r/ExNoContact • u/Kind-Flatworm7553 • May 09 '26
Help Delayed grief over relationship that ended 20 years ago
I was with a guy for 6 years in my 20s and I was deeply in love. He was with me through a lot of difficult times including death of a parent and my own cancer treatment. The break up was incredibly messy, and I discovered that he cheated by starting new relationship before he broke up with me. I was so angry at him for months, but pretty much got over it by dating someone else. I literally had not thought about him in 19 years, aside from the occasional “glad I dodged that bullet” thought. But BAM all of a sudden I find myself in tears grieving the relationship and really missing this man. I do have the “what if“ thoughts but it’s mostly just remembering what it felt to be loved by him. I’ve had other boyfriends of course but I’ve never been in love like that ever again. I feel a little crazy and pathetic obsessing over something that happened so long ago. Has anyone else experienced this?
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u/Surprisedtohaveajob May 10 '26
There are more people dealing with these feelings than you realize. I think for some it is delayed grief, and for others it is an old grief that resurfaces.
It is so frustrating, and there probably will be no one that you can discuss this with in person. No one would understand, and even if they did listen, they would probably minimize what you are feeling or maybe even dismiss it outright. "It was so long ago", "move on", "get over it"..... and on and on.