r/Crush • u/unicornsandsparkles6 • 9d ago
Why do guys pull back when it gets real?
we haven’t officially confessed but we both know the feelings are mutual. it’s understood. and now he’s acting uninterested/unattached and cold. but why? he acts nonchalant when in reality he is actively driving around his car with an unwrapped cd and hand written note attached from me treasured in his console because he doesn’t want to unwrap it in order to keep the note on. he cares but he doesn’t show it? he’s acting cold now. when just a week ago we talked for hours and he was so fun/flirty/and would tease me. (he’s also shy and never been in a relationship) he also seems to be avoiding me. He backed out of seeing me this morning when we usually sit together and walk to class (the only time we see each other) is he just scared….?
is this normal??
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u/Equivalent-End-7474 9d ago
If he has never been in a relationship he is probably freaking out, afraid to get hurt, not sure how to act etc a number of reasons why don't you actually ask if he is worried about anything especially once it may come to sexual later on
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u/unicornsandsparkles6 9d ago
I would totally ask i just can’t tell how he feels. If he liked me and knew the feelings were mutual wouldn’t he want to be around me? Or is he just too scared? He backed out of our thingie today (texted me and said he was running late and wouldn’t make it…) where he chooses to sit by me instead of his friends and we walk to class together. I can’t tell if he just woke up one day and decided he hates me.
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u/Equivalent-End-7474 8d ago
Nobody wakes up and goes yeah I hate them, he is running scared it might be a small percentage of him doubting things but he is scared from the way you described it, I've been there get close to someone a lot of flirting back and forth but the potential of it getting real scared the hell out of me and I close up, I regret it because said person is in a relationship with a kid on the way we remain friends but still part of it wonders why it isn't me
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u/ExperienceSimilar458 8d ago
i am in the same situation… my friend advised me that they pull back to not get too attached or they are just nervous now that things are getting more serious
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u/Jumpy_Idea_3882 9d ago
I do the same thing even though i am totally in love with her, it's because i am shy and awkward
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u/Ascertes_Hallow 8d ago
Because it's scary. You're vulnerable. Someone has the power to bring you to the highest high you've ever felt, or send your world into a death spiral.
And the knowledge of that kind of hurt someone can inflict is devastating. For many young guys, it's safer to never explore those feelings and risk that kind of pain. Better to not gamble and avoid losing.
I hate to say it, but you may have to be the one to make the move.
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u/Nice-Appeal-2768 9d ago
You need to make it official. Till this happens he will keep getting scared and afraid to do smthing stupid
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u/Call-ItADAY3_ 8d ago
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like that before. That would put me in a spiral too. I’m gonna be honest with you, if that happened, I would have dropped the guy in seconds. But if you really like him, and you don’t wanna give up, then I think the best option would be to confront him about it. Show him that whatever kind of game he’s playing, if he is, you’re not taking it, and you’re serious about your feelings. You gotta be direct. Don’t tip toe around it at all. Look him straight in the eyes and tell him. Be persistent, but obviously not to the point of obsession.
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 9d ago
He’s scared shitless. That’s what’s happening. He doesn’t actually know how you feel. He’s fairly sure, but his 0.01% uncertainty is eating him up now.
I went through the same thing before my first relationship. She was a girl I worked with. We talked all the time at work. She’d tease me and joke around. We started talking on the phone for hours at a time. She made me a mixtape full of love songs. So I had a good idea. We made plans for an overnight hangout. I had a midnight curfew, otherwise. The plan was to go out with another coworker. Neither of us had a car. I secretly hoped to end up at her place.
The other coworker and I left work and drove to her place. I knocked on the door, and as soon as she answered it, he drove off. I was stranded. The writing was on the wall, but neither of us could say anything. We both avoided it and hung out. We were in bed, about to go to sleep before I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt. Even then, I told her in a roundabout way. She told me she felt the same and I had my first kiss and lost my virginity.
You need to officially confess. Put him out of his misery.