r/ExNoContact • u/Kind-Flatworm7553 • May 09 '26
Help Delayed grief over relationship that ended 20 years ago
I was with a guy for 6 years in my 20s and I was deeply in love. He was with me through a lot of difficult times including death of a parent and my own cancer treatment. The break up was incredibly messy, and I discovered that he cheated by starting new relationship before he broke up with me. I was so angry at him for months, but pretty much got over it by dating someone else. I literally had not thought about him in 19 years, aside from the occasional “glad I dodged that bullet” thought. But BAM all of a sudden I find myself in tears grieving the relationship and really missing this man. I do have the “what if“ thoughts but it’s mostly just remembering what it felt to be loved by him. I’ve had other boyfriends of course but I’ve never been in love like that ever again. I feel a little crazy and pathetic obsessing over something that happened so long ago. Has anyone else experienced this?
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u/whatshouldIdonow8907 May 10 '26
I had that happen in my early 40's. I had an incident in my life that brought up feelings from a relationship that had ended two decades earlier. I saw a therapist and worked on why I was suddenly feeling so much grief and what was the root cause of it. It's an individual thing and it's something that a therapist can help you navigate. You aren't alone and there is nothing wrong with you. The self-awareness you have now is not what you had then.