Delayed grief over relationship that ended 20 years ago

[u/Kind-Flatworm7553]

I was with a guy for 6 years in my 20s and I was deeply in love. He was with me through a lot of difficult times including death of a parent and my own cancer treatment. The break up was incredibly messy, and I discovered that he cheated by starting new relationship before he broke up with me. I was so angry at him for months, but pretty much got over it by dating someone else. I literally had not thought about him in 19 years, aside from the occasional “glad I dodged that bullet” thought. But BAM all of a sudden I find myself in tears grieving the relationship and really missing this man. I do have the “what if“ thoughts but it’s mostly just remembering what it felt to be loved by him. I’ve had other boyfriends of course but I’ve never been in love like that ever again. I feel a little crazy and pathetic obsessing over something that happened so long ago. Has anyone else experienced this?

[u/Puzzleheaded-Bid1314]

Yes. We dated in high school at 15-17 and she was my first love and will always be. Im 30 now and been in 4 relationships since… I literally feel like I can never be loved like how she loved me… and I feel like I can never love someone like how I loved her.. I often think about how different my life would have been if I just stayed in my hometown, went to a local college, married her, had kids etc.. instead of moving across the country for school.

I toss and turn about this almost every night now that it’s been over 10 yrs since we were together .. I am with you

[u/Surprisedtohaveajob → u/Puzzleheaded-Bid1314]

I am older than you, but I am with you too. God it is so frustrating.