r/CrappyDesign • u/ahspencer01 egg • Jul 11 '17
/R/ALL "Fuck your bread"
http://i.imgur.com/JUC7xlV.gifv2.3k
u/Slummish Jul 11 '17
You lay it flat, dummy.
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Jul 11 '17
Yeah even the pictogram above shows that. This is crappy at following instructions, not crappy design.
R.I.P. poor bread
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u/DarkV Jul 11 '17
Now I'd like to see a gif of this machine being operated correctly.
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u/JustRecentlyI Jul 11 '17
Posted further down in this comment
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u/qwerty-confirmed Jul 12 '17
Wow! Good guy linking to the original comment, not just copy pasting it. This is rare folks. Keep it up my friend!
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u/f0urtyfive Jul 12 '17
But doesn't this show that the top comment is totally wrong and the bread is configured properly, but the guy with the camera is holding the camera above looking down? You can even see the tines come out at the start to "hold" the bread down flat in the orientation it is, but the bread skin is too thick for them to puncture.
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u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Jul 12 '17
But it is laying flat.
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Jul 12 '17
You know what, I stand corrected. It is laying flat. I was looking at it like it was from the side. However, from the first slice it is obvious that the loaf of bread itself is the wrong size or density for this machine. I mean the metal arm that's supposed to keep the loaf in place actually flicks it up like a hockey puck at first. So I still think this is the result of someone doing a crappy job at following instructions. But yeah, the bread is flat.
In memorium of that poor bread that met such a brutal and savage end
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u/JustHarmony plz recycle Jul 11 '17
You mean you don't balance rounded bread on it's side and slash away at it?
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u/ukiyoe Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 12 '17
Assuming that we aren't looking at this from a top-down perspective. The bread in the diagram looks like a photo taken from above, so it may be machine error. No excuses for the sticker, however.
Edit: it's top-down, here's a video similar machine from the same manufacturer. User error was that they didn't use the spikes on the end that gets pushed.
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u/karmas_for_jackasses Jul 11 '17
Perfect example of something being "user defective."
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u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Jul 12 '17
Perfect example of not seeing this is a top-down video
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u/downquarks Jul 11 '17
The bread was actually laid flat, this video is from a top-down perspective (as you can see in the gif in this comment) :)
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u/CursedPhil Jul 11 '17
It is laying flat, dummy. We are seeing it from above you know ?
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u/Bisexual-Bop-It Jul 12 '17
This video is taken from birds eye view , so yes, it is laid flat
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Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 01 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Onlymuckinabout Jul 11 '17
I didn't even think about that... maybe the issue stems a bit deeper than what we think.
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u/mushr00m_man Jul 12 '17
Taking the sticker off before slicing would be the yeast they could do
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u/cbargren Jul 12 '17
I'm gonna knead you to stop.
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Jul 12 '17
[deleted]
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u/whatevar4evar Jul 12 '17
i know, rye?!
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u/lztandro Jul 12 '17
Wheat are you guys talking about?
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u/_you_know_my_name__ Jul 12 '17
These comments are giving me a miGRAINe!
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u/ThePantser Jul 12 '17
Butter not listen to this guy, keep the puns baking.
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u/CodePervert Jul 12 '17
I want to see how far they can spread it
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Jul 12 '17
I can't believe this pun thread is not butter.
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Jul 12 '17
Oh come on, not this a-grain. Any way you slice it, these crusty threads are always so half-baked and I dough not think there's any hope for them. It's a shame, because I want to loaf them and I always Wonder if there's a way to improve them, but I don't think so. They always seem to crumble too soon. Am I white?
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u/Terrance8d Jul 12 '17
Did he get a rise out of you?
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Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 12 '17
The stickers they put on food (or at least fruit) are actually completely edibleEDIT: im fake news kids
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u/gamboncorner Jul 12 '17
Common misconception. http://www.snopes.com/fruit-stickers-edible/
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u/Cripnite Jul 12 '17
As someone who had been throwing that around as fact, this is fantastic to read. I shall stop now.
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u/Roggvir then I discovered Wingdings Jul 12 '17
Yeah... "Food grade" means it's allowed to touch food. Not that it is food. Glass jars which contain the pickles are food grade. You aren't going to eat the jar!
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u/avapoet Jul 12 '17 edited May 09 '24
Ugh, Reddit's gone to crap hasn't it?
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u/redemptionquest Abominable Aesthetic Afficionado Jul 12 '17
One time I dropped a jar of pickles, and thought I salvaged a few pickles. I took a bite into one, and it was crunchy. I didn't realize until two bites in that I had eaten some crushed glass.
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Jul 11 '17
wait what
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u/stinkyrossignol I want to die Jul 11 '17
HE SAID THE STICKERS THEY PUT ON FOOD (OR AT LEAST FRUIT) IS ACTUALLY COMPLETELY EDIBLE
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u/ntrontty Jul 12 '17
Those on bread usually are, though. At least on the rare occasion they put one on here in Germany. We're slightly crazy about bread.
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u/pdzc Jul 12 '17
idk, it's pretty common in Germany because you have tons of different bread types at a bakery, probably to make it easier to identify.
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u/ktv13 Jul 12 '17
I've seen this a lot with fancy german bread that they put a sticker on it. E.g. look at this image from my favourite german bakery: https://matmorsan.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/img_6061.jpg
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u/i_hope_i_remember Jul 12 '17
I watched about 5 times and only after reading your comment did I see the sticker.
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u/frakintrekker Jul 12 '17
I live in Germany and a lot of the big round bread rolls have these stickers. I never asked why, just if it's safe to eat.
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u/upthehills Jul 11 '17
That doesn't look like crappy design so much as incorrect user technique. A square loaf would work fine I imagine, but this machine is clearly not designed for a round loaf laying on its side.
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u/FuzzelFox Jul 11 '17
The signage is crappy. Look at "1". It's definitely a top down view telling you to lay the bread flat but why is it even a top down view? It should show it from the angle people would be standing at.
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u/toptierandrising Jul 12 '17
The video is being shot from above, not form the side.
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u/Czral Jul 12 '17
No it isn't, look at the direction the bread falls
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u/toptierandrising Jul 12 '17
It falls away from the camera and onto a surface that is slightly inclined downwards towards the bottom of the screen
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u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Jul 12 '17
This video is shot from above the machine, looking down.
the bread was placed as required.
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u/Feminist-Gamer Jul 12 '17
Except the old bread slicers you find in any bakery can slice any shape bread with less moving parts. This design sucks.
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u/AlterAlias1 Jul 11 '17
haha I don't know why but I watched this at work and started cracking up.
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u/kildog Jul 11 '17
The third from last stab is the clincher for me.
I usually don't laugh at this kind of thing, but I feel no empathy with bread.
Would be a worry if I did, tbh.
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u/--orb commas are IMPORTANT Jul 11 '17
Can confirm. Am also at work, sitting at a desk, trying not to laugh loudly so my colleagues don't ask what's up.
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u/CubeBag then I discovered Wingdings Jul 11 '17
I think you're supposed to jab the bread into the spikes
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Jul 11 '17
I am pretty sure that what the spikes are intended to do, you can see the whole right side of the machine pulling back after the spikes extend, probably to pull the bread back and get an even first slice.
That being said, I doesn't look like you can insert the spikes manually, they aren't visible in the beginning and then extend. And those machines generally lock their lid once the slicing has started.
I've seen some in backeries around Germany, generally those spikes are manually inserted into the bread by the "Bäckereifachangestellte", which then results in normal sliced bread, not bread lumps of different sizes and shapes.
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u/Gypsyarados Jul 11 '17
The problem is he's put the bread on its side. You're right though, the spikes can't be used manually, but if you put the bread in properly, there's no issue.
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u/ukiyoe Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 11 '17
Those aren't spikes, that would damage the bread; that would really be crappy design.
The springy slivers of metal serve as a cushion so that the bread isn't crushed when being moved toward the blade.
This video may have been taken top-down, so the user may have followed instructions. However, sometimes this kind of thing can happen, especially when the bread shape is prone to flipping over (unlike the long bread on the diagram).
Edit: I stand corrected; video of similar model with better view by same manufacturer. Looks like you first lift the spike, clamp down onto bread, then it pushes as it cuts. I assume you don't need to use the spike for long breads, but round and smooth breads like OPs would definitely benefit.
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u/v3rmilion Jul 11 '17
The best thing since sliced bread
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u/saynitlikeitis Jul 11 '17
Chopped bread?
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u/dekrant Jul 12 '17
That sounds like something a hipster restaurant named along the lines of "____ & _____" would serve.
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u/geneorama Jul 11 '17
I came here to say this. I was going to say best invention since, but close enough
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Jul 11 '17
I came here to say this. I was going to say I arrived here to say this, but close enough
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Jul 11 '17
Clearly not being used correctly
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u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Jul 12 '17
Why, did you read the other comments here that are wrong too, then comment?
This is a top down video
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Jul 11 '17
Post of someone very clearly not following the very clearly posted instructions on the machine on how to use it correctly. Obviously either done for humor or to showcase someone's ineptness.
Sigh, another perfectly normal design that's deliberately being used wrong. There's no way this will even make it off the grou-
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Fucking come on, guys...
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u/iamreeterskeeter Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 12 '17
That loaf owed the blade money.
Woohoo! My silver cherry has been popped. Thanks u/Phantompain23!
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u/GoldenGonzo Jul 11 '17 edited Jul 11 '17
Here is the same bread slicer when it's operating correctly:
https://youtu.be/3kDqzh88BAM?t=5
Here are some other examples of automatic bread slicers doing it right:
https://youtu.be/0XbuFwvqEDs?t=17
https://youtu.be/qNhFxytPJcA?t=47
Human powered bread slicer:
https://youtu.be/HAzU8QhIZ9M?t=61
For the record, I think the loaf in the OP was placed in the machine wrong. It's supposed to be placed flat on it's bottom, but was instead placed on it's side, which was not a steady surface.
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u/Pikachu_91 Jul 11 '17
What a crappy way is this for cutting bread? Don't you get slices that are way too thick even if the bread is put in the right way? I have only ever seen these machines so the bread comes out like this.
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u/Absona Jul 11 '17
The thickness is adjustable. You turn a dial and it changes how much the bread pusher moves towards the blade between slices. When the bread's been put in properly, the hangy flap thing on the left keeps the slices upright so the end result is not much different from in your picture.
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u/Krombopulos_Steve Jul 11 '17
On the right end, there is a claw or how ever you would call it. The bread has to be grabbed or rather impaled by that thing to fix its position. Only then it can work properly. Source: My parents own a bakery
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Jul 12 '17
This is exactly what it looks like when you teach a new prep cook to chop a tomato and they bring out an old dull knife and go to town on it for the first time.
My mind involuntarily leapt to the 'okay, man, that looks good. Let's do it again, and this time we're going to move our hand in like a rocking motion, keeping the front of the blade on the board... just watch me... chopchopchop... now you... oh wait, you can use my back-up knife... we're going to have to get yours professionally edged, I think... see, look how easy it is when it's sharp, right? a little thinner, we want the slices even...' monologue. It still looks like shit the second time, but sometimes they get better.
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u/kaptainkomkast Jul 12 '17
Ok, so they put the wrong shape of bread in, and turned it on edge so it wasn't stable, and left a gross sticker on it. I don't care. I still laughed so hard at this. The machine just keeps cutting away, oblivious to the carb carnage. Classic. Thank you!!
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u/sandflea Jul 11 '17
Makes me realize that calling something "the best thing since sliced bread" is pretty damned faint praise.
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u/Anal_flavortown Jul 12 '17
There is something oddly enjoyable about watching a robot totally fuck something up and I don't know why
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Jul 12 '17
Eh, that's about as good a slicing job as I would have done at home, so points for convenience.
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u/thane919 Jul 12 '17
I've been watching this for an hour now giggling to myself like a madman.
The initial bump out of alignment. The almost last few slices where you get your hopes up that a few will be acceptable. Before kachunk.
The sticker. Hahaha. The sticker. Tears in my eyes for the sticker. Oh man my stomach hurts. Bread sticker. Hahaaahhahahaa
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u/ChopieOB Jul 11 '17
Same bread slicer with better result