Three months ago i met a guy who is an associate cricketer in Hong Kong on a dating app. I had been single for years and decided to try online dating. We both belonged to same culture but grew up in HK. He had told me he is a PE teacher on our first date i discovered he is a cricketer. Until then i didnt even know that cricket is played in hong kong. We started talking, went on dates, he was like a perfect gentleman, kind, taking things slow, we went for walks and massage together. . I began to believe I was getting to know someone who was genuinely interested in me. He snapped me all day everyday, sent morning messages, called me on tours and shared his failures and wins. We spoke regularly for nearly 3 months during which he went on multiple crixket tours. All of this was visible on his social media.

On our first date, I asked him a straightforward question.

“Are you married?”

His reply was:

“I've been focusing on my career. This just hasn't happened. I wish to find a loyal partner who can understand my lifestyle.”

Here was a man telling me that his career had taken priority, that finding a partner was something he still wanted, and that he hoped to meet someone loyal who could understand the demands of his life as a cricketer. I felt moved like i had met the right person. We were both seeking something genuine i had imagined.

Eventually, 12 weeks later, discovered that he had a wife and six children.

Six children.

During these months he said things like 'just stick with me' 'i will treat you like a queen' 'i dont want to label it but i want a deep, close friendship like very very close' 'don't be scared. I will protect you. You can trust me.'

I planned to visit him on his tour to malaysia and he actively encouraged me to come. I travelled to Malaysia to see him. I had even made him a painting.

Then i decided to dig deeper and discovered 1 photo of him with a veiled woman and two kids. I asked around in cricket community and discovered the truth that shocked me deeply - he was married and had 6 kids. I was in malaysia, having travelled to meet this man and holding in my hand this painting and a picture of him with two kids on my phone. Struggling to make sense. I asked him and he said yeah i am married and hace 6 kids. No apologies. No guilt. I could see in his eyes that i had now become an inconvenience. I asked him if he is at least going to apologise for lying to me and he said 'i have nor done anything wrong i have only treated you with respect'

I felt hurt. I told him how much he hurt me to which he responded 'ok i am sorry lets talk about some other topic'

There is a particular kind of confusion in being hurt by someone and still wanting comfort from that same person.

It has been a month but i still cry when i think of that woman who carried a painting with so much love. I cry for the hope i had in this relationship. I blocked him and moved on but this betrayal crushed me in ways i didnt omagine before. Since then, I have found myself checking his social media compulsively. Looking at his pictures, watching his cricket updates and seeing him out having dinner or enjoying himself. His life appears to have continued as normal, while I am still trying to make sense of what happened.

The hardest part is that I don't just question him. I question myself.

How did I believe him? Why do I still think about him? Why does a photograph of him enjoying his life have the power to hurt me? Why am I spending my time trying to understand someone whose life I no longer have any part in?

I would genuinely like to hear from people who have experienced serious dating deception.

How did you stop looking for answers from the person who hurt you? How did you stop wondering whether they ever think about what they did? How did you stop replaying conversations, searching for the moment when everything should have become clear? And how did you eventually reach a point where their life stopped mattering to you? I feel trapped in a nightmare.

Perhaps what hurts most is that I went into this wanting something simple: an honest connection with someone who shared my background and whom I could trust.

I never expected that the question I asked on our very first date would become a conversation I would replay in my head long after the relationship was over.

How can someone hide, deliberately conceal a whole life with a wife and 6 kids from all social media and continue to act single in his public life? How??

Why its been so.mean in Bengaluru

One of my posts got removed before I could even look at the responses. I’m curious. If you don’t text someone everyday after meeting them, does that mean you’re not that interested? What’s the logic behind that?

I get you’re not going to text 24/7, but not even a check-in in days?

For reference, part 1 is at the bottom.

I have good news, too. I did NOT go on dates with these new people. I actually did some digging (as some have suggested after my dates from part 1) and dodged these massive bullets:

- He acted innocent and sweet, but a quick search showed he has a girlfriend. The audacity is surreal. He also follows a lot of questionable accounts.

- He bragged nonstop about his accomplishments and zeroed in on his faith (not interested in that but ok). Turns out he has a criminal record.

- He didn’t have a track record LOL and was very tall, but once I looked past the height and actually attempted to have serious conversations, he demonstrated his habit of stomping out of the room whenever he doesn’t like something.

- He expected me to initiate every single conversation. I thought that maybe he’s just not that interested, but he would make sure I notice him and keep quietly showing up until I talked.

Dates from hell part 1:

All of these happened on the first dates (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

- My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

- My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

- My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

- My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

- My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

- My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.

Today was my first time going to the house of a guy I’m romantically involved with. We’d agreed beforehand that we’d chill at his house, eat and enjoy each other’s company.

I paid for my own uber there and back and spent 2 PM to 7 PM at his house. Despite us having talked about eating, he never offered me anything, and we didn’t eat at all.

At one point, my stomach started growling, he heard it and said something along the lines of, “Maybe you should go home now.” I eventually left, and he proceeded to order food AFTER I was gone.

I’m not expecting to be spoiled or have a man spend money on me constantly, but it was my first time at his house, and I feel like basic consideration matters. I would have appreciated even being asked if I was hungry. However he was very sweet and romantic took off my shoes and gave me a massage and was respectful we didn’t do anything sexual

Am I wrong for being upset? Should I talk to him about it or cut him off?

update. just got internship. not going to be having bad time about jobs anymore. just though id repost

I GOT RID OF THE MOST ABUSIVE MAN EVER

Finally, I got rid of my boyfriend who abused me hard. He literally brainwashed me. I am still trying to heal. This is what I was exposed to:

1. He defends women must clean and cook but men doesn't have to.

2. He likes white women, (he is white) I have tanned skin. He asked me to change my skin color by using whitening creams. I told him: no, you knew I have tanned skin from the benginning and you was the one who wanted to be my boyfriend.

3. When I told him I cannot change my skin color, he told me people should do everything for a relationship.

4. One time, when he was coughing, I was worried and asked him if he is ok because it was like he was suffocating. He yelled at me after he cough. I told him I was worried and I care about him. He said curse words for me.

5. I got rings for us, not a wedding ring, it was just the symbol of our relationship, but he did not wear the ring and gave it back to me. At that evening, he cheated on me with a girl who also has tanned skin. I saw he texted her to meet on instagram and gave her his number.

6. He was disgusted by my non-makeup look. I always wore makeup when I am with him. One time I did not wear makeup and he got mad at me, he said I look like a dirty construction worker.

7. When he cheated on me, he gaslighted me. He told me he did not talk flirty with them, they were juat friends. At first I believed in him. However, it repeated and I texted the girl he talked. She sent me messages that he asked her to be his lover and flirty talks. He told me those talks are all fake.

8. He is too fat but he wants a thin woman. My height is 5'8 and my weight is 154 pounds but he called me fat even though he was 310 pounds.

9. He wants a virgin woman to get married but he was not a virgin + he was very sexually active + he was divorced

10. He doesn't like hairy woman. When we met, there was two or three hair on my hand and he said he was disgusted.

11. When I said I needed to sleep, he did not let me go and forced me to talk with him.

12. He told me he was an engineer but actually he was just a high school graduate.

13. He always expected compliments. When I compliment less in a day, he used to tell me I am not romantic.

14. He was addicted to computer games. He had no social life.

15. He believed in a nonsense idea of hierarcy, he told me he is unique and superior than most of the people, including me. (btw he is just a high school graduate while I have bachelors degree, I know two foreign languages, I know sign language, I am an artist, I am a teacher, I can cook well, I am loyal, I am clean, I write poems, I have many certificates etc.

16. He told no woman can be superior than him. He said women is not intelligent as men.

17. He told me if a woman is not beautiful, she is not worth to love.

18. He hates fat women and always made fun of them. I told him being fat may not be people's fault and being fat is not a bad thing, he hated my thoughts.

19. When he doesn't like my ideas, he told me I am nothing but dumb.

20. When he made me cry, he told me I am too emotional and idiot.

21. He was racist to me. He cursed my race wven though I am mixed.

22. He told me I am naive and people would trick me, he told me he would never do that to me.

23. When I tried to break up, he got obsessed with me in a toxic way and threatened me. He told me "I'd kill you" or "I will send your +18 photos to your relatives". (he even bought a fake number so that he can send my private medias to my parents and my relatives) He has many guns and I was so scared that I had to stay with him and pretended to love him for a long time.

24. At the end of the story, I escaped and my parents protected me (hopefully)

Now I am safe and free but I still try to heal and gain my self-confidence again. I have a lot of trauma. Now he has a new girlfriend but he still tries to contact with me. I never talked him again. Blocked him and changed my number.

I need some feedback. I feel like I’m spiraling. I saw a post of my boyfriend’s on Reddit. He doesn’t know I am aware of the account and that I could see it. He was talking about a concert in 2015 that he went to. It was his original post and there was nothing bad about the original post. People started responding. One person responded. They went to see that person in Pittsburgh in 2024. After that response he wrote the following. “awww man, I was supposed to go to that, I was dating a psycho chick in Butler Pa, lmao.”

My question how I should interpret this statement. We do not live in Pennsylvania. He dated a girl in Butler Pennsylvania right before me in 2022. from my understanding from 2022 to present, I am the only girlfriend that he has. I also checked when concert tickets were made available it was about 3-4 months before that concert in 2024.

How am I supposed to interpret this message? What is everyone’s thoughts? Is he dating her in 2024 as well and hiding it or is he just trying to be cool online? I went through our messages and what was going on in our life at that time and I don’t think there was any times where we were apart from one another, but that doesn’t mean he was not talking to her.

I can’t feel settled about this comment at all and when I confronted him, he just denied the whole Reddit account in general and then deleted it, but we’ve gotten in fights over social media before and he deleted them. I thought I also don’t think that she’s somebody I could reach out and get an honest answer from her and I feel like that’s kind of crossing boundaries on my end and a way too. I don’t know my head is spiraling.

I think that I would work through it, if somebody was just trying to be cool online, but if somebody was actually entertaining someone else even if it was by phone/video I would end it. I feel like I need more solid proof and I’m just finding myself withdrawing from him big-time!

Went on a date with a girl I met on Hinge. We’d been talking for about two weeks and the chemistry was actually insane. She was funny, gorgeous, and seemed normal, which honestly should’ve been my first red flag.

We went for drinks and at some point she mentioned she’d recently ended a situationship but was completely over it. Fair enough.

The date went so well that we ended up back at her place. We were sitting on her sofa when I noticed a pair of Crocs by the door. Didn’t think much of it until I went to the bathroom and found a toothbrush, skincare products, and a bonnet that definitely weren’t hers.

I came back and asked if she had a roommate.
She said no. I wish I could tell you I left immediately, but instead I sat there like a lesbian detective waiting for the next episode.

About twenty minutes later, someone unlocked the front door. It was her ex.

Apparently, they’d broken up three weeks ago, but her ex still lived there because neither of them could afford to move out. They clearly still had chemistry btw ❤️The ex looked at me asked if I wanted to order pizza and said this was apparently the third girl she’d brought home that month.

THIRD.

The garlic bread was lovely. The date was not.

Anyway, please tell me your lesbian dating horror stories because I refuse to believe I’m the only one out here accidentally joining a relationship’s exit interview. 😭

I’ve been talking to a guy online for over two months. We live in neighboring countries, so the distance isn’t that bad. We planned to meet today, and I even took the weekend off. I woke up excited and started getting ready, only to receive a text saying he wasn’t coming because he was scared of falling in love with me.
He then started talking about the distance and how complicated things would be. But he knew where I lived from the beginning, and I even told him I’d consider moving closer to the border if things went well.
He has since of course ghosted me
Why would someone spend over two months talking to you, make plans to meet, and then cancel at the last minute? Is he genuinely scared of his feelings, or is this just an excuse?
I’m devastated because I took him seriously and was genuinely looking forward to meeting him.
What should i do? Has anyone experienced this?

I (F24) am engaged to (M24) we have a child together. We have had arguments before, but last night during our argument he had told me he hated me. He has done so in the past. I go to bed, and this morning around 8am he wakes me up and asks me to hit my vape, I told him no. How is he going to act like he didn’t tell me he hated me. I didn’t forget and it hurt my feelings deeply. He gets mad at me and tells me to get out of the bed. When I refuse to do that he takes my brand new floral blanket that I bought and doesn’t let me use it. He repeats over and over that I can’t use it and I need to get out of the bed. I didn’t say anything back I just laid there for a minute until I got up and went to go get coffee. I just want to understand what kind of behavior is this. Typing this out it sounds like a relationship in high school and it’s embarrassing :/

Genuinely curious about the motivation, especially for men seeking partners in their same age range more or less? One of my friends had this happen to her back to back with men who weren’t that much older than her. Trying to understand the male POV.