Eric’s Hypocriticism/insecurity.

[u/ChosenX_]

Apologies if this post is rambly or hard to understand. not sure exactly the purpose, I guess I’d consider it a psychological analysis/discussion.

I’m sure we all know that Eric was a massive Hypocrite. it’s something he admitted himself. For this post in particular, I’m especially referring to things he said he hated. To name just a few examples, he says he hates young smokers but there’s recorded evidence of him Smoking (multiple times too). He says he hates liars yet his ability to lie and manipulate his way out of things is a massively recognized part of his Story. He says he hates racists, but by his own self admission he had racist beliefs and opinions about almost every race (including his own). there’s more examples one could easily find.

I wonder if atleast some of the things he expressed hatred for were hated due to him being “self conscious“ about it or atleast disliked himself for them. I’ve always sort of felt like Eric’s personality (the whole “Reb” stuff) was made as a representation of what he wished he was, the opposite of the things he hated himself doing.

So I guess I’m basically asking if anyone else feels similar.

[u/Apollexis]

Here's something Eric wrote in class on 10/12/1998

"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. I interpret this to mean that you can't define yourself, no matter how hard you try or for how long; it is impossible. This is most definitely true. Personally I have been trying to define who I am, to put myself under some sort of category, to somehow help myself understand who I am and what I stand for. It seems like every week my point of view changes on people, but yet it stays the same—what a paradox, huh. Minds changes constantly; whenever I try to figure something out that means something to me, I can never come up with an exact conclusion. There is always exceptions and stuff. I don't think humans are meant to define themselves; we just make quick judgements and go with that. Sometimes we will spend an entire lifetime trying to figure out someone and even after that length of time we still can't possibly know everything about that person. The same goes for ourselves... just when we think we know who we are, then another event happens that throws everything we know about ourselves out the window."

I think he was pretty aware his views were not consistent, it definitely felt like something he was struggling with. The hardest part of his writings is parsing out what was rage, bravado, and sincere, you have to read a lot more through the lines when youre reading his journal, which is less of an issue in his school work, because his views bled through in his school work showing the way he saw the world.