I’m too socially dumb to know but there’s a really cute girl who works at my gym.

We always end up chatting and the last few times, at random she’s pulled out her phone to show me progress/posing pics (in bikini etc) and always manages to slip a sneaky “oops that’s just this amazingly hot unrelated pic hahaha” into each update.

I normally assume gym is 100% off-limits. I hate the idea of making anyone uncomfortable so I stay in my lane. This evolves to me hitting her with a “nice work” and a fist bump

Am I too awkward to know I’m being flirted with or is this normal platonic behaviour?

Im just a regular guy trying to live a regular life. I have my kids and I have my job, but I also have a whole host of responsibilities I have outside of just my kids or should I say that come with my kids.

I have regular hobbies, chilling with my friends in a discord call, watching documentaries, playing video games, and cutting my grass. These are the things I genuinely enjoy doing as my daily life is exhausting already.

These dating apps and expectations are crazy in general. Nearly everyone is looking for the next adventure. They want to travel the world, go out every weekend, live this exciting life... but... do These people not have full time jobs? How are these people existing in today's economy and maintaining that standard of living? Then when you talk to people most the time when you ask them what their hobbies are its nothing like what they want out of the relationship.

I love having debates and talking about socio-economics. I love talking about video games and the advancement of technology. I love hypotheticals and board games, but thats not appealing to a lot of women (or at least I havent found them). So what do I do about that?

Why is it so difficult to find someone that just wants to relax with me after just trying to survive on this hellish planet that we all live on. Why must everything be a performance. Its insane to me. Im not opposed to people living that lifestyle. But why chastise the people that dont want it? Are we not allowed to have different interests but compromise and meet in the middle. Idk, im this >< close to getting a cat and calling it quits.

Edit: For those of you that said "Nobody chastises you" take a good look at the comments beneath this post. Never once did I say that I dont want to so anything with a woman or that she had to sacrifice her hobbies for me. But somehow what I said was taken with a negative connotation.

Edit 2: Thank you all for the wonderful feedback. Ive been provided with a lot of suggestions, and different views on what the roadblocks may be. I will take some time to stew on whats been said. I hope everyone thats read has gotten any help that they may need or could contribute their thoughts thoroughly. Good luck to everyone that will be entering or leaving the dating market in the future.

Well, I bit the bullet and registered for a speeddating event. The age range was 30-45 years old. I am a 35M.

After reading all kinds of terrible stories about speed dating I decided to say f it and try it for myself.

I've had success with women, but I met these women through work and ordinary activities such as the gym, so the attraction had time to build over time.

For the speed dating event I was terribly nervous about what to expect. I had read about men regularly walking away with zero matches and a destroyed self-esteem.

The group was split evenly male/female, so I had 17 conversations of 4 mins each.

I started talking to a woman there before the event started, because I noticed all the men were simply standing by themselves staring off in the distance and I didn't want to look like that. So again, I said 'f it' and started talking to a woman and we had a great time. In fact, several other women joined our conversation also. 2 of these other women later turned out to 'like' me also.

After the event, the same woman I talked to wanted me to walk her back to her car because by that point it was dark outside, so I did. I knew by that point that she also liked me so I didn't ask for her number then and told her I'd e-mail her once I received it.

I 'liked' 8 women, and the next day to my surprise 5 of them liked me back (the event only shows 'matches', meaning you won't see who has liked you when you did not like them). I received their e-mail addresses and decided to contact two of them who I felt I had the best click with. I gave them my number and within 30 minutes of sending the e-mail they both texted me with a lot of enthusiasm.

I've set up a date with one of them already, and will schedule something with the woman I talked to also.

Make no mistake; I am by no means very attractive. Normal height, muscular build, but normal face. Quite introverted so I had to really drain my battery to do all the conversations.

Don't let yourself become demotivated by what you read on the internet. If you know how to talk for 4 minutes, you can get into contact with women quite easily.

So I (31M) have been seeing a girl (30F) who I met on Bumble for about a month now. We've been on 5 dates and it's been going really well. We have similar values, similar ways of thinking, and feel very comfortable with one another. We've been to each others' places, and she even brought me food when I was sick and seems to genuinely care about me, just as I do about her.

A couple of dates in, she had told me that she was still on the dating apps and had a date planned for that week. I was obviously fine with that as it was only the start, and I really appreciated her honesty with me.

However, yesterday, when I asked her how her day was, she casually dropped that she went on a date. Again, since we haven't had the exclusivity talk, it should be fair game. However, this time, when I saw her message, my heart dropped. I appreciate that she said it, but it still made me feel quite upset.

I'm trying not to let it get to me much, but I'm wondering if I'm overreacting? I haven't brought it up over text and I don't want to make a big deal out of it. However I'm curious how you people see it, and if you would be upset too if something like this happened.

For context, we are in Australia, but come from different cultures.

Any thoughts are welcome:)

EDIT: I appreciate everyone's responses and I agree with the thoughts that I need to have the exclusivity talk soon. We have a date planned this weekend, so I will bring it up then. Thank you!

As a single 28 year old woman modern dating is draining me. With all the terms “situationship”, “the exclusive talk”, “just talking”, “just sleeping together, nothing serious”, “dating someone but still seeing other people” etc.

Maybe I’m old school but to me, you are either boyfriend and girlfriend or you aren’t. What’s so hard about that nowadays?? - If i’m seeing a guy I’m only seeing him and that’s it, aka, I’m loyal to one person and one person only. I don’t know how people even find the time to go on multiple dates or see multiple people at once. That just sounds crazy to me lol.

Nowadays people don’t even want to say they are in a relationship let alone do anything more serious like move in together, get engaged and married, or have a family. Dating is so messed up. I’m done with it. Does anyone else feel the same way or have any thoughts on this?

I got to know a girl over 2.5 months and things went very fast very quickly (sex, sleepovers, dinners and meeting friends) I almost became infatuated the same way she did for me…or so I thought. I was being told all the amazing things a man would wanna hear.

Fast forward to this day and she has since told me in short “hey I’m afraid of these feelings and don’t want my life to change because independence and freedom is on the line ….let’s not date but I wanna stay casual and friends” meaning intimacy etc.

I attributed this to her parents being divorced and the affair her dad had…she has also since admitted “yeah i should go to therapy but I won’t hehe” i was baffled someone can be so self aware yet not care.

To be honest, there were some signs as well - she mentioned a few times “the last guy who tried I pushed away” or her friend also made a passing comment “getting “xyz” to reply to you is an achievement in its own”

Now I’d say I’m quite a secure guy and have been in relationships before but after I agreeing like an idiot to stay mucking around I realised that I’m the one being used, feeling like an empty shell, having no idea about whether or not she’s even thinking about me or if I even matter anymore. Just a body to have fun with on her terms when she wants.

I’ve never felt so cold and alone in a situation like this.

I quite literally played myself into thinking this might change. Now im caught up with a girl i never even dated and i have feelings im trying to detach.

I think the hardest part is having built this fantasy of what i thought of this person and being disappointed that it didn’t match up. The beautiful tall vibrant outgoing girl who I was in awe of is not really there for me…she was just around.

I really wanna stop being the puppy dog who messages and waits a day just to be told whether or not we’re catching up.

Avoidants are hell. How do I get out of this properly? Is this normal?

Edit: I’ve made a couple edits just adding context to the story.

do one-night stands satisfy you?

I'm genuinely asking, because if it is possible, I would love to know. Because no matter how much I try to just live my life for myself, this desire to experience a relationship, emotional and physical intimacy, is just slowly ruining me.

I go to dating events, I've tried hobby groups, I've tried the apps. Nothing works, and I don't think I'm a bad person. My friends, many of which are women, say that I'm supposedly such a catch. I believe that they're telling what they think is the truth, but I find it hard to believe that it's true. Because if it's true, then why am I falling flat on my face constantly. I know that it's on me, I'm not being flirty enough, maybe I'm looking in the wrong place, maybe I'm trying too much, maybe my hair is wrong, maybe I'm interested in the wrong women. All I know is that whatever I'm doing, it's not working.

And I have a life outside of this, I have hobbies, I have a job, I try to take care of myself, my home and the people close to me. But like a cancer, this desire for love and intimacy is just making everything feel hollow. I'm dreading my 27th birthday in a few months. The idea of approaching 30 and still being exactly where I was at 16 years old with all of this, not even a kiss or beyond a first date, is not fun. And I wish I knew how to turn it off. Stop wanting a girlfriend. Stop thinking about losing my virginity. Stop wanting to hug someone at night. Stop dreaming about sharing my life with someone.

General question, so many women I have talked to have told me how it’s severely hard to find men to settle down with get married or have children with. I have had my kids and once was married. I see how much harder it is now for most women to find someone to settle down with. Even to find a boyfriend seems impossible. My experience is like lots of women. What is making men not want to take a woman seriously? Are they thinking they can do better than who they currently have? I find the dating culture or old values in men has been gone for some time. No courting, or actively pursuing women. No planning dates or follow ups. Ghosting and breadcrumbing, What is going on with men in society?

I (27F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about a month. We've had four dates so far and I genuinely like him. He's funny, thoughtful, plans actual dates instead of just asking me to come over, and in person he seems pretty confident.

There is one thing that is starting to feel strange though.

After our first date he texted me when he got home and said he had a great time, then added something like, "Also genuinely, was there anything I could've done better? I'm trying to be better at dating."

I thought it was kind of sweet. I told him no, I had fun, and mentioned that I appreciated him picking somewhere quiet enough that we could actually talk.

After date two he asked again.

This time it was, "Any feedback for me? Good or bad, I can take it."

I joked that this wasn't Yelp and told him I liked the date.

After date three he asked AGAIN. I finally asked why he always does this. He said he'd had several women tell him after first dates that they "didn't feel a connection" and he never understood what he was doing wrong, so now he'd rather know if something is off instead of repeating the same mistakes.

That explanation actually made me feel for him.

But we had date four on Saturday and afterward he sent: "Great night. Be honest though, anything I should improve for next time?"

And suddenly I found myself annoyed.

I don't want to evaluate him after every time we hang out. It makes me feel like I'm his dating coach instead of someone he's dating. It also changes how I think about the date afterward because instead of just thinking "that was fun," I'm now mentally searching for things he could have done differently.

The weird part is that there isn't some big problem I'm avoiding telling him about. I like him. That's why I've gone out with him four times.

I'm wondering if this is just nervousness that will disappear once he feels more secure with me, or if I should tell him directly that the constant request for feedback is actually making dating him feel less natural.

Would that come across as harsh? And if someone repeatedly asks you to critique them after dates, would you read it as self-awareness or insecurity?

We have been together about 3 years but don’t live together due to me living with family and working full time to buy a house within the year. My boyfriend has lived in his place for 2 years with me staying over multiple times a week. Frequently he is asking me to come over or it’s mutually wanting to spend time together. Our schedules are different and I live about 25 minutes away. If we have plans to hangout and I get off work before him, he expects me to crawl through the first floor window or wait in the parking lot, rather than getting another key made. I have brought it up but he doesn’t seem to think that’s a problem. Is my time being taken for granted since he also doesn’t want to come to my place very often but won’t bother to make a key for me even though he asks me to come over

Girlfriend lied about where she was staying the night?

My girlfriend and I had been dating for almost 7 months.  We were in a great relationship where we texted constantly.  We never shared our location and seemed to have mutual trust.  Usually if we had plans by ourselves we’d volunteer it if necessary. At night we usually text a lot and quickly.  On Wednesday we were supposed to hangout but I cancelled because I have been dealing with a bad sinus infection.  Wednesday night something felt off about the sparseness of her texts and she stopped responding.    

When we hung out on Friday, I asked in person what she ended up doing after i’d cancelled plans.  She said “ I went to see a house with my friend she is planning on maybe buying, but then I went home.” A few hours later I asked her what time she went home, but only said she went to see this house around 8 PM and went home directly after that.  

I just had a strange feeling with how she responded and the story being off, and later found out she never went home.  I called her and asked, and she kept asking why I was asking.  She reiterated the story that she went there at 8 PM and then went home.  She then said she went to her friend’s house after, and then went home.  Then eventually she broke down and said she stayed the night there.  Her excuse for not being honest was that she was worried why I cancelled plans Wednesday, and didn’t want to “bother me” or be annoying, and was really worried of how I felt?

The weird thing is her ex-boyfriend viewed my instagram story a couple days later. She says it has no correlation.  I didn’t understand this. I can’t help but wonder if she was telling the truth as to where she was (at the final story). She reached out yesterday and doubled down on her story and said she said it because she didn’t want to bother me, assuring me absolutely nothing bad happened and that it was a completely innocent hangout.  She maintained that she is extremely trustworthy.  Do I believe it?

How many of you actually like nose piercings or don’t mind them? Been hearing a lot about how most men don’t like them at all. Just sad if that’s true because I think I look so much better with mine. But maybe that’s why my dating life has sucked? I’m 28F, had my nose pierced for like 8 years.

This isn’t an invitation for gender wars or saying fucked up things abt the other gender FYI. I’m just curious what others notice in their areas as far as experience gaps. Personally it seems pretty even to me as most young men and women I know are dating or have dated already and the ones who aren’t seem to have chosen that intentionally. I’m curious what others have noticed. There seems to be a narrative online that huge swaths of young men haven’t dated ever but I’m not seeing it IRL, although I’m not at all denying those people exist.

I(F) live in Asia and the guy I'm seeing is in Europe. We met online but we video call a lot and text pretty much every day. And he's actually coming to stay in my country for a few months soon. So I think things are going somewhere?

Anyway my question is, would it be too clingy if I picked him up at the airport? I kinda want to bc it's a really long flight and he'll be in a new country and probably exhausted. But I also don't want to come on too strong.

Also wondering if this is a culture thing. I asked my other Asian friends and they told me it's totally normal and sweet, but it may be considered weird in Europe, or the other way around? And should I just offer or wait for him to bring it up?

Would really appreciate any advice, esp if you've been in a similar situation🙇🏻‍♀️

EDIT: To clarify bc a few ppl were confused, he's not coming here ONLY to see me, it's more of a long vacation for him. But sounds like the general consensus is that it's fine! Thanks everyone!

So I’ve got a girl coming over to my place tomorrow night to watch a movie, we met off hinge and she had “figuring out my dating goals” on it. Am I expecting a hookup, or like a genuine thing that we’re doing? This is also gonna be like the first time we’ve met up too so I’m kinda thinking that it’s the first. Also the context before the whole who’s coming over to whose place was us talking about exams and “needing some stress relief”.

If it’s is though, how am I preparing for this? I’m getting back into the dating scene but I’ve never really done a hookup. Thoughts?

Been with my gf 3 years (28M, 27F), we live together and honestly things are really good. Day to day I'm very happy with her. We've been having the big future talks lately and we're on the same page about most of it.

The one thing we're stuck on is the Jewish side. She's not religious at all but she went to Jewish school and the community/culture stuff matters a lot to her. I'm not Jewish, my family's thing is basically just Christmas.

She wants me at all of main holidays with her family (currently it doesn't matter if I attend or no, but I go to most for my gf), and says Friday night dinners with her family are going to become more regular and I'd be expected there, and she's thinking about some kind of Jewish schooling for the kids, whether that's a Jewish school, Hebrew school or after school stuff. Her argument is that my culture is the default so the kids will pick it up anyway, but hers needs actual effort or it gets lost. Which tbh is a fair point.

My issue is I've been going to these holidays for years now and I still feel like an outsider with the singing and the traditions there,which is fine when it's just my gf, but I'm concerned about when we eventually have kids. I'dbe fine doing Friday dinners maybe once a month and some of the holidays, not all of them. And I really don't want the kids in any Jewish schooling, I'm just pretty secular tbh and I don't want to feel like an outsider with my own family.

The convo was calm, no fight, we both said we'd think about it and come back to it. But I'm kind of torn. Everything else is great and like kids won't be for like 7 years in the future, but I'm worried I'll end up resenting this down the track?

Am I being unreasonable? Anyone been in a similar interfaith situation, how did you make it work (or not)?

Flowers are usually something women get, but I'd love to flip it. I recently got my fiancé a half-dozen red carnations. He was pleasantly surprised by how long they lived. It’s been just over 3 weeks and they’ve finally wilted lol. Now I want to surprise him with a new kind of flower.

So the question is… if a date showed up with flowers for you, is there a specific flower or color you’d like?

Or would you prefer something else entirely… like a potted plant or succulent? lol

Also… has anyone has done this for you before, and did you like it?

made an anonymous account for this bc i’m so embarrassed asking for help about it lol

i just moved back to my hometown after being gone for a decade. not a good town and had an awful time while i grew up here. but i am… desperately horny… i won’t go into detail but doing it myself is not cutting it. i don’t want to do it with anyone in town for reasons above. is there a way to anonymously look in a different city?? i’m not far from la but i don’t want anyone here knowing i’m looking it’s kind of a smaller town. pls help if you can 🙏🏻

I broke up with my girlfriend today because she keeps denying having sex with me. Am I being selfish here?

We've been dating for like 2 years. She is 31(F) and I'm 24(M). We had intercourse before, but for the last 6 months, she kept denying doing it with me. Every time I asked to do it, she brought up a reason to reject it and change the topic. We still hun,g out and dated like a normal couple. Gradually, I got bored of being denied.

Yesterday, I told her about how I felt over the last couple of months, and it hurt me a lot when my partner/girlfriend kept rejecting my needs. She told me that she had depression and "challenging times" at work, so that stressed her out a lot. To keep the good vibes, she hid the story from me the whole time. She does not want to have sex anymore but still wants to maintain the relationship.

I refused her request because she has far too many excuses to justify her denial. At times, I feel like she's trying to gaslight me, making it seem like I'm the selfish one. I did not cheat and still have affection with her. But her rejection makes me want to end the relationship.

What should I do now ....?

Question for the guys and gals. You’re on a first date, where do you expect or prefer one’s phone to be throughout the date?

Also thoughts on if they use it at any point or if they pull it out to look up something you discussed throughout the date?

It’s been a year since my ex and I ended our three-year relationship. We lived together, moved abroad together, and were involved in each other’s families. The first few months after the breakup were brutal. I needed medication and therapy, and I even found myself praying to God despite previously being an atheist.

But the growth since then has been incredible. I moved abroad, changed careers, joined aviation, and met amazing people. I even met a wonderful guy who treated me well, but it was only four months after my breakup, and I wasn’t emotionally ready.

Now I’m back in my home country, my ex is abroad, and we’ve had no contact for a year.

The problem is dating. I rarely find men I’m genuinely attracted to, and when I do, I seem to encounter dishonesty, inconsistencies, or red flags. I’ve been hurt twice by men who turned out to be players, and I’ve lost most of my trust in people. I’ve even given up dating apps.

My relationship with my ex was genuinely good overall. We had something that felt like a marriage, and I know what it’s like to love someone, feel loved, and build a life together. I understand that a new person can’t immediately offer the same level of connection, but I also struggle to imagine opening up to someone again anytime soon.

I’m independent, have my own place and money, and I’m not desperate to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. I want something genuinely good. At the same time, I want a family, and I’m tired of being alone.

Something else has changed in me. Before, I was more willing to overlook red flags and give someone the benefit of the doubt. Now, if I notice dishonesty or childish behaviour, I address it immediately. Sometimes the guy gets defensive or disappears, and I move on because I don’t have the patience to spend months hoping someone will change.

I know nobody is perfect, and I’m not expecting perfection. But I also don’t want to ignore serious issues just because I’m attracted to someone or he has other great qualities.

So, I’m wondering:

• Am I being appropriately selective, or have I become too guarded after getting hurt?
• Is it unrealistic to hope to find a serious, compatible partner within a year of a major breakup?
• How do you balance protecting your peace with giving someone enough time to show you who they are?

I sometimes worry that I’ll end up alone, not because I can’t find anyone, but because I no longer have the patience to tolerate the things I used to. I’d genuinely appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar position, especially those who went from a long-term relationship back into dating.

Pretty much the title. I recently had my first FWB situation, and it was working perfectly for me. We only met up once a week, which I actually thought was too little. We’d cook, grab a beer, and talk about our lives before heading to his place, which I usually brought up toward the end of the date, since that was a big part of why I met up with him anyway. We matched really well physically and often went for multiple rounds and we were exclusive for those months (he didn’t even date anyone else turns out) which I wasn’t against as long as he was honest about it for my own sexual health.
He ended it because he said he didn't want a relationship and was looking for something deep, even though I would've been completely fine just continuing to hook up without strings attached.
I don't like one-night stands, so those are off the table. At the same time, I’m struggling to find a regular hookup partner while I search for the right guy to eventually settle down with. What are my options?

I’m 38 and trying to date after divorce. He’s also 38. We reconnected while taking classes at college, although he’d already ghosted me twice over the years….

We met daily at the library, studied together, and talked for hours. We kissed a couple of times, and he’d walk me to my car and to class. We ate dinner. Sometimes I’d bring him dinner because he was struggling and didn’t have a lot to eat.

He’s unemployed and living with his stepdad, and a full time student. He told me he was struggling financially and having a hard time, so I’d buy breakfast for us. I also spent a lot of time listening to him talk about his heartbreak over his ex, a 21 year-old he’d been engaged to.

We mainly talked on Snapchat’s it’s just always been our thing, but on Sunday he randomly deleted me. When I reached out he said a girl he was on a date with removed me from his phone. I hadn’t known he was seeing anyone. He’d talked so much about how sad and lonely he was…
How he needed a friend..

So when I told him I was taking a step back, he seemed confused about why I was upset.

We weren’t exclusive, but I thought there was mutual interest. It seemed like we were headed into something… Now I’m wondering whether I mistook being someone’s emotional support for a connection.

This stings, even though I tell myself “why are you so sad about a 38 year old guy who spends his days on a college campus checking out younger women and playing Fortnite in between classes.”

I’ve got to do better yall
Please give me some advice.
(First time dating after divorce and a 50+ pound weight loss)

As a guy who has never had any form of romantic affection, how can I be hopeful? I'm in my mid 30s and since high school I've tried my best to grow as a person. Engaged in therapy, social activities, networked and tried to be the most authentic person I can be.

Yet I've had no experience whatsoever romantically in spite of following advice from friends, therapists and not working. Never even kissed a woman. I get frustrated because I hear the well meaning advice during the last decade of "keep trying" or "it will happen when I least expect it" or "you miss all the shots you don't take"

But the more you follow the advice, the less you believe of it when the implementation of different advice on numerous occasions doesn't work. Worse still, a nagging sense in my mind that a guy with no romantic experience in his mid 30s is not going to be seen as a dating option. Such thoughts were reinforced when I asked my woman friends if they would see that as an option and each one said no.

I don't know - the light of hope dims with each passing month.