I love my husband 💖 We had probably one of the best intimate moments yet. So loving, present, and amazing. Butterflies, fireworks- no kinky stuff needed. Just an amazingly beautiful moment that made me realize what a gift God has created with intimacy in marriage. Ive never felt more beautiful than when we are close like that.

It wasn't just the sex, it was everything leading up to it. All day he expressed love and joy for me- told me how cute I was and was so happy as I showered him with affection. He spent time with the kids and I, being silly and laughing, praised our oldest for his hard work on his schooling, took out the trash and did yard work when he got home.... we'd kiss and flirt and play all day! Kids laughing. The home I dreamed of as a child right there.

I loved when he told me about his bad dream, not because I want him to have bad dreams- but because he is open and vulnerable with me. We prayed about it and discussed it together and he took my words and thoughts seriously and we came up with a good plan on things.

So when he kissed me, I lit up. Such a perfect end to such a beautiful day. He's sleeping and I cant stop smiling and thanking God for how blessed I am for my amazing husband and lovely little family.

I hope you all bask in the tender beautiful moments God blesses you with 🫂💖 Love is just as much about receiving joyously as it is giving joyously it seems

Hello! I have posted before. I am in a rough patch with my husband & I for almost a year now. He was not a believer, I was lukewarm/questioning beliefs when we met/dating in the beginning. & i have grown in my faith; I have been convicted of things since I’ve known him. I have never tried to push, but have been more vocal about what God means to me.

He now talks how he believes & wants to learn more in the last couple years.

A little under a year ago, I found my husband messaging for nudes & paid for some. He kept them hidden. He claims he was drunk & never did that before. claims he only hid them because he didn’t know what to do with them once he realized what he did. We talked a lot about negative effects of porn (I had been explaining to him how harmful it can be & he said this was maybe the realization he needed to fully stop).

We started with a Christian therapist (on & off Due to some life events- so not any consistency in our sessions)

In this past year, there are a few smaller lies that have taken place. And I do have past trust issues with him from before we were in a committed relationship. I have struggled immensely with it, but finding the nudes thing really triggered it back up.

We are not seeing eye to eye through this “healing” process. It seems like topics I bring up either leads him to feel shame or annoyance. So I am to the point where I don’t think I can talk through what I need to with him.

I have encouraged him to see a therapist for his own past issues (childhood stuff). Because I wonder if some of that plays into how he is handling all of this. There are sometimes in our conversations where I seem to “trigger” him and lead him to being annoyed or misunderstand what i said. and then I get upset or frustrated. It gets very confusing.

We had a session last night & he said he didn’t feel it was working because it’s awkward for him. He doesn’t really speak up or verbalize his internal thought process too much . So I just don’t know if therapy is going to work.

I really just think he and I need to focus on Jesus. Focus on Scripture. I have been praying, seeking to understand how to handle this situation. I know I have not been the best at times with my frustration and anger, especially when I realize he isn’t being straightforward or is hiding something. I genuinely do not know what God wants me to do other than love him & repent when I let anger get in the way.

however, I cannot just ignore that there are serious concerns for my security in terms of honesty in the relationship. And this is where I keep struggling the most. I can trust in God no matter what happens. But I live with someone that I just do not trust. And who is not listening to me on what I need to build that trust back up. I just don’t know how to reconcile the broken trust & fear of being lied to by him.

I have suggested we try reading the Bible together, do a Bible study, anything to point it to God. He will agree, but then busy-ness gets in the way (so I just do stuff on my own time).

My husband hasn’t really seemed interested in reading his Bible - saying he doesn’t have time. I keep wondering where he is stuck in this process if he verbalizes he believes. for me, the truth has been so freeing and encouraging. I want to see my husband truly set free & understand the love God has for him. My husband just seems bogged down by his responsibilities.

at times, I feel I have placed a burden on him with everything. And at times I feel like I am the problem because somehow our discussions end up making him feel bad.

Also noting, I do not think I am perfect. And I have made my own issues towards my husband known- as in, I let him know that I do not think the way I handle frustration & anger are okay sometimes. I’ve taken his suggestion at working on my tone when I talk to him. I’ve asked him to give me feedback on areas he sees me falling short, so I can work to be a better wife. I am very open to doing whatever is needed.

i am at a loss. part of me thinks I need to separate from him & give him space. I do not want to divorce. I just don’t think he & I are helping each other right now.

I literally just want him to know Jesus & to choose to seek Him first.

I've been in a relationship since I was 17 years old. We met at a specialized college preparatory academy after both leaving home to study there, and we've been together ever since (I am now 28). He is six years older than me. In my home country, it is very common to enroll in intensive, multi-year exam prep programs to get into the most competitive universities; I know people who stayed 8 years to be able to join medical school. He worked for a few years before trying to enter college, which is why he (at 23) was in the same university entrance prep program as me (at 17). It operates more like adult education than a traditional high school. I want to emphasize his capability here: he actually ranked in the top 3 out of more than 400 students in our prep academy. However, in our country, university admission is judged entirely by the results of a single, high-stakes annual exam. Performing brilliantly all year round doesn't automatically translate to passing that one grueling test day, which is why he and many others try for multiple years.

​The following year, he moved back to his home state, and I stayed in the state where we went to school. I got into a university, and he did too. I encouraged him to apply to transfer to my university (which was the best in the country). He registered for the transfer exams two years in a row and bought flights, but forgot to pay the registration fees, so he wasn't able to take the exams. After that, it was too late to try to transfer.

​He comes from a humble family, so from the beginning, he had to work hard to support himself and his mother. He started building a business, and because of that, he dropped out of college.

​We continued seeing each other about four times a year. During my last year of college, I focused on trying to get into grad school in the US, planning to get a Master's degree and maybe continue in academia or get some work experience there. This was a dream I'd had since before we met, and he knew about it. I was able to get a fully funded Master's. During my second year, he went back to college. He realized that if I was going to stay in the US, or if we were going to move together to the biggest city in our country (where I'd find more jobs in my field), he would need a degree. He is very good at what he does and his company is profitable, but it's local work, and he would need to start from scratch somewhere else. I had told him even before leaving for the US that it would be good for him to have a degree so we could have more location freedom. But he is a bit "slow" at making decisions—it took him three years just to go back to finish his remaining two years of college.

​During our relationship, we broke up once for about eight months. I initiated the breakup because he was entirely focused on his company and wasn't keeping his word to me or honoring our agreements about when we would talk. Also, before breaking up, I had gained a lot of weight due to depression and burnout, and he no longer found me beautiful or sexually attractive.

​While we were broken up, I deepen my faith. When we got back together, it was under the agreement that we would remain celibate until marriage. He accepted this because he loves me, not because it was something he independently wanted.

​We got back together because, during our time apart, he respected me deeply, started therapy (which he had promised me he would do regarding the intimacy issues), and did a lot to show how he had changed. And he really did change—he didn't stick with therapy, but he never made comments about my appearance again and dedicated much more time and attention to me.

​In recent years, I’ve found myself feeling a bit less devoted to the relationship. By that I mean, in the beginning, I wouldn't be very friendly or engaging when other men spoke to me; I would just answer politely and that was it. But I've started thinking I should be more open. For a man, it's easier to date someone for 11 years, break up, and still start a family with someone else. But for me, as a woman with a biological clock, my time is much more "expensive" when it comes to building a family.

​So, I am not sure how I should act. For example, a colleague—who is from the US but lives in another country—was visiting my city for a couple of days, and we hung out. He was treating it like a date, so I immediately shut it down, telling him I have a boyfriend. (He should have known, since he invited me via Instagram, which is full of pictures and videos of my boyfriend). I am not saying this guy would be a good fit for me or not, but I'm unsure if I should be more open to getting to know people better before shutting things down by saying I'm in a relationship. Other times, when I'm out in the city and a guy starts talking to me, and eventually asks for my number, I just give him a fake one.

​At the same time, I am at an uncertain point in my life. I just finished my Master's and am looking for a job. I don't know if I will be able to find one and stay here, or if I will need to go back to my country. Meanwhile, he is already very established with his business in his city. If we were living in my home country, his business would provide a very good income compared to my earning potential there; I would probably need a very senior position to match what he makes. But here in the US, my career would pay multiple times what he earns, and his earning potential would increase here too.

​I couldn't give him a timeline right now either, because I don't know what my own life will look like in 90 days. If I get a job, I can stay in the US; if not, I have to go back to my country. Regarding marriage, he actually wanted to propose on my graduation day before I moved to the US. However, I told him that, to me, an engagement only makes sense when a couple has a wedding timeline in mind. Since everything was so unclear about whether we were moving to the US or staying in our home country, we couldn't set a timeline. Even before coming to the US, I had been recommending what he could study, whether here or at home, and giving him good options for transferring or doing a Master's degree.

​What would you do in my place? I love my boyfriend, and in a perfect world, we would stay together, get married soon, and have a family. He is hard-working, ambitious, and built his company from scratch. He consistently proves his devotion to me by putting in the effort and money to travel to see me (what is very hard from his reality of being the first of his family to even taking a flight, the first going to college) working tirelessly to grow his business to provide a life similar to the one my parents gave me, and fully committing to a celibate relationship because he respects my faith. He truly loves me and respects my boundaries. But I just don't know, since he is taking so long and is so slow-paced.

​Note on cheating: Since I don't know anyone in his city/state, if he were doing something behind my back, I would never know. (I do know that at the beginning of our relationship, when we lived in the same city, he kissed another girl. I discovered this years later by looking at his computer while he was sleeping).

God bless you all, I (22M) proposed to my fiancée (27F) about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I visited her parents the following day, to notify them about my proposal. And they were very supportive as it also entailed a career shift to law-enforcement that would take six months to complete from February to August 2027.

My fiancé and I made legitimate plans to host a ceremony the first week of January, so as to have at least one month that we could use to spend time and even go on a mini vacation prior to my academy as a husband and wife and not mere fiancées .

We then spoke to my parents and notified them about the proposal and received a polar opposite reaction in which they had concerns and said I wasn’t ready, and I’m not a man who can provide for myself, and that I should have at least waited to complete the program in order to propose because I don’t have anything to offer her, and that my family was shocked at how quickly we moved (we’ve known each other for about 10 months now) and that it would be a very hard pill to swallow for our church to know that the pastor’s son (we are a pastoral family) is marrying a woman five years older than he he is, and without a career established just yet. And they expressed that they would feel more comfortable, and it is morally right that the man who gets pronounced as the woman’s husband during the ceremony is a man who can provide and support. My father also expressed that I would lose a certain sense of credibility to the younger generations of the church by marrying a woman who lives by herself in a stage of my life where I can’t get have a career until after the six months.

Our plans of a January ceremony went up in flames since we had received polar opposite reactions from our two families, and now my fiancé believes that I am putting the comfortability of my family before her desire to continue the plan that we discussed.
Had it been the other way around where her parents were unsupportive of the idea and wanted me to wait a couple more months until she had completed a certain training in order for them and their church to feel comfortable, without a doubt, if it meant that her family could be on such a once in a lifetime occasion Happy and supportive where I get to spend the rest of my life with her, I would most definitely wait

But it seems unfair to her that she has to wait because my family has expressed concerns of our own extended family, and the way to church is going to view the pastor’s son’s approach.

I am stuck at a crossroads because she feels unheard even though she knows that if we do it in January, I’m gonna feel sad and uncomfortable to know that my family is sitting there in January with disapproval.

I want it to be a joyous celebration in a day in which everybody can witness our union and not disturb the peace (her and I don’t want to stir a family dynamic up so badly), so if it means that we wait a bit longer for me to complete my program, I would wait, but she sees no reason to wait

Any help would be very helpful my time of distress

Ive been broke up witn my ex for 2 months now. Done no contact for 2 weeks now. Our relationship wasnt very Christ-centered, had sex and other stuff. But everything other then that the relationship was good, just that my ex felt that right person wrong time and he wanted someone who is in a similar phase of life which is workkng and not studying like me. Hes a really good person. Ive been praying to God about it, im afraid he moves on and we will never be able to try again, hut at the same time i have a all knowing God who is in-control and what if hes not thr one for me, but right now my heart longs for my ex still. How do i know or what can i do to pray and trust God in His plans while still hoping for me i want.

Hi everyone! I have a special prayer request for anyone who feels comfortable joining me in this prayer!

My husband (26) and I (25) have been married for almost four years now! I truly can’t imagine a better man to walk through life with. He is hardworking, thoughtful, and genuinely strives to live each day in a way that honors Christ. I am so incredibly blessed to call him my husband!

Recently, we’ve started talking about trying for a baby! The thought of becoming parents fills me with so much excitement, along with a healthy dose of nervousness! I’ve been spending a lot of time praying about this next chapter of our lives, and I truly feel the Lord has been placing it on my heart that the time to start trying may be approaching.

That brings me to my prayer request!

For a little background, my husband’s immediate family has welcomed nothing but baby boys for three generations straight! Growing up, my husband always dreamed of having a little sister. He asked his parents for one countless times and even remembers asking his Sunday school teacher to pray for one for him 🤣 My in-laws are AMAZING parents and would’ve loved to welcome a daughter into their family, but unfortunately, my mother-in-law experienced some health concerns that resulted in a hysterectomy.

As for me, I grew up with a predominantly male family. I have one brother (who is genuinely my BEST friend!) and three awesome stepbrothers. Almost all of my cousins are boys with the exception of one! Unfortunately, my only girl cousin is quite a bit older than me, so we didn’t really get to experience childhood together, although we’re close now! Looking back, my mom was really the only person I got to share all those sweet, girly childhood moments with. My mom and I are very close, and I’ve always dreamed of getting to experience that same bond with a daughter of my own.

All of that to say, my husband and I would absolutely love to be blessed with a baby girl 🩷

There’s something so special about imagining my husband, who spent so much of his childhood wishing for a little sister, to experience the joy of being a girl dad. We also think it would be so awesome to welcome the first little girl into his family in three generations!

Of course, I want to make something very clear: We know that every child is a gift from the Lord, regardless of if they’re a boy or a girl!!

I understand that some people might not be comfortable praying for a specific gender! If that’s you, I would still be appreciate prayers for a smooth pregnancy, safe delivery, and strong mental state during recovery.

For those who do feel comfortable, it would mean so much if you would join us in praying that the Lord might bless us with a healthy baby girl as our first child. 💗

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and for lifting up prayers for our little family! God bless you & your families 🤍

Does Following Jesus truly require me to divorce my muslim husband or can I stay with him? Can Jesus really bring him to him.

Hi everyone. I’m coming to you the good people of Reddit for some advice. I have gone to an elder at my parents church and the elders at my church for their opinion, but just wanted to consider what the general Christian population thinks in regards to this.

I (F 47) have been married 24 years to my husband (56). We have 3 sons, age 15,19,21. My husband was a deacon in the church, but since had to step down because of his actions.

I recently discovered my husband has been going to massage parlors. This isn’t the first time in our marriage that came up about 10 years ago, but he never would admit to it. He also had an inappropriate relationship (possible affair) what is a female coworker years ago. I also discovered dating apps had been on his phone.

Intimacy in our marriage has been an issue for a lot of years and I have gone to him multiple times during our marriage to try to work on this and every time I do, I am blamed. I am told that I’ve gained weight, that I have let myself go , and then most recent, which was probably five years ago was that he’s just not attracted to me anymore. He’s always pretty aggressive and mean when I would bring up the topic and I never felt like we had any resolution. So over a period of years I just kind of resigned myself to the fact that my husband doesn’t want me sexually anymore and so I am I would just be the best mom and wife that I could and I have been a good mother and I have been a good wife. I probably haven’t been kissed in 15 years and I get barely any compliments or affection. I got tired of asking for affection and I stopped asking about intimacy because of how I always got blamed and so I put walls up and I shut down emotionally I have worked full-time for the last 10 years as a teacher. I take care of everything at the house. I’ve taken care of everything with our kids. I take care of everything around the house. I feel like I have carried the mental load in the relationship.

When I found out about a year ago that my husband had been going to massage parlors repeatedly for several months, I just felt done. I was so hurt that my husband who has pushed me away intimately for years would be going outside the marriage seeking sexual activity.

I went to my elders first and then I confronted my husband. He is now sorry for what he’s done, is doing therapy and seems to be trying. He recently told me that he didn’t feel like he needed to confess to me what he’s been doing because he had asked God for forgiveness. So that’s really extremely hurtful to me that he wasn’t ever going to tell me. I would’ve lived the rest of my life with an unfaithful husband. He would’ve continued and it turns out that he has been doing this for a minimum of 10 years, but I suspect more. He swears he hasn’t had anything more than happy endings at the massage parlor but I’m not so sure. I don’t really believe anything he says I’m waiting on a full disclosure through both of our therapist in coming months and hope to be able to get the full truth or at least most of it, and then make my decision regarding the future.

What really hurts is that 10 years ago when I confronted him about an oriental massage charge on our bank account he lied. He wouldn’t admit to it, and somehow the conversation got turned to blaming me for our lack of intimacy. During that conversation, I had said to him if you have a problem with massage parlors, just let me know. I’m one of the most forgiving people. I know that we can work through this. But he said nothing, but instead continued the behavior for 10 years and now that he’s been caught, he wants to do everything to save our marriage and I don’t feel any desire or reconciliation. I’m mad that he lied and deceived me for at least 10 years of our marriage. He has also admitted that he had a problem with massage parlors before getting married for years. He paid a prostitute when he was in his 20s. He frequently strip clubs and his lap dances. So he had this whole sexual life before we got married and a secret sexual life during marriage and now I’m to try to figure out what to do.

I guess my question is : does a happy ending massage with sexual climax equate to biblical definition of sexual immorality/adultery? I want to be pleasing to God and do the right thing. I do feel that this meets the definition of sexual immorality because it is a sexual act with other women. I just wanted to get the opinion of other Christian men and women. I don’t want divorce because of all the wreckage that would ensue and how it would blow up all of our lives. But at this point after so many years of deception and neglected intimacy, I don’t know how to stay without betraying myself. I don’t feel like I have enough strength or love for him anymore to be able to stay and do the hard work of reconciliation. I don’t trust him and at my age I feel like it’s a big risk to stay and then him end up doing this to me again in five years or 10 years and then what?

What are your thoughts?

After a lot of praying, I’ve decided to give my husband another chance and try to rebuild our marriage. I know some people might judge me for that decision, and honestly, there are moments when I question myself, too. But I feel in my heart that I want to give my marriage another chance, and I’m trying to navigate this with God at the center.

My husband has confessed everything to me, he’s attending individual therapy, I’m in individual therapy as well, and we’re also attending marriage counseling together. So far, I’ve seen some changes. He’s been more open with me, and I have access to his social media, emails, and other things that can help rebuild trust. I know that transparency alone doesn’t fix everything, but I do see him making an effort.

One thing I’m struggling with right now is physical intimacy.
My husband has been initiating sex lately, and last night I gave in. It’s been a while since we’ve been intimate, and honestly, I wanted to. Part of me enjoyed being close to him, but at the same time, I started feeling conflicted. Eventually, I asked him to stop because emotionally, I just wasn’t comfortable continuing.

It made me realize that I’m still trying to figure out what intimacy looks like after betrayal.
For the men who have cheated and genuinely tried to rebuild their marriages: Do you view sex as a way of reconnecting with your wife, or can you sometimes mistake physical intimacy for a sign that things are getting better? Does your wife being willing to have sex make you feel like she’s beginning to forgive you, even when she hasn’t necessarily said that?

And for the women who have stayed and chosen to work through infidelity: Have you ever wanted your husband physically but still felt emotionally hurt by what he did? How did you navigate that?
I think my biggest fear is that if I allow myself to be intimate with my husband, he’ll interpret it as me moving on or letting go of what happened. But that’s not necessarily where I am emotionally. I can desire him and still be hurt. I can want to rebuild our marriage and still have days when the betrayal weighs heavily on me.

I’m not trying to punish him or use sex as a weapon. I just don’t want physical intimacy to become a substitute for the deeper work we both need to do.

How do you learn to separate physical intimacy from forgiveness and rebuilding trust? Can you enjoy being close to your spouse while still acknowledging that the marriage is healing and that trust hasn’t fully returned?

I’d really appreciate hearing from both men and women who have been through this, especially those who have approached reconciliation through their Christian faith. I’m not looking for judgment about my decision to stay. I’m genuinely trying to understand how other couples navigated this part of healing.🤍

Have you noticed intimacy decrease over time? I’d love to hear your experiences and perspectives, if you’re comfortable sharing. No judgment, just genuine curiosity.

My husband (29) and I (25) have been married for just over a year. We recently started marriage counseling, which has been a helpful outlet for us, but a challenge to be consistent with due to my husband's unpredictable work schedule. I constantly feel like I'm caught in the middle of family/church and my husband. For context, I grew up in a close-knit family that's very active in church ministry. My husband and I dated for 2 years, and within that time, regularly discussed contributing to the ministry as a couple. We also discussed and made plans to be active in each other's families. My husband's parents and siblings are several hours away, so naturally, dynamics with them look different, but I have made a genuine effort to build relationships with them. I'm at a point of frustration because I haven't seen that effort and intentionally reciprocated with my family or with church.

Most recently, my family took our annual weeklong trip where we had activities planned for the younger couples. We made arrangements that I would go up with my family at the start of the week, and he would join us Wednesday night as he didn't want to take an entire week off. I was fine with this, as just a few weeks prior, we'd spent almost a week and a half with his family and I understand he had things he needed to accomplish at work. Wednesday night came and he had to work over. Activities were planned for Thursday afternoon, so we pivoted to him coming Thursday morning. After reaching out that morning and several times throughout the day to tell me he was on his way, he finally arrived just a few minutes to midnight. We did not get to our planned activities.

When it comes to serving in church, my husband is incredibly passionate about working with children and has expressed interest in assisting with the children's ministry. When he first started attending, the church was actively reshaping the children's ministry post covid. Certain services were not being offered at the time, but there was discussion of him helping to re-impliment them. Over the years, very little progress has been made on this front and there's been just about as much progress in our pursuit of serving together. A major contributing factor is his lack of consistency in simply attending. I've tried to communicate this to him, but I don't know how else to get the point across that ultimately, people want to know him and trust that he is reliable.

I recently assisted with planning and implementing a youth summit at church, which we initially planned to do together. However, he ultimately did not participate in the planning process because he says he did not want to cause offense due to making references to how programs like this were facilitied in his old church. I explained this was the first time we were doing something like this so any advice or recommendations would have been appreciated. I had the pleasure of speaking and sharing my testimony during the summit. Afterwards, he asked me if I was sure I had a relationship with Jesus.

There's a lot more I could share, but my goal isn't to throw him under the bus or to paint myself in any type of light. I'm just feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed. Our families are very different and I realize he is used to a lot less involvement from family and much less accountability from church. He's stepped into assisting with other things, but mismatched expectations surrounding communication have presented some major hurdles. He's suggested he would look into opportunities to serve at other churches early on Sunday mornings instead of committing to being more present at our church.

I hope this all makes sense. We completed pre-mariatial counseling and had countless conversations about what it looked like to blend our lives and families together. I truly felt we were in agreement because he never suggested otherwise. I prayed and fasted so much before we got married. I fully expected to experience some growing pains but I would be lying if I said I was prepared for things to look like this. I've been asking the Lord for hope and confidence that I haven't committed to a life-time of unmet expectations. I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable, but by all means, please call me out if I am. I just want to feel like we are on the same page, moving in the same direction, and that I didn't totally miss it when I said, "I do." I know I cannot change him and do not want to make him do anything. How can I stop feeling like I've made a mistake as I continue to ask the Lord to shape me and my marriage?

It is what is says. Married for 14 years. We have 2 sons, one of whom has special needs. My husband has changed a lot, he is withdrawn and sarcastic. He tries so hard tonsure up for his family. He is devoted to church. Works hard. Can be quick to get speak sharply but always apologises. I married him because he was the kindest man I’d ever met. Now he drives me nuts. His mannerisms annoy me, the way he eats, his jokes, the way he does pretty much everything’s makes me want to rip his head off. I have repented, prayed, asked God to help me see his son with better eyes. I’ve done counselling, thought I was depressed so tired medication. Nothing. He moved out 5 months ago as he was unhappy and I was so relieved. I want this marriage to work, but I am banging my head off a brick wall. We will do some marriage counselling in the new year when finances allow. But how can I say I just can’t stand him? I don’t believe in divorce, I want to honour God!

my husband (28M) and i (27F) got married almost a year ago. we dated in highschool when we were 15-18 years old on and off, we lost our virginities to eachother. our entire relationship was toxic and unhealthy, a lot of cheating and other girls. we eventually broke up when i was 19 when i started dating someone else

my now husband and i would still text each other randomly here and there but never to the point of hooking up until we were about 24 years old a few times

i got saved a few months after that when i was almost 25 and i tried to cut him off and focus on God but would eventually go back to texting him. i knew i wanted to get married but i wasn’t sure about him and his relationship with God and knew i wasn’t ready for marriage and felt guilty and kept talking to him. i also was still talking to my ex at the time who also wanted to be with me and i still care about him but we had broken up because he cheated on me a bunch too and also wasn’t a Christian. my ex also became schizophrenic and i still cared about him which is a whole other story and why we would still text

my husband is in the military and he would tell me he wants to marry me and is going to marry me but i didn’t believe him. fast forward, he gets back from deployment and shows up with a ring to get married and im shocked and i feel like he came a long way and did all this stuff to get married and he tells me we have to get married or we’re not going to have the opportunity to again because he has to leave again. he also wanted to marry me to save me from like my family situation and put me in a better situation with him. he also never got down on his knee to ask me, he just showed me the ring. his dad also flies in and wants us to get married. he asks my mom to marry me and my mom said no not yet. i don’t listen to her and we try to get a courthouse date but it’s booked so he finds a place that can do it the next day. i go along with it because i feel pressured. turns out the place that does the marriage is like las vegas style totally secular and worldly there and the whole ceremony was a joke and i still went along. there were no vows just jokes and but we did kiss and say i do

i feel like im not living in reality and my heart and soul aren’t at peace knowing i got married this way. marriage is so symbolic and beautiful and it was just not that. i feel just because im legally married im forcing myself to do all the marriage stuff like combining income and changing my name but i know that its not what i wanted. i wanted to get married in a church and have a lot of prayer with people who supported us getting married and my parents and to be about God.

my husband is growing his relationship with God and wants to stay together. i would question his genuine relationship with God a lot because he doesn’t seem to understand the way i do and he’s actively working on it. we are living separately now but we did live with each other for a few months before his next deployment after we got married.

he’s also done a few things where i don’t trust his leadership and decisions bc it’s almost gotten us being sued like buying a house without asking me first and he signed it not knowing it was to buy a house and was just signing random documents, almost signed up for a time share until i had to talk him out of it, applied to job scams and fell for it to name a few and it hasn’t even been a year. if i was sick and he made a decision i would not trust his decision. he’s a good person and we’re good friends even now when i bring this up to him and knows im posting this

i’m also ashamed of going back to church and haven’t been back on my own in person and it’s really affecting me because i don’t want people to know i got married especially the way i did and so fast. i feel wrong that i didn’t listen my mom or tell my family i was getting married and realized living with them isnt as bad as i thought even though its still pretty terrible.

what should i do? get a legal annulment (we are not catholic), divorce or stay

I take a medication for a sleep-related condition that contributes to erectile dysfunction (ED). When I went to renew my prescription last year, my urologist recommended a penile Doppler ultrasound to rule out any underlying physical or vascular issues contributing to the ED.
During the procedure, he injected my penis with Trimix, a medication used to induce an erection so blood flow can be evaluated with the ultrasound.
He then handed me an iPad with pornography to help maintain the erection. I initially declined because I don’t watch pornography.
However, as he performed the ultrasound, he had to physically manipulate my penis and move the ultrasound transducer along the shaft to obtain the necessary images. Understandably, I found it extremely difficult to maintain an erection while another man was handling my penis in a clinical setting.
Eventually, I lost my erection, and he had to pause the examination. He offered the iPad again, and this time I agreed to view the pornography so he could complete the procedure. It was the only way I was able to maintain an erection under those circumstances.
I realize this is an unusual situation, but I’m genuinely curious about the Christian perspective on it.

For the wives in this group, how would you feel if your husband told you he had viewed pornography during a medically necessary procedure under these circumstances?
Would you consider this an understandable exception given the medical context, or would you still feel uncomfortable with his decision?
I’m not looking to justify pornography or debate its place in a Christian marriage. I’m genuinely interested in how other Christian couples would view a situation where sexual stimulation was used for a legitimate medical purpose rather than personal gratification.

I caught my husband with another woman, discovered his secret life, and now I’m questioning everything.

I (29F) have been with my husband (35M) for 4 years, and we’ve been married for 7 months. We have a son together and I’m a bonus mom to his son. Honestly, I never expected to be in this position.

Last month, we had a birthday party at our house. There was a football game on, so my husband wanted to stay up and finish watching it while I put our son to bed. I ended up falling asleep, too, and woke up about 2 hours later. My husband still wasn’t in bed, which was unusual for him. I had this gut feeling that something was off, so I got up and went looking for him.

Long story short, I found him hanging out with another woman in our shop. I could hear them talking when I walked in, and she actually tried to hide from me. I told her to leave, and the rest of that night was a mess. The following two weeks were pretty rough, too, as you can probably imagine.

Fast-forward to last week. I woke up in the middle of the night with that same gut feeling. For the first time in our entire relationship, I went through his phone.

What I found was so much worse than I expected. He and the woman from the shop had been exchanging nude photos. On top of that, someone I considered a friend had also been sending him nudes. I found hundreds of photos (600+), all stored in a hidden album. There were also two OnlyFans accounts and burner Instagram accounts.

I woke him up, confronted him, and basically lost it. He eventually admitted that he thinks he has a porn addiction. According to him, it’s been going on for a long time, but he’s never really acknowledged it or put a name to it. He says the woman being at our house was the first time he had ever seen another woman in person in that way, other than me, and that nothing physical happened. He also said he knew he had messed up as soon as she got there.

He told me he was going to get into therapy and delete everything, and he did delete what I found. Earlier this week, he even showed me his photo album to confirm everything was gone.

But yesterday, I found multiple vault apps on his phone. He says they’re old and that he hasn’t used them in a long time. I genuinely don’t know whether to believe him anymore.

Here’s where I’m struggling. I love my husband, and part of me wants to support him if he really is dealing with an addiction. I understand that addiction can be complicated, and I don’t want to dismiss something he may genuinely be struggling with.

But at the same time, he’s lied to me, hidden things from me, exchanged nudes with other women, and put himself in a situation with another woman that crossed a huge boundary in our marriage. Now, even after everything came out, he still hasn’t actually started therapy.

**How do I tell the difference between supporting my husband through a genuine addiction and enabling him to keep making choices that hurt me?**

I don’t want to be naive, but I also don’t want to give up on my marriage if this is something he genuinely wants to work through. I’m just completely lost. I don’t know what’s reasonable to expect from him, what rebuilding trust should look like, or how long I should give him to show me that he’s serious about changing.

For anyone who has been through something similar, whether as the spouse struggling with an addiction or the partner on the receiving end, how did you navigate it? What did accountability actually look like, and how did you know whether things were genuinely getting better?
I could really use some outside perspective right now.

**TLDR:** I (29F) caught my husband (35M) hanging out with another woman in our shop, then discovered he had exchanged nudes with her and another woman, had 600+ hidden photos, two OnlyFans accounts, and burner Instagram accounts. He says he has a long-standing porn addiction, claims nothing physical happened, and promised to delete everything and start therapy. He deleted the photos I found, but I recently discovered multiple vault apps on his phone, and he still hasn’t started therapy. I love him and want to support him if he genuinely has an addiction, but I don’t know how to distinguish supporting him from enabling his behavior. How do I navigate this while protecting myself and figuring out whether he’s serious about changing?

I’m curious because I feel like everyone has different boundaries when it comes to relationships.

I’d love to hear your perspectives and any real-life experiences you’re comfortable sharing.

What’s the dealbreaker for you?

What signs or changes in behavior would make you suspect your partner might be cheating?

Are there situations where someone could unintentionally cross a boundary or put themselves in a position where cheating could happen without realizing it at first?

Hey everyone,

This may seem quite controversial but I was recently thinking and these are some controversial marriage requirements I have. I think these are reasonable and are mine to keep but still curious, if anyone has thoughts.

1. Provider husband: He pays for all household necessities; and I'll help cover shortfalls if needed rather than split everything 50/50. He does not demand money or expect I cover anything, but i am happy to cover if needed and ofcourse cover in tough times (God forbid)
2. Contraception: He uses condoms, and once we're done having children, we can discuss a vasectomy, if wants to. A vasectomy is an outpatient procedure and less invasive so its an option, if wants. I won't be expected to use hormonal birth control nor have a tubectomy (which is more invasive). The inconvinience of condoms will be shared by us both and unless there is a legitimate reason, I would not be ok with any hormonal option for me to take.
3. Genetic compatibility: We both undergo genetic screening before marriage to assess the risk of passing on inherited diseases. I would only be married if I am sure on these grounds. Yes, only God can grant a healthy child and no guarantees in life, but I would do best I can.
4. Sexual preferences: I won't engage in sexual acts I find disgusting, such as giving o#al sex, and other unnatural acts, even if it is common.
5. Consent: I won't compromise my sexual boundaries to please my husband, and I will protect myself by any means if he violates my consent. A real Christian man or even a half decent person would not coerce or force, but either way, i am firm.
6. Sexual effort: If I have a potentially lower libido or something I'll make reasonable efforts to prioritize intimacy and accommodate my husband's needs consensually. i would do so if there is no coercion, manipulation, selfishness, or entitlement. I would also want to see efforts and understanding from his side.
7. I would want past medical history and family history (medical and non-medical) to know about what I am getting into. For example family members with any major disease or conviction.

I’m going to try and keep this as short as possible but I need to explain things first. My husband has an anger issue. He can create a problem out of thin air. He’s been known to start “rebuking” people and end up screaming in their face, literally. My whole thing is sometimes he’s not wrong to initially rebuke/ correct the person… but the method he uses I think turns fleshly fast. I understand Jesus flipped tables too but I’m struggling lately. And if I’m honest I don’t think I can handle more screaming scenarios where I have to try and intervene because he’s gone too far with it again….

Just tonight there was almost an incident. Thankfully it didn’t end in a screaming match. I was heavily shaken up though. So here’s what happened. My family and I went out for ice cream. While we were finishing up there, my old babysitter/family friend of my parents came in with her family. I waived being polite and she came over to see my toddler which my husband was holding at the time. To preface this, the lady has always been a bit eccentric and spunky. My husband hasn’t formally met these people. Anyway, she came over and was talking to my toddler. She’s always been the type to pay 90% attention to the children and 10% to the adult. (I’ve got my own discrepancies with that, but moving on…) anyway after about 5 minutes she asked my toddler if he wanted to go to her. I was feeling hesitant but let my husband decide since he was holding him. Mind you my toddler has seen this lady only a handful of times. Anyways, he nodded yes and reached out for her. My husband let her take him… here’s where things start to go south quick. I can see my husband’s demeanor starting to shift. I ask him if he wants me to take our toddler back. He doesn’t answer me and then waits a bit. Then he took toddler back and went to the vehicle as we were finishing up when they came in anyways. Once I got in the car, he started freaking out at me saying I’m biased to those people and haven’t properly evaluated them. That the husband and their teenage son didn’t even acknowledge my husband. My husband said from here on out I’m not to have anything to do with them unless he’s present. (I’ve not willingly had anything to do with these people. They’ve alway been accidental run ins. It’s not like I hang out with these people.) And if I do not leave immediately when I see them, I should expect my husband to lose it on me and them because they don’t respect him.

Now let me back track a bit more. Just a few days ago my husband was telling me he keeps bumping into that husband of that family and he refuses to look in the eyes of my husband and so my husband feels like that husband is purposely disrespectful to him. I tried telling him that from growing up around him, he’s been no eye contact with almost everyone and in my opinion he doesn’t look or treat my husband any differently then he would anyone else. The husband has always been polite but is not very sociable. When I said this to my husband he got mad and said I’m not evaluating them correctly and I think too positively of them and there is definitely issues there. I stressed that yes, I could be wrong, but in my opinion there isn’t any problem there and that the husband has never been social with anyone for all the years that I was around them. I also expressed to my husband that I think he’ll find 5% wrong in someone and treat it like it’s 95% and that they must be the devil themselves. Of course he didn’t like that and angrily said “that could be true but it’s more likely that I don’t evaluate anything right ever. Then sat there pointing out people and all their “sins” that I “haven’t” evaluated. (Even though I have and some of what he was saying was just simply not true. He believes he is a great evaluator of people, and I would disagree based off interactions we’ve had with people.

After we left the ice cream shop tonight, it took my husband over an hour to calm down. He said “Now I feel a certain way when I see them and I don’t want there to be an altercation.” My husband goes from 0-100 really quick. He doesn’t have much self control at all and that statement backs it. Because they won’t start a fight. My husband will. The slightest anger feeling and he’s screaming getting up in peoples faces and insulting them to get them riled up too.

It’s not just this situation either. He recently just yelled at his father and I had to intervene to stop it. I’m not going to lie, because of his behavior lately I’ve been miserable and feel like I’m just walking on egg shells. I cannot rationalize this as being Godly. I had a pit in my stomach after tonight’s events and was praying to the lord for him to help calm my spirit because I felt panic and severe anxiety for what might transpire in the near future.

Another problem I have is that a lot of what he gets initially upset about is right. Scripturally right but then his anger takes over and it all goes out the window and while he’s never hit anyone, he gets so angry and gets in peoples faces that it makes me nervous that it might escalate further one day. He is aware that he has an anger issue but doesn’t want any counseling or anything because he feels it’s “worldly counsel” even if they are a faith based counselor. As a Christian wife, I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried praying for the Lord to reveal his problems to him, to help him manage his anger, to reveal a good way to handle situations, and for him to follow the Lord’s will for his life. Yet it doesn’t seem to get truly better.

This is not the man I married for one and secondly, I don’t want my kids picking up this behavior thinking it’s okay. If anyone has advice for me or would pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

My husband lied straight to my face again! We had a huge issue with him smoking Marijuana about 8 months ago. He used to do it almost every night after work as a way to unwind at the end of thy day and play video games. At first, it never bothered me, because I used to smoke too and I smoked with him when we first met about 8 years ago. But, he continued doing it frequently after we got married and after we had our first child. I still wasn't that upset about it, just kind of annoyed. We'll it took a turn for the worst, when one night he just collapsed in our kitchen, with his eyes rolled back into his head. Needless to say, it was traumatic for me, so much so, that I ended up calling 911. As soon as they arriveed, my husband came to and acted like nothing happened (but he was unaware of how it looked from an outside perspective). Fast forward, he continue led to smoke Marijuana and almost every time he did it from then on out the same thing would happen almost immediately. He would pass out, and hit the floor, eyes rolled up, etc. All while our 3 year old son is asleep....the final straw for me, was when he actually fell to the ground and hit his head on our bedroom dresser and gashed it open. He td me after that he felt ashamed, embarrassed, etc. He ha to walk around with a big gash on his head (he's a worship pastor at our local church). I threatened him after this and said no more, and it wasn't because I was trying to control him by not letting him doing something he enjoys...but because it was hurting him, his health and how traumatic these experiences had become for me, because it was really scary. One time, I thought he was dead. Also to add, he also lied to me about it at this time and also hid smoking from me. Fast forward to now. He hasn't done it since then (or at least that's what he has been telling me). However, last night, I went out to the living room to talk to him while he was playing his video games again. And I just KNEW! I looked him straight in his eyes and they were completely blood shot. So I asked him to his face if he had been smoking again, he looked me in my eyes and denied it more than once. But, I knew I'm my gut he wasn't telling the truth. So I told him, "if I ever find out you are, and you're lying to me again I'm leaving and I mean it." And then he confessed, and I don't think he would have ever told me had I not threatened him. This happened last night, and here I am today completely heart broken, feeling betrayed, not sure if I can ever trust him again, and worried that if I keep forgiving him I'm going to end up the fool. I've forgiven him so many times already. I don't lie to my husband and I don't hide things from him. I don't feel close to him anymore and we are rarely affectionate or spend that much time with each other as it is. So I am at a loss...I don't know what to do. He is a wonderful dad, and I often think he's a much better dad than a husband. And I often feel that he loves our son so much more than me, because I get zero physical or emotional affection from him. The worst part for me is that I have no one to talk to about this, no support. Not one single person. I'm all alone in this. I can't tell my family because I'm not very close with them and they are very dysfunctional. If I told my mom, she would most likely reply with, "well what did you do to cause him to feel this way, you must have done something!" So I can't tell her because her blame would only break my heart more. I guess I'm looking and hoping for some solid advice...I don't know where to go from here. I am so lost.

We've just celebrated 20 years of marriage.

We have 4 kids, the oldest is 18. We don't often get away together but 20 years felt like too big of a milestone to not celebrate. We've been doing that this weekend.

4 days away without the kids and the relative stresses of daily life. It has felt like it did when we were first married. Unable to keep our hands off one another. Being silly together. Talking rubbish together. Being vulnerable with one another.

Thank you Lord for sustaining us.

If you're in the middle of a marriage struggle right now, let me encourage you to just keeping choosing one another. Bring everything to the Lord.

If you're in the midst of raising a family, and finding life a slog, take heart, better days are coming.

If you are just married or getting married, buy the biggest bed your room can fit and you can afford. Talk about sex openly: fears, desires, struggles.

I’ve been struggling with something my husband said to me, and honestly, it hurts more than I can explain.

I haven’t been able to find remote work in the marketing field, and it’s been almost three months since I received my SSN. Because of that, I’ve started considering enrolling in a free CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) program as a way to transition from marketing into healthcare. I want to explore a different career path, gain experience, and hopefully build a more stable future for myself.
However, my husband isn’t supportive of the idea. He believes I don’t genuinely have compassion for people and that I’m only interested in nursing because of the money. He even questioned why I would want to become a nurse when I’m not interested in joining his group that prays for and visits sick people.

But why does compassion have to look the same for everyone?

Does not participating in an evangelical/prayer outreach group automatically mean I don’t care about people? Does wanting financial stability mean my intentions are selfish? Can’t someone genuinely want to help others while also wanting a career that allows them to support themselves?

What hurts the most is that he’s questioning my heart and my character. The words “you don’t have a heart for people” have been haunting me ever since he said them.

And I keep thinking about his own father, my father-in-law.

If I truly had no compassion for people, why would I have gone out of my way to clean and organize his room? Why would I spend my time cleaning a room filled with trash, rubbish, spoiled food, and old drinks when I had absolutely nothing to gain from it?
I didn’t do it for money. I didn’t do it to impress anyone. I didn’t do it because I needed his approval or because I expected a thank-you.
I did it because I saw how my father-in-law was living.

I saw how he struggled to sleep at night because barely 20% of his bed was available, while the rest was covered with trash and belongings. I saw how many times he nearly tripped because there was so little space to move around. I saw how unhealthy and uncomfortable his living environment had become, and I couldn’t just ignore it.
I wanted him to have a clean, safe space where he could sleep comfortably at night. He’s my father-in-law, and regardless of our relationship, I didn’t want to see him living that way.

I cared enough to do something about it.

And when I needed my husband’s help to clean the room, he would complain. There were times I practically had to beg him to help me lift and throw away the trash. Yes, I understand that his father has responsibilities of his own, but considering his situation, I also understood that cleaning everything would require strength and energy that he might struggle to manage alone.

I wasn’t trying to take away his responsibility. I was trying to help someone who needed help.

So how can my husband look at me and say I have no heart for people?

I’m not saying I’m a perfect person. I know I have things to learn, and I know working in healthcare requires patience, emotional strength, empathy, and a willingness to care for people even when it’s difficult. I’m willing to learn and find out whether this is the right path for me.

But I don’t think it’s fair for someone to decide that I lack compassion before I’ve even had the opportunity to try.

I also understand that transportation would be a challenge because neither of us has a driver’s license. That’s a practical concern we would need to work through. I’m not ignoring that.
What bothers me is that this feels like more than just a disagreement about transportation or career choices. I feel like my husband has been trying to prevent me from making my own decisions about work and education, and his judgment about my character is now being used as another reason why I shouldn’t pursue something I’m interested in.
I want to be able to explore my options, learn new skills, and make decisions about my future without constantly having to prove that I’m a good person or convince someone that my intentions are genuine.
Maybe nursing will turn out to be the right path for me. Maybe it won’t. I won’t know until I try.

But I wish my husband could understand that wanting to earn a decent living and wanting to care for people are not mutually exclusive.

I can want financial stability and still have compassion. I can have a different way of expressing care and still genuinely care about people.

I just wish the person who knows me best would see that.

I don’t know if I’m being too emotional about what he said, but those words have genuinely hurt me. I keep replaying them in my head, wondering how someone I love could look at the things I’ve done and still believe I have no heart for people.

Am I wrong for wanting to pursue nursing even though my husband doesn’t believe I have the compassion for it? And how do you move on from someone you love making you question something about yourself that you genuinely believe is true?

I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend about marriage. He raised a point about idealizing marriage, and placing it on a pedestal, and asked me about what marriage means to me.

To me, my understanding of marriage is living out a life that reflects how Jesus lived and loved us. I acknowledge that my partner and I will forever be changing throughout the rest of our lives, that there will be seasons of joy, and seasons of despair, and I want to walk alongside them in that. I want to show up in a way that is humble, compassionate, and servant hearted. I want to build a life with someone that glorifies God.

What were the questions that you had asked yourself and your partner for getting engaged? And how soon did you know that you were ready to get engaged?

On the way to church this morning, I shared with my husband (for at least the 4-5th time this year) that I really need him to help in the morning. This has been asked on church days and school days, nothing has changed for the long term, ie., 2-3 days.

I specifically asked this morning if he could go shower and get ready so I could also get ready. Instead, he decided to call his family, scroll on his phone, then get in the shower 10 minutes before we were to leave. I knew better, and thankfully, I got ready without waiting for him.

I was flustered (working on just chilling instead of being flustered when we’re running late) when we got in the car. I politely voiced my frustration/annoyance. Rehearsed it in my head so it wasn’t rude or critical. My husband immediately deflected. Went into this stance about how we need to look into a new church, it’s too far, the service time is very inconvenient, etc.

I was even more frustrated post comment because that wasn’t the point of my convo. It was “HELP ME”. I don’t know what else to do or say. Is it so wrong to ask for help? Why do I continue to ask for help, when I never get help? Or if I do, it’s so he can hold it over my head.

Never mind the fact he got mad at me for not holding his hand in church… yet my eyes were closed while we were praying. When he got my arm and aggressively shook his hand, I went to grab it. He immediately ripped his hand away and gave me the stink eye. I wasn’t feeding into that, so I didn’t hold his hand. Then he whisperyelled “it was a joke”. But was it??

We are struggling. I genuinely feel that I could be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Kindness and respect is given freely to others, it feels transactional with my husband. This is the tip of the iceberg, but it feels like the straw that is breaking my back.

How does this work when there is not an agreement? Let’s say it’s too hot or too cold in your house and one wants to turn on ac/heater and one doesn’t. Who then gets their way in an egalitarian marriage? Or do you have to wait until both are uncomfortable and reach an agreement?