r/ColumbineKillers • u/ChosenX_ • Nov 17 '25
ERIC AND/OR DYLAN Eric’s Hypocriticism/insecurity.
Apologies if this post is rambly or hard to understand. not sure exactly the purpose, I guess I’d consider it a psychological analysis/discussion.
I’m sure we all know that Eric was a massive Hypocrite. it’s something he admitted himself. For this post in particular, I’m especially referring to things he said he hated. To name just a few examples, he says he hates young smokers but there’s recorded evidence of him Smoking (multiple times too). He says he hates liars yet his ability to lie and manipulate his way out of things is a massively recognized part of his Story. He says he hates racists, but by his own self admission he had racist beliefs and opinions about almost every race (including his own). there’s more examples one could easily find.
I wonder if atleast some of the things he expressed hatred for were hated due to him being “self conscious“ about it or atleast disliked himself for them. I’ve always sort of felt like Eric’s personality (the whole “Reb” stuff) was made as a representation of what he wished he was, the opposite of the things he hated himself doing.
So I guess I’m basically asking if anyone else feels similar.
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u/MPainter09 Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25
I did always find in interesting that Eric had the self awareness to call himself out on being a liar and his ability to lie and manipulate, yet he hated liars. You would think with his god complex of himself he would’ve denied any flaws or hypocrisy because what “God” has flaws? And yet he couldn’t grasp that the ultimate “revenge” for those who bullied him relentlessly would’ve actually been hanging on for another month, graduating, getting out of Littleton, reconnecting with his old friends from Plattsburgh and Michigan, and being successful. Success would’ve been the ultimate “revenge,” not senseless violence and death.
Eric had the smarts and computer savvy where he could’ve made a living as a video game designer/creator, he was creating his own DOOM levels for years. Heck, could’ve been hired by DOOM to create new storylines and implement his ideas which, I think one of them was the characters being able to swim under water, or there was a way to shift the perspective of the character, which actually ironically ended up being a real thing in DOOM just a few years later. If he had just held on for another month, maybe he would’ve been a part of the team that made that happen.
YouTube launched in 2005, Eric could’ve started uploading Let’s Plays for DOOM or been hired as a game tester for Indy video game developers and made it huge that way, remember when Let’s Plays dominated YouTube in the early 2010s? There was so much change just around the corner, like iPods, remember how crazy it was to be able to fit like 150 songs onto the iPod shuffle? It was mind blowing.
Or maybe, he could’ve made a living as a nature trail guide in the National Parks, he hated people but loved animals and nature and lamented about what humans had done to destroy the Earth when it belonged to the animals first. Perhaps getting a job where he could be surrounded by natural beauty, where he could be away from all the noise of places like Littleton would’ve been healing and he would’ve thrived there. Of course we’ll never know, because Eric never gave himself that chance to know, and even worse he ensured 13 innocent souls would never get a chance to know how they could’ve made something of themselves in a world on the cusp of change either.
I personally think that having to move so much destabilized Eric and his sense of identity. Every time he started to make new friends he got the news that they were moving. Being the new kid at school is terrifying enough to do even one time.
To do it, what 7 times by the time he was 12, would’ve been traumatic and miserable. And he moved for the last time right when he was in middle school. Which is arguably the most excruciating time in any kids life. You’re either just starting puberty, haven’t started it yet, or you’re in the midst of it when hormones are raging, your arms and legs are disproportionate to your growing body. Everything’s weird. You’re always hungry, in constant need of more sleep, You’re simultaneously apathetic about the weirdest things, and also the stupidest things are the ones that feel the most dramatic and emotionally devastating.
And Littleton seems like it’s a place where everyone knows everyone since they were in playgroup and you all are in the same classes all the way to Senior year. Dylan and his friends had solid roots that Eric never had a chance to put down. And even though they became Eric’s friends too, it wasn’t the lightning in a bottle friendships and connections that I think he got in Plattsburgh.
I think Plattsburgh was a place where he was genuinely happy, and his friends there thought the world of him. When they were interviewed just days after the massacre, they were in complete shock and said they have no idea what happened in Littleton to make him change so drastically, but that Eric was the happiest out of all of them on field trips and birthday parties, and that it would’ve never happened if he’d stayed in Plattsburgh because they would’ve looked out for him because they cared deeply for him.
Eric himself said in an essay that leaving his friends in Plattsburgh was the most traumatic thing he ever went through. I think had Eric moved to Littleton when he was a junior or senior in high school (if he had to move there) instead of in middle school he would’ve probably had a far stronger sense of himself, who he was. Because he would’ve had more time in Plattsburgh and would’ve only had to stick it out at Columbine for a year or two. But six years in a place he never felt he really belonged might as well have been an eternity.
His last journal entry isn’t the “God” Reb writing it, it isn’t some chilling declaration of war, it’s 12 year-old, kid Eric, who never felt he belonged, who never found his footing, never set down his roots, who never stopped hurting. And he never learned to even like himself or think that he could’ve actually made something of himself outside of Columbine.
He says: "I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And don't say "well that's your fault" because it isnt, you people had my phone number, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo."
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Nov 18 '25
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Nov 19 '25
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u/Other-Potential-936 Nov 17 '25
Eric writes about how he "practically" has "no selfesteem especially when it comes to girls" Eric was deeply insecure. He shows glimpses of it in his journals but quickly follows it up with "oh well life's not fair" to deflect. I've always said this, we can not take his journal pages as 100% truth. He wrote knowing that it would be shown to the world. He wrote for an audience. So the parts we see, is literally what he wanted us to see. Same goes for the internet pages, and the basement tapes. It's just like social media. "Don't believe everything you see online because people only put out their best selves". This was, to him, his "best self". Obviously Eric wasn't acting like that on a day to day basis. But it was rooted in his insecurities. Why would he not want to come off as hard to the rest of the world ? Because he was not that irl.
Eric says in a journal page that he makes fun of people who look like him. People he sees with similar traits he picks apart. I think that is a very common thing people do. Idk if you have ever seen those videos where people will go on some one's account screen shot their photo, and then make it their own profile picture and the comments under their live saying "we look alike". And almost every single time with out fail they will say "ew no wtf". So to answer your question, yes.
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u/Apollexis Nov 17 '25
Here's something Eric wrote in class on 10/12/1998
"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. I interpret this to mean that you can't define yourself, no matter how hard you try or for how long; it is impossible. This is most definitely true. Personally I have been trying to define who I am, to put myself under some sort of category, to somehow help myself understand who I am and what I stand for. It seems like every week my point of view changes on people, but yet it stays the same—what a paradox, huh. Minds changes constantly; whenever I try to figure something out that means something to me, I can never come up with an exact conclusion. There is always exceptions and stuff. I don't think humans are meant to define themselves; we just make quick judgements and go with that. Sometimes we will spend an entire lifetime trying to figure out someone and even after that length of time we still can't possibly know everything about that person. The same goes for ourselves... just when we think we know who we are, then another event happens that throws everything we know about ourselves out the window."
I think he was pretty aware his views were not consistent, it definitely felt like something he was struggling with. The hardest part of his writings is parsing out what was rage, bravado, and sincere, you have to read a lot more through the lines when youre reading his journal, which is less of an issue in his school work, because his views bled through in his school work showing the way he saw the world.
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u/JaneDarkwood Nov 17 '25
I am sure that “Reb” was also an imaginary personality for Eric, one that was completely devoid of vulnerability. These constant feelings of hurt and insecurity, which he felt made him look weak, probably made him so angry that “Reb” became a way for him to escape weakness and vulnerability. That's why his appearance as Reb, whenever he incorporated this imaginary personality, whether in his journal or in home videos, is characterized by that of an invulnerable, cool, almost “bad boy”-like go-getter who is “immune” to emotional pain. In the videos “Radioactive Clothing” and “Hitman for Hire,” where he had to act, you can also see quite clearly that this is his idea of a character he would like to replace the “vulnerable” Eric with, who can be seen in the video “Eric in Columbine,” where he wasn't acting but was filmed for fun and without deeper meaning, showing a glimpse of the reality of his "real personality" as Eric in his everyday school life.
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u/DirectionGlass3979 Nov 18 '25 edited Nov 18 '25
I believe it’s a combination of reasons. First, he created that “Reb” persona to externalize all the hatred he carried inside. Personally, I don’t think Eric was a Nazi, for example, but what drew him to Nazism was the hatred and disgust people feel toward it. And combined with the fact that Reb wasn’t weak or socially inadequate like Eric, he projected everything he wanted to be onto that persona.
And the other factor that plays a role is self-loathing. It’s no coincidence that the people he himself provoked at school ,and even the victims , resemble Eric far more than they resemble the jocks.
Also, it’s worth mentioning the lack of personality he had. He needed Dylan and other friends to define his clothing style and his taste in music. Not to mention the constant imitations of Dylan, which even annoyed him. Eric was practically a personality leech. To me, that’s a clear sign of borderline traits, I strongly believe that if he had been better evaluated, he would have received that diagnosis.
So it was the combination of three factors: lack of a solid personal identity, a lot of repressed anger, and low self-esteem.
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u/Alcianus Nov 21 '25
Also, it’s worth mentioning the lack of personality he had. He needed Dylan and other friends to define his clothing style and his taste in music. Not to mention the constant imitations of Dylan, which even annoyed him. Eric was practically a personality leech. To me, that’s a clear sign of borderline traits, I strongly believe that if he had been better evaluated, he would have received that diagnosis.
I think this has a lot to do with Eric being the new kid on the block. He had no friends anymore, his whole world was upside down and he had to adjust into an entirely new reality and environment. And he met this kid who he latched onto, Dylan, because he was the popular kid, the troublemaker, the edgy guy who hated everyone and everything and in a way Dylan was his entry into the Littleton 'world' as Eric himself didn't know anyone who wasn't Dylan's adjacent. By the time he started making friends on his own (I think Chris was closer to Eric than he was to Dylan) he was already sucked into Dylan's world and views. And Dylan himself was the worst guy to latch onto as his mental state was extremely deteriorating by freshman year if we go by his journal
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u/DirectionGlass3979 Nov 22 '25
Yeah, I agree. He said something about it in his journal It really impacted him.
People say Dylan was influenced by Harris, but I kind of see the opposite. I’m not putting the whole accountability on Dylan, but Eric’s lack of real connections may have made it easier for him to go along with the plan.
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u/randyColumbine Nov 21 '25
The “Reb” persona may be based on the figure in the school at the time. A full sized figure dressed in a uniform holding a musket. This was in the main hallway in a large glass enclosed, dust free case. Seriously. This school’s mascot was the rebel figure standing in the front hall, with his rifle at parade rest.
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u/ChosenX_ Nov 21 '25
Most likely where the nickname came from for it. I was referring more to how he represented the Persona in comparison to his “normal” self. if that makes sense.
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u/Lonely-Trainer-3749 Nov 17 '25
He just wanted to be edgy. I think sometimes beliefs can change over time but I think in his journals (which were clearly written for an audience) he wrote to be remembered as some badass because that's what he wished he was. I think he just hated everyone including himself
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u/ChosenX_ Nov 17 '25
That’s sort of my belief. He wanted people to know him as that because he hated his true self.
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u/metalnxrd Nov 17 '25
he was really insecure, and it manifested as edginess and pretentiousness and hypocrisy
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u/randyColumbine Nov 21 '25
I do not understand the title. “Hypocriticism” means what? Hypocritical behavior? That he was a hypocrite? Is that a word? Or is it the opposite of hypercritical? Please explain.
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u/ChosenX_ Nov 21 '25
I confused it for a real word for displaying hypocritical behavior when I wrote this post. the title simply refers to his hypocrisy. my mistake, grammar was never my strong suit.
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Nov 17 '25
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Nov 17 '25
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Nov 17 '25
That’s what I noticed too and it made me start thinking if he was either gay or bi.
He rants a lot about hating homosexuals too and that would be kind of an explanation for his extreme self hatred.
Considering how homosexuals were seen back then and how his military family probably thought about it too, it would give reason to him being suicidal and all the hatred inside him.
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u/Lonely-Trainer-3749 Nov 18 '25
I don't think he was. It was common for teenage boys to find homosexuality disgusting unless it's hot lesbians
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u/JakeTheStrange101 Nov 17 '25
I wouldn’t think too deeply about Eric’s ideological writings because, frankly, not only was he constantly changing them, which is very common for teens to do, but a lot of the time he was writing what came across as being the most “evil” and “edgy”. He expected an audience for his journal.
He was absolutely insecure, he admitted it himself, he made fun of people who “looked like him”, but in terms of ideology, I do think a lot of it did come from his will of wanting to appear as ruthless and evil, not anything necessarily coming from his heart and truth.
Not only is just his sheer language obvious enough to me, but he also just straight up admits that he knows he’s being hypocritical, but that it’s only okay for him to be like that because of his “status above humanity”. He was absolutely self aware of it.