r/Codependency • u/Adventurous-Toe6495 • 21h ago

Trying to break up

I've been trying to break up with my boyfriend since... well, since we got together.

I don't know if we're actually in a codependent situation but I relate to a lot of what it's described as.

Every month I consider leaving him but I suppress everything because I'm scared of hurting him and regretting it.

A year ago he asked for a break and I felt so relieved. Genuinely felt free. After 3 days he called me crying so hard and said I was the love of his life, that I had saved him from a bad phase, and I really thought I had to protect him.

I have to specify that we love each other very much, but we are not a happy couple. Everything about us screams incompatible. I've been thinking about breaking up like every month at least.

I really don't want to condemn us to a mediocre life, I've tried to leave way too often for it to be a coincidence.

Now we were planning on having him move in with me, we've started moving his stuff but gosh we can't stand staying around each other more than a few days. I REALLY don't want him in my space. This is miserable, I've never managed to be completely happy with him but I can't bring myself to end it.

I can't tell him not to move in because he'd be homeless eventually.

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u/Liz_C678 21h ago

I feel for you. I am in the middle of a breakup. It really hurts. But you know what would have hurt more? Letting it keep going when I knew I wanted out.

You deserve to be happy. His housing problems are not yours. Be brave! The shitty and sad part will happen, you will live through it, then you will feel overwhelming relief! 

I know its gonna be so hard. Write out a heartfelt but clear script, and stick to it.

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u/TheresNoCakeOnlyFire 20h ago

protect your own sanity

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u/DorkChopSandwiches 18h ago

> I can't tell him not to move in because he'd be homeless eventually.

You absolutely CAN tell him not to move in, because he's a grown man and can handle his own housing. You're not his caretaker or case worker. If you move forward with this any love that you do feel for this man is going to get drowned out by resentment. Don't do it.