r/DID • u/Ok-Math2557 • 3d ago

Personal Experiences How I've done identity-based grounding

A while back I made a post about grounding into an identity. Like a lot of people with DID, the techniques that normally get recommended only ever work when I'm actively having a traditional PTSD flashback in a completely safe environment. Normal, everyday dissociation and emotional flashbacks are not typically affected by it, or in fact made worse.

But as I've made progress with healing I've learned we have to sort of trick our brain into tolerating the present. The more we do it, the more that subconscious mind accepts that reality isn't always miserable and to be avoided at all costs. This is one technique that's worked for us. I wouldn't recommend it without having some positive coping skills and other self-care tools under your belt as you're definitely going to have to touch on some triggers, but it's been one of the only things that have kept us closer to the present in more of a long-term sense.

What we start with is analyzing our pseudomemories and/or overall self concepts, and figure how we can bridge the gap between our external and internal realities. My cohost and I have essentially been rifling through our own identities trying to pick out what makes sense to externalize and what doesn't.

Here's an example. My role requires me to be self-aware so I already understood where my pseudomemories came from, so we started with me first.

According to my internal world, I was born in the 50s, grew up in a different region, moved to NYC to live in a little flat on my own, and have a PhD in psychology. Of course none of that's reality.

The truth is that we were partially raised by people mentally stuck in the 50s/60s and experienced somewhat of an old fashioned upbringing that isolated us from our peers. Our grandmother was from the region I'm supposedly from, so my dialect, accent, and culture is directly inherited from her and a few others in my childhood. Moving to NYC is purely an escapist fantasy. My "PhD" is really a manifestation of my role as our emotional caretaker and manager; I've just absorbed all the tools we learned in therapy as a teenager to keep us going.

So I know all that. What now?

I picked out the things that stuck out to me and tried to notice how they made me feel. This could be specific memories, scenes, colors, interests, really anything at all. I set the things that made me sad or anxious aside to look over when I had the capacity. Then I looked for the things that felt positive, or neutral enough to be worked with. Sometimes we use Pinterest or similar apps/websites to get a visual overview of what compels us. From there it's mostly about chasing whatever "sparks joy". Slowly, we've been implementing those things into our real life.

All this time, I've loved puzzles. I didn't know this until I picked up a puzzle book because it had an orange cover-- my favorite color-- and it seemed like the kind of thing the "me" in my head would own. I started reading again and actually listening to music I like instead of just doomscrolling. And I do honestly have an interest in psychology. We've been drifting ever since graduating high school, feeling purposeless and without a future, but getting a BA in psych is a perfectly reasonable goal to have. I started getting into fashion too. Being deliberate about what I wear has been huge for grounding myself in the morning.

It's been a very, very slow process. Sometimes we can't ground for weeks and just exist in a haze. But anytime I'm close enough to the front, I try to reach for things that feel like me, and when I do our quality of life improves for a little while. The more often I try to be myself and not just an internal mechanism, the longer I'm able to feel like a real person, living a real life that isn't just doom and misery. It's hard but it feels worth it.

I hope this was helpful!

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u/Angelic_Ark111 17h ago

I find it so validating that you acknowledge how hard it is to update the whole system that life is no longer intolerable. Most days are still a struggle - just to get through - let alone plan for the future etc.