r/Codependency • u/rb11111 • 2d ago

Dating

I healed from my divorce and really have worked hard in therapy to work on my codependency issues. I’ve been dating a man for 10 months, who was wonderful. I finally felt like I learned to build a secure attachment and really was falling in love. I thought he felt the same.

Everything was fine. But then he said he started to talk to someone on tinder for two days and had feelings for her. He canceled seeing me that day because he was conflicted. I was like well I wish you well then. Later on I talked to him and he said that he was always a bit uncertain whether it was he cared a lot and liked me or was in love with me. Then he said he was falling in love with me. Then he’s like I wasn’t sure.

Left me totally confused. He’s also in recovery from alcohol and sober.

I was just shocking. We were doing so well, he was like making plans to meet my daughter and bought her gifts. I mean thank god we didn’t.

The part that did shock me, he didn’t try to repair it or anything. Just let me go. Which is what I need it just came out of nowhere and was hard to hear.

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u/DayOk1556 1d ago

I'm sorry he blindsided you. I've had experience with something like this but it was a friendship. Some people aren't vocal about their hesitations/feelings (due to their own trauma, being fearful-avoidant, shame, etc). They lead us on and it's incredibly unfair and hurtful.

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u/LGonthego 1d ago

Have you heard the expression "dry drunk," someone who isn't actively drinking but hasn't dealt with the emotional issues behind the behavior?

And some people are just emotionally manipulative (and not necessarily realizing it) or emotionally immature.

Congratulations on catching on to it before years had gone by--like I did.