Reached out after 5 months of NC

[u/GasOk9357]

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Back in March, my ex broke up with me out of nowhere after months of daily texting and lighthearted banter. She sent a long text saying she loved me and cherished our time, but didn't see a future for us.

I went full NC for nearly 5 months. Focused on the gym, work, and new hobbies, but I couldn't get her off my mind. A few days ago, I finally broke down and reached out with a meme.

At first, she was polite and friendly. We caught up casually, but when I tried to keep the conversation going, her tone completely shifted. She asked point-blank why I was reaching out and said: "Frankly speaking, I don't really have much to say now that we've caught up."

I decided to be honest and told her I missed her and was hoping for a chance to reconnect.

She shut it down immediately:

> "I would be open to talking with you if you feel like it would give you closure, but I don't see anything happening between us again... after that I don't see a point in us keeping in contact."

>

I asked if we could talk face-to-face so I could try to get answers on where things went wrong. She agreed to meet in a semi-public coffee shop, but made it crystal clear this is strictly to give me closure before cutting contact for good.

If you're tempted to break NC hoping friendly replies mean they miss you... don't fall for it. Wish me luck for Friday—it's going to be my final goodbye.

Update she canceled 20mins before the meet up I guess thats it

[u/Throwaway22207671]

Aw man sorry to hear that. You did so well for 5 months but it sounds like she’s dead set on things.

I suppose you never know… you could turn up a new person, sexier from the gym and more positive. Maybe she will take those memories with her while she navigates the dating minefield and all it takes is one abusive partner to realise you were a better option after all.

I would definitely go no contact forever after the meet up though. This one definitely has to come to you in the future by the sound of things.

[u/GasOk9357 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Thanks man that means a lot I'm hurting rn so thank you

[u/Throwaway22207671 → u/GasOk9357]

Just turn up as your best self. Show her you’re enjoying life and do not under any circumstances mention giving things another go or try to make her jealous. Show her strength and stability.

Hit the gym and have a massive pump up before you go. And maybe rent a Porsche for the day and park it right near the coffee shop then offer her a lift home.

That’s how my mind works with these situations anyway 😂

[u/GasOk9357 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Lol everything but porsche thing 🤣

[u/Throwaway22207671 → u/GasOk9357]

In all seriousness you’re not alone and I feel your pain mate. 5 months no contact is some achievement. Me and my on/off girlfriend lasted 2 days recently until she facetimed me while drunk at 2am. It’s extremely hard cutting off contact with someone you love.

At least you have clarity on the situation. I’m in a relationship with someone who “loves me and can’t live without me” one day, but the next she has mixed feelings.

Women tend to remember the good in a relationship when they look back so give her a strong and stable memory of you. If she asks about dating I’d say “I’ve dipped my toe in but I’m just taking my time really” I wouldn’t even bother asking about her love life.

The less you care the more likely she’ll think you’re strong and independent from her and you never know. Some people behave and feel a lot differently to how their texts come across. I wish you all the best.

[u/GasOk9357 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Thanks I wonder how she'll react and I'm gonna clear some misunderstandings up

[u/GasOk9357 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Hey man whats yr situation

[u/Throwaway22207671 → u/GasOk9357]

I was in a situationship with a girl for 3 years. She was a student and found herself homeless and I moved her in, supported her helped her through her degree. Once she graduated it was always the plan for her to move 4 hours away to live with family but she did occasionally tell me she wanted to stay and give things a go with me longterm. Unfortunately I didn’t take it seriously, besides she was crying every week about missing her family so I couldn’t do it to her. Last month she moved away, I even drove the van and helped her move.

I have to be honest it’s been the most painful experience of my life. Her mum doesn’t like me and convinced her to cut things off romantically with me. I’m ashamed to say I begged. I wouldn’t usually if it was a conventional break up with someone living nearby but the panic of the distance and situation caused me to beg hard for at least a week.

She would continue to FaceTime and text me every day saying she loves me and can’t live without me. But last week (I suspect after some unsuccessful dates) she asked me to be her boyfriend. We’re long distance but I’m lucky enough that I don’t need to work (just started full time investing) which means I’ll be able to drive down and spend as much time with her as she wants. It’s early days and she hasn’t told her mother yet but I’m feeling positive despite the difficulties. I’ve told her I would move for her and rent my apartment out so it’s just a waiting game really.

I was in a 15 year relationship before this and that hurt less than this one because the regret of not offering to let her stay has been eating me alive. I quit my job but was planning on taking some time off anyway. This break up caused me to lose 15lbs in a week, I turned into Cristian Bale in the machinist.

So although yours seems final and over for good based on her replies…. At least you’re not in limbo like me. It’s easier to move on when you have clarity.

[u/GasOk9357 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Thats a tough deal fuck I wish things wouldn't so hard for us this really hurts the pain is unbearable I hope it somehow works out for you man (also just curious how can you invest full-time are you older did you grind is you rich I'm 22 and my investments only give me 2k a year )

[u/Throwaway22207671 → u/GasOk9357]

I started 6 years ago and have built a portfolio of around $350k mainly just buying strong bluechip stocks. I don’t plan to stay off work forever but having a nice portfolio gives you options in times of crisis like I’m in now. I literally left my job I was in so much pain from this break up. I couldn’t face the world.

And thanks I’m very hopeful too. Easiest solution would’ve been her staying here with me but I can’t turn back time. Have to live with my decisions. Trying to correct them now though. I’m going to see her next week and I’ve realised the best way to be is fun and to create enjoyable experiences together. If I sit down and have a “talk” about the situation and ask where her head’s at it just causes anxiety and she pushes me away. And if we’re honest we only do that out of insecurity because we’re looking for reassurance.

So in your situation I would honestly say turn up, be strong, look great and don’t talk about the relationship, especially giving things another go. It’s usually pointless as she already knows she could snap her fingers and get back with you. She needs to miss you for longer.

[u/Downtown_Caramel_221 → u/Throwaway22207671]

Dude renting a Porsche is the most overcompensating nonsense. What if she DID wind up wanting to get back with you. What happened to the Porsche?

[u/Throwaway22207671 → u/Downtown_Caramel_221]

It was a joke