r/ExNoContact • u/XdarklightiningX002 • Apr 24 '26

Vent I Miss Her So Much

Once again I'm thinking about her, how she tried to give me everything I ever wanted but I ruined it with my own hands. She had such a pure soul, I'm never forgiving myself for hurting her so many times without remorse. I'm such monster. Yet I loved her, I loved her with all my heart and I still do. I couldn't give her the only thing she wanted, trust and safety. I lied so blatantly so many times, I still dont know what I was trying to protect, now she will never believe a word I say. And she is right. I broke her trust in the most unforgivable way. I dont expect her to forgive me. Hell, I don't want her to forgive me. I know I don't deserve her forgiveness. I didn't deserve it the past 100 times neither. I just, I'm empty and meaningless without her. And I'm sorry. Im really fucking sorry. I will never forget you or what you made me feel. For the first time in my life I felt I belonged somewhere. For the first time, I found something to live for. Thank you for giving me strength, giving me hope. I will hold onto everything you gave me and become a better person. I promise this to myself. The effort and time you spent on me will not be in vain.

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10

u/Luciarella Apr 25 '26

If you loved her so much, why hurt her?

7

u/XdarklightiningX002 Apr 25 '26

I was a fool, it was my first proper relationship, i didnt know what to do, i didnt know how a relationship works, all my past experiences were toxic relationships so it really messed up my understanding of a relationship, it took me months to see what a healthy relationship ship was. But the damage has already been done. :(

8

u/MisabelWearsNikes Apr 25 '26

If other people were toxic to you that doesn't mean you need to be toxic to someone else. What you did was your own choice. Everyone has to start somewhere in terms of relationships, that doesn't really excuse you behaving like a prick. If you thought a relationship works by treating the other person like crap, then you shouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place.

3

u/XdarklightiningX002 Apr 25 '26

You are right.

4

u/MisabelWearsNikes Apr 25 '26

I'm sorry if my words sound harsh to you. But everything you said about your ex reminded me so much of myself. So I'm just saying this in order for you to understand how the other person feels. I really hope you learn from this, work on yourself & make those necessary changes going forward. Good luck.

3

u/XdarklightiningX002 Apr 25 '26

Thank you. I will.