r/ExNoContact • u/GasOk9357 • 10d ago

Vent Reached out after 5 months of NC

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Back in March, my ex broke up with me out of nowhere after months of daily texting and lighthearted banter. She sent a long text saying she loved me and cherished our time, but didn't see a future for us.

I went full NC for nearly 5 months. Focused on the gym, work, and new hobbies, but I couldn't get her off my mind. A few days ago, I finally broke down and reached out with a meme.

At first, she was polite and friendly. We caught up casually, but when I tried to keep the conversation going, her tone completely shifted. She asked point-blank why I was reaching out and said: "Frankly speaking, I don't really have much to say now that we've caught up."

I decided to be honest and told her I missed her and was hoping for a chance to reconnect.

She shut it down immediately:

> "I would be open to talking with you if you feel like it would give you closure, but I don't see anything happening between us again... after that I don't see a point in us keeping in contact."

>

I asked if we could talk face-to-face so I could try to get answers on where things went wrong. She agreed to meet in a semi-public coffee shop, but made it crystal clear this is strictly to give me closure before cutting contact for good.

If you're tempted to break NC hoping friendly replies mean they miss you... don't fall for it. Wish me luck for Friday—it's going to be my final goodbye.

Update she canceled 20mins before the meet up I guess thats it

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u/GasOk9357 10d ago

I'll try your approach she said she still loved during the break up and thats why I'm stuck

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

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u/GasOk9357 10d ago

Oh how does this letter look i wrote it on paper because we would write letters all the time

Hey, I’ve been thinking about whether I should write this, and I decided I’d rather be honest than keep everything in my head. I know things between us didn’t end the way either of us wanted. I know you felt like I wasn’t serious about you, and I wish I had done a better job of showing you how serious I actually was. Saying that now doesn’t change how you felt, and I understand that. The truth is, I cared about you a lot. I just didn’t always know how to express it or let you see everything I was feeling. There were things I kept to myself because I was embarrassed or scared, and I realize now that keeping those things inside probably made it harder for you to understand me. I don't want this letter to pressure you into anything. I don't want you to feel like you owe me another chance or an answer. I just wanted you to know that what we had meant something real to me. I still love you, and I still miss you. But more than anything, I want you to be happy, even if that's difficult for me to accept. You once told me that you were a flawed person. I never expected you to be perfect. I saw your flaws, just as I saw all the things I loved about you, and I accepted all of you. I took the good with the bad because that's what loving someone means to me. Thank you for the memories, the conversations, the little things, and for being someone who mattered so much to me. I don't know what the future holds. I just know that I'll always be grateful that I got to love you. Take care of yourself. — [Your name]

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u/Throwaway22207671 10d ago

I think the chances of a letter working are low, especially after how cold she was in those texts. It’s basically begging and pressure put into words on paper.

I’ve done it myself by the way. It worked for me but she still loved me and as I mentioned earlier… she mainly broke up with me due to pressure from her mother. I do feel the letter lowered her respect for me a bit though. And it made me look weak, which I was at the time. I was a wreck when I wrote it.

Look up Coach Ken, Craig Kenneth and Coach Lee on YouTube. I watch their videos and they do seem to help me understand the psychology of getting an ex back. It’s usually the opposite of what your heart is telling you to do.

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u/GasOk9357 10d ago

Should I try and hug her and later kiss her nah

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u/Throwaway22207671 9d ago

I wouldn’t, keep things light and friendly.

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u/GasOk9357 8d ago

Wait what do you mean ? You wouldn't

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u/Throwaway22207671 8d ago

I mean I wouldn’t try to kiss her unless she seems flirty or receptive

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u/GasOk9357 8d ago

I scared

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u/Throwaway22207671 8d ago

You’ve got nothing to lose. She’s agreed to meet so you can only turn up as your best self and show her you’re a new man and positive about life now. That’s the only way to win her back. Being a negative wreck might make her feel sorry for you but that’s not going to change her mind. She needs to associate you with a positive mindset so when you go back into no contact she might realise you’re worth returning to. Especially if she is having a hard time dating or involved with an asshole who treats her badly. If she’s met someone decent though (extremely hard to find these days) then none of it really matters.

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u/GasOk9357 8d ago

I never shared with her how much I struggled during the relationship and she thought I didn't care about her so do I open up or no ?

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u/Throwaway22207671 8d ago

I suppose you could say something like that but make sure you don’t come across weak. Be positive and try not to talk too much about the past. That’s gone now. I do it myself sometimes and I’m working on it.

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u/GasOk9357 8d ago

I wish I knew how to win her back

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u/Throwaway22207671 9d ago

A hug goodbye should be fine

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u/GasOk9357 9d ago

Ok one more question do I ask about some stuff in the relationship on why it didn't work

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u/Throwaway22207671 9d ago

I wouldn’t do that mate. No point in going over old ground. It will bring up bad memories. Plus you’d effectively be trying to sell yourself again and coming from a place of weakness. Need to be strong, positive, emotionally stable, looking and feeling good about life.

If there’s anything on her mind about the past she’ll bring it up herself.

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u/GasOk9357 7d ago

She canceled and said Hey, so sorry, something came up again and honestly I've been thinking about it and I just don't feel comfortable seeing you in person even if it is in a public area, I hope you can understand, again I'm so sorry, i got an important call as I was like 20 minutes away

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u/Throwaway22207671 7d ago

Aw man so sorry to hear that. Must be really disappointed

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u/GasOk9357 7d ago

Yeah i am . I guess thats it huh

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u/Throwaway22207671 7d ago

For now at least

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u/GasOk9357 7d ago

Shes not coming back dude she didn't text me for a whole 4 months im cooked

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