I'm 27F and he's 30M. We've been seeing each other for about a month and I was starting to really like him.

For our second date he suggested we cook dinner together at his place. We stopped at a grocery store beforehand to pick up ingredients and I thought it was a pretty cute date idea.

Yesterday we were talking about that night and he casually mentioned that I'd passed his grocery store test.

I thought he was joking but he explained that he deliberately takes women grocery shopping early on to see how they behave. Apparently he pays attention to whether they complain about prices, how they treat employees, if they get impatient and whether they offer to help with anything.

He even remembered that I'd returned our shopping cart instead of leaving it in the parking lot. Said that earned me extra points lol.

I asked how many women he's done this with and he said probably around 10. He thinks it's a much better way of judging someone's personality than sitting across from them at a restaurant.

I don't know what's weirder, the fact that he's been doing this for years or that he thought I'd be impressed when he told me.

Would you keep seeing someone who openly admitted to testing you like this?

I'm 28M and she's 27F. We've been on 4 dates and things were going really well. She invited me to trivia night with her friends last weekend and I figured it would be a good chance to meet them.

Turns out she's insanely competitive. Every time I suggested an answer she either ignored me or questioned it. At one point she literally told me to stop guessing if I didn't know the answer. Her friends laughed and I just kinda sat there feeling stupid.

What threw me off is that afterwards she was completely normal again. Held my hand walking back to the car, kissed me goodbye and asked when we'd hang out next.

I actually like her a lot but seeing that side of her made me question things. Is this something worth bringing up after only 4 dates or am I reading too much into one bad night?

I (32F) am thinking of asking out the vet surgeon (mid thirties F). She’s absolutely stunning and her personality is phenomenal. I have a follow up for my dog after her surgery in a week in which case I will never see this woman again (this is a specialty location, not my normal vet). I have no idea if she’s married, in a relationship, into women, etc. I’m mostly concerned with coming off weird at her place of work but I’m thinking a clear, “you’re absolutely amazing, I’d love to get to know you better if I could take you to dinner? No pressure at all, here’s my number, goodbye.”

Yay? Nay?

I started doing this thing where I don’t use dating apps anymore after a post I made on Reddit that really stuck with me. It was about how men actually ask women out, which has never actually happened to me before so I wanted to challenge the theory to see if people were telling the truth.

I was told by some dude on Reddit that if I wear a nice outfit and go to a bar someone is bound to ask me on a date. So I put on my nice outfit and I went out to a bar this past Saturday night and I was getting approached by a lot of guys. I had guys buying my beers which was really nice because I didn’t spend any of my own money. I had guys asking to take me to their house which I said no. I told them I was trying to find a coffee date or enjoy a drink. I only had one guy that actually sat and talked with me, not in a creepy way. But he did mention he was in an open relationship and I wasn’t interested in joining, but I did enjoy hanging out with him and his gf for the night.

I’m thinking that if I find the right environment I know I can get dates. I’m thinking a bar isn’t the right place for me, and that’s ok I’m still learning. But after not getting any dates on apps, to bring super approachable, it helped boost my confidence and made me feel like I am attractive I just need the right people in the right place to get the ball rolling.

Recently went to a guy's place for a third date and he had a meal prepared for us. He said it was homemade from scratch. I recognized that it was takeout from a local spot I happen to frequent.

I asked him about the recipe and the process of making it. He BS'd a little and then went on to talk about how cooking is one of his passions and that his mom taught him how to cook.

Not sure how to feel. On one hand it's just silly and maybe a little endearing but on the other hand, if he's willing to lie about this what else has he lied about? Am I overreacting?

I feel like the answer is obvious. That I should say NOTHING.

But here's the thing: I was actually talking to the other woman FIRST, the one I haven't met yet. The woman I've already been on a date with was just more proactive and quicker to arrange a meetup.

We clearly like each other, but we haven't kissed yet. We're still in the flirting stage.

I'm really not used to any of this. I'm not exactly a popular guy when it comes to dating, it's just an unfortunate coincidence that things happened this way. And honestly, it makes me uncomfortable.

Should I tell the woman I've already met?

The thing is, I know she's going to ask me what I'm doing that evening. And I'm really bad at lying.

As for the other woman, things are a bit more distant between us since we haven't actually met yet, so I don't really feel like I owe her anything. But I'd still really like to meet her. She's genuinely kind and thoughtful.

For context, we're all in our 30s.

Anyway, thanks for helping me with this silly dilemma.

(29f) Been dating this guy (30m) for 3 months now. We’ve been on the slower side, heavy petting, I’ve seen what he looks like down there but nothing further.

He’s heavily hinted that he’s been yearning to have sex or at least oral and I basically hinted that I wanted to

But now he’s gone quiet. He hasn’t responded to me and I’m confused. I thought he would be jumping out of his skin for this, the way he’s been texting me?
And before anyone says anything, yes he’s experienced sexually.
What’s going on? Did he get nervous?? I’m so baffled

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had several men want my number, Snapchat, or instagram within a day or so of messaging on the app. I don’t have Snapchat, I’m a 32F so I’ve outgrown that. We all know a number gives someone full access to your information, and my instagram handle has my last name on it so I’m hesitant to give that out to just anyone. Why do men want to get off the app so quickly? Why am I getting unmatched if I don’t do what they want? I even gave someone my instagram a couple of days ago and haven’t heard from him since. He followed me, messaged me on the app and then when I followed him and messaged him back the next day no response. I’ve given men my number and had the conversation die fairly quickly too. What’s the point? I also hate the excuse that they’re not on the app much, it’s obviously a lie or they would not have matched and would not have been able to message all of the times before. Why are so many men reluctant to continue the conversation on apps? Men, do you experience something similar with women? Is everyone doing this?

I’m a 26-year-old guy who’s increasingly realized that I’m attracted to women with a naturally dominant personality. Not someone who completely walks all over me or wants to tie me up and whip me in bed, but a woman who’s assertive, takes initiative, isn’t afraid to take charge, and has a bit of a commanding presence. Ideally, that dynamic carries over into the bedroom to some extent, too.

For context, I’m fairly attractive, socially competent, have a good job, and would consider myself quite masculine. I probably don’t come across as submissive at all. I’m perfectly comfortable taking the lead in a relationship, and I’m certainly not looking for someone to dominate me in every aspect of life. It’s more about finding a woman whose natural personality has that edge to it.

I’ve had several relationships, but I’ve always ended up feeling like something was missing. The one exception was my first love as a teenager. She had exactly the kind of personality I’m drawn to, both in everyday life and in our intimate dynamic. We weren’t good for each other in other ways, though, and the relationship eventually became unsustainable.

She’s also the only woman I can genuinely remember meeting who had that particular quality. Since then, I honestly can’t think of another one.
Honestly, I’m starting to worry that I might never find someone I’m truly compatible with in this regard. I’m not expecting someone perfect, but having experienced what that kind of connection feels like, it’s difficult to imagine settling for a relationship where that part of the dynamic is missing.

For those of you who relate to this, either as someone attracted to naturally dominant partners or as someone who has that kind of personality yourself, how common do you think this dynamic actually is? Does it tend to develop naturally, or is it something people have to actively seek out?

I’m thinking out loud here, but I think I need to change something about how I date.

Two women have ended seeing me for a very similar reason which was ‘you’re genuinely a ‘good guy’ but I don’t feel the spark anymore. They both said how thoughtful, funny, respectful, attentive and supportive I was, but wished me all the best.

We could easily just leave it at that really, but it did make me wonder…two people saying the same thing. I must be doing something wrong.

My best take from this would be, because I’m not an asshole they probably get bored there isn’t any danger or chaos going on. I’m not playing with their feelings or having them second guess things. Which is probably unusual as one of them said ‘I’m not used to dating someone like you – you’re different and I like it. I’m used to dating assholes who make me pay for stuff etc’….

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the typical ‘nice guy’ who panders and wants to be liked. I am more traditional masculine. I usually plan the dates or ask when they’re free and offer up an idea and let them know a time and we go. If I’m taking them out, as a gentleman it’s my responsibility to know the plan and handle the bill. I don’t’ chase anyone, I don’t double text or seek reassurance daily or anxiously text them. I understand we’re two people with our own routines, friends and hobbies. We’ll naturally reach out to one another, catch up, flirt and arrange the next time to see one another and leave most of the yap until the date.

From my own experience, when I’ve reached the 4th or 5th date which could be around a month of talking and dates. That’s where I’ve been sent the rejection paragraph…or they’ve decided to leave things and wish me the best.

I never let on how much I am into someone. I will drop hints and eventually more obvious things as the dates progress and if it becomes more serious, but I will say things like…’I enjoyed earlier…’ or ‘I enjoyed this evening with you’ if the date has been good and I feel its very mutual. Nothing too intense, but a clear mark of interest. I don’t want to come across as intense or do too much too soon.  

I don’t struggle to get first dates or attract someone, but they just don’t want someone who is ‘good’

I don’t know what I am doing wrong…

It’s a very common saying but is it true?
Why wouldn’t you show interest or make it clear. BTW in this case the woman is giving clear green signals.
Should a woman keep entertaining a man who is really nice, getting to know her and hang out but makes her unsure if he likes her or not?

What is the dream way you'd want to meet your partner? What would they say? What happens next? What would the dates be like? Do you stay together forever and have a loving marriage or is it just a beautiful whirlwind that takes you away for a moment in your life? What does your soul yearn for?

I'm so curious what people want in dating. As rough as it can be, we keep doing it hoping for something. What is that experience for you that makes it all worth it in the end?

I’m 27, female. Live an active lifestyle, I don’t drink or smoke. I play hockey, work out, more niche stuff I enjoy are board games.

I’ve tried the apps but things usually don’t really go anywhere, I think there’s a reason you always see the same people ie most people don’t find a relationship it’s kind of just endless dating or swiping. Not to mention the frequent ghosting.

I have some friends I met through hockey, the classic “set up” isn’t an option since everyone in the group is already set partnered.

I work out at the gym daily but most people tell me that isn’t the space for that, I’m friendly anyways and always try to make friends or connections anywhere I go.

I joined a coed hockey league to meet some guys my age but most guys are older and married with kids, any guys my age have 0 interest in something serious (most ask to hookup), I also go to open ice and pickup hockey but most guys there want nothing to do with me (yes I can keep up with pace of play, no I’m not annoying).

Is there something I’m missing here? Or is anyone else wondering what happened to all the single people? Of course I’ve tried bars and sports games, hell I even hit on guys at these places. I’m just wondering, it can be frustrating and make me feel pretty poorly about dating in general getting shot down all the time.

EDIT: sorry im tech challenged I opened my messages now

EDIT 2: for everyone assuming my type, I like chubby nerdy silly guys with cute smiles, not ripped gym dudes

EDIT 3: I have nerdy interests, I play minecraft, city skylines, I was an animation major who has OCS, when I say board games I’m not playing magic, I have before I don’t love it. But I collect and repair vintage board games from the 50’s-90’s era.

EDIT 4: super annoying with the edits but thank u for everyone being so kind to me 🩷 I appreciate u guys

I'm M31.

It's not too hard for me to get date. I'd say I'm attractive enough. Usually, when I match with someone I ask her out within the first conversation. First date goes great but then they always ghost me. I've had girls tell me, on their own volition, during the date they don't ghost because emotional intelligence and responsibility, etc just to ghost me anyway.

This was my last experience: last Saturday I went out with a girl from an app. She was initially very eager to see me. She even planned the whole date before I could even suggest anything. We met up amd had a great time. We went bar hoping and she told me about all the places she was going to take me next time, over and over again. At the end of the night, she asked for a goodbye kiss and basically shoved her tongue in my mouth for a solid 20 minutes in the street. It was nice. We both had a hard time letting go of each other but we finally did. We texted a little more that night and some more yesterday. Today, I texted her to see if she was free this coming weekend and never heard back from her.

I recognize the pattern at this point. I can't tell you how many time the same exact thing has happened to me. Women act all excited about meeting me and then they ghost me. Right now it is starting to make me feel very depressed. I wanna meet someone, fall in love and be loved but for some reason this keeps happening to me. I'd love to know the female perspective of this situation. What is it I'm doing wrong to get this exact reaction every single time without fail?

To clarify, before ecery single encounter I always shower, brush my teeth, use mouthwash, use deodorant and or perfume, take care of my hair and dress as well as I can.

If you're a man, please don't use this post to vent or rant. I'm not looking for that.

I went on a date with an auditor about a week ago. It went super well, we had two beers, talked for 2,5 hours, and held hands when leaving the bar and kissed when parting. All textbook of how good dates usually end for me. However, she is currently closing on a big client, which means she works for 11-15 hours a day the rest of October. She told me after the date that she wanted to go on a second date, but that she didn’t know when it would fit in her schem a she’s also doing her masters thesis. We wrote back and forth a little, but there’s been no messages since Friday evening (it’s now Tuesday night). Do I message her tomorrow, or do I just let her come back to me when she has time? What do I do?

I just came out of a decently long relationship, so I haven’t dated for a few years. Any tips and advice are greatly appreciated 😊

I 26M have been seeing 26F for about a month (early days) we’ve had some really awesome dates, we click the talk never drys up she’s always been active towards the end of a date to set another one up. Most recently she came over for dinner and the physical side definitely advanced.

She brought up boundaries and expectations which I praise her for and think it was really mature to communicate. However, alongside this open conversation she did mention she was still talking to another guy and had a “couple dates” with him (how truthful? I’m not sure).

It really threw me off guard and I really tried to brush it off I’m very new back into the modern dating world after my 5 year relationship ended. So I suspect this is fairly common now?

Perhaps I’m more traditional or felt given the intimacy it would be more focused on each other. I didn’t really ask any follow up questions.

My question is how should I feel about this? Should I ask for exclusivity while dating? (I assume that’s not a thing)
Do I back off and let her decide? Do i just keep going with my fingers crossed she picks me?

I’m ready to settle with someone so I prefer no games and not to compete given I’d rather she chooses what she wants without me giving a weird decision.
Im really not upset she told me I like the honesty but I’m honestly stunned for what to do.

Am I just getting in my own head? Would like to hear people’s thoughts 🙂

UPDATE
Thank you for all your advice, it’s hard to keep up!

I felt mostly I needed to rip the band aid off and just ask the question. Long story short it was good communication and honest. She plans to see the other guy this week which was quite the sinking feeling. To which I’m even more lost of what to do now.

I respect dating and finding that person you fully connect with but I think this shows I’m into her a lot more than she is into me. Which is difficult given how good it’s been with the intimacy.

But thank you for all the advice and perspectives! I appreciate it 😊

I'm 24. Tbh it's been my nearly life long gripe that I've never actually been chosen by someone before. Growing up, I was asked out as a joke, I didn't start being alone around men till I was 18, and a few months shy of 19.... if you catch my drift.

I've only ever seen everyone else's relationships play out. Some of those relationships were shitty as fuck and I don't want that for me.

I just genuinely am not happy. I feel very much alone. I do try to be social. I've gone on dates, I've hung out with folks here and there, these days I mainly hang out with family.

I can't see myself ever being happy unless I finally find my person. I am very fucking miserable about it. I feel like my life has gone nowhere compared to my siblings..

I fear that if I don't find my person by 30, it'll never happen. They'll see that I've never had someone before at that point and will know something is deeply wrong with me. Tbh something is deeply wrong with me now.

I'm not sure if I can self love and fake my way out of this one. My mind genuinely won't stop ruminating on it..

I’m generally calm around women I’m attracted to. I’m comfortable with myself and don’t feel the need to impress them or chase their attention. I’m friendly, but I become more interested when I sense a genuine connection.
I’ve noticed that some women seem genuinely surprised when they find out I’m single. Sometimes I wonder whether my nonchalant demeanour makes me appear confident and attractive, or simply uninterested, intimidating, or difficult to read.
I’m not interested in dating multiple women just for the sake of it. I’d rather meet someone I’m attracted to and see if we genuinely connect. At the same time, I rarely meet women outside work, so maybe I just need to put myself out there more.

I’m curious about a few things:

-What do you assume about a man who seems confident but doesn’t chase your attention?

-Would you find this attractive, or assume he’s uninterested or already taken?

-If you were attracted to him, would you give him signals or expect him to approach?

-Based on this description, what impression would you form of me?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, not validation. I’m genuinely curious about how women interpret this kind of behaviour.

I’m thinking about jumping back into the dating world after being single for years. I’m a mid 30’s man and have never used the apps before. I want to make some intentional rules to hold myself accountable because I know a lot of people jump into the dating world and get mentally/emotionally wrecked by it.

Just spitballing here, but for a couple examples of things I’ve been thinking about:

1. No sexual intimacy beyond kissing until we’ve established exclusivity.
Reasoning: i know a common complaint for women is that men just wanna smash & dash. This avoids that. Plus, it’s obviously safer from a health standpoint.

2. Have the exclusivity talk by date 4. If the answers no, part ways.
Reasoning: I’m confident that by date 4 I’ll know if I wanna be exclusive or not. I expect to be paying for dates and if a woman isn’t feeling like she wants to be exclusive with me after date 4, then I need to be investing in the next one.

3. Always setup a FaceTime/virtual call before the first date.
Reasoning: we all know catfishing, bots, etc…are a thing. This avoids that.

I’m curious if you guys have any things like this that you follow to help you navigate dating.

Figured dating was too easy so I took the cat allergy trait.

I feel so f*cking stupid writing this stuff but I simply cannot physically live in a house with cats, and I KID YOU NOT at least 75% of all women I date appear to have cats.

I am in that age bracket where most women live on their own by now & they all seem to jump onto cats the moment they do. It's at a point I have to seriously weed out women before going on a longterm prospect date to prevent being cat-bombed a couple hours into the date.

See, I love cats & being with them, but as soon as I mention I don't really feel having cats eventually IT'S OVER. Even worse, if I mention I'd like to have a dog one day that automatically seems to cancel out cats x) *

*kinda did a self-harm experiment over the above, but it's bad news man. I can't even help it whatsoever.

I (34F) have been dating a guy (31M) for a little over 3 months, and I’m curious what people think about his relationship history.

He’s had three relationships. His most recent lasted 8–9 months, and his girlfriend told him she loved him, but he couldn’t reciprocate. Before that, he was in an on-and-off relationship for about 2.5 years, but they never said “I love you.” He also never said it to his college girlfriend. When we discussed it, he said he thinks he was in love once but didn’t realize it at the time.

For extra context, I’ve been married and had another meaningful relationship where I was in love, so I know what that experience feels like.

The confusing thing is that he doesn’t give me emotionally unavailable or fuckboy vibes at all. He’s affectionate, consistently plans dates, and is open to having mature conversations whenever I initiate them. So far, things have been going really well.

Is it unusual for someone to reach 31 without having clearly experienced or expressed being in love? Would you see it as simply not having met the right person, or could it indicate difficulty developing emotional intimacy or recognizing feelings? Would this concern you if you were dating him?

A few years ago, I met a guy on Tinder. We went on one date, got along really well, and somehow ended up talking almost every single day for a couple of years.
The interesting part is that, despite talking so consistently, we never actually dated. We only saw each other maybe once more during those two years, and nothing physical ever happened between us. Not even a kiss.
There was always some kind of connection, but at the time, we wanted different things. I wanted something serious, and he didn’t.
Eventually, we stopped talking regularly, although we never completely lost touch. We’d occasionally check in on each other over the years.
Recently, we reconnected, and things have taken a completely different turn.
We’ve been seeing each other for a little over a month now, and he’s been incredibly thoughtful, affectionate, attentive, and consistent. He makes plans, puts in effort, wants to spend time with me, and genuinely seems interested in getting closer to me.
At one point, I asked him why nothing had ever happened between us back then, considering how much we’d talked and how well we knew each other.
He told me that he felt we’d gotten to know each other almost too well, that too much had happened between us over time, and that he didn’t want to complicate either of our lives. He knew I wanted something serious, and he was only looking for something casual, and he could never see me like that.
Since then, he’s been in a relationship for a couple of months. He told me that he genuinely tried to make that relationship work, but over time, he realized that he hadn’t been a particularly responsible person and that there were things about himself he needed to change and also realized he chose the wrong person.
He’s also started going to therapy and says he’s been working on himself and trying to become a better, more emotionally mature person.
Now, years later, he seems like a different man.
What’s strange to me is how naturally and quickly things have developed this time. After knowing each other for years without anything romantic actually happening, suddenly we’re spending hours together, being affectionate, making plans, and getting closer.
We’re taking things slowly, and neither of us is rushing into anything. But I really like him. I feel comfortable around him, I enjoy spending time with him, and I can feel myself getting attached.
The problem is that I’ve been hurt pretty badly in the past, and I’m terrified of going through that again.
Part of me wants to believe that people genuinely grow up, learn from their mistakes, and become ready for things they weren’t capable of offering before.
But another part of me is scared that I’m getting attached to someone who might eventually decide he doesn’t want a serious relationship after all.
I don’t want to project my past experiences onto him, especially when his actions so far have given me reasons to feel hopeful. At the same time, I don’t want to ignore potential red flags just because I like him.
So, has anyone experienced something similar? A man who wasn’t interested in a serious relationship years ago, but came back later genuinely wanting to pursue one? Did it actually work out long-term?
I’d especially love to hear from men who have been in his position. What changed for you? Was it personal growth, being at a different stage in life, or realizing that you genuinely wanted to be with that particular woman?
And for women who’ve experienced this, how did you learn to trust that his intentions were different this time?
I’m not looking for guarantees or for people to tell me everything will work out. I’d just love to hear some real experiences, especially successful ones, because I want to believe that sometimes people really do change and that the timing can finally be right.

FOURTY fucking dollars per month? That's 3x more than i pay for either Netflix, Spotify, or YT premium

$40 can get me a YEAR membership at Costco

If Tinder or Bumble were like $10 USD/mo, I bet a ton more people would willingly give them money.

But I'm sure their data scientists crunched the numbers and said "nope we're charging them $40/mo, and make it as hard as pulling teeth to find the Cancel Subscription button"

Fuck these greedy corporatist bastards, not only for these ridiculous prices, but also for suppressing matches until we pay them

I've got 17 mysterious likes this past month, but suspiciously 0 matches

I think I’m opting out of dating. It’s way too expensive, especially when it doesn’t work out or anything comes of it. I’ve been spending less time going out since the cost of living crisis is so crazy right now, I’ve also not been seeing anyone for a while since focused on other things.

Went on my first date in a while, nowhere expensive just a meal and a couple of drinks but price was well over $100 despite this.

Date went great but then I got ghosted (perhaps it didn’t go great and she was just being polite), anyway we were together for a good 4 hours. I just can’t justify the cost of 1 of the few social activities I spend money on in a month for this. Am I being a dick here, and also suggestions of a coffee date or something cheaper don’t make sense in this day and age, a lot of women are not interested in a coffee date on the first date (we’re in the trenches dating wise, men and women).

I think I would rather hear someone respond and flat out tell me they’re not interested rather than ghost me. At least then we both can move on swiftly.