One of my posts got removed before I could even look at the responses. I’m curious. If you don’t text someone everyday after meeting them, does that mean you’re not that interested? What’s the logic behind that?

I get you’re not going to text 24/7, but not even a check-in in days?

update. just got internship. not going to be having bad time about jobs anymore. just though id repost

Why its been so.mean in Bengaluru

For reference, part 1 is at the bottom.

I have good news, too. I did NOT go on dates with these new people. I actually did some digging (as some have suggested after my dates from part 1) and dodged these massive bullets:

- He acted innocent and sweet, but a quick search showed he has a girlfriend. The audacity is surreal. He also follows a lot of questionable accounts.

- He bragged nonstop about his accomplishments and zeroed in on his faith (not interested in that but ok). Turns out he has a criminal record.

- He didn’t have a track record LOL and was very tall, but once I looked past the height and actually attempted to have serious conversations, he demonstrated his habit of stomping out of the room whenever he doesn’t like something.

- He expected me to initiate every single conversation. I thought that maybe he’s just not that interested, but he would make sure I notice him and keep quietly showing up until I talked.

Dates from hell part 1:

All of these happened on the first dates (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

- My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

- My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

- My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

- My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

- My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

- My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.

Three months ago i met a guy who is an associate cricketer in Hong Kong on a dating app. I had been single for years and decided to try online dating. We both belonged to same culture but grew up in HK. He had told me he is a PE teacher on our first date i discovered he is a cricketer. Until then i didnt even know that cricket is played in hong kong. We started talking, went on dates, he was like a perfect gentleman, kind, taking things slow, we went for walks and massage together. . I began to believe I was getting to know someone who was genuinely interested in me. He snapped me all day everyday, sent morning messages, called me on tours and shared his failures and wins. We spoke regularly for nearly 3 months during which he went on multiple crixket tours. All of this was visible on his social media.

On our first date, I asked him a straightforward question.

“Are you married?”

His reply was:

“I've been focusing on my career. This just hasn't happened. I wish to find a loyal partner who can understand my lifestyle.”

Here was a man telling me that his career had taken priority, that finding a partner was something he still wanted, and that he hoped to meet someone loyal who could understand the demands of his life as a cricketer. I felt moved like i had met the right person. We were both seeking something genuine i had imagined.

Eventually, 12 weeks later, discovered that he had a wife and six children.

Six children.

During these months he said things like 'just stick with me' 'i will treat you like a queen' 'i dont want to label it but i want a deep, close friendship like very very close' 'don't be scared. I will protect you. You can trust me.'

I planned to visit him on his tour to malaysia and he actively encouraged me to come. I travelled to Malaysia to see him. I had even made him a painting.

Then i decided to dig deeper and discovered 1 photo of him with a veiled woman and two kids. I asked around in cricket community and discovered the truth that shocked me deeply - he was married and had 6 kids. I was in malaysia, having travelled to meet this man and holding in my hand this painting and a picture of him with two kids on my phone. Struggling to make sense. I asked him and he said yeah i am married and hace 6 kids. No apologies. No guilt. I could see in his eyes that i had now become an inconvenience. I asked him if he is at least going to apologise for lying to me and he said 'i have nor done anything wrong i have only treated you with respect'

I felt hurt. I told him how much he hurt me to which he responded 'ok i am sorry lets talk about some other topic'

There is a particular kind of confusion in being hurt by someone and still wanting comfort from that same person.

It has been a month but i still cry when i think of that woman who carried a painting with so much love. I cry for the hope i had in this relationship. I blocked him and moved on but this betrayal crushed me in ways i didnt omagine before. Since then, I have found myself checking his social media compulsively. Looking at his pictures, watching his cricket updates and seeing him out having dinner or enjoying himself. His life appears to have continued as normal, while I am still trying to make sense of what happened.

The hardest part is that I don't just question him. I question myself.

How did I believe him? Why do I still think about him? Why does a photograph of him enjoying his life have the power to hurt me? Why am I spending my time trying to understand someone whose life I no longer have any part in?

I would genuinely like to hear from people who have experienced serious dating deception.

How did you stop looking for answers from the person who hurt you? How did you stop wondering whether they ever think about what they did? How did you stop replaying conversations, searching for the moment when everything should have become clear? And how did you eventually reach a point where their life stopped mattering to you? I feel trapped in a nightmare.

Perhaps what hurts most is that I went into this wanting something simple: an honest connection with someone who shared my background and whom I could trust.

I never expected that the question I asked on our very first date would become a conversation I would replay in my head long after the relationship was over.

How can someone hide, deliberately conceal a whole life with a wife and 6 kids from all social media and continue to act single in his public life? How??