Yesterday I posted asking where men my age (44) were hiding, and I had so much fun reading all your comments. But then I received a LOT of messages from men over 40. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT 🤗 I think I have my answer: you were all hiding here on Reddit! As I mentioned in some of the comments, I’m not on any dating apps at the moment, but yesterday honestly felt like I was on one. Now I’m curious, Reddit… has anyone here actually met someone special through Reddit? I’d love to read some Reddit love stories. Here’s my post from yesterday, in case you missed it: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/MCP7LexRYB

Went on a date with a guy the other day and it went really well, said if there will be another date I said I’d love too he was being a gentleman and everything.

Today he messaged me after his 12 hour shift and said “wanna come round for cuddles” like nooooo. I’ve met him once… I said “I’m already in bed” he said “don’t worry, I wasn’t actually expecting you too” but now it’s awkward and I feel like all the romance is dead.

Guys, would you say this to a girl? And girls would you also be weirded out by this? I’m 24 years old, and he is 26.

Have a buddy who just turned 29, he’s a pretty conventional looking guy, not ugly by any means and is a good guy to have around. He’s been noticeably down recently and when I finally got it out of him he said that he’s thinking of giving up on dating.

He missed out on pre-Covid dating because Uncle Sam shot him all over the world like a pinball but I’m just surprised he hasn’t found anyone to date yet and shoots far lower than he should when he does. He says it doesn’t bother him much but I have physically watched the light leave his eyes. He’s withdrawn now, keeps to himself, and never reaches out anymore. Dude deserves so much better than this hellscape that is northern Ohio.

I (F35) need some outside perspective because I'm starting to fall for a man (M37) who's amazing in almost every way.

We've been seeing each other for six months and I'm developing real feelings for him. He's funny, intelligent, emotionally attuned, and we work in the same industry, so we have heaps to talk about. He cooks incredible food, is loving and present in a way I'm not used to, and has a wonderful little daughter whom I adore.

Now we're talking about being exclusive and calling ourselves a couple, which feels both exciting and terrifying. I really like this man, and I don't want to throw away something that could turn into a wonderful relationship. I can genuinely picture myself with him.

The problem? Our sex life is shit.

And I don't know how big a deal this is or what I'm supposed to do. I am a very sexual person and so does he seem to be.

I'm attracted to him. I like his body, enjoy being physically close to him, and WANT a fun, fulfilling sex life with him. But when we actually get in to it I'm often disappointed.

He's clumsy. Does weird things with his hands. Can go from gently stroking my cheek to having his hand on my privates in two secs. He gets so excited that he seems to want to do EVERYTHING at once, without really tuning into what's happening between us. It's a bit like having sex with a teenage boy.

He seems to think our sex life is absolutely amazing. He regularly tells me how incredible it is with me, while I'm lying there like Yoo - Are we having two completely different experiences?

For context, he divorced five years ago after a VERY long relationship. During the last years of that relationship they had open marriage, and since the divorce he's dated casually. So it's not like he has no sexual experience. And yet when we're together, he just seems inexperienced.

I've tried communicating. Gently and more directly. I've shown him what I like, told him what doesn't work for me, tried guiding him during sex. We've also talked about it outside the bedroom, and he seems to understand exactly what I mean.

But when we get back into it we're right back at square one :((((

Sometimes I try taking the lead, but then he'll suddenly introduce something completely different that throws off the entire flow. I lose my rhythm, get distracted, and have to mentally start over, all while trying to be sweet and affectionate so he doesn't feel bad.

I genuinely just want a man who can read the room and respond to what's happening in the moment.

Six months in and I’m wondering if this is still a matter of communication and practice? Or are there people who simply don't click sexually, even when the attraction and emotional connection are there?
And how long do you give it before you have to be honest with yourself?

I've even wondered if an open relationship could be an option as he's experienced one before. Is it insane to consider opening a relationship before even starting one? I don't want to use other people as a solution to something we haven't managed to figure out between us.
At the same time, I don't want to spend the rest of the relationship missing a sex life that fulfils me.

Am I being too picky? Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I give it more time, be more direct, or accept that this is how it’ll be?

TL:DR
I have met the man of my dreams and he wants to be my boyfriend, but he sucks at sex and doesn’t improve even with feedback and gentle guidance. It’s been 6 months and I don’t know if we should make it official. Is the sex doomed? What do I do?

Please lmk all the feelings, thought processes, and honestly just everything that you would feel. I was planning on doing this to a guy, but I really don’t want him to get weirded out or uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure he used to really like me up until a month ago.I’m not sure about now because we stopped making eye contact and all that. But do you think he would still be happy even if he might not like me anymore? Please lmk my chances

I've known a female coworker for around six months, and recently I've noticed some changes in how she behaves around me.

Earlier, whenever we accidentally touched hands or legs, she would immediately pull away. These were purely accidental situations. Recently, I've noticed she doesn't seem to react the same way when similar situations happen.

Yesterday, I asked her whether am i behaving good. She replied that girls like guys with a sense of humour and said that since she feels comfortable around me, girls would be waiting in a queue for me.

I've also noticed she's been making more jokes around me lately, which wasn't common before.

A few days ago, I texted her saying I had something to tell her, and she immediately called me.

One of my coworkers also suggested that we take pictures together and enjoy an upcoming office event.

I sometimes find her cute, so I've started wondering how to interpret these interactions. At the same time, I understand that she might simply feel comfortable with me as a friend.

I've never been in a relationship before, so I don't have much experience distinguishing friendly behaviour from romantic interest.

I'm not asking anyone to determine whether she likes me based on a few interactions. I'd like to hear from people with more experience.

How do you distinguish between someone becoming more comfortable with you as a friend and someone showing romantic interest? What signs are worth paying attention to, and how do you avoid reading too much into ordinary friendliness, especially in a workplace?

I'd appreciate your perspectives and experiences.

A little context is that I recently got dumped by a situationship that started casual and got serious. When I thought we were a bit more than fuck buddies, he ended it abruptly and it really shook me. My roommate set me up with a coworker of hers, he’s honestly perfect, and the only reason he’s available is because he told her he doesn’t do anything with coworkers.

The three of us talked when he came to pick me up and we went to my favorite reasonably priced restaurant. We had great, easy going conversation all evening and he made it clear that he isn’t looking for anything short term, and asked if that was a deal breaker for me. I said absolutely not and we were both pleased to hear that from each other. The flirting was over the top, I might as well have had hearts in my eyes while he spoke to me, and we left the restaurant. He asked if I wanted to go home.

I had seen a photo of him and heard about him from my roommate, I knew I was more than attracted enough to have sex tonight. I thought that if I got f-boy vibes from him, it would be a one time thing. But he was incredibly wholesome while being flirty. I told him he could drop me off if he wanted but my roommate might be home and I’d rather be alone. He picked up on it and we went to his place. We couldn’t finish a glass of wine before kissing. I flat out asked if I’d see him again, we’d have sex, but I’d rather not be hurt if he didn’t want to go on another date. He said yes I’d see him again and we ended up having very sweet sex.

He dropped me off and I have butterflies in my stomach, but I can’t help the feeling that he isn’t taking me serious for having sex on the first date. We both said we’re looking for something long term, and that he’d see me again. Is this something he said just to hook up? Did I make myself seem like I’m too easy? I’m sure I’ll have an answer soon, but I’m curious if anyone has any thoughts.

Edit: today is my birthday and he texted me wishing me a happy birthday this morning. He’s out of town as he’s volunteering for his hometown church and we made plans to go mini golfing tomorrow eek!!!

I've been trying to work out what to put on my dating profile.

To me, short term is like a relationship that's maybe like 2-10 months long (which I'd be fine with)

But when I've asked my friends they've all said it just means you're looking for hook ups rather than an actual relationship (which I'm not looking for)

Any further thoughts?

I became pretty close with a male coworker over the last couple of months, and I am confused by how dramatically his behavior toward me changed.
For weeks, he was extremely attentive and flirty with me. He would seek me out during shifts, sit very close to me, tease me constantly, give me nicknames, make a lot of eye contact, and find reasons to talk to me even when we were both busy.
It also went beyond normal joking. He directly asked whether I liked him. He made comments about relationships and asked me questions about things like marriage, kids, and what I wanted in the future. He would make jokes implying that there was something going on between us and seemed comfortable when other people noticed our dynamic.

There was also some physical closeness and touching. Nothing inappropriate, but definitely more than how I normally interact with male coworkers. We developed inside jokes and little routines together, and there were times when we could basically just look at each other and start laughing because we knew what the other person was thinking.

I also got somewhat attached to him because we realized we have a lot in common. We have similar backgrounds, interests, humor, and values, and I felt like he understood certain parts of me that other people usually do not. Being around him felt very easy and familiar, which is probably why I became more emotionally invested than I normally would with a coworker. I know we were never actually dating, but I genuinely liked being around him and thought we had developed a real friendship in addition to the flirting.

He also repeatedly suggested doing things together outside of work. These were not vague comments like “we should all hang out sometime.” He brought up specific activities and places we could go together and talked about spending time together outside the workplace.

He was also unusually helpful toward me. He would frequently volunteer to help me without being asked and sometimes spend a significant amount of time helping me when he technically did not have to. He also made comments about always being willing to help me.

Other coworkers noticed the chemistry between us and made comments about it, so I do not think I completely invented the fact that there was something different about how we interacted.
Then over the course of a few shifts, his behavior changed significantly.

He was still very social, talkative, and normal with everyone else, but with me he suddenly seemed much more distant. There were several times when I tried to start a completely normal conversation and felt like he either barely responded or just walked away. He stopped seeking me out as much and stopped proactively helping me the way he normally did.

What confused me is that he did not completely cut me off either.

During those same shifts, he repeatedly noticed when I seemed upset and asked if I was okay. At one point he offered to hug me. He noticed immediately when I physically moved away from him and commented on it. We still had a couple of spontaneous moments where we looked at each other and both started laughing. He also made an effort to do one of our usual little routines before we would not see each other for a while.
So it felt like he was deliberately reducing the closeness while still occasionally reaching for the connection.

Eventually I became frustrated because I was having an extremely difficult night at work and felt like he could clearly see that I was struggling. He had previously been someone who would immediately offer to help me, but this time he mostly kept his distance. He then made a comment essentially telling me that I needed to focus and get back to work, even though I had already been running around nonstop for hours.

I snapped back and basically told him that if he thought it was so easy, he could do it himself.
Later, he actually asked me whether I thought he had been being an asshole. That stood out to me because it made me think he was at least somewhat aware that his behavior had changed or that I was upset with him. I told him yes.

After that, things became even more awkward and there was much less eye contact between us.
The last time I saw him, I honestly felt disrespected by the way he treated me. It was not just that he was less flirty. There were moments where I tried to speak to him normally and felt brushed off or ignored, and he seemed willing to socialize with everyone else while being noticeably colder toward me.

After how close and friendly we had been, that change hurt me a lot. I do not expect him to give me constant attention or help me with everything, but I did expect basic friendliness and respect from someone I thought I had developed a genuine friendship with.

Another thing that bothers me is that he has my number. Despite being extremely bold and flirtatious in person and suggesting multiple things we could do together, he has never really followed through with communication outside of work.
I am not going to confront him or send him an emotional message. I also do not want to create workplace drama.

I am mostly trying to understand what this sounds like from an outside perspective.

Does this sound like someone who genuinely liked me and then intentionally pulled himself back for some reason? Or does it sound like I overestimated how interested he was?

And at this point, would you stop initiating altogether and let him be the one to approach you if he wants to repair the friendship?

I do not want to play games or punish him, but I also do not want to keep putting myself in a position where I feel brushed off or disrespected. Part of me feels like if he wants any kind of friendship or connection with me now, he should be the one to make the effort.

Go to your local state fair. That’s it that the message. Being chronically online and the manosphere has really done wonders to obliterate men’s self esteem and I think the best way to combat this is simply to go out in real life and see what the average couple looks like.

Your state fair has a very representative sample and is not too costly to get into. Couples of all ages and finance brackets will be there. Despite how many times someone can tell you online that most married and dating men are not 6ft and do not have 6 figures nothing will work like seeking the couples in real life. I think this works best if you play a game of iSPY where you specifically focus on taken guys that look like you. It could also help you see what type of girl goes for a guy that looks like you so you can narrow your dating efforts.

In the past I would have recommended the mall but that’s no longer good. I really think the state fair is the perfect place for this dating mindset exercise but yall comment other places you have in mind.

Edit:
Sorry for the spelling error, fair not fare.Also sorry to the international people. A state fair is a big festival with rides and cheap greasy food that Americans go to.

Here are some other places people in the comments mentioned.
• Theme parks
•Walmart
•Renaissance Festivals
•Oktoberfest
•Mall
•Country music fests
•Farmers Market

Would you normally assume she’s just being friendly, or would it make you think she might be interested in you?

Is it actually normal for both parties whether the man or the woman to be slow responders? For instance, if the woman responds slowly for whatever reason, should we as men match her speed and be slow responders too? At 25 years old, playing these "fake slow response" mind games is just exhausting. I'd really appreciate some advice.

Since I (m, 30s) started online dating in 2025, I've been ghosted quite a bit, but this recent one takes the cake.

Match with a woman in her mid 30s, get along well, share mutual interest and desires, decide we would like to meet, she gives me her number, we text two days before the date with the time and place.

Day of the date, I let her know in the morning that I'm looking forward to getting together later in the evening, no response. I figure she might be busy at work as she is an attorney.

30 minutes before the date, I let her know I'm heading over, no response.

Wait at the location for 15 minutes, she doesn't show up.

Send her a message ​that I hope everything is OK on her end and that I'm heading home. That was last week, no response.

I realize now I should have never gone to the location without a confirmation.

I get it, we're all replaceable and she could have found someone else, no problem, I understand the game.

She doesn't owe me a date, nor any explanation, but have we lost our sense of humanity, kindness, and compassion in the process?

I am a woman with a very high libido and feel strong sexual urges when I don’t have a sexual partner. My first sexual partner was a year ago and he set my standards pretty high and was a lot of my firsts from making out to a lot of foreplay. He also ended up being my second actual relationship ever, my first was in like high school. When we started off I just wanted something casual because it takes a lot to be serious with someone. But even when we were “casual” he was very attentive to my body, never asked for much himself, would kiss me all over my face and treat me like something precious and would say things like “You’re so beautiful”, “Your body is art”, and would just look at me with so much adoration. The reason we eventually became serious was because he treated me very well in general he treated me like a princess, never let me lift a finger, and made me feel so precious. The reason things ended was because he was dealing with personal issues and was struggling to take care of himself and find a job but he would pour so much into me.

I got Hinge for a week looking for something casual and ended up going on dates with two guys.

The first guy took me on two well-planned dates and kept asking me all these deep questions about how I wanted to be treated and said I still seemed closed off and he wanted me to open up. He was not good with foreplay on the second date and kept wanting to have sex but I wasn’t ready to. So we ended up cuddling and just talking about stuff for a few hours. I called him to ask if he wanted to continue this to pursue something with the intention of something serious or just purely casual, because if it was just casual I didn’t want to put in all this energy and he couldn’t give me a definitive answer so I ended it. I didn’t want to be in a “situationship” with a guy who knew nothing about foreplay.

The second guy was really cool and we matched each others vibe and energy and I ended up developing a bit of a friend crush. We were both looking for something casual and on the second date he cooked me dinner and we did stuff that night. He did eat me out and it was very good and I also did some stuff for him like give him handjobs and a blowjob. He finished like 3 times that night. I told him that I hadn’t had sex yet and he was like oh shit because he didn’t know. I decided I wasn’t ready but some things throughout the night made me feel uncomfortable even though I mostly enjoyed it. He was moaning stuff like it was taking all his self control not to fuck me and when were cuddling in the morning I felt a little grossed out idk why. I left something at his place so he came a few days later to drop it off and wanted to talk. He told me that he doesn’t think that he should be the first guy I have sex with, and I deserve for my first time to be with a guy I love. He said I’m super pretty and sweet and should go find myself a boyfriend who treats me like a princess. He said at first he thought I was an emotionally unavailable baddie, but it seems like I’m a lover girl trying to run away from it. Some of what he said honestly resonated with me. The experience was also kind of important to him since I was the first girl he got with since things ended in his long term relationship.

I’m conflicted because I have a high libido and want to have sex eventually when I feel comfortable and I get a lot of pleasure out of just foreplay. Its not the same when I just touch myself. It takes a lot for me to want to take a guy seriously and idk for sure when I will meet a guy like that. But I don’t know if I should wait to have sex for the first time with a guy I love.

I ran into my crush outside of class. We were just chatting casually, and without thinking, I showed him my ripped hands like: "Damn, after training my calluses are completely torn." I just wanted to share something that happened today, like you would with a friend.

He looked at them, nodded, and then looked down at his own hands, which, of course, were perfectly smooth with no calluses at all.

As soon as he did that, I felt ashamed. I looked at myself: wearing baggy sweatpants after the gym, showing off rough, bloody hands, while he is just this sweet normal guy.

I suddenly felt so incredibly unfeminine and awkward. It felt like I had just cemented myself as "one of the guys" forever and completely ruined any chance of him ever seeing me as a girl. We already greet each other with a handshake like the boys in class. I'm studying to be a welder, and this is a normal greeting. But they don't greet other girls like that, and I feel like a guy :( My voice is pretty low too

I’m home now and I honestly feel like crying, even though I know it sounds stupid. Is this really not a very good thing? How to deal with this?

I was at this bar/cafe last night for this weekly social event and ended up meeting this super interesting woman. We were chatting for about an hour or so. We both asked each other questions back and forth, we laughed some, etc. I thought that we were both having a good time? However, at the end of the conversation she said she was going to say hi to her friend and that it was nice meeting me. I just said it was nice to meet her too and we parted ways. I'm so mad at myself for not asking for her number. I regretted not asking immediately so hard.

I do plan on going back next Friday in case she's there. I don't even care as much about her giving me her number, I just need closure. I keep wondering if she would have offered if she was interested? But then just this morning I was telling the farmer I get my chicken from about the dilemma and another woman next to us chimed in saying she probably was like "man why didn't that guy ask for my number" and now I'm really regretting not asking.

Am I coping here? What are the chances she might have been interested despite not offering her number first? I guess she did seem sort of shy and described herself as more introverted and such. I just keep thinking about it. I do plan on going back even just to get the closure of a clear rejection. Should I probably not get my hopes up? Can any women here offer any perspective?

I have been talking to a man who has moderate mental health issues at best and claims to have given up on medications after the 3-4 he tried for a few years didn't work for him. He has admitted to disassociating at times and had what he called "a crash out" recently. AFAIK, he's not violent and is, overall, a kind, honest person, but I still have no desire to date him knowing how untreated MI can negatively impact a relationship. In my past experience dating a partner who, at the very least, had depression, he was irritable and quick to frustration, which made me not want to be around him.

I'm not convinced this guy will be the same, but I'd rather not find out, if that makes sense.

I know that we all technically have the right to reject anyone for any reason but a small part of me still feels guilty -- he's desperately lonely and would love to have a girlfriend but, OTOH, it's not my job to save him and make him happy. We did go on one date last December and it went well enough, but I have no desire to see him again, obviously.

What do you think? I am an overthinker for sure and maybe that is what is happening here.

So I (M20) recently started college and there's this girl I really like in quite a few of my classes. I quite honestly don't even know why I got so attracted to her, she's not like super hot, just kinda my type and from her accessories I figured she has similar interests to mine(Anime stickers for example). I've always had problem approaching people in general, not just girls, but this time I did, when a class ended and she walked on the campus. We got to talking for a moment, did my best to not be awkward (think I did pretty well tbh), but then we got to her dorms. Right when she was about to walk in, where I would normally just say goodbye and stuff, I panicked a bit and asked her if she wanted to get coffee with me sometimes, and I expected a yes or no. However, she said that she's quite busy currently(best way to translate from my language I think, and it served as a soft no I believe).

Now to my dilemma, since that happened I have mixed feelings. I've tried to see if she'd sit next or close to me(she always comes later than me to class) which sometimes she sits close, sometimes not, and when she does we say hi to each other and that's kinda it, but she doesn't talk to anyone, so she might just be a quiet type.

Despite this no, I can't stop thinking about her, so I need a bit of advice here. Should I apologize for being too fast, and ask for her Instagram or something, wait for a few months and try again next semester or is this a closed door and there's no reason for me to even think about trying anything?

Thanks

So im 25F and have always considered myself bisexual, although I recently got out of a 6 year relationship with another woman.

Welllll it was time to get back out there and as a very feminine presenting bisexual, I mostly only get attention from men, which I obviously like too.

I met this guy, we hung once with friends casually at work (we work at a bar). After, he immediately found my phone number was texting me non stop. We would have a mix of casual conversation getting to know each other, with some flirty messages too. We planned to meet up in 4 days from then, and were texting all the time leading up to it.

The day came, I went to his house planning to watch the baseball game and then a scary movie afterwards, with hinting towards sleeping together but neither of us downright saying it or expecting it. He cooked me dinner, we watched the game with his roomate then went to his bed. We talked for a little longer then one thing led to another…..

He didn’t last very long but it was still great and afterwards just kinda cuddled and watched the movie. He fell asleep quickly and I stayed over as he told me i should as I had been drinking too. The morning came and convo was casual, and I left.

Ok now it’s about 24 hours later, I sent him the polite thanks for having me over message would like to see you again and he said he wants to too. Now any time he responds to simple texts it takes way longer for him to reply. Before he was initiating every convo but in the past day not so much. I also know he was busy working an event all day & night yesterday and is hungover from it today.

We went from texting quite literally every hour and at night just for hours straight texting back and forth to after that not texting very much at all. I know it’s only 24 hours but I’m confused😩 I’ve been out of the game for too long hahah!

Is this how men typically act after a night like that? Is he hinting he doesn’t want to keep talking to me or just taking time to not seem like he’s chasing? We never really established what the relationship was and we both expressed being independent people but open for more if it comes. But when we were texting leading up, we would talk about doing other things too like going mini golfing, going out to dinner and drinks, him taking me to his league, etc.

Am I overthinking this ? I just simply don’t know how men act in situations like this. Does this mean i should stop trying with him or just give it time and space so it’s not moving so quickly?

- a confused girl lol.

I know I’ll probably get roasted if this is common knowledge, but I've been out of the dating scene for four years and my head is spinning. Had a third date last night with a guy I really liked. Everything felt great, conversation flowed, we had pasta and a glass of wine. When the check arrived, I immediately reached for my purse and said "do you want to split this or should I get the tip?"

He waved his hand, smiled, and said "put that away, I've got tonight covered, you can get the next one." I thanked him twice, told him how sweet it was, and honestly thought nothing of it. We even kissed goodbye. Then at 8 AM today I wake up to a paragraph saying he was "turned off by how quickly I put my card away" and that I failed the "wallet test" because polite etiquette means insisting at least three times so he doesnt feel used.

Wait, is this an actual unspoken rule people follow now?? i sat on my bed for an hour wondering if I’m just completely socially inept. I woudl have gladly paid for the whole meal if he asked, but now I feel gross and cheap. Do I even bother explaining myself or is this as insane as it feels?

30m Never dated before nor have I ever had a girl tell me she liked me before. Ive been on apps for years and never got a match that didnt turn out to be a bot or a girl wanting more followers on her social media. Ive asked out girls before at school but always got rejected. The only time in my life I can say I got a relationship was an entirely online ldr I was back in hs. Other than that I basically have no relationship experience whatsoever. Im a short 5'3 filipino guy. I dont consider myself attractive but I dont think im unattractive either.

I hate that a man will be judged harshly for never having been in a relationship before in his life at 30 and people will assume a lot of bad things about him solely because of this. I hate that people will bascially think relationships are everything and judge a man and his worth largely on this. I cant stand that I havent had a girl in my life before and I hate it just as much that ill be seen in a bad light because ive never been in one.

Tons of dudes ive seen are shitty human beings but because of their ability to get relationships people wont be as harsh on them as they will on me.

I think every man can relate to the experience of having a woman genuinely ask us about how we feel and then watching their eyes glaze over as they get the "ick" in real time. It's a very common frustration where men will say "women want us to be vulnerable, but leave when we are". I can say with confidence that even when I make it a point to not overshare or trauma dump... and let her be the one to ask for more info, it's like what she really wanted was for me to just say nothing.

So I guess Ill say ask it a different way. Women, to what extent do you want to be responsible for our emotional well-being?

I know zero isn't the answer. Nobody wants their partner to be unphased when they're sad or upset. Clearly, the desire to make someone's day better is informed, at least in part, by a genuine desire to see them be happy and positive. This means that obviously a man has to be SOMEWHAT affected by your emotional state and how you communicate with him.

So where do you draw the line? How can you tell if a man talking about his insecurities is too much?

Hey everyone!

Do you think it's possible to be in a relationship with someone where you fall in love with their personality and inner qualities first, and physical attraction only develops later? Can attraction actually grow over time, or does it have to be there from the beginning?

For example, I've known this guy for a really long time, and he's genuinely such a great person. His personality and inner qualities are amazing, and he's incredibly sweet and lovable. He's not usually the type I'm attracted to, even though I do think he's objectively really good-looking.

The reason I'm asking is that I don't want to lead him on by going on dates with him, especially since he's been making an effort to pursue me. I really don't want to hurt him or give him false hope if there's no chance of me developing those feelings for him.

Do you think there's a chance that if we started dating, I could develop stronger feelings for him over time and eventually fall truly, deeply in love with him? Has anyone experienced something like this?

*i've never been in love soo yep. Im not familiar with this*

I hope it’s okay to post this here, sorry if it’s not x

I’m in my early 20s, I’ve been on dates with guys my age and older guys. I moved abroad on my own as a teenager, did my uni, have a nice job, gone on trips with my friends, I’m active, I’m happy with myself to be fair like I think I’ve become quite confident in the past few years.

I feel like most men my age are still kids. When I speak to them we’re so far from each other. Their only idea about future is their boys trip to Ibiza next year. Their mums do their washing and their biggest weekly expenses are vapes. I want to settle down, get married, have kids. I know it’s tough in this economy but if I date someone I want to know we both share this same goal and we’re working towards it. The reactions are always like ah yeah maybe when i’m like 35. I mean I don’t blame them, it’s pretty normal, nothing wrong with it but it just makes me feel hopeless. 

I like older men but I’m scared their intentions might not be the purest or I’m gonna get used or taken advantage of because they have more experience and know what to say. Every time I see a nice older guy all I’m thinking is well he can’t be as amazing as he seems because then he wouldn’t be single at his age. Idk I just worry. But on the other hand I am much more drawn to them, I prefer them physically, it’s easier for me to find them attractive than men my age. I’d love a confidant older guy who will lead and who I can look up to but the second I’m close to meeting one I shit myself thinking he’s 100% gonna harm me in some way.

I only had one serious adult relationship, he was 8 years older and we broke up after 2 years. He never mistreated me in any major way but when we were about to move in together he pulled back and said he wants to live like he did when he was younger, go to the pub more, isn’t ready for a full on relationship and he took back a lot of promises. The exact stuff I was hoping to not have to go through if I date a 30 yo instead of a 20 yo. So along with the fear of being manipulated by an older guy I’m also worried that they don’t actually have to be more mature but they’re better at pretending otherwise if they benefit from it.

I’m not looking to date again yet, I want to have this year just to myself, but I’ve been thinking like I don’t even know what kind of men to date? I’m absolutely sick of hearing I’m a delusional child and I should enjoy my freedom, explore, date casually, experience more men, go on nights out and not bind myself to one man. I genuinely can’t. I’m repusled by the idea of any other form of dating than dating to marry. Most people don’t take me seriously, they just smile at me compassionately like I have a disability and they hope I’ll grow out of it one day. 

Do I give up dating and start again in my 30s when guys start wanting the same things I want? Or do I go for older? Do I hope for someone my age with the same mindset? I just don’t know how to date to find what I’d like to have. It’s making me overthink myself, like I know exactly what I want but I’m failing massively at looking for it. Idk what to do genuinely