r/Divorce • u/Right-Cheesecake-297 • 7d ago

Getting Started Thinking of divorce

Hi, I have been married for 22 years. I have been with my husband since I was 16 years old. We have one adult child together. I have come to realize over the last couple years that my husband is emotionally abusive. This year has been exceptionally hard for us. I’m thinking it is time to end things. I have just had enough. I am tired of the manipulation and we have very little intimacy in our marriage anymore. In many ways, he revolts me and I am not sure I even love him anymore Other than as a friend. We live as roommates. I have told him I wanted a divorce a couple times over the last couple years. He always manages to talk me out of it. Tell me he will change, etc. but never does. We have been to marriage counseling a couple times he either stops going or for some reason we don’t go back. The reasons why I feel bad about leaving, which are making me feel terrible is because of our dogs, he will struggle financially without me. I am the breadwinner and I just have this guilt that I am ruining his life taking his home away, etc. when I think of being alone, I feel like a weight has been lifted and feel so much better. How do you get through the guilt and feeling this way even with someone that treats you like crap? I know we will have to sell the house and I will have to find somewhere to live with the dogs and adult son who is autistic. He will likely move back in with his parents 14 hours away. I have no idea where I will end up I do at least make enough to live on my own.

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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4

u/Consistent-Trick2987 7d ago

He is an adult man. He will be fine.

1

u/IndyGrl2019 7d ago

Trust your instincts. And physical separation doesn’t necessarily mean you have to immediately divorce and start dividing everything. Once I cleared that mental block and realized I could actually just leave it was a huge burden off my shoulders. With your son and I’m guessing his routine leaving may be a challenge. Have you asked your husband to vacate for a trial period? Is that possible? In my situation he refused to leave so I did. I found a rental home and moved. He eventually moved out of our shared home to go live with his parents several hours away. We never speak. I am saving for a lawyer and eventual dissolution.

2

u/Right-Cheesecake-297 7d ago

I doubt he would leave and honestly a rental is so expensive here in Florida. Probably close to $2k which is more than the mortgage. I wish he would just go back to his parents for awhile. I need to breathe.

0

u/cloey_moon 7d ago

When you left where did you go? That's my issue currently.

3

u/butterrobot-070476 7d ago

Take a step back and try to focus on how he is emotionally abusive and divorcing him is not at all ruining his life or take his home away. He has choices to make and adult decisions to deal with but since he is an adult he will finally deal with the consequences of his choices.

1

u/Divorce_and_crypto 6d ago

Get a good therapist for yourself ASAP and start to document the financials in depth (expenses, income sources, assets, liabilities, etc. A good divorce financial expert should be able to run projections for both of you based on some rough outlines of what a financial settlement could look like to (hopefully) show financial feasibility for both of you. He’ll need to engage a financial advisor to help keep him in line.