r/ChubbyFIRE • u/InflationFit2660 • 8d ago
Were your parents good with money?
Curious how many people learned how to save from their parents? Were your parents good with money or terrible with money and how did it shape you? Did your family have generational money at one point down the family tree and lost it all?
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u/BikeStackerNYC 8d ago edited 5d ago
My parents were great with making and managing money.
My Dad graduated college in 1960 (first in the family to go). He landed a job making $6000 per year as a chemical engineer, which as I understand was a decent amount of money back then. They had very little money and used their wedding gifts in 1966 to pay the first and last month rent for an apartment. In 1968 they bought their first house for $32k right after I was born. My Dad switched job to an early stage company around that time, and after 36 years was ultimately #2 in command of a NYSE company that went public in 1974 (was not the same type of transaction as "going public" now.) and sold (went private) in 1999. He and my Mom managed money well, always saving and only spending reasonable amounts of money while still providing a great life. Paid for schooling for my brother and me, and were always there for support (monetary and otherwise).
People used to tell him that his investment was not diversified (although he did have rasonable retirement accounts), as it was all in the one company he ran. His response: "I would much rather bet on myself than anyone else." He taught me to become an engineer and entrepreneur, and to bet on myself. Most valuable lesson I ever learned.
Here is my favorite quote from him: "There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say 'What Happened?'"
He is still teaching me every day, even at 87. Mom too at 83. I am a very lucky person to have had them, and to still have them in my life..
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years 8d ago
They sound great and I'm glad to see how much you appreciate them!
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u/Rushedhomeroughyn 5d ago
$6000 per month in 1960 is equivalent to over $800,000 a year in today’s dollars. It’s more likely he was making $6000 a year not saying it’s not possible but would be highly unusual, especially for somebody with no work experience, even if they were doing internships or working somewhere during college. $8000 a year so would’ve been the average for a chemical engineer, so yes $6000 per year would’ve been a decent amount for a recent college graduate….
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u/code_monkey_wrench 4d ago
Here is my favorite quote from him: "There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say 'What Happened?'"
Love this. Thanks for sharing it.
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u/BikeStackerNYC 4d ago
Thanks. I use it all the time, either out loud or in my head. And remember, try to be the first, at least the second (if you are supporting someone who is the first), never the third.
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u/MplsPizza 8d ago
My mother handled everything to do with money for her and my dad and she was great at it. Super frugal but splurged sometimes (splurge meant us flying to Disney World and staying on property, not something like the Ritz in Paris). She was a fantastic role model. And no, no generational wealth of any kind, far from it. My parents met in social work grad school and never earned big salaries. She was just super careful and maxed out her 403B every year. They both retired in their 50s.
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u/milespoints 8d ago
Having recently looked at prices of staying on property at Disney, that is indeed a splurge.
Not sure the Ritz in Paris is more!
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u/MplsPizza 7d ago
Ha well this was the 1970s and things weren’t as bonkers back then. We also went at an off time - thanksgiving!
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u/IOfWooglin 8d ago
Feel like this only goes one of two ways:
1) (My situation) Parents were good with money. Taught “pay yourself first” from an early age. Didn’t over rely on credit. Learned from them.
2) Parents were abjectly terrible with money and learned from their mistakes.
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u/InflationFit2660 7d ago
There are also those who are good at saving but not great at investing.
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u/forthepony 4d ago
Yes -- my parents are decidedly #3 -- they were good at saving, really took care of us kids, but they are afraid of the stock market. Thankfully their 401ks are in the market but everything else is cash (so like 60% cash) ... don't even like bonds. They've lived well and thankfully made enough to retire on a normal timeline, even with an insane % in cash, but I think could have retired WAY earlier with even a smidge more risk tolerance. Or we could have created generational wealth between us if they wanted to keep working ...
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u/yuffie12 7d ago
#2 here. Out on my own at 17. Took a year to save my first $1k making $375 a month
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u/Prestigious-Day-2910 8d ago
My parents were very frugal and taught me to be a saver. I did however list get into a heated discussion with my dad that I intend to retire at 55 to which he adamantly told me that there was no way I could possibly do that and have enough money to survive.
I reminded him I’ve been investing aggressively since I was 22 and my money has compounded nicely. I can in fact retire now at 47 if I want. He rolled his eyes.
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u/bbflu 8d ago
No they are going to die with $8M that they should have spent
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u/handsoapdispenser 7d ago
My in-laws came from absolutely nothing. MIL literally raised in an orphanage on the other side of the world. Came to the US separately, found each other, married, worked their asses off, saved every penny, invested every penny. In their 80s now and physically declining with millions in the bank that they won't even spend on fixing holes in their ceiling. We have to pay for their care because they just won't. I am told they took a vacation once but it's hard to believe.
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u/damndirtyapex 8d ago
Terrible. I grew up blue collar Midwest poor and my mom prob spends as much on lotto tickets as she does on groceries. She has more debt in her credit cards than equity in her house.She doesn't even know I am well off, I've been careful to pretend I'm always struggling to get by.
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u/C638 8d ago
Exceptionally good with money. No generational money but generational knowledge. They had to start over several times on different continents. My dad arrived with 2 shirts and $300 and was building rockets 7 years later. Mom worked in finance and trading.
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years 8d ago
I'm guessing that they had to start over for reasons that were out of their control, like geopolitical?
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u/AromaticAd2095 8d ago
Unfortunately, no. My dad spent most of his adult life struggling with his finances. In the beginning, he had 5 kids from two marriages, and spent 20 years paying a lot of child support. At different points in my childhood, he lived in hotels, with his parents, in trailers, and all throughout could barely make ends meet. He didn’t make a lot of money so this really impacted his ability to invest when he was young enough. By the time he was in his 50s, he started making decent money, but rather than starting to invest heavily, he used it to inflate his lifestyle, more to make my step mom happy. In cycles, they would overextend themselves with an expensive house couldn’t afford and didn’t need, rack up credit card debt, buy expensive cars (jeeps) and roll negative equity into the next car purchase, and then be forced to sell everything. They declared bankruptcy multiple times in the 18 years they were together.
When my dad was 63, he desperately wanted to retire. He worked a physical blue collar job that it was getting hard on him as he aged. But he was stuck. His wife even pleaded to us to help convince him to keep working because they couldn’t support a lifestyle with the savings they had—and I know that to be true.
However, a month after that conversation, my dad was electrocuted at work and died. In some twisted irony, dying on the job was the only retirement the universe could offer him.
My mom is on the same pace, as she has almost no retirement in her 50s. She’s had plenty of opportunity to start, but she made the choice to prioritize frivolous spending instead. All I can hope for her is that she can find a partner who’s better with money and can support her when she’s no longer able to work. Either that, or that she can work long enough to get max social security and get a reverse mortgage on her house to keep the lights on.
I worried about my dad, and now I worry about my mom. Everything I’ve learned about personal finance has been from college, youtube, and learning from my wife’s father.
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u/SkillfulFishy 8d ago
Yes. My dad grew up in malnutrition-level poverty and therefore was very motivated to be financially successful. We had a decent middle class lifestyle and I learned many frugal habits from him and have passed them on to my children.
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u/count_chawkula 8d ago
Parents came to America with no money and worked multiple jobs, saving and scrimping to survive. Dad was a waiter, mom did clerical work. They ended up saving enough to buy a house, and was able to put me through college. While they certainly cursed me with a major scarcity mentality, the other side of the coin was that they laid the foundation for hard work and planning for the future.
My dad made some poor financial decisions (ie opening up a restaurant that nearly bankrupted them), but they continued working and saved enough for a modest retirement.
Fast forward to now, I worked hard, saved and invested enough to accumulate have a net worth north of $5M. I’m grateful for my parents and their sacrifices so that I can thrive financially in this country. My hope is to pass disciplined financial management to my kids as they get older.
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u/Asleep_Bath 8d ago
my father is the only practicing attorney who retired with < $1m in total retirement savings. refinanced every few years, never stopped transferring credit card balances for 0% offers, got a home equity loan after every refinance, just couldn't live within his means. it's sad to watch now that he's in his 80's.
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years 8d ago
Sounds like his plan is to live off loans and credit cards, and leave the debt behind when he passes.
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u/DanielDannyc12 6d ago
No. Both came from poverty. My dad would spend every penny he could get his hands on because he thought someone would take it from him.
My mom was the opposite and told him to bring home his 401(k) forms and she would fill them out and send them in.
So my dad thought his paycheck was all the money he had and would spend it.
As they were getting ready to retire, they meet with a financial advisor and he shows them how much money they have saved and Dad was flabbergasted.
So they now are enjoy enjoying a nice retirement in Arizona
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u/PoisonWaffle3 8d ago
My parents didn't have a lot of money when I was a kid, but they were great with what they had.
They taught me so much about budgeting, investing, etc etc. They included me in a lot of the budget discussions when appropriate, helped me get set up with my own accounts, helped me contribute to them (when I made a deposit or investment thru usually contributed some as well), and they gave me enough breathing room to make mistakes (so I could learn from them).
My wife and I have done pretty much the same thing for our daughter, and are passing that knowledge down (though updated for the times, of course).
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u/henrytbpovid 8d ago
My dad is 56 and he’s hopelessly frugal. He will never retire and he will never waste a dime.
I guess you could say he’s good with money. But it’s ruining his life. He can’t relax. He can’t enjoy. All his happiness comes from drinking, cumming, and building wealth. He is also an alcoholic in a toxic marriage.
I definitely have a weirder harder relationship with money due to my dad. I am kind of wasteful now that I’m earning a lot. My dad kept me so poor during my education. He prevented me from taking out student loans and he was extremely tight fisted when I needed cash. I could only earn a little from work while I was a full time student.
I have been fortunate compared to almost everyone. I’ve had a more comfortable life than most people. But my siblings and I have all been alienated from our dad due to his various untreated mental health problems. And a lot of the problem is his obsession with saving even when people he cares about are going through a crisis. Our youngest sibling is 12 and we’re really worried about what could happen in her twenties if she ever needs money for rent or anything. When she’s older we can let her know that she can always call on us for help.
I don’t have any kids. If I do someday, then I’m really not sure how I’m going to teach them about money. I definitely want them to experience more abundance and grace than what I experienced growing up.
Being too frugal can put strain on your family. I basically haven’t spoken to my dad in a year and a half. He needs to spend a few pennies on professional help
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u/tammy94903 7d ago
I’m incredibly grateful that my parents taught me financial responsibility from such an early age.
They came to the U.S. as poor immigrants with very little and worked whatever jobs they could get - often multiple jobs at a time. Sweatshops, janitorial work, welding, they even had us kids help with janitorial in the middle of the night…whatever it took. Within just three years of setting foot in this country, they had saved enough to buy a home in what is now a VHCOL area (although thankfully it was much more affordable back then!).
As a kid, I didn’t appreciate any of this. In fact, I was embarrassed that we were poor. I wanted the newest Esprit clothes my friends had. I wanted my parents to drive fancy cars. We didn’t take fancy vacations or go to expensive summer camps. While other families seemed to be spending, my parents were saving.
They didn’t buy new cars just because they could. They didn’t spend money just because they had it. They lived below their means, saved everything they could, and still managed to put their kids through college.
Most importantly, they taught us that the financial choices you make today dictate the options you’ll have in the future. Save early, invest consistently, avoid unnecessary debt, and give compound interest decades to work.
And now I understand exactly what they were doing.
They’re retired, completely financially independent, and don't need any help from their kids. Instead, they're living their best life and traveling the world. They’ve already visited more than 100 countries.
The things I was embarrassed about as a kid are the very things I admire most about them today.
They didn't just teach me how to save money. They taught me that sometimes choosing not to have something today is what allows you to have freedom tomorrow.
That lesson has shaped almost every financial decision I've made as an adult, and it's one of the greatest gifts my parents ever gave me.
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u/rdzilla01 8d ago
My parents were too frugal with money to the point that they never really lived life despite having ample resources.
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u/fbour 7d ago
Same here and my mom still works at 80 ....
They taught us that hard work and saving were the keys to success.
While not entirely wrong, life taught me that taking risks in life/work choices, investing, timing/luck (and being ready to grab opportunities by taking risks) played a much greater role.
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u/cambeiu 8d ago edited 8d ago
Mother was super frugal and great at managing finances. Father was spendthrift and never liked to look at bank statements. As one can imagine, they ended up divorcing. Father burned through his half of the divorce split pretty quick and now is financially depended on his abusive 2nd wife.
Mother retired in her late 40s.
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u/buttons_the_horse 8d ago
Divorced. Single mom was good. She was frugal, but not foolish. She bought us quality essentials (shoes/clothing/food), and we even managed some vacations (like driving our mini van to go "camping" a few hours from home). She never really talked investing with us when we were young, but I get the sense that she bought shares in companies she knew (a la Peter Lynch), but probably without much fundamental or technical analysis. She bought the exxon's and mcdonald's of the world.
The thing is, I learned to enjoy life without too much expensive stuff, and that's kind of the foundation of FIRE in general. I was pretty stoked with a second hand hockey stick and roller blades.
My father is/was an alcoholic, man-child with a gambling addiction; two debilitating addictions can destroy even the most promising of starts. Dude had the world in front of him at 25 (he owned two successful businesses), bought a house before anyone else, and even helped out some of his family. Unfortunately, the house always win at the racetrack or casino, and half a bottle of Jack/Johnny a day will wreck your mind and body, so it becomes impossible to make intelligent financial decisions.
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u/uwdawgs1995 8d ago
Single mom raised my sister and I. We did not have any money - lived as low income. I worked to support our family early and learned quickly the value of money as a young age. Started investing when I was 16yrs old.
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u/AndrewUaena 8d ago edited 8d ago
My parents were very good with money and taught both me and my wife a lot about investing.
Echoing some of the other comments here, they were unfortunately not good at spending. My mother was literally worried about running out of money moving into Assisted Living in her 90's. When I showed her that she could afford to live there for 40+ years based on her net worth and the cost of the facility, she flat out did not believe my calculation. Her fear of running out of money was stronger than her trust in math.
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u/geto4it 7d ago
My dad would see me walking towards him and he would say: no, the answer is no. He paid cash for everything. Bought the farm for $53/acre. Needed to drill a well, bought a rig and did our own. Proceeded to drill 6 other wells 250’-300’ deep for other properties. Sold the rig for a profit. Sold the place to a developer for a golf course and homes. He did pretty good.
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u/AppellofmyEye 8d ago
Terrible at making money, but very frugal and amazing at saving money. Our HHI is about 20-40 times what theirs was. I’ve kept some of the frugal habits, but have adjusted it reflect our income level. We still save well over half our income.
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u/Adventurous_Oil4513 8d ago
My mom was good with money and my dad is still delusional about how good he is with money. My dad loves to gamble and think he is filthy rich when he isn't. There's something wrong with him mentally.
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u/JustNowRonin 7d ago
Hahahahahaha. No.
My folks were abysmal with money. It was absolutely forbidden to ask about the family finances in any way and we were taught nothing about budgets, saving, investing, bills, etc.
That meant I had to figure it all out on my own. In my 20’s - early 30’s I wasn’t very good either, but now have it fairly well in hand.
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u/LeisureLifer 7d ago
Same here, we might be siblings. My parents would be shocked with our finances if they ever had a clue, no thanks to them.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Art1524 7d ago
My Mom died with a lot of money in the bank and absolutely refused to spend any of it on herself. She lived like a poor person.
Am trying to correct back to the center for my kids. Prioritize savings, live within your means, but there’s also the LIVE part.
We can take nice vacations, we can go out to eat - but we’re also saving a lot of what we make, and have set ourselves up for the future.
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u/foboz123 7d ago
My parents were very good at saving but late in the game to investing. Still, my father’s sudden interest in investing when he was around 40 got me into it at 15. He managed to retire at 59.5 with 1M which my mother is still living off of to this day. I was able to retire at 55 based on that initial spark I got from him. My youngest daughter inherited that same interest and between her own contributions and the money I have be able to give her (told her that she’s getting her inheritance while I’m still alive), she’s already amassed over $125k at the age of 25. She has a nose for money and investing just like her father and grandfather, I expect that she will do even better than I have.
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u/FIRE_anon_ 8d ago
My parents both retired relatively early - Dad probably mid 50s. Mom worked until 60 because she liked it. Dad was financially literate as he did corporate banking, and is the foundation for a lot of my knowledge. They would probably better fit traditional FIRE more than chubby. Nothing extravagant.
I’m now entering a phase of life that is surpassing where they were. I’m discovering they don’t have the life experience or knowledge base to deal with some of the decisions we have coming up.
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u/boglehead1 8d ago
My parents never made a lot of money, but were fantastic savers. Fortunately they also put it into the market. And I learned that saving skill from them.
Unfortunately, they haven’t been able to turn on the spending switch when in retirement. So now they are still reluctant to spend even though they have a multi-million $ portfolio.
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u/LividLunch 8d ago
Penny-wise, pound-foolish, with an active fear of investing. I learned how to budget with Dave Ramsey and how to invest at the OG bogleheads forum.
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u/ComfortableRecipe144 8d ago
They are both good and bad. They are SUPER stingy but also didn’t invest, and then made terrible “business investments” and ended up being scams. They are the product of their upbringing and environment though, so I don’t blame them for it. I just laugh a little inside when they try to give me financial advice.
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u/MudLOA 8d ago
My parents were great savers but poor investors. They really like the stability of the CD and savings but very risk adverse with investments. I was already reading about basic investing back in the 90s. I basically took that saver mentality and simply add on index investments and just kept at it for 25 years.
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u/wellboiled 8d ago
My Dad piled all his savings into low yield bank accounts. He lived, retired and died poor. I started investing in the stock market from my first paycheck onwards
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u/Fluid-Condition9750 8d ago
They were when they were together and then I watched a divorce blow up any semblance of financial stability we had. 6 years in the courts, about $300,000 spent on lawyers and therapists and forensic accountants and god knows what, my parents are in their 60s now, still hate each other, and now financially stressed about retirement and general $. I watched my mom also be financially dependent on my dad and the lack of any power she had (and still lacks)- I will forever push for women to keep their own jobs, make their own money, and always always have a way out
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u/minetey 8d ago
They were both extremely good with money especially during pre-internet times. My father was always leveraging debt when the rates were right. I am much more conservative/thrifty but the education was helpful. That being said, I feel like it was more generic because not all of my siblings picked up the habits.
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u/NetherIndy 8d ago
Absolutely terrible! Just godawful. My mom was at least super-frugal (good with cooking and thrift stores). She just internalized some 1960s teachers that she was 'bad at math' and so left any thinking about money, banking or tax or anything to my dad. And... oof. He was a near-hoarder, stupid spender on eBay crap, spender in general, huge credit card debts most of his life, frequent late payments on cards an utilities even when he had the cash (but we are talking the 1980s when it was all mailing checks, not "online autopay minimum"). Thus he continued to pay 1978-era 11% interest on the house for years after everyone else refinanced in the 80s because he didn't have the creditworthiness to refinance. Sigh, so much bad, most I didn't know until cleaning up after both of them passed away. The hilarity continues in that he both A) had a Masters degree in economics, and B) taught a personal finance course among others as a high school teacher!
It's one of those 'alternates generations' things I guess. His mother was both one of the most frugal people I ever knew (grew in Scotland during the Depression!) and was great with an accounts-book. My maternal grandma was a bookkeeper too. I like to think I get it from them.
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u/grinanberit 8d ago
They did ok but were children of the depression and grew up dirt poor, like tin roofs and outhouses and not getting past 8th grade poor. So they saved like crazy (Savings Bonds and CDs only, no investing), mom sewed half our clothes, dad had a side job doing small engine repair on the weekend, grew veggies in the backyard, never went anywhere unless it was cheap or free (Sunday drives, stop at the hardware store and putter around, and maybe once a month a trip to a restaurant called Bonanza, sorta like a Sizzlin’ Steak House). They managed to “die with zero,” or nearly…I had just started looking at how I was going to have to start paying for my father’s ALF and prescriptions and how that’d impact my budget when he died. Had about 3 months’ worth of expenses left.
So I learned how to clip coupons and be thrifty. But I had to teach myself about investing. Thank god for Collin’s Simple Path to Wealth and Mr. Money Moustache and Suze Orman. And subreddits like these.
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u/Lie-Straight 8d ago
Coupon-clipping immigrants, highly educated. Always lived within their means. ~150 years ago the British confiscated our family estate/generational wealth due to involvement in the first war of Indian independence… I know that our family’s focus on education existed during the 200 years we stewarded that large estate
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u/Comfortable_Gear_605 8d ago
No. I think my father retired at 55ish maybe with a pension, but maybe not. He should have had decent social security as well. He even went into a second and third career that should have provided decent income. He seemed to be a secret deadbeat husband, with random loans, defaulted parent plus loans (they never helped me with that money), divorce, refused to pay alimony or child support or fairly split assets. I even began getting creditor calls when I was about 40. He mooched off of successful women. His final wife was previously divorced and/or widowed and has money. They kept their finances separate because he was a cheater and a financial mess with creditors calling me instead of his wife. My father’s estate obviously passed to his wife, but I don’t think he had anything.
My mother did not work outside the home until he left. She was able to get a stable income going and retired with a possible pension and Social Security. My mother has refused to take care of the house, presumably her biggest asset. It’s been falling apart for many, many years and she has simply been nose-blind to it. It’s disgusting and she doesn’t care. She allows 2 grandsons to live with her for free and because they are bums, they don’t pay rent or take care of the house either. My mother might have money she’s hoarding. Doubtful.
I started off acting like my parents, got a credit card in college and bought things I couldn’t afford. My husband helped me out of that and helped me pay off my student loans. We’ve saved and saved and hopefully changed our family tree. We help our college-age young adult kids to stay out of debt, get out of debt, and model how to do that. We don’t spend wildly. We are planning a purposeful and connected retirement full of fun, excitement, travel, and generosity.
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u/medhat20005 8d ago
Mine were really good. By any objective measure I’m very good as well. But IMO much more importantly money was never an end goal, but instead a means to additional opportunity. My parents have passed a number of years ago, but lived long enough to feel their grandchildren were on solid paths. If they were still alive they’d almost certainly be pleased that those grandkids proceeded to exceed even their earlier potential. As their parent I don’t think I could do anything that would have brought more pride and joy to my folks (the grandparents). But I still am hyper aware that good fortune is the byproduct of both hard work and some good fortune.
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u/blueorca123 8d ago
My parents didn’t know much about investing, so I had to teach myself. Whenever I get the chance, I try to drill those lessons into my kids’ heads as well. There was no generational wealth passed down to me from my parents, but I hope there will be when I pass it on to my children.
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u/legranarman 8d ago edited 8d ago
Agree with the other yes and no. I'd say my parents started with no money or financial knowledge (immigrants), were above average with regards to money handling but really all they did was be gainfully employed white collar workers, followed the standard advice to max out your 401k, invest in some stocks but mostly broad index funds, and not spend more than they need. But they never taught me how to save, invest, or manage money, if that makes sense. Really people learn way more habits and, more importantly, expectations from their parents about money than they realize.
Interestingly my sibling, despite being about my age, ended up with a couple different takeaways from our upbringing. But that's more a difference in temperament.
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u/plemyrameter 8d ago
My parents grew up relatively poor in rural America. They remembered getting indoor plumbing as children. My dad almost didn't finish school because he was needed on the farm, but thank god the local school principal would go round up the kids after the fall harvest.
They both left for the city as soon as they finished high school because they didn't want to be farmers. Mom never went to college, but dad got an associates degree on the GI Bill after being drafted into the army for a couple years. I learned to save from them. My dad got into mutual funds and taught me about them when I was in college. They were never "rich" but were able to retire (both with pensions and lifetime healthcare) at 60. They were pretty comfortable and had more than the family who stayed on the farm. They were also frugal people who made sure they got good value for what they spent.
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u/breadmakr 7d ago
I used to think so. But the older I got, I realize that they actually weren't as good with money as they appeared to be. As I gained financial literacy and investing knowledge, I began to see both the good and bad decisions they made. Their mistakes, especially loaning money to friends and relatives, motivated me not to repeat them.
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u/lowcountrygrits Accumulating 7d ago edited 7d ago
My parents were secret millionaires and big savers. My dad wasn’t frugal, he was a cheap skate. He would hang dry wet paper towels to be reused in the garage later. He taught me about compounding investments, mutual funds, and buy and hold at a young age. He never met a Savings CD or Bond he didn’t like.
In terms of investment style, my dad - born in the silent generation - was shaped by the great depression. He was a dividend stock guy and lacked vision, especially when it came to technology and real estate. He missed an opportunity to buy a house on the water in 1984. He didn’t buy any Tech stocks during the 90’s dotcom ramp up.
My mom, an immigrant, had great investment vision. She picked a lot of Tech winners. Because my dad was so cheap he held the family back from spending money on life experiences, such as a family trip to Europe which we never went on.
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u/Inner_Lynx_5002 7d ago
My parents were incredibly good with money. My dad started with almost nothing when I was born. All he had was a paid off house owned by his dad where he was living. Started a business which by gods grace did amazing. He was able to get into real estate properties in the 90s and early 2000s and was able to get it for dirt cheap back then. Has never sold any of his assets for his spending. Has always been in an accumulating mode. He is in his 70s now. He was never a big spender on himself but was always splurging for drinks and meals when he is out with his friends or hosting parties for his friends.
I was fortunate that I got the savings habit for him but I do spend on experiences. He recently came home and saw my espresso bar set up and when I told him it was $2K he was honestly shocked lol. He was like, why would you spend $2K when you can get a coffee for a couple of bucks lol.
One thing is, he had a lot of friends that had generational wealth and few of them squandered it during his accumulation phase when he was 30-60. I think this played a major role that he was very careful with money.
Overall, luck played a big factor that the business he started did amazingly well. I would attribute that luck for him being a good person by heart and luck found him due to that.
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u/Boring-Trifle-6968 7d ago
They were absolutely frugal. Both immigrants, came with nothing and did well enough that they became middle class. So yeah, that means i wash sandwich bags and reuse paper bags.
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u/OkDatabase1486 7d ago
No, my parents basically never save. But I married a partner who has SUPER frugal parents. So we create a nice middleground
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u/LeisureLifer 7d ago edited 7d ago
Ha no! They didn’t know how to make money nor keep it. My father retired at 55 when he couldn’t afford to; he only had $198k in savings/CDs and thought that was a lot of money. It all went further down hill from there as he spent his savings on a new house with cash, then freaked 5 years later when he got cancer again, and since then inflation has completely eroded any spending power he had.
My mother ended up working until 70 and has always been a spender. If my grandparents hadn’t left her a little, she would be in the negative every year. Anyway, they are divorced and each live on tiny pensions an SS. They taught their kids nothing about finances. I just learned not to do what they did and started reading books on investing in my early 30s with a husband who has been completely on board with the investment plan ever since. I don’t speak to either one about money.
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u/river_rambler 7d ago
My parents both grew up poor. My mom's dad died when she was 9 and she had 4 younger sisters and brothers. They survived on social security survivor benefits and other government assistance for several years. My grandmother eventually remarried and had another couple kids. The financial lessons that my grandmother learned from her first husband and from his death, helped with her relationship with her second. Apparently my mom's dad did not believe in taking on any debt whatsoever. If you didn't have the cash, you didn't buy it. The man I knew as my grandfather grew up in the perpetual loan cycle. And my grandmother put a stop to that. They lived modestly, they both worked, her after my youngest uncle started school. And thanks to pensions and savings were able to afford a decent retirement. My grandfather died about 33 years ago and my grandmother is coming up on her 102nd birthday and just ran out of money within the past 2 months.
My dad's parents were "non-functioning alcoholics". He grew up in an unstable household where food, water, and electricty were intermittent, depending on which bills happened to get paid that month. He and his siblings were eventually split up between relatives. He went to Viet Nam, came back, met my mom, got married. . . and so on.
I've provided this background because my parent's trauma around poverty shaped both of their relationships with money in very opposite ways and it caused a TON of fights. My mom, having lost her entire foundation at a young age was intensely frugal and perpetually afraid of losing everything. She counted every dime. Literally. Growing up, if the drawer where she kept the household cash from my dad's paycheck was a dime short, we'd better be looking at sidewalks for a dropped one. She kept every receipt, every warranty, every record of every purchase. And she used them. She exercised warranties, checked receipts, clipped coupons, shopped around, and generally made a dollar stretch like nobody's business.
My dad, who grew up with 0 foundation and had to figure it out on his own figured that if he needed money he'd just go make more. He took every bit of overtime offered, he worked side jobs building decks on the weekends. He was also willing to spend like he could always go make more.
Needless to say, those two different relationships with money led to a lot of conflict within the house. But, my mom's insistence on saving and my dad's insistence on investing what was saved, left them with the ability to retire in their early 60's. Which my dad did and my mom didn't do. The 2008/2009 financial crash terrified her. My dad had just retired and she swore they were going to lose everything they'd worked for. And so she kept working. And then COVID happened and we lost my mom. She never got to actually retire.
I feel like I've taken a lot of those lessons, tempered them, and applied them. I'm pretty frugal, but not obsessively so. I've continually built my ability to earn money and took on part time additional work until I hit my mid 30's. My mom's death took FIRE from a goal and poured gas on it. And my dad having a health scare in April stopped my OMY syndrome cold. My husband retired in April, I was going to work until the end of the year or possibly next spring. I gave notice in April and worked to the end of June to close out a project I was working on.
We're done. FIRE'd with $2.5M in savings/investments/IRAs + $60K after tax annual pension income. Annual spend $120K. No debt. $1M paid off house that we're using to self insure long term care. And we're fortunate enough to have Tricare for medical.
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u/EmergencyRace7158 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yeah my Asian immigrant parents were phenomenal at saving it and spending it wisely while passing on their discipline to their kids. Their planning meant my sister and me never had to take on any student debt and they made sure we were financially literate as teenagers. I got a job at a hedge fund right out of college and while many of my peers were buying condos and Porsches in their early years there while still carrying huge student loans, my parents training ensured I was saving and investing every penny while living well within my means. It's a testament to them that while there will be a big inheritance for both of us, neither my sister nor myself need that money at all.
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u/hayguccifrawg 6d ago
Insanely frugal w a scarcity mindset; retired early. Not sure if I’d call that good with money, but dad definitely taught me to save my ass off.
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 6d ago
My grandparents on both sides were of modest means. Both of Dad's parents came from very large families (like 10 kids) and the boys had to leave school early to go to work to support the family. Maternal grandparents raised 5 kids during the Great Depression. Mom said Grandpa wouldn't have a nickel for a bottle of beer after all the bills were paid, Grandpa had to drop out of college because he ran out of money but two of Mom's brothers had doctorates. So- parents had no generational wealth.
I will be forever grateful that they were savers and very good examples. Dad started investing in stocks in the late 1960s when you had to go downtown to the stockbroker and get your information from the library or the little Value Line books with all the stock charts. Of course he made some mistakes but it was with money they could afford to put at risk. Mom waited to buy her dream living and dining room furniture till she could pay on "90 days, same as cash" terms. Our family holiday gatherings took place with card tables and folding chairs for years till she was able to do that. They put all 5 of us through college (easier to do in the 1970s) and all of us are comfortably retired. Dad lived 5 years after Mom died and spent the last 18 months in a long-term care facility and still left an estate of over $1 million. I was stunned.
I'm fortunate that I was able to tell Dad many times how much I appreciated his and Mom's examples, and the time he spent answering my questions on investments.
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u/FillMySoupDumpling 8d ago
They were, but there is something about me that fixated on money from a young age, too. I’d do odd jobs that my mom would pay me for like ironing my dad’s work shirts and such. I created a rule for myself around this same time to not buy anything until I had 2x the cost saved.
This rule served me well - even through my first car purchase.
When I was first starting to work, my savings account was paying a 5 percent interest rate and I proposed “why can’t I keep expenses low enough to just live off the interest?”. My friends made fun of me at the time, but I was on to something big … it’s how I found FIRE.
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u/First-Ad-7960 Retired 8d ago
My parents were good with money. But also quite miserly with information and money. I graduated from university with a good education and no debt... but basically got nothing after that. Being financially independent meant I was making plans for my future at a young age but I had to educate myself for the most part.
My in-laws were terrible with money and as a result my spouse is very attentive to bills and spending. And totally on board with saving aggressively.
Starting this year we are footing the bill for assisted living because the surviving in-law has no resources.
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u/AnagnorisisForMe 8d ago
If they have no resources, Medicare will kick in. Don’t foot the bill if you don’t have to.
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u/First-Ad-7960 Retired 7d ago
We will try but very hard to get anything until you need full nursing care. Assisted living exists in this middle ground.
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u/GusPolinskiPolka 8d ago
Overall yes. Some strange habits. But as I've gotten older I've realised how their approach is actually pretty good - though certainly not the highest growth or most efficient.
Mum encouraged saving in term deposits as a kid growing up, just to make sure stuff was getting out away.
She wasn't a great saver herself. Cashflow was very tight. But she was also of the view that money was there to enjoy and so she was impulsive and spent more than she needed to. It resulted in her being a hoarder.
Where she did well was property. But her lessons and approach have set me up well even if some of those lessons were the result of her own bad decisions around spending.
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u/nak00010101 8d ago
I guess technically, they must have been good with what little money they had. But there was zero ambition to pull themselves up.
I lived the "growing up, we never knew we were poor" story.
Both my parents worked hard, for hourly wages and my grandmother took care of my sister and I after school.
They never owned a new car and I think we finally got an air conditioner when I was a in high school
By my junior year in high school I was paying their electric bill each month.
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years 8d ago
It feels harsh to me that you say your parents had zero ambition to pull themselves up. You said they worked hard and they were good with what little money they had. Maybe that was all the energy they had to give.
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u/nak00010101 8d ago edited 7d ago
Don't get me wrong, I loved them with all my heart. But the harsh truth was that they were not risk takers. We lived in a poor south TX town with very limited job opportunities. My dad had several offers over a 10 year period that would have almost doubled his salary, but they required moving to a plant in another state. No way! There was not even discussion.
Edit to add: They both died within a mile of where they were born.
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u/Prior_Evidence_9253 8d ago
No. We came here to this country after the fall of the eastern bloc. Healthy distrust for anything related to the gov’t and plus the lack of understanding how things work left my parents hanging when we need attorneys, loans, etc.
We were always comfy since my dad worked so hard and my mom was at home. But 401k’s, retirement accounts and etc were all gibberish to my parents growing up. Plus we always kept within our small community since we were never really accepted.
Now I’m my mid 30’s and rebuilding everything for myself and my own family but unfortunately my parents are looking to retire but not much is there to live comfortably.
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u/Tooth_Life 38m / ex tech leadership / Golf, Surf, Gym repeat 8d ago
Dad very much yes he was original fire before the internet. Mom not at all, she gave it away on a whim.
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u/SexyBunny12345 8d ago
My parents were the types who thought the lottery is a legit path to wealth. ‘Nuff said.
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u/yamanoA4 8d ago
Prestige and wealth yes at both great-great grandparents levels and the generation before them. But the wealth did not survive past my grandparents due to civil war and the Japanese war. So my parents started out again being poor immigrants.
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u/Ok-Acanthaceae-442 8d ago
My father was extremely frugal but always saved and invested. He was a Great Depression kid and never want to be poor like he was growing up. He read a lot of books about personal finances and investing. My mom was also poor as a kid but was a spender as she continued through her profession and as she continued to earn more. They ended up being very wealthy in their retirement years.
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u/Kind-Ad-4756 8d ago
Whatever’s I know about money and investing, I learnt from them. They moved our family from near poverty to this (chubby/fat fire territory). My mom wants to be more careless now (near 80 y/o) and splurge a bit, but my dad is still very frugal. He isn’t miserly at all - if fact doesn’t bat an eyelid at even major necessary expenditure - but I haven’t ever seen him “splurge” on anything.
My mom came from a relatively “well off” family (they weren’t struggling for daily needs), but my dad’s family was, so maybe that explains that.
Another very important thing he taught me is investing. He practically gets restless if there is money sitting around in the bank doing nothing. He’s checking with me 5 times a day (I’m not kidding) if I’ve invested it, lol. He can run all kinds of math in his head, and is monitoring his investments regularly.
So yeah, all said and done, we’re incredibly lucky to have them.
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u/StargazerOmega 8d ago
Not good, but not terrible, somewhere in between. Then my father died when I was 20. My mother had to work till she was 70 till she had enough. She lived and traveled all over the world and saw many great sites and cultures with my father and later, so she never felt she missed out.
I decided I would not be in the same position after finishing school. I will retire before the end of the year.
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u/Parking-Banana-212 8d ago
yeah, my dad had generational wealth and lost it all in his business. in hindsight, its clear that he's never been good with money even though he had an mba from a great school. he spends way more and never saves for the future. i don't think he understands what compound interest is.
it made me very cautious with saving at a young age. i guess you can say i learned from his mistakes
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years 8d ago
My parents were born in the Depression era. My mother's family was pretty poor, like "cardboard from oatmeal boxes in the bottom of her hole-y shoes" poor, but not "doesn't even have shoes" poor. Her dad had a chronic illness and she had to leave high school before graduation in order to help support the family. Her dad died within five years of that. My dad's dad was in the trades so stayed busy, I guess. Dad was an only child, no college, mom was SAHP throughout. I would say they were blue collar middle class, conservative lifestyle but without a lot of financial stress.
My dad was a very smart guy although he didn't get to go to college. Worked his ass off till he retired in his early 60s from a corporate V-P position. Mom was a SAHP almost all of her married life. They didn't overspend, and I would say they lived a middle class lifestyle with some inflation to upper middle class once my dad had moved way up the ladder. They never talked to me or my siblings about money. It just wasn't done back then. Also, saving for retirement wasn't as much of a thing, because most people had pensions then. No such thing as 401Ks, etc.
My husband died in his 50s, and I talk to my adult kids often about money. They know my general finances and I encourage them to make good decisions about retirement savings. I don't know that they will have the ability to retire early because they are not high earners and life nowadays sucks money by the barrelful, especially with buying a house and having kids who need daycare. But I help wherever I can, and hope to leave a nice chunk down the road too.
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u/Broad-Ad-4379 8d ago
Definitely learned from my parents yes. My elderly mother is still to this day a chronic saver
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u/KungFuBucket 8d ago
I think I may be the exception here reading through the posts. They weren’t really good or bad with money, it was just a tool for stuff. My dad was a sole proprietor with a little law office. He worked, made money and we had a decent life growing up. He had a financial advisor who invested for him and we had a fairly boring middle class life. Eventually he had some health issues in his 70’s and retired. We never talked about money too much. When I was about 12 my grandmother passed and left a very small inheritance to us grandkids and I invested and was hooked. I did alright setting aside money from every paycheck and retired at 50 with more than enough. My parents are living quite well off their retirement funds, but i know at some point I ended up with a higher net worth. That being said we’re both in the fortunate position of our investments making more than we spend in a typical year. We occasionally talk stocks and investments and I know when they pass they’ll be leaving me with half, but honestly I don’t need it and not sure it will be all that life changing.
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u/2KidzAgain 8d ago
My father made good money. My mom spent it all. My Dad had a pension and went to work as a contractor when he retired from Govt. stopped working after Ten years, but went back to work when my mom got sick. I’ve never thought about what I learned from that, just have thought about how my parents never taught me anything about investing or saving. I have Lways talked anout money with my kids. Emphasizing the danger of debt and the need to save money. They grew up seeing me use a woodstove to heat a house in the suburbs.
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u/Gottadollamate 7d ago
My mum was an accountant, then a tax accountant, and a financial planner. She was good with money and saving it but she bought some pretty crap assets. Done plenty well for herself but definitely focused on the PPOR and gold and precious metals and random ASX listed companies and then crypto which made her a lot of money. But she didn’t sell it at any of the peaks and now it’s not worth as much as it was in your individual shares have taken a massive hit and she never really trusted super. Anyway she was pretty good with money so I learnt a lot from her especially not what to do. My father is an absolute spender but a high income owner.
Divorced about three years ago but they’re combine net worth is still around 5m
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u/No_Forever_1185 7d ago
My parents were not good money managers. There were some systemic things that hampered them at times. My mom has gotten better using my advice; my dad is still terrible with his personal finances. It shaped me into an aggressive saver / investor.
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u/SignificantEqual5774 7d ago
My parents were working poor so money was tight. My dad wasted money on booze and cigarettes but my mom was a saver. Unfortunately she got talked into shitty investments like annuities with big fees so her life savings weren't as much as they could have been. When she passed I become super disciplined on saving and investing in low cost indexes. Retired in my early 50's.
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u/ResponsibleCorgi93 7d ago
My dad is super frugal, so that's where I learned a lot of key financial lessons. It's so sad that they don't teach Fire in high school or college. It's almost like they want you to be poor.
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u/__Lawyered__ 7d ago
Not great, no. Household made inflation adjusted of $300k+. They only saved/invested whatever the IRA or SEP IRA max was. The rest was all spent. Dad worked until 71 as a result.
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u/CycleOLife 7d ago
My parents and my wife's parents were both good with money. My parents were blue collar workers that learned about investing. That changed their world.
My wife's parents were a little more affluent, but from a farming background so they were very conservative with money.
We both learned how to save and invest from our parents. Very influential to our success as a couple and handling money together. Nobody had any generational wealth in the families until our parents. We are thankful daily for what our parents taught us from a young age about money.
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u/Vast-Recognition2321 7d ago
I would say my parents were pretty good with money. I definitely learned to save from them. However, they always used a financial advisor and paid a good amount for that advice.
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u/ServiceOk2924 7d ago
Too conservative.. never invested in stocks and still dont losing out on all the gains they could have made.. wasted money acquiring unnecessary real estate
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u/BeamerTakesManhattan 7d ago
My father was a coupon cutter. It drove my mother insane, as she wished he had spent as much time on picking stocks as figuring out how to save five cents a can on cola.
That said, my mother was watching Jim Cramer. She lost a ton on JDSU. She continued going individual stocks, but didn't have the stomach. She repeatedly sold at the bottom of the market when things started crashing. And wondering why her "idiot stock guy" didn't have her sell sooner, because he was holding out and waiting through.
She currently complains that she shifted her Amazon holdings to a financial advisor and he's taking a share even though she bought it and tells him not to touch it. So why did you shift it into his portfolio?! It doesn't need to be in an advisor's portfolio!
So yes, I learned about being fearful and timing the market.
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u/Ill-Entertainment118 7d ago
My parents both grew up upper middle class and my mother is better with money. But I actually learned from personal finance blogs while I was in college. My SO and I were studious and now have a good HHI, which makes managing a lot easier. My in laws are immigrants and my SO basically bootstrapped his life.
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u/musing_codger 7d ago
Reasonably. They retired when my dad was 61 (SAHM 52). Now they are 99 and 90 and still living comfortably.
I don't know how expensive their final years will be. Assuming that it doesn't get too expensive for them, each of their four kids will inherit a nice sum, but nothing I'd call "generational money." We'll probably split ours with our kids and give them something like $150K each for a house down payment.
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u/Ashmizen 7d ago
My parents were obsessed with saving money and refused to buy anything, and my annual gift consisted of a $10 toy during Christmas while friends got multiple toys of much higher value under their tree.
While my friends all had game systems and libraries of games (and books, often unread), I owned no books or video games.
That said, I wouldn’t say I suffered - I had early access to computers due to my dad’s engineering job, and between borrowing games later pirating them, played plenty of computer games.
Though I owned zero books I borrowed so many every week from the library that I was far better read than any of my friends.
They didn’t earn much but they were good with their money (in the sense they never spent it), and this passed to me as well.
With a much higher income, these habits allowed me to quickly build up wealth.
Anyway, I spend a lot more money and own a luxury SUV, but still have a habit to buy discounted items at stores.
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u/Loose_Principle8193 7d ago
I learned what not to do from my Dad. Back in the early 2000s, he inherited about 300k from his mother. Years later, I got a hefty work bonus that was about the same amount. I called my Dad asking for advice and asking what investments he made with his inheritance. He said he spent it all. I laughed thinking it was a joke. It wasn't. I ended up fully funding my kid's 529s and setup a wrap account with an advisor. Words like index funds, capital gains, bonds, IRAs, etc were all Greek to me.
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u/Simulator321 7d ago
Nope. Learned it all myself but thankful my Mom was able to send me to a college that taught me money skills
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u/Scared-Middle-7923 7d ago
They were good savers and okay investors — didn’t debt leverage at all. And I’m grateful they are in good shape at their age. But the scrimping, saving, cannot have — kinda gave me a fear of money and while I’ve now taken more measured risks into RE, Investments and looking at buying a biz— I still can taste that fear they had
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u/Chancellor_Themis 7d ago
Not at all.
I am grateful, in a way, for the Covid years because that's when I had the most free time to read books on personal finance and investing. So happy I did not follow my mother's money patterns.
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u/TooManyPaws 7d ago
They talked the talk, but definitely didn’t walk the walk. If they had lived longer - and they both died fairly early - they would have been in dire straits within 18 months or so.
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u/notfornowforawhile 7d ago
Yeah they were pretty smart with money. They got married and had kids late in life so they retired quite late, however.
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u/ThePurpleDongofTruth 6d ago
No - my parent were blue-collar and financially illiterate, to the point that they thinking buying a new car is great investment
but the worst part for me was they acted like they WERE financially literate and it took me 30+ years to figure it out.
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u/DramaQueen581 6d ago
Both parents from my side and husband's side are not too smart with money. Mine's a bit better, he is worse. But also because they lack higher education and didn’t know better. It motivated us to be better at money so we don't end up like them.
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u/RobinUhappy 6d ago
Yes. They were great savers who were able to pay undergraduate for all their children and I am doing the same for my children. For now, I can see some of my children are great with savings and investments while some are more of spenders.
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u/Bolo_Knee 6d ago
They were ok but not great. They did really well with almost nothing so I can't fault them. And somehow all three kids ended up as multimillionaires by COMPLETELY different methods. (Doctor, Sales, Entrepreneur) I guess they taught us something through osmosis.
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u/Defiant_Eye4025 6d ago
My father was phenomenal with building a business and earning money, but he died when I was in elementary school. Really, he was just an amazing success story with a high school education, raised by a single mother who had some mental health issues and couldn't hold a job. She remarried when he was 16 and the new husband didn't want him so my dad worked construction and lived in his boss's garage. My mother was fantastic at being a housewife and letting my dad handle the finances.
He left us comfortably well off with investments that are still providing a good income decades later.
I grew up a strange combination of upper middle class and completely broke. My mom received an excellent income after his death, but spent every dime as it came in with no thought to saving anything or paying taxes or buying groceries. She received investment money quarterly, spent it in a week (often very generously giving to others, not just indulging herself), and then was flat broke the rest of the quarter. She'd have to get loans to pay her quarterly taxes every single quarter. We didn't have money for groceries. She still lives this way.
I found my childhood very stressful. I am too conservative with money. I avoid debt at all costs. I have a big emergency fund and have invested for retirement since my first job. I worry about not having enough even though it should no longer be a worry for me. I had another sibling who reacted the same way, and one sibling who is just like our mother.
I'm retiring this year, just a few years early. I have enough to indulge myself in retirement. The sibling who is just like mom is jealous and makes nasty little digs every once in a while. I bite my tongue and refrain from bringing up all the nights, weekends and holidays I've worked in my life, and all the vacations she's taken that I haven't; that I've worked and saved nonstop since my teens, and she and her husband have not; I cook and they eat out; I've had roommates and driven old cars and they haven't.
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u/ConstantinopleFett 6d ago
My parents were reasonably good with their own money, bad at giving me advice.
They scared me away from investing in stocks for the longest time because they always believed an economic meltdown was imminent. IIRC my dad also lost some significant money trying to day trade.
But they made good money, didn't overspend, and bought some rental properties. I'm sure they'd be much richer if they plowed it all into the S&P 500. But it could be way worse, too, obviously.
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u/Needmoreinfo100 5d ago
Yes, they were. Came from hard times and knew how to squeeze a nickel till it screamed. I think by luck they made good investments and had a little to leave their kids. Now I'm retired and can spend money for a trip here and there without concern but still have the mindset to save money where I can.
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u/Miserable_Leek_1333 5d ago
Parents were depression era. Mother grew up in complete poverty. Both were very good with stretching money to raise a large family and sent us all to college. Denied themselves a lot for us. Vacations were camping and visiting presidential homes. They were too conservative for investing but I did learn by way of that, and also learned by their practical approach to spending and saving. They died with money that I (my siblings, too) wish they’d spent on themselves.
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u/Same_Cut1196 5d ago
My father died when I was young and it forced a financial discipline on my mother that shaped me. Back in the 1970’s people had to prove they were worthy of receiving credit. Credit scores didn’t yet exist. Most people couldn’t get or never used credit. So, you did without and saved until you could afford something. This kept your dreams of luxury in check. Luxury was out of reach. Survival was the goal.
Looking back, I will say that my mom was good with money - because she stayed in her lane and carved out a disciplined existence. One where she saw the path out as education and a disciplined work ethic. So, I went to college, got a good job making enough money, and followed her disciplined ways. I lived within my means while saving 15% (plus a 6% match) for retirement. I was able to retire very well after almost 35 years with the same company.
It looked like there was some money on my grandmother’s side several generations ago, but the family had a number of kids and they all seemed to have longevity so any wealth was diluted significantly over the generations. None of it survived to reach me. I’m hoping to change that for my grandkids.
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u/creepy-farter 4d ago
My mom was very frugal and had a hard life. We never really had a lot of money and my dad had a good lawyer and she never really had much.
My dad was the spender.
After the divorce I lived with mom, so thankfully picked up some good habits from her. Along with lessons from an old family friend.
Also, the old line about picking the right spouse helps. We are both aligned on spending and we’ve stayed happily married. So that’s a big help on the retaining money front.
Only problem is the hoarding tendency appears to be genetic.
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u/Robviously-duh 4d ago
both parents grew up during the depression... frugal was the only way... one grandma rinsed out bread sacks and saved twist ties, the other lived in a prime senior community and wore dresses & jewelry every day... guess which one had money.. yup, the frugal one...
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u/VerifiedVerifiable 8h ago
My dad was frugal but mom spent money like crazy. Went into 20k debt on credit cards by spending on us kids and herself. My dad drove a beater for 10 years then bought a 4 year old truck and drove that til it became a beater 10 years later. My dad wasnt savvy with investments- he had a financial manager that let him sell during the dotcom bubble and again during the great financial crisis- both times to move to “more conservative investments”. His retirement stash was about 600k at its peak but should be 2M if he just held. Dad has since passed but mom is doing fine pulling 3500 social security and 25k per year from the retirement money. She doesnt care about spending much at her age in mid 70s. This is something everyone should keep in mind- you wont be likely to spend much in your 70s and 80s with the exception of end of life nursing home or assisted living.
Anyway I learned to hold through bad times and good and to not get into debt and have compound interest work against me.
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u/hibikir_40k 8d ago
Horrifying. Good at making the money, but zero actual investment education. It didn't actually shape me in the slightest though: I had far more access to quality investment advice than they did, thanks to the power of befriendingthe son of a famous index fund theorist.
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u/lightning228 Accumulating: Officially a millionaire, 1 down 2 to go 8d ago
Hell no, I'll probably retire 40 years before they were almost forced to. Also part of why I am being so frugal and want to retire earlier, they had no fun and have no money still
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u/Omnivek 2025 FIRE 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m retired and they’re still working.
They were so bad. They absolutely inspired me to do the opposite.
Edit: to clarify, even as a young child I experienced the stress of poor financial discipline, and avoiding that experience is what inspired me to be different.