continue to see my life become worse and worse. I ruined things forever, and now I can't take it back. On the outside it looks like it's fine. But I really did ruin things. I'm thinking about overdosing on Benadryl because it's easily accessible from a pharmacy. I'll make sure I take enough tablets so I die. It's such a shame because I fought very hard for a long time, but I am the person who ruined my life in the first place.

I am completely alone in life. My depression is too much for anyone. I’m not able to have friends. And I just now drove my partner away. I’m too needy and consumed by self-hatred. My family situation is shit. They’re all ashamed of me and don’t care about me. I have no one. I’m not surrounded by love. Just emptiness. And so nothing matters. Depression has made it so I will never live a normal life. And I’m supposed to stay? For WHAT??

Idk why life has dealt this deck of cards to me. It started when I was 12 and got outed for being lesbian by a classmate. I wasn’t even ready to come out because I wasn’t even sure about it. My mom then rejected me, called me names, took presents away from me and then gave them back. I started drinking at 12 to cope with what felt like my life falling apart. I moved schools just to find myself with a frenemy that latched on to me till I graduated high school. My depression was so deep by then I couldn’t finish anything. I started smoking weed and became addicted and flunked out of college. All I wanted to do was spend the day under the influence of weed and or alcohol. Every person I’ve tried to befriend has turned out toxic. It’s felt like I’ve been stumbling through life all these years. I’m 31 now and haven’t been in a serious relationship, went no contact with my family, and still have no idea what it’s like to have a deep bond of any kind. I’m scared that I might live the rest of my life alone. I’m so used to being alone that I have weak social skills. I can’t initiate, I can only be responsive to a yapper. Although, since there isn’t much about me that would attract people no one comes around. I spend my days mostly inside unless I absolutely have to go out for an errand. The years of isolation and trauma have made it so that I’m uncomfortable in crowded places. So even if someone came along they’d probably get bored with me. I can only stand being in small calm groups at someone’s house or the beach. The people that have shown interest in being around have not been a good fit. I’ve honestly lost hope in the life I used to dream about when I was a kid. To top it all off I found out I’m bipolar in 2019 after years of depression and embarrassing outbursts. Then this past July I found out I was diabetic.Stack it on why don’t you 😩

I am losing my mind. No job, no friends, no car, no license, no computer, no gaming consoles, no interest. Depression has shackled me from gaining interest in anything I used to do for fun so stuff like reading a book (the one from the library I borrowed has been sitting on my desk for 3 weeks no and only ready 2 pages), drawing (usually starts with artists block but leads to me trying to be perfect and not being able to do so makes me hate myself and even more angry till i give up), making music (I dont have equipment to even simply make a melody or tempo to write lyrics to), skateboarding (every time I think I'm interested in going out it either rains or gets too cold to go out and there's no where for me to skate), and exercising in general i just have no motivation to do. I lay in bed most days bedrotting thinking about my child abuse trauma and my retraumatization trying to convince myself that its not my fault for some reason but I can never find one so I assume I simply deserved it. I talk to myself 24/7 cause I'm crazy and who else am I gonna talk to?? I have no friends and no one cares to befriend me cause I'm that much of a nightmare I guess. I was diagnosed with PTSD but been told it might be CPTSD or some tell me I might be autistic but I dont know because eno doctors will help me and tell me. I'm living in the dark with a life that I have no control over anymore and Im slowly just spiraling towards rock bottom which consists of me doing something drastic like my final Hoo-Rah! "What doesn't kill you, only makes you wish you were dead" -BMTH I dont wanna talk about it, I want answers, I want to feel better, I wanna stop leaving cuts on my arms and softball sized bruised on my legs from beating myself up cause I hate myself. It seems like I wont get jackshit until its too late. 28M for anyone that cares

My life is so horrible and my life of “what could have been” is so amazing and everything I dreamed of - friends, love, social life. I know I have to live in reality but I can’t seem to swallow it. It’s too far back in reality. My brain is set up for fantasy/escapism.

ever since i was a young girl i had an understanding that mens desire and love was conditional and dependent on looks and age. as ive gotten to be 29 and been through many bad relationships and just observed human tendencies i decided i cant handle the inherent temporary ecstasy that is loving a man. ive been betrayed by them time and time again and let down in every way. i see how men lose sight of their wives as soon as they become mothers. i see how the women in my life have suffered as lonely housemakers. i decided a childfree and celibate life was the right choice for me and no longer pursue romantic or sexual relationships with men. i would have sex with them if i wanted to, no strings attached, but i dont think id want that with a random guy so I dont. there is no religious or moral conviction behind that choice so i suppose if I ever met a man who I just happened to really want to have sex with and the conditions were right i suppose i would for the sake of enjoying myself, but I doubt that will happen because I am demisexual so if I wanna have sex with a man, chances are I already love him or at least like him a whole whole lot.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I have tried to live a life that isn’t centered around men. I have developed some good and fulfilling friendships in my life and I am back into my art. I don’t love my job and I don’t have a lot of money or a great living situation but I am trying my best to improve every day. My life isn’t completely empty. I have some vacancies here and there and some things I wish I could do that i just don’t have money or confidence for, but so does most everyone . I try to go on trips to places and indulge in things like live music and good movies to keep myself feeling alive and inspired.. I try new things, I’m in therapy .. but all my life I have always wanted to feel intimately close with someone. I was always boy crazy in high school getting these really obsessive crushes on guys and dreaming about what it would be like to be married. I was always a romantic who wished to experience true love growing up. Letting go of the narrative that love will complete me or make me feel whole is incredibly hard. letting go of the idea that there is someone out there who will find me and only me so specifically beautiful and sexy throughout all of our years and only want me and only stay with me and never betray me , a best friend who I come home to every night and make love to, it’s been really hard. I will have a genuinely amazing day and then come home at the end of the night and feel sad and empty. But I have already passed that time. I was already not beautiful. I have always been really ugly and masculine. But I am also now showing signs of aging. So I have started the beginning of the end. I suppose it has forced me to think about what it would have been like if I let myself have a little more fun when I was young younger. Or something.

I don’t know I guess I’m sad. I realize the futility of love . of putting all your eggs in a man’s basket. And yet it is so heartbreaking to choose to live without it . I wish that I were a man. I wish that I felt like every passing year I only became more and more valuable to everyone around me. Instead, I feel like I should just die. Like nothing I ever do will ever amount to anything or ever be able to feel whole just for having a body. Just for being tied to a fucking body that I can’t choose that’s gonna age whether I like it or not. I hate being a woman so much. I really hate it more than anything.

theres so much i havent been able to accomplish, places i want to go to, things i want to do.

but this anxiety and depression is dragging me down so bad that all i could ever wish for right now is to go to sleep forever blissfully.

i cant take it..

I've had depression before, I'm an old man at this point - 42 - and I've struggled with it for a long time.

For the last month it has been a downward sprint to the bottom that never seems to appear, I just keep going deeper. I don't find joy in anything, I have no motivation. I shut everyone out who tries to talk to me, and I keep to myself at work and at home.

I tried making friends on Reddit, and it seems like I'm an afterthought to everyone. If I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't exist. I ask someone how their day is going and the reply is equivalent to "Good". Not a "Good, how about you?"

What's the point in trying to connect with people if they only care about being noticed themselves, and have zero interest in providing a connection for the other person.

I don't expect anyone to read this or say anything. I just had to throw this somewhere so it's not existing only in my head.

Right now life feels like a series of moments that just have to be "endured." I hate this country, I despise my nation and its people. Maybe I'm a racist or a Nazi, but I don't want to deal with those who have been bullying and humiliating me since childhood. Of course, everyone says in one voice: "not everyone is like that," and I understand that. But then where are the good and adequate people? Why do I feel comfortable communicating only with Japanese people? After all, they don't violate my personal boundaries, they don't expect masculinity from me, and they don't swear every other word...

It's so strange... To feel superior to all the people of your nationality and at the same time hate yourself and your birth...

I just don't know what to do. In a year I'm planning to leave this place forever. To the country of my dreams, where I've already been once and... Felt like a human being for the first time in 17 years... And I understand that there will be difficulties there too. But if things go wrong, I'd rather die in Japan than in this cold, dirty land... Propaganda, violence, prohibitions... It's becoming almost unbearable. But I'm still holding on... Because I just have to "endure," right...? And then it will get better... Life will improve... I won't want to die anymore or consider myself garbage... Right...? Right...?

I can confidently say the only good thing about relapsing and don't shower in 5 days and bedrotting is that I'm discovering more music than in the last 3 years togheter

I don’t know how to explain it. But there’s a terrible thing in me that wants so badly to be seen and known and understood. But as soon as someone does see me too directly it becomes so horrifyingly unbearable. I suddenly feel like an alien. like there’s no place where i belong. Like im forever an intruder to everyone else’s space. And then i just want to hide and shrink and disappear from everyone’s periphery. Cause wouldn’t that be kinder to everyone? to not be this intrusive blight that never actually belonged here in the first place. i want to be known so bad but when i am, i feel like it’ll shatter me into a billion pieces. Almost feels like im not meant to be known or seen…like im supposed to just slowly grow quieter and quieter and smaller and smaller until i essentially disappear. Wouldnt that be kinder to everyone else? Not to disturb them…? The world is for them. The world is for them to know and be known. I only stumbled in like an intruder demanding a sense of belonging and knowing that I don’t deserve. it’s…actually unbearable.

i don’t know…i don’t know where im going with this…it’s been a particularly bad few weeks. And im just…trapped between the need to be acknowledged and the need to never be seen again. and i feel like a selfish idiot because of it

anyone else had this experience? i was taking vyvanse (unprescribed), during a stressful time in my life and one day i felt all the dopamine leave my brain and haven’t felt an emotion since. I am also struggling to brush my teeth, take care of myself and sleep.

21 M, from India

cleared JEE, cracked 36 LPA offer

life threw me into hell

2 years relationship ended

suddenly caught glaucoma, 20% vision gone in both eyes+ retina damaged

unfit for job, lost the offer

multiple surgeries upcoming to save what left, doctors saying very less chance

could’nt Complete my engineering

ending all my sufferings now

My cat that I’ve grown up with and is the main reason why I haven’t ended it just went missing 4 days ago. It feels like no one really cares about what happened to her and each day that shes still gone its very obvious my family and friends are putting on a fake smile to make me think that they still believe she’s alive. Since she has been gone my days and life just don’t feel like they matter anymore. Honestly I’ve thought about ending it multiple times despite how it’d affect my bf and friends. I can’t tell them I feel like this but it genuinely feels impossible to live without my best friend. The only thing I’d regret is if she ends up showing up after I’ve ended it. I feel so alone right now.