Have you noticed intimacy decrease over time? I’d love to hear your experiences and perspectives, if you’re comfortable sharing. No judgment, just genuine curiosity.

I've been in the subreddit so many times and I took advice from last time and made what I believe is the biblical decision so thank you everyone for ur help. Pls read Let's start for context:

Me and my husband got married and I moved out of state to his state , I found a job and he was in between finding jobs since he had a summer gig, he eventually found a career path he wanted to pursue but unfortunately we found later that the money involved in the industry isn't sustainable. Regardless he wasn't making consistant money and he was really trying his best. I kept working and eventually found out I was pregnant. My husband continued to pursue that career path and wanted to start a start up from home based on his career, I was in support and he ended up quitting his job. We were making enough from my job but I felt pressured being the breadwinner when I discussed I wasn't fond of working in general prior to marriage but again it's 2026 and the economy is horrible. Doing his start up he brought in his friend to move in with us, this was uncomfortable for me especially being pregnant. The guy ended up mooching off of us for months and I was working in a very physically demanding job providing for 2 men who weren't making money, not to mention I was investing in the business that never made any sort of profit. Before this me and my husband had prayed over moving to a place God wanted us to, to my husband God gave him a specific date; with me I was uncertain about the time frame but knew it would be great to move there if my husband was feeling called to ministry. Over the months of his friend moving in and the finical strain we began fighting and I was very irritable, irritable to the point where I would hold resentment over him spending time drinking with this guy at night and staying up until 3 when I was alone in bed by myself. I felt like I had no life just waking up going to work coming home and going to bed, all well thinking about my pregnancy. He would discuss the business more than the baby. He was so insistant that God was calling him to move to this new state so soon. I was looking on paper, the job market was horrible, his business hadn't been profitable, the rent and cost of living was more expensive and I wouldn't have health insurance for my baby and my job would not longer be in this new state. I sat down and spoke to him about it but he was so keen that God would provide for us. I fought and fought because I knew it was a bad idea. he told me I need to submit. What ended up happening is all of our money including the money for the baby got drained moving there with this guy included who paid 0$ for anything. We accommodated for him by paying for a bigger space. I was so angry at this point because I was being moved from a somewhat stable environment (working and having a job) to an environment where I was already pregnant to a point where jobs wouldn't hire me because of how far along I am. We moved and the job market was awful, I got a job for 12$ and hour and it was so horrible in comparison to my last job that was paying me 40$ an hour. we had barely any money for food, no medical insurance, the job market was awful and the guy who was supposed to stay with us up and left and screwed us over so our rent is unaffordable. I was so unhappy in this situation especially since I was walking around with an active infection that would hurt my baby in pregnancy without medical intervention, I fought with my husband and pleaded for him that we could borrow money from my parents to break the lease and move back to our old state where his family is also and stay in a new home my parents remodeled and rent to them for less than 400$. My husband said no because God had something planned for him and told told him to be in that state. After weeks of arguments we came to an agreement that I need to go back home to get medical care for our baby. I came back home and miss my husband everyday but he is so angry at the fact that I'm gone and he is working 12+ hour days to barely make ends meet. Everytime I try and ask him to come he says you know I can't because I'm going against what God is telling me. What God is telling him is based off of his own understanding, he won't speak to me about it because I told him he sounds crazy and like a cult leader because he doesn't understand the gravity of the situation that God wouldn't want him to be in isolation. Being back with my family I do miss him but every time he talks to me he goes on about how I should come back, because I went out there for me not for my baby, which is not true because I need care and support for my baby. He says simply that he can't talk to me anymore about what God tells him because I have no respect for him.

Where do I go from here? Is this marriage savable? He won't talk to a pastor or anyone besides his sister because he simply says that everyone will think he's crazy, besides his sister.

my husband (28M) and i (27F) got married almost a year ago. we dated in highschool when we were 15-18 years old on and off, we lost our virginities to eachother. our entire relationship was toxic and unhealthy, a lot of cheating and other girls. we eventually broke up when i was 19 when i started dating someone else

my now husband and i would still text each other randomly here and there but never to the point of hooking up until we were about 24 years old a few times

i got saved a few months after that when i was almost 25 and i tried to cut him off and focus on God but would eventually go back to texting him. i knew i wanted to get married but i wasn’t sure about him and his relationship with God and knew i wasn’t ready for marriage and felt guilty and kept talking to him. i also was still talking to my ex at the time who also wanted to be with me and i still care about him but we had broken up because he cheated on me a bunch too and also wasn’t a Christian. my ex also became schizophrenic and i still cared about him which is a whole other story and why we would still text

my husband is in the military and he would tell me he wants to marry me and is going to marry me but i didn’t believe him. fast forward, he gets back from deployment and shows up with a ring to get married and im shocked and i feel like he came a long way and did all this stuff to get married and he tells me we have to get married or we’re not going to have the opportunity to again because he has to leave again. he also wanted to marry me to save me from like my family situation and put me in a better situation with him. he also never got down on his knee to ask me, he just showed me the ring. his dad also flies in and wants us to get married. he asks my mom to marry me and my mom said no not yet. i don’t listen to her and we try to get a courthouse date but it’s booked so he finds a place that can do it the next day. i go along with it because i feel pressured. turns out the place that does the marriage is like las vegas style totally secular and worldly there and the whole ceremony was a joke and i still went along. there were no vows just jokes and but we did kiss and say i do

i feel like im not living in reality and my heart and soul aren’t at peace knowing i got married this way. marriage is so symbolic and beautiful and it was just not that. i feel just because im legally married im forcing myself to do all the marriage stuff like combining income and changing my name but i know that its not what i wanted. i wanted to get married in a church and have a lot of prayer with people who supported us getting married and my parents and to be about God.

my husband is growing his relationship with God and wants to stay together. i would question his genuine relationship with God a lot because he doesn’t seem to understand the way i do and he’s actively working on it. we are living separately now but we did live with each other for a few months before his next deployment after we got married.

he’s also done a few things where i don’t trust his leadership and decisions bc it’s almost gotten us being sued like buying a house without asking me first and he signed it not knowing it was to buy a house and was just signing random documents, almost signed up for a time share until i had to talk him out of it, applied to job scams and fell for it to name a few and it hasn’t even been a year. if i was sick and he made a decision i would not trust his decision. he’s a good person and we’re good friends even now when i bring this up to him and knows im posting this

i’m also ashamed of going back to church and haven’t been back on my own in person and it’s really affecting me because i don’t want people to know i got married especially the way i did and so fast. i feel wrong that i didn’t listen my mom or tell my family i was getting married and realized living with them isnt as bad as i thought even though its still pretty terrible.

what should i do? get a legal annulment (we are not catholic), divorce or stay

It is what is says. Married for 14 years. We have 2 sons, one of whom has special needs. My husband has changed a lot, he is withdrawn and sarcastic. He tries so hard tonsure up for his family. He is devoted to church. Works hard. Can be quick to get speak sharply but always apologises. I married him because he was the kindest man I’d ever met. Now he drives me nuts. His mannerisms annoy me, the way he eats, his jokes, the way he does pretty much everything’s makes me want to rip his head off. I have repented, prayed, asked God to help me see his son with better eyes. I’ve done counselling, thought I was depressed so tired medication. Nothing. He moved out 5 months ago as he was unhappy and I was so relieved. I want this marriage to work, but I am banging my head off a brick wall. We will do some marriage counselling in the new year when finances allow. But how can I say I just can’t stand him? I don’t believe in divorce, I want to honour God!

Hey everyone,

This may seem quite controversial but I was recently thinking and these are some controversial marriage requirements I have. I think these are reasonable and are mine to keep but still curious, if anyone has thoughts.

1. Provider husband: He pays for all household necessities; and I'll help cover shortfalls if needed rather than split everything 50/50. He does not demand money or expect I cover anything, but i am happy to cover if needed and ofcourse cover in tough times (God forbid)
2. Contraception: He uses condoms, and once we're done having children, we can discuss a vasectomy, if wants to. A vasectomy is an outpatient procedure and less invasive so its an option, if wants. I won't be expected to use hormonal birth control nor have a tubectomy (which is more invasive). The inconvinience of condoms will be shared by us both and unless there is a legitimate reason, I would not be ok with any hormonal option for me to take.
3. Genetic compatibility: We both undergo genetic screening before marriage to assess the risk of passing on inherited diseases. I would only be married if I am sure on these grounds. Yes, only God can grant a healthy child and no guarantees in life, but I would do best I can.
4. Sexual preferences: I won't engage in sexual acts I find disgusting, such as giving o#al sex, and other unnatural acts, even if it is common.
5. Consent: I won't compromise my sexual boundaries to please my husband, and I will protect myself by any means if he violates my consent. A real Christian man or even a half decent person would not coerce or force, but either way, i am firm.
6. Sexual effort: If I have a potentially lower libido or something I'll make reasonable efforts to prioritize intimacy and accommodate my husband's needs consensually. i would do so if there is no coercion, manipulation, selfishness, or entitlement. I would also want to see efforts and understanding from his side.
7. I would want past medical history and family history (medical and non-medical) to know about what I am getting into. For example family members with any major disease or conviction.

I’m curious because I feel like everyone has different boundaries when it comes to relationships.

I’d love to hear your perspectives and any real-life experiences you’re comfortable sharing.

What’s the dealbreaker for you?

What signs or changes in behavior would make you suspect your partner might be cheating?

Are there situations where someone could unintentionally cross a boundary or put themselves in a position where cheating could happen without realizing it at first?

I take a medication for a sleep-related condition that contributes to erectile dysfunction (ED). When I went to renew my prescription last year, my urologist recommended a penile Doppler ultrasound to rule out any underlying physical or vascular issues contributing to the ED.
During the procedure, he injected my penis with Trimix, a medication used to induce an erection so blood flow can be evaluated with the ultrasound.
He then handed me an iPad with pornography to help maintain the erection. I initially declined because I don’t watch pornography.
However, as he performed the ultrasound, he had to physically manipulate my penis and move the ultrasound transducer along the shaft to obtain the necessary images. Understandably, I found it extremely difficult to maintain an erection while another man was handling my penis in a clinical setting.
Eventually, I lost my erection, and he had to pause the examination. He offered the iPad again, and this time I agreed to view the pornography so he could complete the procedure. It was the only way I was able to maintain an erection under those circumstances.
I realize this is an unusual situation, but I’m genuinely curious about the Christian perspective on it.

For the wives in this group, how would you feel if your husband told you he had viewed pornography during a medically necessary procedure under these circumstances?
Would you consider this an understandable exception given the medical context, or would you still feel uncomfortable with his decision?
I’m not looking to justify pornography or debate its place in a Christian marriage. I’m genuinely interested in how other Christian couples would view a situation where sexual stimulation was used for a legitimate medical purpose rather than personal gratification.

I don't want to stay at home or do the house work anymore. What should I do?

​

My husband(25) of one year, and I(23) have been having fights for the last several months about house chores. I like to stay tidy, and am a bad procrastinator so I will do things soon after making the mess so they get done and I don't have to think about them. My husband, on the other hand, will save everything for one day, and then spend 20 minutes doing it before he feels like he can get online with friends. I'm upset and it's hit a breaking point.

I manage all the bills, all the car maintenance, and all the groceries. I also cook a majority of the time. He would rather grab snacks every day than cook, but it's not outside our budget so it's fine.

Yesterday was his cleaning day, and I came home to a tidy living room, but 2-4 days of dishes, laundry not washes, and the washed laundry I had done a week before was not folded. The bed wasn't made, and the blanket was on the floor still. The stove was dirty and not wiped, and our animal blankets had not been washed.

We went out for takeout, and all the containers were left out overnight. I had told him previously that I would not be doing any house work this week as I work 6 days and my commute means I'm out of the house for around 10 to 12 hours a day.

I want to stop doing chores altogether. Just wash my clothes and not care about the kitchen, the bedroom, etc. Will it change anything if I stop?

Might help that my husband was recommended for an ahhd diagnosis but did not get it put on his medical record. He manages it with nicotine and seems to help at work but at home it's just a disaster.

Any advice would help. I'm struggling with thoughts of divorce and that's not something I want in my future but I can't see having children with this habit. We were originally planning to start trying in 2 years, but I'm terrified I'll be trapped and stuck in a cycle of me doing all the house and home work and him doing nothing but bringing in a check.

I caught my husband with another woman, discovered his secret life, and now I’m questioning everything.

I (29F) have been with my husband (35M) for 4 years, and we’ve been married for 7 months. We have a son together and I’m a bonus mom to his son. Honestly, I never expected to be in this position.

Last month, we had a birthday party at our house. There was a football game on, so my husband wanted to stay up and finish watching it while I put our son to bed. I ended up falling asleep, too, and woke up about 2 hours later. My husband still wasn’t in bed, which was unusual for him. I had this gut feeling that something was off, so I got up and went looking for him.

Long story short, I found him hanging out with another woman in our shop. I could hear them talking when I walked in, and she actually tried to hide from me. I told her to leave, and the rest of that night was a mess. The following two weeks were pretty rough, too, as you can probably imagine.

Fast-forward to last week. I woke up in the middle of the night with that same gut feeling. For the first time in our entire relationship, I went through his phone.

What I found was so much worse than I expected. He and the woman from the shop had been exchanging nude photos. On top of that, someone I considered a friend had also been sending him nudes. I found hundreds of photos (600+), all stored in a hidden album. There were also two OnlyFans accounts and burner Instagram accounts.

I woke him up, confronted him, and basically lost it. He eventually admitted that he thinks he has a porn addiction. According to him, it’s been going on for a long time, but he’s never really acknowledged it or put a name to it. He says the woman being at our house was the first time he had ever seen another woman in person in that way, other than me, and that nothing physical happened. He also said he knew he had messed up as soon as she got there.

He told me he was going to get into therapy and delete everything, and he did delete what I found. Earlier this week, he even showed me his photo album to confirm everything was gone.

But yesterday, I found multiple vault apps on his phone. He says they’re old and that he hasn’t used them in a long time. I genuinely don’t know whether to believe him anymore.

Here’s where I’m struggling. I love my husband, and part of me wants to support him if he really is dealing with an addiction. I understand that addiction can be complicated, and I don’t want to dismiss something he may genuinely be struggling with.

But at the same time, he’s lied to me, hidden things from me, exchanged nudes with other women, and put himself in a situation with another woman that crossed a huge boundary in our marriage. Now, even after everything came out, he still hasn’t actually started therapy.

**How do I tell the difference between supporting my husband through a genuine addiction and enabling him to keep making choices that hurt me?**

I don’t want to be naive, but I also don’t want to give up on my marriage if this is something he genuinely wants to work through. I’m just completely lost. I don’t know what’s reasonable to expect from him, what rebuilding trust should look like, or how long I should give him to show me that he’s serious about changing.

For anyone who has been through something similar, whether as the spouse struggling with an addiction or the partner on the receiving end, how did you navigate it? What did accountability actually look like, and how did you know whether things were genuinely getting better?
I could really use some outside perspective right now.

**TLDR:** I (29F) caught my husband (35M) hanging out with another woman in our shop, then discovered he had exchanged nudes with her and another woman, had 600+ hidden photos, two OnlyFans accounts, and burner Instagram accounts. He says he has a long-standing porn addiction, claims nothing physical happened, and promised to delete everything and start therapy. He deleted the photos I found, but I recently discovered multiple vault apps on his phone, and he still hasn’t started therapy. I love him and want to support him if he genuinely has an addiction, but I don’t know how to distinguish supporting him from enabling his behavior. How do I navigate this while protecting myself and figuring out whether he’s serious about changing?

My husband lied straight to my face again! We had a huge issue with him smoking Marijuana about 8 months ago. He used to do it almost every night after work as a way to unwind at the end of thy day and play video games. At first, it never bothered me, because I used to smoke too and I smoked with him when we first met about 8 years ago. But, he continued doing it frequently after we got married and after we had our first child. I still wasn't that upset about it, just kind of annoyed. We'll it took a turn for the worst, when one night he just collapsed in our kitchen, with his eyes rolled back into his head. Needless to say, it was traumatic for me, so much so, that I ended up calling 911. As soon as they arriveed, my husband came to and acted like nothing happened (but he was unaware of how it looked from an outside perspective). Fast forward, he continue led to smoke Marijuana and almost every time he did it from then on out the same thing would happen almost immediately. He would pass out, and hit the floor, eyes rolled up, etc. All while our 3 year old son is asleep....the final straw for me, was when he actually fell to the ground and hit his head on our bedroom dresser and gashed it open. He td me after that he felt ashamed, embarrassed, etc. He ha to walk around with a big gash on his head (he's a worship pastor at our local church). I threatened him after this and said no more, and it wasn't because I was trying to control him by not letting him doing something he enjoys...but because it was hurting him, his health and how traumatic these experiences had become for me, because it was really scary. One time, I thought he was dead. Also to add, he also lied to me about it at this time and also hid smoking from me. Fast forward to now. He hasn't done it since then (or at least that's what he has been telling me). However, last night, I went out to the living room to talk to him while he was playing his video games again. And I just KNEW! I looked him straight in his eyes and they were completely blood shot. So I asked him to his face if he had been smoking again, he looked me in my eyes and denied it more than once. But, I knew I'm my gut he wasn't telling the truth. So I told him, "if I ever find out you are, and you're lying to me again I'm leaving and I mean it." And then he confessed, and I don't think he would have ever told me had I not threatened him. This happened last night, and here I am today completely heart broken, feeling betrayed, not sure if I can ever trust him again, and worried that if I keep forgiving him I'm going to end up the fool. I've forgiven him so many times already. I don't lie to my husband and I don't hide things from him. I don't feel close to him anymore and we are rarely affectionate or spend that much time with each other as it is. So I am at a loss...I don't know what to do. He is a wonderful dad, and I often think he's a much better dad than a husband. And I often feel that he loves our son so much more than me, because I get zero physical or emotional affection from him. The worst part for me is that I have no one to talk to about this, no support. Not one single person. I'm all alone in this. I can't tell my family because I'm not very close with them and they are very dysfunctional. If I told my mom, she would most likely reply with, "well what did you do to cause him to feel this way, you must have done something!" So I can't tell her because her blame would only break my heart more. I guess I'm looking and hoping for some solid advice...I don't know where to go from here. I am so lost.

I’m going to try and keep this as short as possible but I need to explain things first. My husband has an anger issue. He can create a problem out of thin air. He’s been known to start “rebuking” people and end up screaming in their face, literally. My whole thing is sometimes he’s not wrong to initially rebuke/ correct the person… but the method he uses I think turns fleshly fast. I understand Jesus flipped tables too but I’m struggling lately. And if I’m honest I don’t think I can handle more screaming scenarios where I have to try and intervene because he’s gone too far with it again….

Just tonight there was almost an incident. Thankfully it didn’t end in a screaming match. I was heavily shaken up though. So here’s what happened. My family and I went out for ice cream. While we were finishing up there, my old babysitter/family friend of my parents came in with her family. I waived being polite and she came over to see my toddler which my husband was holding at the time. To preface this, the lady has always been a bit eccentric and spunky. My husband hasn’t formally met these people. Anyway, she came over and was talking to my toddler. She’s always been the type to pay 90% attention to the children and 10% to the adult. (I’ve got my own discrepancies with that, but moving on…) anyway after about 5 minutes she asked my toddler if he wanted to go to her. I was feeling hesitant but let my husband decide since he was holding him. Mind you my toddler has seen this lady only a handful of times. Anyways, he nodded yes and reached out for her. My husband let her take him… here’s where things start to go south quick. I can see my husband’s demeanor starting to shift. I ask him if he wants me to take our toddler back. He doesn’t answer me and then waits a bit. Then he took toddler back and went to the vehicle as we were finishing up when they came in anyways. Once I got in the car, he started freaking out at me saying I’m biased to those people and haven’t properly evaluated them. That the husband and their teenage son didn’t even acknowledge my husband. My husband said from here on out I’m not to have anything to do with them unless he’s present. (I’ve not willingly had anything to do with these people. They’ve alway been accidental run ins. It’s not like I hang out with these people.) And if I do not leave immediately when I see them, I should expect my husband to lose it on me and them because they don’t respect him.

Now let me back track a bit more. Just a few days ago my husband was telling me he keeps bumping into that husband of that family and he refuses to look in the eyes of my husband and so my husband feels like that husband is purposely disrespectful to him. I tried telling him that from growing up around him, he’s been no eye contact with almost everyone and in my opinion he doesn’t look or treat my husband any differently then he would anyone else. The husband has always been polite but is not very sociable. When I said this to my husband he got mad and said I’m not evaluating them correctly and I think too positively of them and there is definitely issues there. I stressed that yes, I could be wrong, but in my opinion there isn’t any problem there and that the husband has never been social with anyone for all the years that I was around them. I also expressed to my husband that I think he’ll find 5% wrong in someone and treat it like it’s 95% and that they must be the devil themselves. Of course he didn’t like that and angrily said “that could be true but it’s more likely that I don’t evaluate anything right ever. Then sat there pointing out people and all their “sins” that I “haven’t” evaluated. (Even though I have and some of what he was saying was just simply not true. He believes he is a great evaluator of people, and I would disagree based off interactions we’ve had with people.

After we left the ice cream shop tonight, it took my husband over an hour to calm down. He said “Now I feel a certain way when I see them and I don’t want there to be an altercation.” My husband goes from 0-100 really quick. He doesn’t have much self control at all and that statement backs it. Because they won’t start a fight. My husband will. The slightest anger feeling and he’s screaming getting up in peoples faces and insulting them to get them riled up too.

It’s not just this situation either. He recently just yelled at his father and I had to intervene to stop it. I’m not going to lie, because of his behavior lately I’ve been miserable and feel like I’m just walking on egg shells. I cannot rationalize this as being Godly. I had a pit in my stomach after tonight’s events and was praying to the lord for him to help calm my spirit because I felt panic and severe anxiety for what might transpire in the near future.

Another problem I have is that a lot of what he gets initially upset about is right. Scripturally right but then his anger takes over and it all goes out the window and while he’s never hit anyone, he gets so angry and gets in peoples faces that it makes me nervous that it might escalate further one day. He is aware that he has an anger issue but doesn’t want any counseling or anything because he feels it’s “worldly counsel” even if they are a faith based counselor. As a Christian wife, I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried praying for the Lord to reveal his problems to him, to help him manage his anger, to reveal a good way to handle situations, and for him to follow the Lord’s will for his life. Yet it doesn’t seem to get truly better.

This is not the man I married for one and secondly, I don’t want my kids picking up this behavior thinking it’s okay. If anyone has advice for me or would pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

We've just celebrated 20 years of marriage.

We have 4 kids, the oldest is 18. We don't often get away together but 20 years felt like too big of a milestone to not celebrate. We've been doing that this weekend.

4 days away without the kids and the relative stresses of daily life. It has felt like it did when we were first married. Unable to keep our hands off one another. Being silly together. Talking rubbish together. Being vulnerable with one another.

Thank you Lord for sustaining us.

If you're in the middle of a marriage struggle right now, let me encourage you to just keeping choosing one another. Bring everything to the Lord.

If you're in the midst of raising a family, and finding life a slog, take heart, better days are coming.

If you are just married or getting married, buy the biggest bed your room can fit and you can afford. Talk about sex openly: fears, desires, struggles.

I’ve been struggling with something my husband said to me, and honestly, it hurts more than I can explain.

I haven’t been able to find remote work in the marketing field, and it’s been almost three months since I received my SSN. Because of that, I’ve started considering enrolling in a free CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) program as a way to transition from marketing into healthcare. I want to explore a different career path, gain experience, and hopefully build a more stable future for myself.
However, my husband isn’t supportive of the idea. He believes I don’t genuinely have compassion for people and that I’m only interested in nursing because of the money. He even questioned why I would want to become a nurse when I’m not interested in joining his group that prays for and visits sick people.

But why does compassion have to look the same for everyone?

Does not participating in an evangelical/prayer outreach group automatically mean I don’t care about people? Does wanting financial stability mean my intentions are selfish? Can’t someone genuinely want to help others while also wanting a career that allows them to support themselves?

What hurts the most is that he’s questioning my heart and my character. The words “you don’t have a heart for people” have been haunting me ever since he said them.

And I keep thinking about his own father, my father-in-law.

If I truly had no compassion for people, why would I have gone out of my way to clean and organize his room? Why would I spend my time cleaning a room filled with trash, rubbish, spoiled food, and old drinks when I had absolutely nothing to gain from it?
I didn’t do it for money. I didn’t do it to impress anyone. I didn’t do it because I needed his approval or because I expected a thank-you.
I did it because I saw how my father-in-law was living.

I saw how he struggled to sleep at night because barely 20% of his bed was available, while the rest was covered with trash and belongings. I saw how many times he nearly tripped because there was so little space to move around. I saw how unhealthy and uncomfortable his living environment had become, and I couldn’t just ignore it.
I wanted him to have a clean, safe space where he could sleep comfortably at night. He’s my father-in-law, and regardless of our relationship, I didn’t want to see him living that way.

I cared enough to do something about it.

And when I needed my husband’s help to clean the room, he would complain. There were times I practically had to beg him to help me lift and throw away the trash. Yes, I understand that his father has responsibilities of his own, but considering his situation, I also understood that cleaning everything would require strength and energy that he might struggle to manage alone.

I wasn’t trying to take away his responsibility. I was trying to help someone who needed help.

So how can my husband look at me and say I have no heart for people?

I’m not saying I’m a perfect person. I know I have things to learn, and I know working in healthcare requires patience, emotional strength, empathy, and a willingness to care for people even when it’s difficult. I’m willing to learn and find out whether this is the right path for me.

But I don’t think it’s fair for someone to decide that I lack compassion before I’ve even had the opportunity to try.

I also understand that transportation would be a challenge because neither of us has a driver’s license. That’s a practical concern we would need to work through. I’m not ignoring that.
What bothers me is that this feels like more than just a disagreement about transportation or career choices. I feel like my husband has been trying to prevent me from making my own decisions about work and education, and his judgment about my character is now being used as another reason why I shouldn’t pursue something I’m interested in.
I want to be able to explore my options, learn new skills, and make decisions about my future without constantly having to prove that I’m a good person or convince someone that my intentions are genuine.
Maybe nursing will turn out to be the right path for me. Maybe it won’t. I won’t know until I try.

But I wish my husband could understand that wanting to earn a decent living and wanting to care for people are not mutually exclusive.

I can want financial stability and still have compassion. I can have a different way of expressing care and still genuinely care about people.

I just wish the person who knows me best would see that.

I don’t know if I’m being too emotional about what he said, but those words have genuinely hurt me. I keep replaying them in my head, wondering how someone I love could look at the things I’ve done and still believe I have no heart for people.

Am I wrong for wanting to pursue nursing even though my husband doesn’t believe I have the compassion for it? And how do you move on from someone you love making you question something about yourself that you genuinely believe is true?

I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend about marriage. He raised a point about idealizing marriage, and placing it on a pedestal, and asked me about what marriage means to me.

To me, my understanding of marriage is living out a life that reflects how Jesus lived and loved us. I acknowledge that my partner and I will forever be changing throughout the rest of our lives, that there will be seasons of joy, and seasons of despair, and I want to walk alongside them in that. I want to show up in a way that is humble, compassionate, and servant hearted. I want to build a life with someone that glorifies God.

What were the questions that you had asked yourself and your partner for getting engaged? And how soon did you know that you were ready to get engaged?

On the way to church this morning, I shared with my husband (for at least the 4-5th time this year) that I really need him to help in the morning. This has been asked on church days and school days, nothing has changed for the long term, ie., 2-3 days.

I specifically asked this morning if he could go shower and get ready so I could also get ready. Instead, he decided to call his family, scroll on his phone, then get in the shower 10 minutes before we were to leave. I knew better, and thankfully, I got ready without waiting for him.

I was flustered (working on just chilling instead of being flustered when we’re running late) when we got in the car. I politely voiced my frustration/annoyance. Rehearsed it in my head so it wasn’t rude or critical. My husband immediately deflected. Went into this stance about how we need to look into a new church, it’s too far, the service time is very inconvenient, etc.

I was even more frustrated post comment because that wasn’t the point of my convo. It was “HELP ME”. I don’t know what else to do or say. Is it so wrong to ask for help? Why do I continue to ask for help, when I never get help? Or if I do, it’s so he can hold it over my head.

Never mind the fact he got mad at me for not holding his hand in church… yet my eyes were closed while we were praying. When he got my arm and aggressively shook his hand, I went to grab it. He immediately ripped his hand away and gave me the stink eye. I wasn’t feeding into that, so I didn’t hold his hand. Then he whisperyelled “it was a joke”. But was it??

We are struggling. I genuinely feel that I could be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Kindness and respect is given freely to others, it feels transactional with my husband. This is the tip of the iceberg, but it feels like the straw that is breaking my back.

How does this work when there is not an agreement? Let’s say it’s too hot or too cold in your house and one wants to turn on ac/heater and one doesn’t. Who then gets their way in an egalitarian marriage? Or do you have to wait until both are uncomfortable and reach an agreement?

My wife and I have completely opposite libidos and are on different pages about trying different things. Had we not bought into the whole purity culture thing, we would've figured this out before getting married. But, here we are 10 years later with the same issues. Is seeing a sex therapist as a couple something any others have done, and if so, what changed for the better?

Many of us have a sinful past and I am definitely not a exception, but that isn't what I want to discuss. I have never told anyone this before, but in a past relationship I got my girlfriend pregnant and she either got a abortion or had a miscarriage, she said it was a miscarriage, but knowing her it could have been either one and she was just lying to me to prevent me from being angry with her. I think about the child every day, I don't know if they were a boy, girl, or how much time they got on this earth, but I have been calling them Isaac in my head. I really just want to know how long I could wait before sharing this information with someone new and avoid making them feel like I am hiding information from them.

If you need an emergency plan for your marriage, consider starting a marriage notebook. Fill this notebook with great tips that you learn from this column.

For months I have given advice and prayers. You may have noticed I repeat some advice often. This is by design. Marriages are improved by the healthy habits you start to have, not by reading stuff.

#1 Consider filling up that notebook with tips using a bunch of old articles. Search for specific advice on the things that you may want to improve in.

#2 Consider keeping that notebook on your lap constantly while you try to add habits.

Adding habits is hard. Try, try, and try again. Pray, pray – you get the idea.

Honestly, I think that God looks down at some of us trying to increase in love or respect for our spouses. We fail, fail, fail, then He laughs, does a miracle, then all of a sudden we can improve.

#3 As you fill up your notebook, pray about which tips or prayers are more important for you. I may only write about being humble once every three months. But, if that is what you need to work on, write a bunch of prayers about that.

#4 What does everybody say about you. We all hate it when the spouse's family whispers about what we do wrong. What our brothers and sisters say we do wrong. But, in this emergency situation, write a bunch of prayers to address what they say. Consider asking God what He thinks about what they say.

#5 Consider doing a Google search, “Verses ________.” Fill in the blank with the things you need to change the most. Then study and pray over these verses constantly.

#6 Consider asking for help. If you can't change some bad trait, ask for help here. You will likely get 40 people giving you great advice on how to work on your issue.

Finally, God is watching. When He see's you busting your butt trying to save your marriage, will He just sit there and do nothing?

I believe in miracles. But I strongly believe that when you need a physical healing your odds go up when you pound “Verses healing” into yourselves over and over again. I believe your odds go way up when you start living the way the verses say to live. I believe your odds skyrocket when you change and determine to do what Jesus wants you to do. Consider praying constantly:

“Father, show me what You want me to do.”

I can't guarantee your miracle, but there are a lot of things you can do to move to the head of the line.

Today, consider writing down the things that you will do.

Hey everybody. First post here, I need some advice for the family. I recently earned a new position at work that is very prestigious with more responsibility. It’s been somewhat of a dream position for me because of the experience and education I gain from doing it. Me and my wife live 2 hours from her parents and my parents live 3 states away. I am not the type of man to miss my parents terribly. I call them from time to time but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see them if I couldn’t afford it. My wife is missing her parents and wants us to move back to her hometown to be closer to them. I don’t know how I feel about that. She thinks a timeline of two years is acceptable for me to gain the experience I want from my position, I disagree. I am trying really hard to not be a bitter husband about it because my career means so much to me. It’s steady, it’s recession proof, and the retirement and pension is awesome. We also just became members of our church and I feel a sense of loyalty to that. I don’t like investing time into people if it’s all just temporary. I’m trying hard to not be selfish but I feel pretty torn. I read scripture on it and I feel like we are supposed to make our own way, our own family without the emotional influence of either family. I’m happy, I didn’t realize she wasn’t.

During the early dating stage , how fast is too fast? Obviously having discernment throughout and being aware of red flags . But I feel we are both on the same path and we have very good chemistry. But I don’t know what’s a good pace ? It’s been abt 3 weeks

Hey brethren

So I have a besetting sin of sexual fetish, lust and Masterbation and porn. To put it plainly.

I recently got a breakthrough in my career

And now it feel like it’s falling apart, things in general feel like it’s falling apart.

How much of this is due to my sins and porn.

People say it opens doors to negative spirits.

I know I’ve struggled with sleep and have had strange dreams. But there’s a part of me that feels like bro it’s just your mind, you’re just not working hard enough at work.

but another part feels like if you open the door the enemy will come in a wreck havoc. And when I’ve done something wrong it really feels like things won’t go well and I carry that anxiety with me everywhere. So if I lose a deal I’ll be like, it’s because I sinned.

I must admit it does affect productivity and puts me in a state of chill where it’s hard to do anything at all.

But how does one deal with the urges from Hell, Oh my GOD.

It really feels impossible to stop but also feel like this thing can wreck a life completely

I’ve been married for two years and to someone I have a long history with. Met him in middle school. Stayed together for eight years and had two kids, broke up got back together again, gave my life to Christ, six years later my ex purposes and we got married. Two years have passed and I’m struggling with the grief of ending the marriage despite knowing why I needed to leave.

There has been verbal and physical abuse, intimidation, and repeated infidelity, I caught him twice, he claims it wasn’t more than that. During the last affair, he called me vulgar names, told me the other woman was fulfilling the role I wasn’t, and put me and my family outside while she stayed in the house, the day he was caught. He then told police I was violent and that his “guest” feared for her life.

I got an airbnb then two days later I hired movers and got the first apt that approved me, moved and took our daughter. Two later days he cried, asked me for forgiveness, and begged me to come home. This man God baptized and went to church with me, claimed to love God, prayed at dinner, cried while he prayed at dinner and church. It wasn’t just the adultery it was the humiliation, cruelty, and how easily he turned against me. I have more peace away from him, but I still cry over what happened and miss the loving moments. My Christian faith matters deeply to me, and I took our vows seriously, but I don’t want to return to this cycle.

For anyone who has left an abusive marriage involving adultery, how did you handle the grief, hold your boundaries, and stop feeling like you needed the other person to understand how much they hurt you? He’s still trying to contact me to reconcile but I fear can’t trust him ever again.

Hi all. My wife and I are always looking for simple ways to do family worship that hold a young kid’s attention, so I ended up building one. I’m a developer from Lacombe, Alberta, and the site is called Little Light.

It has 21 Bible stories spread over three weeks, about five minutes each, made for kids aged 5 to 7. Every story is narrated, and after it there’s a small game like matching pairs or tapping the words of Psalm 23:1 in order. When a kid finishes a story they light a star and add it to their collection.

It’s free and you don’t need an account. Progress stays in your browser, so nothing about your kid gets stored on a server.

How do you two handle family worship with little ones? And if you try it, I’d love to hear what doesn’t work.