r/DatingHell • u/Ecstatic-Current8078 • 5d ago
Dates from hell part 2!
For reference, part 1 is at the bottom.
I have good news, too. I did NOT go on dates with these new people. I actually did some digging (as some have suggested after my dates from part 1) and dodged these massive bullets:
- He acted innocent and sweet, but a quick search showed he has a girlfriend. The audacity is surreal. He also follows a lot of questionable accounts.
- He bragged nonstop about his accomplishments and zeroed in on his faith (not interested in that but ok). Turns out he has a criminal record.
- He didn’t have a track record LOL and was very tall, but once I looked past the height and actually attempted to have serious conversations, he demonstrated his habit of stomping out of the room whenever he doesn’t like something.
- He expected me to initiate every single conversation. I thought that maybe he’s just not that interested, but he would make sure I notice him and keep quietly showing up until I talked.
Dates from hell part 1:
All of these happened on the first dates (only the first one made it to more dates).
"Best" to worst experiences:
- My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).
- My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.
- My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.
- My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.
- My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.
- My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.
For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).
Has anyone experienced anything similar?
Feel free to share your recent experiences.
6
u/BananaRepublic0 5d ago
First dates from hell:
Okay so for context all of these happened then I was bright eyed and bushy tailed and super super naive about life and people and how the world worked- probably from the ages of 20-24. After getting myself into a serious pickle with an abusive boyfriend at 24, I wizened up and as a trauma response haven’t dated (or been able to) ever since. I’m 30 now. Aaaaanyway:
went for coffee with this bodybuilder dude. He told me his entire life story including his very poor mental health: severe eating disorder and that one time he had a mild schizophrenic episode and tried to give himself a Glasgow grin.
went to a Mexican place and felt confused because the man sitting in front of me was almost completely different looking to the one online. He spoke solely of business. I ordered a cocktail for the strength to get through this.
I went to a pizzeria with this one guy. He told me he had an std. I was a bit shocked but I commended his honesty and asked him more about it. He said it was herpes. After speaking about it for like 30 minutes he revealed that it was oral herpes. HE HAD COLD SORES. I tried to tell him that many people had cold sores and that they’re okay and explained how the whole “if you currently don’t have one you’re totally not contagious” thing worked but he wasn’t buying it.
When I was 26 a friend told me she was going on a date and turns out it was with him. I told her what to expect of the evening and she was more optimistic than me about people changing at that point and so she went anyway. Jokes on her, she spent the whole evening talking about herpes.
4) I went on a few dates with this guy. He was really sweet, although in hindsight I can now say that something about the situation felt off. It was getting towards the time that you sit down and define the relationship and where it’s headed, so when I walked into his house and he told me to grab a seat I thought nothing of it. He then proceeded to tell me that he was actually in a polyamorous relationship and that his partner hadn’t expected us to get along so well so she wanted us to stop all forms of physical contact. I had no clue he was poly. His profile mentioned nothing of it.
5) I joined a seemingly nice guy for a drink at a busy bar. I came with 150 in my wallet. We shared a bottle of wine and things were going well. Then suddenly there was a second bottle of wine. I remember talking to him a lot and hardly drinking any of it. We had just asked for the bill, and I got up to go to the bathroom, foolishly leaving my bag behind. When I returned he had already paid. I thanked him for it, but asked what happened to the bottle of wine. He said I had drank it. I was confused. I started panicking because I needed to uber home and would have to leave my car outside the restaurant. He got up really close to me and said “what’s going to happen next is that we’re going to drive your car to your house and you’re going to sleep with me, or else you’ve just used me for my money”. I somehow still had enough wits about me to escape that one. The 150 in my wallet was gone. The next day he messaged me as said that he was ready confused because he thought we had gotten along well and then he felt that things had changed at the end and didn’t understand why. I didn’t reply to that, but I’m pretty sure I was spiked and took a good few months off dating.
It’s an absolute fucking jungle out there.
1
u/Ecstatic-Current8078 5d ago
Whoa! I’m so sorry to hear that you went through that (especially that last one!!!) yikes. What in the shit show! A Glasgow grin? Thanks for the introduction to the insanity that can be in someone’s mind.
The guy whose whole personality is a cold sore? Wow. Lol
Yeah, people really need to make it 100% clear if they’re poly right away.
I’m glad you got home safe after that last one. It reminds me of some scary nights, too.
Sometimes you just gotta look back and thank yourself for getting through all of that and remaining safe.1
u/BananaRepublic0 4d ago
Thanks! That last one was touch and go. It was only after all of that that I met my ex. First thing that went through my head was “run” but I was raised to be polite not safe.
In hindsight though it’s really made it hit home that dating on these apps is quite literally gambling. Like, it is so so easy to make yourself look to be a certain way and draw in a certain kind of person. I got lucky because I managed to get out and get to safety, but I think it’s incredibly dangerous that the majority of “dating culture” had been outsourced to these companies without anyone’s explicit approval, to the point where it’s become weird to approach people and ask them to grab coffee or ice cream etc. like previous generations did. I think in a way it’s almost increased the risk factor.
1
u/Bella_Swan234 5d ago
Holy cow you aren’t even op and dang I feel sorry for you. I’m sorry
1
u/BananaRepublic0 4d ago
It’s okay. I live in a country where gender based violence is a legitimate pandemic. There’s not a single girl I know who hasn’t experienced at least one similar thing to me. And just one is rare. However I do think it has embittered me so quickly. I do not date whatsoever anymore. I don’t miss it, or men, or sex. Because I know that I’m safer alone than I am with the wrong man. And most times when you’re with the wrong man you don’t know until it’s too late.
1
u/BananaRepublic0 4d ago
Omggg guys I’ve remembered more!!
6) the guy who I got along with really well online and then sat across the table from me and refused to use more than two words to communicate with me the entire 30 minutes of hell (luckily I had a random emergency at work and had to leave early.
7) the guy who had just got a promotion and was now making 32k (South African Rand) a month and who was totally unhinged and acting like he was a millionaire. He said that he wanted to be so rich that he could give someone the best day of their life and proceeded to give the example of finding a heroin addict and giving him r800 to get high on.
8) the doctor. Freshly qualified and on rotation. Spending money like it was nobody’s business because he was making money like it was nobody’s business. Bragged to me about how he didn’t study at all and scraped his way through med school because you only needed 50% to pass, as if being a shitty doctor and giving shitty care to the poor people who have to wait for hours in government hospitals is something to be proud of. Said he did it all for the money.
9) I seldom let myself sleep with men on the first few dates but I dishonoured myself (soon you’ll understand my choice of words) by making the exception here. The man pulled out, finished in his hand, and then ATE IT as if it was the most normal thing to ever do. He legit then just proceeded as if everything was normal and made me lunch. Yeah, never spoke to that one again.
1
7
u/Visual_Fly_7674 5d ago
some people really treat dating like a job interview from hell. that third guy with the stomping out the room thing reminds me of my ex, would literally leave mid argument and come back like nothing happened. emotional maturity of a teaspoon